I'm moving home on December 9. I sort of feel like a huge bum for trying to move out to California and failing, but also I feel really excited to be home. Aud and Carri are waiting for me to go dress shopping for Aud's wedding, and I'm super excited about that. I've been watching Say Yes to the Dress like a spinster recently. I love going shopping for other people. I have so many opinions, and I love sharing them. I'm going to be happy about this move home. I'm going to enjoy living and eating for free, being near to my best friends, having a job. I will be happy in PA.

Also, I'm totally obsessed with the Southern Vampire Novels. True Blood started it, then Alexander Skarsgard (who will always be Meekus in my mind) escalated it, and now I've read all of the novels several times. I had to know what happened after the silver bomb in season 2. Charlaine Harris did it better. Alan Ball can suck mah balls. The next one should come out in May and TB season 3 starts in the summer so that's another fun thing I can look forward to in PA.

Also, when I'm in PA, I'm closer to Boston, and I can go see Roman! When I first moved away, maybe the first month or so, I missed him so terribly I could barely breathe. It's easier now, being away from him, which is not something I particularly like, especially not when he sounds so miserable on the phone, but c'est la vie. I'm not going to lie, sleeping with someone else really helped mend my broken heart. I don't exactly regret sleeping with him, but I think I'm not going to continue to do so so that seeing Roman again will be more special. Wow, Roman has in own tag in my journal.

Also, I'm loving Community. It's easily the best new show on TV this fall. Also, I've caught up on The Office, and I like pretty much everything about it except Michael and Dwight. Really, I love Jim and Pam.

I don't know how I'm still tipsy. I stopped drinking during Zach and my viewing of When Harry Met Sally (loved it), but I still feel a little fuzzy upstairs. Water and sleep time.

We went to Maine this weekend, and it was amazing. We stayed at Meg's uncle's house, which is beautiful. The house had a wonderful kitchen and could sleep 22! It's technically a "ski cabin," but it's nicer than my house so I can't even imagine what his everyday home must look like. At first it was a little creepy because the house is in a remote ski resort town so no one was there, and it was heavily wooded, and it just felt like a horror movie setup. But everyone made it out alive so no worries. We went swimming in the Androscoggin River at a swimming hole called Frenchman's Hole, I shit you not. It was my first time swimming in a river, and I had a shit ton of fun. I'd like to go back if the drive weren't so long; it was about 4 hours. However it does take us through New Hampshire, the buy-one-get-one-free or die state, where we bought cheap booze in ridiculous quantities!

The only drawback to this weekend was that I forgot my birth control so I missed my Friday and Saturday pills. I've been on HBC for about a year and a half, but I didn't realize exactly how much my body is kind of dependent on those hormones. Yesterday night I got super moody and this morning I started my withdrawal bleed/"period". I hope it stops. I don't feel like spotting for a week until my placebo week; that's why I stopped taking Seasonique.

Anyway I'm home now. I'm still a little bitchy, but maybe a nice hot shower and some lounging around watching Buffy will perk me back up.

Also, HBP this week! Zach, Meg, and I are going to see it at midnight on Tuesday!

I am graduating way too soon. I'm technically ready for it, but, mentally, no.

We'll see how this weekend goes, outside of this awful allergy attack.

Why am I awake at 4 am? I don't have anything due tomorrow, and I was really sleepy during Talk Sex w/ SuJo, but I haven't been able to fall asleep. More like I haven't tried to fall asleep. Oh well. I've been thinking more and more recently about actually trying to become a sex columnist. I'm not sure about this whole thing. Maybe I'll contact the Freep about it, even though it's a terrible, terrible, terrible paper. Maybe I'll just write Savage a letter. Maybe, maybe, maybe.

In other life news, I think the trip to London/Norway is actually going to happen! I'm so excited because I've never been to either, because both are supposedly awesome, and because FUCK YESS BRC ABROAD! This has been, what, nearly six years in the making? I hear Bergen is really cool, admittedly from Mike, but he loves Norway so I figure he'll know best of all my friends. I'm also excited to try and learn Norwegian. It shouldn't be too hard; it's just the pronunciation.

Anyway, I'm going to try to turn in now. I just know I'm going to hate tomorrow.

ALSO, CHRISTMAS IS COMING!

It's only 9:15 and I'm already done my homework! I even caught myself up on my Greek history readings. Well, only partially because I don't have Hesiod, which I seem to know well enough since I passed the reading quiz on it anyway. All in all, this is a swell evening. I do feel sort of lazy for not going to yoga, but I was feeling really loaf-ish earlier and I <3 Huckabees was on TV. The premiere of It's Always Sunny... is tonight, and we're having some people over to celebrate. That show is really great. I think I missed the House premiere earlier this week. Oh well.

After I made my last post I decided to overhaul my icons. I edited out the ones I never use (I still had a Hayden Anakin!), plus I found some new ones. Autumn-y, hallowe'en-y ones!

I really have nothing to write about, but I've decided to update this thing at least weekly just for myself really. Actually, one odd thing has happened this week. I was at work, and my friend was helping someone with his Spanish homework. Then he asked who the professor was since he knows pretty much everyone, and the kid replied a hot, blonde chick. Another co-worker who hadn't been listening just responded, "Who, Kirsten?", and it was really strange to me. Of course, I find it flattering (why else would I even remember it to write it?), but it's also very strange. Over the past couple of years I've been learning to become comfortable in my body, but I would never just declare myself a hot chick. I've decided after much contemplation - as most everyone has had much time to seriously ruminate over their appearance - that I'm the type of girl who is considered attractive only after you've gotten to know her. It's not a self-esteem or -image issue, I just don't think I could be considered conventionally pretty. Anyway, that's probably the only thing that sticks out to me about the week.

Settling into another year in Boston, except this time in Allston, which, if it's possible, seems to have more undergrads than BU proper. The house is amazing. I forgot how wonderful it is. As people who have seen it have said, it's one of the 3 nice houses in Allston. It's beautiful, and porchy, and green! I got the bedroom I was hoping to get. When we drew numbers and I saw that I had 1, I almost laughed out loud. It's strange, but I never considered living in one of the other bedrooms. When I imagined this year, I was always in this room. Obviously, it's not a huge deal, but I'm centered in an area that comfortable and interesting, and I'm grateful.

My classes are all manageable, it would seem. The Latin prose composition course will probably take a lot more time than I realize right now, but that's OK because it's grad level and if it wasn't challenging me then there would be something wrong. Greek history is obviously amusingly informative as J. Samons is the best lecturer at BU. Conversational Italian seems great. I already feel like I'm building up my vocabulary. Today, we watched il telegiornale on the particle accelerator. NUTS. STRING THEORY. This is going to be wacky. I'm also taking Applications Programming with ZMase, which is fun because now he realizes that it's perfectly normal to take to yourself while coding. Also, yoga! I've finally entered our huge Fitrec center. It's colossal.

Today's one of those grey days that feels inherently sad. It's windy and brisk, and huge dark clouds blot out the sun. Also, Roberts and I were talking about the upcoming summer (which is silly because it's September), and I thought we were all living here but he's going home and Zach is going to Teach for America in June. Sad. I never want Houseasaurus to end. Although, I could probably do without a certain housemate. I think about it, and I'm not sure why we're friends anymore. I can say nothing without angering her, and I'm not going to be sniped at and made to feel uncomfortable all year again.

I am making a vow right now that I will update this thing this year. It feels good to write.

I just finished writing my personal statement for the Rome study abroad program. I'm ridiculously excited about the prospect of going to Rome. BUT it might actually be better to go in the spring. If I stayed at BU for next fall I could take Latin with PJJ, whom I just adore, and Greek history with Samons, who is just fantastic. It would probably be a great semester. Hmm, decisions.

Also, Michelle had her baby! Last night (or this morning?) at 12:37 am, over 8 lbs, over 20 inches, unfortunately named Jedidiah. I can not believe this child's name is Jedidiah. I think she wanted to punish him for how uncomfortable she was during the pregnancy. That's the only answer I can find for why she'd want to sabotage him with the name Jedidiah. No, Jed is not a cool nickname. Be that as it may, all are alive and well and excited!

I'm behind in life!

There are these people in the world. They walk around, and they live their lives. They are perfectly amiable when they are engaged, and when they are not, they keep their silence. They do their work, often the same work you are doing. They do everything you do. They are not so different from you or me. They are you or me. But, every once in a while, they are walking. And they keep their heads down (maybe thinking, but who knows?). But, just occasionally, they will look up. And you'll be walking by. And you'll catch this look on their face (maybe it's the one they hold when they have their heads down, but who knows?). They are looking up, for the sky, as though it's not there. They look up for answers. But their faces, oh, their faces. There is such anguish. So much pain, bottled up, kept inside, held in silence. But, sometimes, only sometimes, it comes forth. And you see it. And it shocks you. It hurts you. What are they thinking of (if they are) that just seeing the thought behind their eyes can pain you? And how much more deeply, more viscerally, must they feel it? Occasionally, when the world wraps itself in darkness, these people let their faces slip. And it is terrible.

I finished reading The Magician's Nephew yesterday and am 6 chapters into The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe. I like MN more. I'm not going to lie, the creation of Narnia scene made me cry. Aargh. I have no idea why. Something about the graceful love yet eloquent distance of the lion. He's a lovely character.

Today, I did nothing and watched The Warriors. What a fantastic movie that was. It's highly enjoyable. I should be doing Greek, and I was for a while, but I can't be trusted when I have an internet connection. I downloaded the MASH movie, which I haven't yet watched, and of course there was reading.

The last few posts can now be disregarded as the roommate decided against breaking up with her boyfriend who tried to break up with her. Yes, that's how I feel about the situation. I don't get it still, but she looks happy, and it almost feels normal, so I suppose she made the right decision for her. I don't do relationships specifically because of things like that. I've yet to meet a person who makes me want to swallow my pride in such an appalling manner. I'm not sure if I shouldn't respect her for that, but being who I am I can't.

Transatlanticism still clicks for me. I really love this CD. So much that I'm afraid to listen to Plans for fear that it'll ruin what I have with Death Cab.

Have you ever been awake in the middle of the night and have a choking wave of emotion pass over you and there's nothing you can do but cry?

It's crushing.

What the fuck is going on with me?

I hate being a girl.