The question isn’t really how I feel about the future but how I feel about the past. Twenty-nine years to some of you may seem like nothing, a drop in the bucket, a moment of the past, a time when you worried too much and cared too little for the truly important things in life. For others, I may seem ancient. I remember the days when I thought 29 was old. What I didn’t know, what no one really explained to me, was that when you're 29….well, you’re not really 29. It’s just a number that we as human beings have some how attached an association to. We’ve given the number 29 feelings and emotions and purpose, when in reality, I’m just a person who feels like life is finally just beginning. I’m one person who feels that much of what society expects of us and demands of us is all crock. A hilarious joke and big waste of time. I no longer have to conform to much of what the world expects of me or demands of me or even requires of me, and for that I feel a sense of freedom and a sense of youthfulness. I don’t feel like I’m 29, I don’t think like I’m 29 and I surely don’t perceive myself as 29 but society has decided that I must be labeled as 29 – old to some, young to others and just right for me.
I’ve experienced much in my life and yet not enough. This year, has been one of memories and experiences that I dare say will quickly fade from my memory. I’ve had a child, become a mother and had my first overnight hospital stay. I was able to feel the first inklings of life when no other could. I was able to experience hiccups on a regular basis that were strangely not from me. I learned the painful reality of heart burn and that drugs do in fact at times make everything all right. I’ve been beaten up, tortured and abused. I’ve been taken for granted and become a little less prude. My convictions have become stronger in areas of great debate and politics are still something that bore me to death but have great purpose in my life.
I’ve learned that by beating the odds, being an exemplary citizen and financially responsible is actually a bad thing and that you get punished greatly for it. I’ve learned that despite everything, all the trials and conflicts that occur in my life, that my core beliefs, my unwillingness to waver, my black and white view of the world isn’t something that I’ve created over the years, but something that is actually hardwired into my personality.
This has been a year where I’ve questioned much and understood little. A year of learning hard lessons and having the true facts of life slap me in the face. A year where I’ve reached out for help and been denied the extra hand and after it’s all said and done, I realized that it didn’t matter, how good I was, or how responsible I was, or how much effort I put into my church assignments. I’ve learned that the only thing that matters is how you live your life now and what you do with those lessons afterwards.
I’ve learned that it would have been better for us financially to have taken out loans and put ourselves through school before entering the workforce. That loans, according to our government are better for you than hard work and patience to get through school without debt. I’ve learned it would have been tens of thousands of dollars cheaper to rent than to own these past five years and that strangely I’d probably be wealthier in the long run if I had gone on a nice long vacation each year, racked up credit card debt and defaulted on a payment or two.
It’s strange to me that we are encouraged to live in financial crisis at all times and rewarded by doing so. And yet, through hard work, MANY sacrifices and even tears, we have somehow done the exact opposite. Despite how angry I get for being punished for it, I’m so stinkin’ proud of Ben and I for all that we HAVE accomplished. I’m proud of the fact that despite everything we’ve been able to go to school without student loans. I’m proud that we created a budget and stuck to it - living within our means and many times under it so that we could live debt free – free from the chains and strings that others attach to us so that we can be their puppets. I’m proud of the fact that my money is MINE, my time is mine and of the choices we made.
I may not have accomplished everything that I thought I would by the age of 29, and may not even have them done by the age of 50 but I do know that I’ve lived a good life, I’ve worked hard and learned from my mistakes. My 20’s have been memorable and worth every moment. I have no regrets these past 28 years and many happy memories that will be with me forever. So with that I say, BRING IT ON! I’ll enjoy my last year of 20’s, see life, live life and experience life with a happy, clear conscience. I’ll learn from my mistakes, grow from my experiences and humbly embrace the challenges ahead. I am a mother, a wife and a friend. And I’m happy.
