Sunday, July 31, 2011
don't know why am i so fking stupid to believe that you'll really be real friends with me. don't know why am i so fking happy when i thought that we could at least return to half of how we were. don't know why i'm pissed when i know that i shouldn't be because it should no long affect me and my life.
don't know why i can't share my stuff with you. don't know why i can't show you my true feelings. don't know why i have to always be so happy and get disappointed in the end.don't know why it's so hard to make you even giving me the slightest smile or a thankyou. don't know why my life seems so miserable. don't know why am so emo.
don't know why am i being happy when i should be.
don't know why i need to be raged at for drinking starbucks.
don't know why i can't be happy when i have food every meal and ain't a handicapped.
when i'm more fortunate than half the population in the world.
sighhhhsss...
don't know why i felt like blogging again.
maybe it's just cos i can't find anyone to sigh with.
so maybe talking to myself, will make me sigh lesser..
don't know why i can't share my stuff with you. don't know why i can't show you my true feelings. don't know why i have to always be so happy and get disappointed in the end.don't know why it's so hard to make you even giving me the slightest smile or a thankyou. don't know why my life seems so miserable. don't know why am so emo.
don't know why am i being happy when i should be.
don't know why i need to be raged at for drinking starbucks.
don't know why i can't be happy when i have food every meal and ain't a handicapped.
when i'm more fortunate than half the population in the world.
sighhhhsss...
don't know why i felt like blogging again.
maybe it's just cos i can't find anyone to sigh with.
so maybe talking to myself, will make me sigh lesser..
what we could have been, 5:57 PM.
Saturday, March 05, 2011
nowhere to rant, but here.
starting to get sick of ' it's not my fault, it's not like i can do anything about it'
what do you mean by you can't do anything about it, when i know that you can do something about it.
excuses about i'm gonna feel sleepy and shit.
argh that's so annoying.
i hate and i hate and i hate turning down on people just to wait for you. wait and wait and wait, wait for what?
being like so enthu about school is like, fine. maybe you wanna make your cv looks better or something.. but you don't even like tell me why u started doing that.
i feel like i don't catch you anymore.
and when i can see that you wanna hang out with your friends but asking me if we should join them, like duh of course i'll say yes even if i don't want to.
and seeing you happier with your friends makes me feel better, even if i feel shit myself.
and whenever i ask you questions u don't like it..
gum ngo ng mun lor. ng mun dim jee nei larm garn d meh jeh.
i'm not andy lau, can't hear what you want.
i wish i could though.. then at least i can know everything without you telling me.
nei jee gay yau wah nei hor yee understand me without asking, ngo ng gok lor.
that's all for now, i want some marlB.
starting to get sick of ' it's not my fault, it's not like i can do anything about it'
what do you mean by you can't do anything about it, when i know that you can do something about it.
excuses about i'm gonna feel sleepy and shit.
argh that's so annoying.
i hate and i hate and i hate turning down on people just to wait for you. wait and wait and wait, wait for what?
being like so enthu about school is like, fine. maybe you wanna make your cv looks better or something.. but you don't even like tell me why u started doing that.
i feel like i don't catch you anymore.
and when i can see that you wanna hang out with your friends but asking me if we should join them, like duh of course i'll say yes even if i don't want to.
and seeing you happier with your friends makes me feel better, even if i feel shit myself.
and whenever i ask you questions u don't like it..
gum ngo ng mun lor. ng mun dim jee nei larm garn d meh jeh.
i'm not andy lau, can't hear what you want.
i wish i could though.. then at least i can know everything without you telling me.
nei jee gay yau wah nei hor yee understand me without asking, ngo ng gok lor.
that's all for now, i want some marlB.
what we could have been, 5:38 PM.
Saturday, January 22, 2011
i think i haven't blogged in months, don't know whoever is still reading this blog till today, but yeah.. i've got so much to say.
from crossing over to 2011.
i realised, i not only lost a close friend, i lost three.
don't know who is the one that changed and don't know who is the one that didn't try to maintain the friendship.
don't wanna argue about whose fault is whose...
both parties as always i guess.
learnt a lot, from a trust to a mistrust.. from a mistrust to a trust.
trust that friendship stays, trust that friends know me well
proved. its wrong..
no they don't. they don't stay there and wait for you, they moved on with their life without you. yolanda's nothing anymore. this name means nothing to them anymore. memories, so what? memories that are not worth it?
and i'm still so silly, thinking of them all the time, thinking of how to make things better, but don't have the courage to go ahead with my plans.
don't trust that love stays, don't trust that it will go on with so many shortcomings.
proved. its half wrong..
love is still there, and stronger than before.
memories are still worth it, the name yolanda still means something special.
the other half, cos i don't know what future holds.
so thankful for accepting such an imperfect person that don't worth any attention.
i asked myself, do i even deserve all these friends that i still have, all these people that still care about me, treats me nice..
i don't dare to answer it, because i know, i talk shit about them before, not all but i'm sure i did. even the tiniest meanest thing, i did it.
somethings, when i think back, i feel so ashamed.
like my cousin - i didn't do anything for him, he gave me phone and drama streaming things.
like buta - i gave her some silly presents and she gave me good fake lashes and glue.
like dork - i gave her chewing gum and she gave me nice birthday card with chopsticks.
like bryan - i just bought him a pack of cigs, not his flavour and he treats me food and movie.
like pet - i told her to come out to listen to me to talk shit, and she did.
bla bla bla, i think i owe a lot of people favours, everything..
there's a stupid mosquito haunting me around , can't concentrate on writing this post.
i hate myself, alot.
such a fail azz person, don't even know what i survive for.
i said i really wanna find a job that keeps myself busy, i did, i found one.
really busy with the job that i don't have time for anyone.
again- another decision, sacrifice friends for money??
no, but i really really need money.
money is hard to earn, thats so true.
watching someone who raised me up suffering, yet i can't do anything.
didn't even call and visit all the aunties, so rude so bad of me. but i really don't have the time to do anything.
i hate facebook cos i hate seeing friends updating themselves about their new lifes, i feel happy for them, and feel like.. i'm no longer part of their lives anymore.
made a new year resolution, but don't think its gonna work.
oh wells i'm just gonna try do all my best to treat everyone as well as possible in between my means and able to.
thank you so much everyone that came into my life and gave me something, taught me someyhing.
from crossing over to 2011.
i realised, i not only lost a close friend, i lost three.
don't know who is the one that changed and don't know who is the one that didn't try to maintain the friendship.
don't wanna argue about whose fault is whose...
both parties as always i guess.
learnt a lot, from a trust to a mistrust.. from a mistrust to a trust.
trust that friendship stays, trust that friends know me well
proved. its wrong..
no they don't. they don't stay there and wait for you, they moved on with their life without you. yolanda's nothing anymore. this name means nothing to them anymore. memories, so what? memories that are not worth it?
and i'm still so silly, thinking of them all the time, thinking of how to make things better, but don't have the courage to go ahead with my plans.
don't trust that love stays, don't trust that it will go on with so many shortcomings.
proved. its half wrong..
love is still there, and stronger than before.
memories are still worth it, the name yolanda still means something special.
the other half, cos i don't know what future holds.
so thankful for accepting such an imperfect person that don't worth any attention.
i asked myself, do i even deserve all these friends that i still have, all these people that still care about me, treats me nice..
i don't dare to answer it, because i know, i talk shit about them before, not all but i'm sure i did. even the tiniest meanest thing, i did it.
somethings, when i think back, i feel so ashamed.
like my cousin - i didn't do anything for him, he gave me phone and drama streaming things.
like buta - i gave her some silly presents and she gave me good fake lashes and glue.
like dork - i gave her chewing gum and she gave me nice birthday card with chopsticks.
like bryan - i just bought him a pack of cigs, not his flavour and he treats me food and movie.
like pet - i told her to come out to listen to me to talk shit, and she did.
bla bla bla, i think i owe a lot of people favours, everything..
there's a stupid mosquito haunting me around , can't concentrate on writing this post.
i hate myself, alot.
such a fail azz person, don't even know what i survive for.
i said i really wanna find a job that keeps myself busy, i did, i found one.
really busy with the job that i don't have time for anyone.
again- another decision, sacrifice friends for money??
no, but i really really need money.
money is hard to earn, thats so true.
watching someone who raised me up suffering, yet i can't do anything.
didn't even call and visit all the aunties, so rude so bad of me. but i really don't have the time to do anything.
i hate facebook cos i hate seeing friends updating themselves about their new lifes, i feel happy for them, and feel like.. i'm no longer part of their lives anymore.
made a new year resolution, but don't think its gonna work.
oh wells i'm just gonna try do all my best to treat everyone as well as possible in between my means and able to.
thank you so much everyone that came into my life and gave me something, taught me someyhing.
what we could have been, 11:53 PM.
Friday, October 29, 2010
feeling so empty
feeling so fail
so fail when the people you want to talk to, they just don't reply your text.
how am i suppose to talk to people..
so i guess this is the only place i can talk to myself.
pretty poor thing aye
sighs well basically, i've been thinking..
how come i can fail so bad at keeping friendships.
what did i do wrong..
i wanna know why people don't reply my text.
guess i'll never know this answer unless the person tells me so.
i wait and wait and wait
such a loser.
sighs @ my life
feeling so fail
so fail when the people you want to talk to, they just don't reply your text.
how am i suppose to talk to people..
so i guess this is the only place i can talk to myself.
pretty poor thing aye
sighs well basically, i've been thinking..
how come i can fail so bad at keeping friendships.
what did i do wrong..
i wanna know why people don't reply my text.
guess i'll never know this answer unless the person tells me so.
i wait and wait and wait
such a loser.
sighs @ my life
what we could have been, 7:59 PM.
the only thing i feel like doing now is-
cancel all my air tickets
and shop on victoria secrets, topshop, forever 21, steve madden.
i think i'm crazy, its the first time i don't have any anxiety to go back for some real shopping..
cancel all my air tickets
and shop on victoria secrets, topshop, forever 21, steve madden.
i think i'm crazy, its the first time i don't have any anxiety to go back for some real shopping..
what we could have been, 2:26 PM.
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
in the midst of hardcore studying, but i have to write this.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A0BAssXgeHs
the lyrics says-
I just cant understand the hearts of men
They tell you they want you and then they leave you
This is the first time, you're special
I believed those words and I was so happy
You should have told me you didn't like me any more
But I couldn't see that and you just rushed me
Although I will curse you I'll still miss you
Because I am a girl, to whom love is everything
I heard that if you give up things too easily
To a man, he will get bored with you
I don't think this is wrong
A girl says that she will never be fooled again
But she will fall in love again
You should have told me you didn't like me any more
But I couldn't see that and you just rushed me
Although I will curse you I'll still miss you
Because I am a girl, to whom love is everything
[narration]
Hey babe
The pain
It's not enough to describe how i feel
We were so happy together
But I know now
I've been blind
You told me that you'd never let me down
Whenever I needed you you'd always be here
I can forgive but I cant forget
Even though you hurt me
I still love you
I still love you
Don't take advantage of a girl's willingness to do anything for love
And her caring instinct
U didn't know that to be born as a girl and to be loved was so hard
Although i will curse you i'll still miss you
Because I am a girl, to whom love is everything
Although i will curse you i'll still miss you
Because I am a girl, to whom love is everything
[the guy said]
There is a girl whom I love. Now I can`t stay with her, but I still love her.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A0BAssXgeHs
the lyrics says-
I just cant understand the hearts of men
They tell you they want you and then they leave you
This is the first time, you're special
I believed those words and I was so happy
You should have told me you didn't like me any more
But I couldn't see that and you just rushed me
Although I will curse you I'll still miss you
Because I am a girl, to whom love is everything
I heard that if you give up things too easily
To a man, he will get bored with you
I don't think this is wrong
A girl says that she will never be fooled again
But she will fall in love again
You should have told me you didn't like me any more
But I couldn't see that and you just rushed me
Although I will curse you I'll still miss you
Because I am a girl, to whom love is everything
[narration]
Hey babe
The pain
It's not enough to describe how i feel
We were so happy together
But I know now
I've been blind
You told me that you'd never let me down
Whenever I needed you you'd always be here
I can forgive but I cant forget
Even though you hurt me
I still love you
I still love you
Don't take advantage of a girl's willingness to do anything for love
And her caring instinct
U didn't know that to be born as a girl and to be loved was so hard
Although i will curse you i'll still miss you
Because I am a girl, to whom love is everything
Although i will curse you i'll still miss you
Because I am a girl, to whom love is everything
[the guy said]
There is a girl whom I love. Now I can`t stay with her, but I still love her.
what we could have been, 8:35 PM.
Sunday, October 17, 2010
this blog is rotting like my life.
cos usually i will write it in my hello kitty schedule and then elaborate here, but my hello kitty schedule is empty.
partially because i can't remember what happen cos everyday seems the same.
and partially because i forget to update constantly.
okkk well, i owe heiman heaps of money now. she's my loan shark.
my friend got the first in the nz competition just like how mag won the voice 2.
hahahaha
yupp watch the voice 2 graduation concert - chrissie chau's eyes and everything is so sexy even her manly voice. and when she held the guy's hands.. WOW i think the guy melted.
and watching the new tvb drama with bowie lam and amy chan and bosco wong!
bosco wong is so HOT! hahaha the drama is pretty intense. better than mysteries of love? but i don't deny that i like the raylamXtaviay combination.
heard from buta that this guy in the new tvb drama is tavia's bf!!
but i don't want tavia to be with him, cos i want tavia to be with someone better =]
got so hyped up with 2pm's new album "still 2pm".
the songs inside are all pretty good i like it sooo much!!
went for a birthday party, that guy killed 22kgs of chicken for that BBQ party.
but i gotta admit that his chickens are pretty yummy.
just made me really fat.
and i was seeing how my friend wrap wontons at the party. cos the party was so drrryy.
and then i tried quarter pounder from mac'd for the first time with my life with star.
i love it cos it taste way better than cheeseburger. the beef is so moist and heavy.
nz beef! haha
oh and i've been playing tetris and bejeweled half the time in my boring life.
and then hea with shelly.
booked my plane tickets.. 24NOV!
yay^^ singapore and hong kong here i come!!!!!
omg i think i'll die living in hk this time. no free house for me to live T_T
extremely extremely SAD!!
and gotta use those shit as toilets, i think i will FAINT/ DIE, i don't know what will happen to us.
exams coming soon, assignments every week as usual.
omg so stress.
cos usually i will write it in my hello kitty schedule and then elaborate here, but my hello kitty schedule is empty.
partially because i can't remember what happen cos everyday seems the same.
and partially because i forget to update constantly.
okkk well, i owe heiman heaps of money now. she's my loan shark.
my friend got the first in the nz competition just like how mag won the voice 2.
hahahaha
yupp watch the voice 2 graduation concert - chrissie chau's eyes and everything is so sexy even her manly voice. and when she held the guy's hands.. WOW i think the guy melted.
and watching the new tvb drama with bowie lam and amy chan and bosco wong!
bosco wong is so HOT! hahaha the drama is pretty intense. better than mysteries of love? but i don't deny that i like the raylamXtaviay combination.
heard from buta that this guy in the new tvb drama is tavia's bf!!
but i don't want tavia to be with him, cos i want tavia to be with someone better =]
got so hyped up with 2pm's new album "still 2pm".
the songs inside are all pretty good i like it sooo much!!
went for a birthday party, that guy killed 22kgs of chicken for that BBQ party.
but i gotta admit that his chickens are pretty yummy.
just made me really fat.
and i was seeing how my friend wrap wontons at the party. cos the party was so drrryy.
and then i tried quarter pounder from mac'd for the first time with my life with star.
i love it cos it taste way better than cheeseburger. the beef is so moist and heavy.
nz beef! haha
oh and i've been playing tetris and bejeweled half the time in my boring life.
and then hea with shelly.
booked my plane tickets.. 24NOV!
yay^^ singapore and hong kong here i come!!!!!
omg i think i'll die living in hk this time. no free house for me to live T_T
extremely extremely SAD!!
and gotta use those shit as toilets, i think i will FAINT/ DIE, i don't know what will happen to us.
exams coming soon, assignments every week as usual.
omg so stress.
what we could have been, 3:03 PM.
Sunday, October 03, 2010
always accusing of how people change and change and change.
always mocking people making use of their friends
maybe its me, i'm the one that is like that.
changing into someone- someone that relies heavily on friends to help me,
maybe i was like that in the past, but i do keep up connections with them.
like true friends that help me through my life.
but now, why do i become someone that relies on friends that i don't talk to usually, just text or msn them asking for help help help with my uni work.
i don't even think that i deserve their help, because i'm a bad friend.
i just find them when i need help, and i don't keep up connections with them.
feel really lucky that they are still trying to help me when they can.
i feel really really sorry and thankful towards them, but don't know what to do, because i don't have enough time to bond with people, don't know how to bond with people. feel so guilty, so bad.
i'm stuck on my econ essay, don't know how to write it.
got the information and the essay plan but just can't start writing it, fitting the pieces together, more like fitting the pieces of my heart together to do it.
always mocking people making use of their friends
maybe its me, i'm the one that is like that.
changing into someone- someone that relies heavily on friends to help me,
maybe i was like that in the past, but i do keep up connections with them.
like true friends that help me through my life.
but now, why do i become someone that relies on friends that i don't talk to usually, just text or msn them asking for help help help with my uni work.
i don't even think that i deserve their help, because i'm a bad friend.
i just find them when i need help, and i don't keep up connections with them.
feel really lucky that they are still trying to help me when they can.
i feel really really sorry and thankful towards them, but don't know what to do, because i don't have enough time to bond with people, don't know how to bond with people. feel so guilty, so bad.
i'm stuck on my econ essay, don't know how to write it.
got the information and the essay plan but just can't start writing it, fitting the pieces together, more like fitting the pieces of my heart together to do it.
what we could have been, 12:28 PM.
