period pieces done in the 80's make me smile

Case in Point: High Road to China (1983), Tom Selleck and Bess Armstrong. Set in the 1920's this high quality cheesy romance was perfect for our Girls Night Out. That and I understand now that my liking of the show Magnum, P.I., in my youth, wasn't entirely unfounded. The shorts are a bit much...but in his day, Tom Selleck wasn't that bad lookin' either. LOL

4 weeks

28. That's it. What, dear readers, is this ponderous number? It is not a miraculous weight loss plan. It is not how many days it takes to form a habit or my waistline measurement goal(siiick...lol). It is how many days are left until my brother returns from his mission and is back home. The first things that come to my mind are: whoa, weird. I will have a 21 year-old brother at home. Why is that weird? Well, because I remember when I thought 21 was so old and mature. Of course, I was 18-19 at the time and I've since wisened up...lol. Now the thought makes me feel old. I'll have a brother old enough to play for keeps now. I mean, when my sister turned 21, I did feel a little on the weird side, but this is really weird. I'll get over it eventually, but I think I will always see him as a reformed 18 year-old guy. Not as a 21-year-old.

Y'know, sometimes I wish I could just freeze time. I know that's not possible, nor is it healthy for the human race, seeing as how we need progression: spiritual, societal, innovative, etc. for life to work out. The dreamer in me though, reaches back to the former days and sifts the golden memories through my hands. The sands of time continue to run to the bottom of the glass. Each day I look in the mirror and see time take it's toll on me. I still recognize the fire and spirit of who I am in my eyes and I thank the Lord for each new day I have to live. The seasons change, opportunities come and go. In a sense, I can feel the immortality of my soul and still feel forever 22. I loved that year. It was one of my best in fact. Incredibly joyful, incredibly painful, incredibly changing in myself. I had fabulous friends that changed my life forever. I never regretted that year. I will feel forever 22 and not let time and experience jade my view.

confessions of a preschool drama queen (teacher)

So here I am. Miss Catie, preschool teacher extraordinaire. Me and my co-teacher, Miss Julie, take turns being lead teacher every couple of days...to keep the wear and tear pretty even. Even though we have about 14 children in our morning class and 16 children in our very full afternoon class, I'm loving my work and job so far. Good Times. Four-year-olds are such a joy and are very rewarding to work with because they are so concrete and everything is black and white. Thus problem solving is quite easy. However, redirection is a key element in the whole day. Redirecting attention spans, hurt feelings and disagreements. It can get real tiring day in and day out. Thank goodness for break times. Today was a little more difficult because of the intense rain and cold. The kids didn't want to play outside as much. So we did a gross motor activity and danced to some music to get their little bodies moving and warm them up. Even I was cold. Of course I didn't bring a very warm jacket today either. :) Life is good so far. ::knocks on wood::

Oh p.s. by the way, this is an update to this post. I borrowed this pic from a wonderful vintage blog(the name escapes me, currently). I thought it was awesome and very appropo.

conversations pt. II: the retrospect

So I reflected off a coworker today.
That doesn't sound right.
Oh well.
At least she was a good listener.
Very positive.
I need that.

I found out some things
about myself and that fella.

He was knowledgeably nonchalant.
I was dense as bricks.
Nothing new here, folks.

How is it that my coworker
can see so clearly through
the interaction
I was so oblivious to?

She said: Oh, that's nice
that he was kinda flirtin'
with ya there.

NEWSFLASH:
According to me-
My discomfort ≠ flirting.
Am I so blind to flirtations
when I am uncomfortable?

I think in those moments
it is NOT
Oh! He's flirting with me!
I better flirt back!

Rather-
Focus my energy on #1:
Self-preservation.
Save face.
SOS!

Vulnerability. (grimace)
I strongly dislike the word.
More intensely, the feeling.

My naivete and vulnerability
My unknown ways of the world
and how things should be or are.

They shine out from me
like a beacon.
Like Gilligan after he ate
the Professor's
glow-in-the-dark goo.

Hah.
Classy, experienced women
need not apply here.
No vacancy.

beatnik post: conversations in a cultural hall gym

We are talking in group setting...
My sister is half-participating while grabbing snacks.
I'm fully invested.
He starts to extol certain virtues about himself...
He's a dreamer...
He's a hopeless romantic...

He went outside and spent time stargazing.
All by himself.
How do I feel about this?
Wondering.

Really?
Did you just admit that about yourself
in front of me?
How do I know you're not just putting on a show?
tryin' to make yourself look good?
Wow I'm jaded.

I'm not going to 'fess up
the things he said sounded pretty good to me.
...REALLY good.
I'm not going to tell him.

I open my mouth to say something genius(not really).
I question his choice of solitary activities.
Why would you want to be stargazing all by yourself?
Who does that?

The exact opposite of how I feel about it.
Self-betrayal.
Trying to cover up the fact that I just insulted him.
I blush.
Awkward.

He chuckles at my discomfort.
I try to avoid my embarrassment in a joking way,
changing topics...
He chuckles at my attempts to move on.
Unsuccessful.

He doesn't get the hint.
Knowledgeably nonchalant or
Dense as bricks.
Seems to be enjoying himself.
Good thing it's no big deal.
My feelings aren't hurt.
Yet.

He thinks it's funny that I blush so easily.
I don't.
It's not voluntary on my part.
He doesn't blush easily.
So not fair.

He smiles and says:
'Feel free to blush'
I do; almost as if on command.
I can't stop it.
Stupid.

I gave him what he wanted.
So predictable.
He chuckles again.
No control. Arrrgh.
Frustrated.

Um. Why was I attracted to him again?
I have to remind myself.
Charming
Funny
Personable
Similar connections
Oh wait. Did I forget
good looking?

Those qualities can also be found in
megalomaniacs (a slight exaggeration)
but I'm not attracted to them...
LOL

Why can't I be cool,
Collected,
Unaffected?
Please.

Survey sez:
I'm Transparent.
Can't hide what's inside.
Dangit.

be it ever so (something), there's no place like home

It's late. I know it. My sister and I sit side by side on my bed with laptops in tow. She grins and she sees me typing away at my blogpost. She leans over and whispers..."hey, has boggy creek 2 loaded up yet?" LOL We're watching Mystery Science Theater 3000 (hereafter referred to as MST3K) episode that I missed out on from a ward campout this past weekend. Welcome home, Cate.
It gave me a great sense of satisfaction to know that my family missed me. Sarah just told me that there were several times while I was gone that she thought, "Oh I wanna tell Cate something", only to be sorely disappointed at my absence. I suppose she could have called my cell phone...but that would defeat the purpose of absence making the heart grow fonder. So I'm glad to be home and surrounded by the beautiful and wonderfully unique people I call my fam. I would extoll their virtues further...but I think Boggy Creek 2 is uploaded now... ;D

my grandpa calls me phil

I just like the sound of that as a title. It creates curiousity and desire to read my post. Sneaky lil' trick, huh? lol.
But no, really, today my Gramps gave me the nickname of 'Phil'. You have to understand the significance of this. My grandpa loves to give people nicknames. He gives them to everybody he loves (mostly his grandkids). It's kind of a position of distinction when you get a grandpa nickname. It's like one of those, "Awww...lucky..." moments because it's something that is unique to only you and grandpa. Sometimes the nicknames are embarrassing, sometimes they are downright funny. That's the thing I love about my gramps. Still as sharp as a tack and funny as all get out.
So, are you ready to hear why my grandpa nicknamed me 'Phil'? His reasons: 1) Phil is short for Poughkeepsie Phil, the groundhog. He says that I pop out of my little den to see what's going on and then I pop back in my hole again. I don't come out of my room that much. (which is totally true...lol.) 2) Phil is short for Filbert, which is a type of nut, which is what I am, a type of nut. lol. So, in one nickname, my dear Gramps managed to describe me quite accurately. My reason I'll tell people why I was nick-named 'Phil'? Because my great-great grandpa Lutz's name was Phil. When I told *my* grandpa that, his face lit up with his famous mischievious grin and said, "Phil wore a toupee'. How are you going keep up with *that*?" LOL This is why I love my grandpa.
While I did come out to stay for my grandma's surgery, it didn't end up going through. The Doc wanted to reschedule because my grandma had come down with the flu before I flew out to be with them. As she was getting better, she tried to reschedule but the Doc and the anesthesiologist (hey! I spelled that all by myself, without a spell checker! I rock!)kept saying nope. So she was so frustrated with them. Apparently back in May when she scheduled this, she couldn't raise her right arm above her head without it hurting because of a small tear in her rotator cuff. Now, she hasn't had any pain and can do it just fine. I dunno if it was because of the blessing she got from her home teacher the sunday before the scheduled surgery (the 9th) or what it was, but she just decided it wasn't worth it right now. So we've been having fun instead. Oh darn it all. ;D
I've been staying with my grandparents for two weeks already and I've discovered how much I am like the both of them. They might deny it, but I have so many similar mannerisms it's really funny. Like today for example, I helped my grandma remake her bed. When we finished making it, she said,"All right! We did it!" Then we both said "Ta-Daah!" at the same time, with the exact same emphasis. We both started laughing because we didn't expect that to happen. It made me smile. It has been so fun being here with them.
I have loved being able to see all the old pictures they have of my great-grandparents and great-great grandparents (pictures at the turn of the century). It is a treasure to me. To think about all the stories, names, faces, experiences and places. I get lost in a time warp and imagine that I'd be transported to that time and meet these people and I'm lovin' it. It is so rich and very real to me, to think that I am related these people in the black and white photos, that there is a little bit of each of them in me. It is such an incredible feeling. I am one who always looks for meaning in the small and simple things. I can't help but feel that there was something more significant underlining my visit here, than just my grandma's surgery. An opportunity to enjoy being with them, spending time with them, listening to stories that are super funny and full of life (NOT boring). Getting to know my grandparents for the wonderfully funny and fun people they are. Who else has a grandpa who still calls his wife 'Hot Lips'? I rest my case. :D

gifts that life gives us

Sisterhood. Deep and true friendships. People who understand that, in spite of time and distance, the feelings never change and they are not forgotten. Opportunities where we feel wanted and needed. Experiences over long periods of time that gently shape us and prepare us for what we are to become. The gospel of Jesus Christ. Do we not understand how blessed we are to be here, right now, having the opportunities that we do?
I am grateful for the opportunity to spend time with my paternal grandparents in Nevada for a couple of weeks (my grandma's having shoulder surgery done). I fly out this Friday. A few weeks to be outside of my box and my world and to step into a new situation. I know it will be a positive experience for me and plus...I get to hang out with my grandparents! How cool is that?!? (read: really cool) :D

CAMPING!!

I've been working on packing food containers and other miscellaneous items for our family camping trip. Do you know how much food it takes for a family of 8? For only 2 1/2 days? Yeah, it's a lot. I've packed 3 rubbermaid deep containers full with dry goods, paper goods and enough snacks to strangle a camel. LOL. But seriously folks, even though it takes a ton of work and a couple of toes stepped on, family camping is so fantastic. We camp in style. It also helps that we go for just long enough that we're ready to come home at the end and the charm of camping has not worn off. I think the point of camping is to get away from your normal environment, with the side benefit of being out in nature, wilderness and the untamed wild...with flush toilets and showers...hahahahahha. I *love* the way we camp. It's so awesome. :D

isn't it nice to know that the lining is silver?- Relient K

Despite the troubled state of mind, I'm going for positive thinking. Some fun things I am grateful for and was able to do in this week and a half. I'm going to a Springville/Mapleton YSA BBQ and Swim night at the Spanish Fork Community Pool tonight. I am excited for it! I'm also headed to camp up at Deer Creek Reservoir with my fam for some boating, tubing, jet skiing and a mini family reunion, with my mom's side, later this week! I hope to post some pics of me looking so awesome with camping and boating hair (grimace). LOL. Oh and on Friday, I had a blast at Seven Peaks with Hannah and Matt and our cousins, Steve and Kristen. With all this being outside and swimming and stuff...I have a noticeable swimsuit tan line...it's awesome...lol. Oh, another thing I'm grateful for. The Mapleton singles' ward of my favorite cousin of all time, Toni, has moved to our building! This makes me happy! I hardly see her normally, now I get to see her every Sunday!! (our wards overlap.) I got to see her yesterday and it was awesome! I love that girl! I will get to see her this weekend at the fam reunion too! I've decided it's time for some happy posts. Even if they're bitty ones.

hi...I'm back (emotionally heavier post)

So it's been not quite two weeks. I must say it's better than I have been in the past. Sometimes I need to remember that people still read my blog (thanks, Kendra!:D). I mean, I know you do...but still... It's not like I'm like, hey I have a super exciting life. Let's post *every* day. Some days it's all I can do to post a Facebook status update. With all the technology our society currently enjoys, that would bring a 'wow' from some of y'all. No, I'm kidding.

These past two weeks have seen me fall more into a dazed slump and eventual breakdown. Not that there haven't been a few highlights here and there: I had a lunch date with my dear friend Erin on Tuesday. She and her darling baby boy David were out from Atlanta, visiting her parents (who live in my neighborhood). So that was fun :). I also had a kick awesome Relief Society campout last weekend up Maple Canyon. It was just an overnighter, but it was tons of fun. Sorry I don't have any pics, my camera decided it didn't want to come along. I guess I'll have to borrow some of the pics from friends on Facebook. About a week and a half ago, we had a YSA activity where one of the bishopric members flooded his yard from the irrigation ditch at the back of his property and our ward played in it. I got soaked and covered in cut grass. It was awesome. I also went to a Wacky Black and White themed party last Saturday at my friend Melissa's house. That was fun too. Man, I forgot how much fun I had.

Here's where the serious dazed slump and eventual breakdown comes in. My thoughts are scattered, so forgive me if this is all over the place. The beginning erosions occurred last Wednesday when I got a call back from Mountainland Headstart Preschools about coming in for an interview on that Friday for the position of a teacher. Sounds awesome right? Why would *this* be considered an erosion?!? I was fine until Friday. After the interview, I was bombarded by every thought under the sun about why I didn't deserve this job or why I wasn't going to get this job. Yet, there was nothing done during the interview that indicated what they thought of me as a candidate. I was treated fairly and kindly. Alone with my thoughts, the feelings of the past flooded over me. I guess I just shoved them in the back of my mind and they were never ultimately personally resolved. Lack of success. Inadequacy. Incompentecy. Guilt. Shame. I'd say that was a fun killer right there. My once care-free, chill, hakuna matata disposition, which I'd been absolutely loving, was gone in 5 seconds flat. In my mind I was blaming Mountainland for something they hadn't even done to me. I was depersonalizing this institution as people who were already seeing me as an inadequate, unqualified teacher when that wasn't true and they really had no idea about my past history. My personal demons were having a Mardi Gras in my head and it was terrible. It's ironicly funny that all this would be going through my head when I didn't even know whether I had a job yet. However, coming to this conclusion of reality helped me with my perspective.

I was thinking while showering this morning and I discovered that I'd gotten into the habit of going through the motions. That my real MO (modus operandi) was "Be Cool. Be Chill. Don't Think About It and you won't worry." This MO was formed because I was sick of worrying about things in my life. It led to becoming apathetic about the things I could change and more concerned about the things I couldn't change. Sounds backwards, doesn't it?

I've always struggled with change. My whole life. Elder Bednar's CES Fireside talk a couple of months ago was a home run. The concept that hit me the most being: See things as they really are. The true reality of situations instead of the skewed virtual personal ones that we can create. In these virtual realities, I am blocked from seeing the actual truth. The importance of discerning truth from error is absolutely vital. That is why it is a favorite tactic of the Father of Lies to use against us; to cloud our vision and distort our realities (The Screwtape Letters have surprising insight on this). Unfortunately, he's got my number. I should be screening my calls (heh, bad joke).

My emotional dam broke this morning, as my mother astutely observed that I didn't seem very happy about the prospect of this job and that it was looking like I'd felt I'd been pushed into it. That's very well what my body language could've been saying. I had enjoyed my summer, takin' it easy. Now it was time for me to grow up again and be an adult. I was more concerned with entertaining myself than working out a plan for my future. Because, you gotta have a plan. That's what life's about. If you don't have a specific plan, then you've pretty much wasted time and now what are you going to do with your life? That's what my interpretation of my mother's body language was at the time. I know she's concerned for me, sometimes it just sounds more like criticism than concern. I couldn't handle the rapid-fire this morning and it didn't help that I was already emotionally thin. Luckily, time and food heal most emotional wounds and I had my breakfast and sometime to express myself on my blog, so my feelings toward my mother are resolved. They usually are.

The possibilities of a job that carries a lot of baggage with it, business politics being one of my least favorite things, is a tough thing for me to wrap my head around. I just needed to get it out on e-paper. If I were to count how many personal revivals I've had in the past 12 years, I think I'd have to borrow other peoples' fingers and toes to do so. I'm feeling a need to get back into a book I bought several months ago by Ardeth Greene Kapp. It's appropriately titled, Better Than You Think You Are. Regardless of whether I get the job or not, I'm hoping the book will improve my spirits and motivation enough to make the mental transition back to adulthood a little easier.

I'm glad I could end on a positive note. I feel much better about life now, knowing I can move forward with a smile and determination to do better.

the perfect steak and other experiments

Today I made dinner for my family while my folks were working out in the backyard. It was marinated grilled steak, corn on the cob and watermelon and it was ready in under a half an hour. I *love* summer menus. So easy. Anyway, I was worried about burning the steak because as the saying goes in my house: We believe in the law of Moses, e.g. Burnt offerings. My mom doesn't do so well when she multitasks. lol. However, when I cooked the steak today, I was glad to see that it turned out just like a good steak should. I was so pleased. Good thing I love cooking. OH! I forgot to tell you. Yesterday for lunch I pretty much made something fabulous from less than obvious ingredients. I actually took a picture of it I was so proud of how beautiful it looked. :D I made BBQ Chicken Nachos. Yeah it's that good. I got the idea from one time that I was at Goodwood BBQ. They have these on their Appetizer menu. *This is not the exact recipe.* More of a copy cat. If you're interested here's the process. As for measurements, I really just eyeballed the whole thing.

BBQ Chicken Nachos
1 can of Member's Mark Canned Chicken Chunks
(look and smell kinda like tuna, definitely tastes like chicken!!!)
1/2 cup BBQ Sauce (I used Bullseye Brown Sugar)
1/2 cup water (mix with BBQ sauce...to make it more saucy)
1/4 bag Tortilla chips (white or yellow, your choice)
2 cups grated mozzarella cheese
1 large roma tomato cut into 1/4" chunks
6-7 Fresh Basil Leaves torn in small segments
(my favorite add in for color *and* for taste!)
1 dollop of sour cream

Set oven to broil at 500 degrees Fahrenheit. While that's heating up, go to the food prep. I used a 9" non-stick cake pan(you might want to spray it if you don't have a non-stick) and dumped in about two-thirds of my amount of chips. I sprinkled a good layer of the mozzarella on that. Then I added the rest of the chips over top and finished off the cheese. Stick that pan in the oven on a regular rack level (not a high one). Keep an eye and your nose on it while you fix the other ingredients. In a medium saucepan, mix the chicken and BBQ sauce and water. You can shred the chicken or leave it chunky. It's all down to personal preference. Mix it in and heat it up until it's got a nice consistency and it's hot. Take off the heat. Dice your tomato and get your basil leaves torn up and ready to go. By this time, you should check on your nacho base. Yup, it should be done. Nice and melty and somewhat brown on the lower edges. Take it out of the oven. Dump the BBQ chicken goodness over top the melted cheese in an "artsy-like" manner. No I'm kidding :), Just dump it on and eyeball about how much you want on there. I didn't use all of the chicken, I think I had about enough left over to make two small BBQ chicken sandwiches (an added benefit of leftovers). Add tomatoes and basil leaf pieces. Top with a dollop of sour cream. Enjoy. Oh and don't eat too much. It's super filling and will feed up to about 5 people. Here's my pics of happy food end results.

my life's been kinda normal

I haven't had a ton of exciting things to report hence the lack of activity on my blog. Sorry for all my readers. It's sad to miss my creative writing and bizarre sense of humor. But I digress. I was pretty sick this past week as was quite a few other members of my family. We had a self-imposed quarantine. Noone who was sick left the house during the weekend, no church, for me no working at the temple and no friends over for the younger kids. We were being overtly selfish and keeping the sickness to ourselves. Luckily I am doing soooooooooooooooo much better. I'm hoping my voice will get back in shape by next weekend and I can belt my pipes out to swingin' Frankie songs. I can't believe it's next weekend! I feel ready, but I need to check up on my sisters to see how they feel about it. Oh and can I tell you how much I love that it's SUNNY today!!! Like, not raining for once! (Yeah, that's gonna change by tomorrow and Sunday, but it should be sunny again by Monday...huzzah!)
So here's the real meat of things: I've figured out what my problem is on the matrimonial front- actually I should say- the dating front. Why has nothing come to fruition? I've found one thing lacking:

I need to learn how to be nice to boys and actually be nice to them.

Who knew?

Apparently I am not nice to boys at all and I find the most pleasure in popping their oh-so-fragile egos. (My sister explained it to me in a less than delicate manner, but I will spare you from those words.) I need to stop this current practice. Part of this is me needing to be more humble, ditching my precious pride. How am I supposed to find a humble guy, if I'm not humble myself? (Humility vs. bagging on oneself) Unfortunately, I have no idea how to stroke a guy's ego without feeling trite and preconceived or untrue to myself. I dunno. It's a rough thing.

On a lighter note, my fam's getting a new vehicle to ease the strain of only having two cars for our 8 person family with 4 1/2 drivers (my middle sister has a permit). We are getting a used 2003 Mitsubishi Outlander. We have dubbed it the Silver Hornet (of Pink Panther fame). Fortunately it runs much better than the original. Due to my nickname of Cato (coined by my grandpa), it makes this clip particularly funny.

catie's gotta brand new gig

Okay, so that was a bad stretch from James Brown's song title, but that's what came to mind. So I have the coolest thing to look forward to at the end of the month. My sisters and I (Sar and Han) were asked to give a 30 minute program for a someone's 75th birthday party. Here's the kicker: our genre is big band/swing/Sinatra-esque songs!!!! Can I tell you how much I was born for this gig?!? I would totally do it for free, but the $$ is like icing on the cake. So I have been preparing songs and kinda heading this project/program. I am SOOOO excited though. I've already been editing songs that we can sing to. I have software that allows me to remove the vocals from the song so you still have the music AND you can change the pitch of the song too. The vocals aren't entirely gone but are either very soft and echoey or not heard at all. So it's pretty fun for me and I'm jazzed (lol, no pun intended) for this event. :D

it must be a summer kick off because

I've never eaten so much junk food in my life, today. My mouth hurts and I think I've eaten my allotment of sugar and calories for the year (so I'm overexaggerating). But for reals. Lots of food and lots of little kids. It was fun. My second day of unemploymentness and it was still busy. Oh well, at least I had fun today!

the boys of summer

So today was my last day on the job. My boss Amy, didn't even know I was coming in today. I spent about 2 hours with the boys and then everyone came home (Amy, her sister-in-law, her mother-in-law) and it was just like hey, you can go, but I have you on speed dial if I need you. I didn't say goodbye to the boys because that would be pretty hard on them. I think with all the cousins and family I won't be missed that much. It's not like I was with them all day everyday. Oh well, moving on. Today is my last day of solace as my siblings have their last day of school tomorrow (a half day). So home is going to be crazy town. 8 people in one house all day=unpleasantness. And that sentiment's shared by more than just myself. I am happy that summer is coming. I'm just itchy to get out and do stuff. I haven't heard back from any of my jobs yet, but I will be applying for others as well. Right now, I'm just enjoying the dream like state that summer memories bring me. Kinda like the movie The Sandlot only without the swearing in it.
I heart Hamm.


Haha I love this part.

one...month...later

Oh my goodness gracious!! This month has FLOWN by! I've been sooo busy that I just have blown off blogging. All of my weekends are busy with everything seeming to be scheduled on those days and my weeks are busy with my job hangin out with the boys. I call them my boys even though, technically, they're not *mine* but I love them tons!!

These two crazies are me and Will.

and Mack and I
These boys are as cute as the devil and full of the dickens to match. We love to have fun and be silly.

They like to show me all their fighting "moves" too. It's a lot of fun to hang out with them! I will miss them when my job ends at the end of the month!

the find of the century!!!

Oh. My. Goodness. The most amazing thing happened to me today (Saturday). I guess we are blessed when we serve, but methinks not in this way, literally. I (with my family and many others) helped to move an older couple into my parents' ward. They were downsizing to a smaller house from the one they lived in before in Vegas. They are pretty quality people and that was me meeting them after 5 minutes. Anyway, as we were loading stuff back into the moving truck, I spied this really old treadle sewing machine. I casually remarked to the wife that I had seen it and what a cool neat machine that was. She said, "Do you want it?" and I said, "Are you serious?!? Yes!" and she said, "Go ahead and take it. It needs somebody to love it." I said, "Well, I will love it!" but I was so dumbfounded that she would just give it away to me, just like that. Soooo, I am now the owner of said machine.

It does need a little work done on it, some oiling, dust removal and protective coating on the wood. But it's still quite functional. I looked it up online and if the serial number is correct, it is an 1898 New Home model treadle sewing machine. 111 years old (sound of my jaw hitting the floor). I own it. TALK ABOUT A SWEET HEIRLOOM PIECE!!! I'm pretty much excited about it. All the way around. :D I'm going to do some more research to make sure it's dated correctly, but for now, that's my best guess. If not 1898, it's in the early 1900's. Sorry my pics aren't too detailed. I was running out of battery on my camera...

vintage craziness

So I'm craftily handicapped...in that crafts handicap me from doing other things. lol I know that sounds funny (at least to me it does) but seriously, I just finished a tiny baby kimono which I gave to a friend and alas did not take a picture of before gifting. I also have about 4 other swatches of fabric that I could make into skirts that are akin my cherry skirt pictured below. A simple tiered skirt pattern from my fantastic Weekend Sewing book. It's long, it's comfy and I think I'm making my summer look here. :D
Here are my four swatches! I was in JoAnn's with Hannah, my fellow sewing buddy, and we were like kids in a candy shop trying to decide which fabric to choose!
My sister Sarah and my mom think I am nuts to take on all these skirts. Just think though: I'll have one for almost every day of the week! LOL. Maybe I am crazy. I'd like to think that I'm making up for time I won't have when I'm a mom. Yeah...sure.

busy blogging bluffs

So I remembered the other day while I was voraciously reading other peoples' blogs that "oh yeah! I have a blog, too!" Sad day for those who have been missing updates in my life. I've been busy doing other things...like...reading...watching old movies on Hulu and YouTube...reading...sewing...yeah. Since work has picked up, I've been busy with the two boys in my charge who are tons of fun. Basically I'm a glorified babysitter...but let's not let that title stop us now. Things are going great. I have purpose back in my life and it's fantastich!

Saturday General Conference Intermission

Okay so I love conference! and so far it's only been one session! My all time favorite for Saturday morning was President Henry B. Eyring's talk about adversity. (Although Elder Hales talk about being provident providers was also excellent.)President Eyring is such a powerful speaker and definitely invites the spirit when he speaks. It meant a lot to me. I am also excited for the new apostle, Neil L. Anderson. What a great responsibility. I am so grateful for spiritual humble men that lead this church. Men who are called, not because they seek for leadership among men but, because they love the Lord. I've discovered that the older I get, the more precious the words said at General Conference become.

I also had the opportunity to watch the Church World report and for those of you who aren't familiar with it, basically tells about what the church is doing throughout the world (and within the U.S. as well) to assist and give aid to those who are in need. Even though it was a news report, I'm kinda embarrassed to admit I started to get choked up about it. What an amazing sight to see so many faithful Latter-day Saints volunteer their time and resources to assist those in need. It made me reflect and think, I'm so glad I belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Then these feelings of gratitude were quickly exchanged for feelings of guilt. What have I done or what can I do that will make a difference in others' lives? I don't need to be recognized world-wide for my service, but I know there is something more that I can do. I belong and believe in a religion that is bigger than me. What have I done to help others? What have I done to serve? This is an issue that I think many people (like myself) deal with. The feeling that they aren't doing enough. Those who have made sacred covenants in the temple strive to understand what their best is and struggle as they stretch and grow in the gospel. Sometimes the fruits of our labors don't have instant gratification. Perhaps we overlook the small things that we do every day that make an impact, whether we know it or not. For me, I am a good friend, but I struggle with visiting teaching(this makes it difficult for me because I see those who excel in it). I know the Lord is preparing me to be more effective, but it is a slow and difficult process. If I was good at visiting teaching, the Lord would try me elsewhere.
At conference, even though I feel like those who give the talks are amazing and have had great opportunities to serve because they are prepared, I know I have a chance to see with clear eyes where my personal standing with God is, by the spirit. I don't feel so down, but I understand that I have plenty of room for improvement.
Ohp! It's back on! More later!

grumblers hit rock-bottom only to receive redemption the next day

Soooo you know how I was totally witching last night? Umm I had an independent lead practically handed to me this morning. It's not a desk job. It's something I'm utterly proficient in. to be politically correct and make it all important sounding: an assistant household engineer. Today, I met with a mother who needed some help with her two small sons after her delivery of her third son on Wednesday. Let me mention that her sons are 4 1/2 and 2 1/2. Let me also mention that her husband travels. A lot. So I could be working for this cute little family as soon as Monday. I am excited. :D It may be only for about 2 months, but I look forward to it and for right now...it's work. So here's hoping it goes well. :D

The one time rain is not good...

is when someone rains on your parade. Either that or shatters your plans/ideas like a hammer on a piece of glass.(I'm just venting right now.) This is why I never like to say anything to anyone until I'm confirmed that I'm going to do something. I'm indecisive as it is, I don't need people throwing their two cents at the last second to throw me into questioning everything I just went through. I know I'm a dreamer. I know that my plans aren't always logical, but I hate that I let myself feel limited by others. Like really. For someone with no authority or leverage to say, "well, those plans sound real nice, but right now it's not for you", when I haven't confirmed it for myself and they expect me to go along with it has some serious misunderstandings going for them. I know we can learn from others, but sometimes I want to learn from my own experience. Especially if it's something like career exploration. grr! I know economic times are not that hot, but there are jobs out there. I just don't want to settle for something I won't be happy doing. For example, I would like to explore Dental Assisting. That costs money. I *have* money, but I also *have* monthly payments to make (loans, insurance, etc.). I don't have a job. I need a job. BUT I want a job that I will enjoy. It's a double-edged sword, my friends, and the only thing I seem to feel is the twisting, in mocking doubt-filled spite. Obviously I'm vulnerable and extra-sensitive. I'm not a fan of people who are well meaning, but 'obviously know better' than I do, telling me no. I just feel like I have to fight for everything just so I can get something. Anything outside of what is "the way things should be" is not allowed unless everything works out just perfect and we never have any problems along the way. I'm impulsive, yes. But at this point in my life, I'm pretty much super researching things out before I even mention it for the first time to someone in passing. I'm not ADD when it comes to big life decisions. I'm just not.
Well, I've said my piece. I need to go to bed before my tirade gets any worse.

(For the sake of any judgin' going on, if you have any leads or know of any openings for desk jobs/front office/receptionist stuffs, let me know. If not, that's cool.)

p.s. by the way

So my fantastic old roommate Victoria posted other pics of my trip to the beautiful Savannah. Here's the link to that post. My name's even in the title. I feel so privileged! ;D
This has pics of the parade and other things we did. A big thanks goes to John and his killer picture taking skillz on his iPhone.

Here comes the link!: Catie Lutz comes to Savannah

:D

Studio Era Film love

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! I just got a new book! (again.) This time it's not a crafty book or sewing related! Thanks to a Barnes & Noble gift card from my dear cousin, Anne Sledd, I got to fulfill a guilty pleasure of mine and get this book. It's called Leading Couples, and it was compiled by Turner Classic Movies. I love it. I originally found this book in the Mercer-Williams Carriage House Gift Shop in Savannah, GA and I couldn't put it down. I leafed through it right up until the tour started. (P.S. This pic actually works as a link so you can look inside, instead of just being a reference pic. Pretty swell, huh?)

According to the book description on Amazon.com: "William Powell and Myrna Loy. Bogart and Bacall. Tracy and Hepburn. These on-screen (and sometimes off-screen) couples defined romantic chemistry and the art of falling in love. From Turner Classic Movies, Leading Couples features the most unforgettable screen pairings of the studio era including actors and actresses with many film courtships and those who made their indelible mark in a single memorable movie. Engaging and thoroughly researched each profile includes trivia behind-the-scenes stories biographical overviews and memorable quotes illustrated by rare stills and poster art."

My favorite part is that they have the entire filmography of these stars. I now have the information I need to start a running list of what "new" movies I need to watch. ::grinning widely:: If you need me...I'll be curled up in a corner somewhere with this book, enjoying myself. Please leave a message. ;)

Purple for Epilepsy

March 26th is Epilepsy Awareness Day!

(Epilepsy Awareness Day was founded by Cassidy McCarthy of Nova Scotia, CAN, in 2008. For more info about that, go to: http://www.purpleday.org/ For those of you who are not familiar with epilepsy, go to the Epilepsy Foundation site: http://www.epilepsyfoundation.org/about/faq/index.cfm to familiarize yourself with some of the terms I will use.

The purpose of this post is an attempt to share my personal dealing with epilepsy also known and diagnosed as, a ‘seizure disorder’ (medically correct terminology). I don’t often share my story with people, exceptions being those on a need to know basis and family friends during the time of my initial diagnosis.
I was diagnosed with a seizure disorder in January of 1998 as a result of many tests and reoccurring seizures. The first seizure occurred September of 1997, on my first day of my freshman year in high school. Fortunately for me, it occurred after school in the safety and privacy of my own home. Had it been at school- I believe the baggage, from emotional trauma and anxiety of social consequences, may have been far worse.
With no hereditary records of epilepsy, this first episode came as a shock and a terrifying experience for my parents. I don’t wish to go into detail about the difficulty my parents went through, nor could I adequately describe the range of emotions and thoughts they struggled with at that time. My first seizure was an abstract, exhausting and painful experience; abstract, in that I had no consciousness of the episode or idea of what I looked like when it happened, exhausting due to full body muscle contractions and painful because of the bite marks on my tongue from my jaw tensing. Waking up to see an IV needle stuck in my arm and white hospital drapes surrounding me with no one else around, scared me terribly. Just when I started to panic, a nurse peeked in and said she would get my parents. It gave me great comfort to see them come through the curtains minutes later. I emotionally inquired what happened and they told me that I had a seizure and recounted a bit of what had taken place. They told me I would need to have some more tests done. Due to a lack of understanding, I was emotional and scared.
After I was released from the hospital that same night, I was told that I didn’t have to go to school the next day and I was grateful. The next school days went like normal but as a young teenager, I had no appropriate way of coping. I felt very alone. I supposed that no one could possibly understand how I was feeling and that I would be looked at as someone who was different. When you are 14 years old, you want to be like everyone else and this was not helping my case. Growing up, I’d always been in my own little world. I didn’t fit in with my peers, or at least that’s the way I perceived it to be. I didn’t like to talk to my peers about my seizures, it made me uncomfortable. I felt like they were judging me on top of the self-projected judgments I labeled them with. It was very difficult. I felt like the ‘special’ child, even though that really wasn’t the case. As for my experiences, I knew what reality was: I had a seizure. I’d have to take tests. The outcome was dubious.
In the following months, I had two occurrences of partial seizures. After those episodes, my mom and I met with a pediatric neurologist who had many tests done on me and said that it could be juvenile epilepsy and that there was a possibility that I could grow out of it. I was ecstatic. Those doctor appointments were difficult to sit through. I couldn’t really understand the results even though they were explained to me. A couple of months later I met again with the neurologist who explained that I did have abnormal brain activity. It was small, but it was there. He diagnosed me as having a seizure disorder and put me on medication to see if it would prevent other episodes from occurring. Then we played the waiting game. Epilepsy is all about being measured and there are a lot of questions and answers to remember. How long between episodes? How many have you had over 6 months, a year? How does your medication affect you? Any break through seizures while on medication?
The medication game is kind of a crapshoot. I found myself switching to high doses with the more break through seizures I had. I dealt with a few side affects, the worst being drowsiness. This affected my school work pretty decently. I was always half-asleep in my classes and I could not concentrate. The following school year was tough, academically and socially. My peers were starting to drive and I couldn’t even do that, partially from fear and partially from medical restriction. I felt like life was passing me by. What was interesting was that after I was diagnosed, I expected people to treat me differently. But they didn’t. I laugh when I think back at how disappointed I was that they didn’t. I had not clue in the world of what reality actually was.
The following summer, my family moved out of state and I had to start with the medical process all over again: getting a new neurologist, establishing new prescriptions for medications, other tests done again, transferring paperwork, etc. Being two years older, the world of epilepsy was a little easier to understand but the vagueness of a neurological disorder drove me nuts. Within the next four years, I found a local neurologist that I liked, I had been stable on the established medication and it was confirmed that my epilepsy was a life long partial seizure disorder and I wouldn’t ever grow out of it. This was a tough step for me, but I had very loving and supportive family and friends and that helped me immensely. I was able to get my permit and drive during that time, but break through seizures and medication adjustment still prevented me from driving. Other than that, I was a regular teenager/young adult with common anxieties and difficulties. I graduated high school, went to college and got involved. During my college years I had a few break through seizures which resulted in changing of medications and more paperwork. In my last semester of college, I had been seizure free for long enough and I finally got my drivers’ license. I felt like a million bucks. I had the independence that I had wanted for so long. I had struggled with learned dependency and that was a big battle for me because I gave myself unnecessary limitations.
The battle is far from over. As long as I keep moving things are fine. Sometimes it doesn’t even feel like a battle, but once the medication stops, the cycle starts all over again. It’s a battle of strength, self-control and courage. Some days I stop to think about it and admit that it’s hard. I honestly still don’t know how this will be for the rest of my life, but it’s been a period of growth and reflection for me. I know I have a greater compassion for people who deal with their own medical difficulties just like I do.

the chameleon emerges

Finished Northanger Abbey. Loved it. Don't know if I'm quite ready for the others though. When it comes to likes and preferences, I swear I have a multiple personality disorder. I feel like America: The Melting Pot, Part Deux. Seriously. I have so many different obsessions that you can't nail me to one particular genre, even if you used a lot of nails. lol. Anyway, I'm back on my nostalgic kick of old movies and my favorite stars: Maureen O'Hara, Audrey Hepburn, Cary Grant, John Wayne, Gregory Peck, Katherine Hepburn, Deborah Kerr...anything in black & white or Techicolor! I'm a sucker. My sister would wisely say: "Oh...are you on your western/country kick again?" or "Are you on your R&B/Hip Hop kick again?" or "Oh, so now you're back into Swing music again, are you?" before I'd pop back into my more "modern" music again...professing my love for the likes of Coldplay (breathe Natalia, lol), Relient k, Dave Barnes, etc. I guess that plays to my versatility, it's just frustrating for me to have such vague likes. Anyway, I was able to reauthorize computer to play my purchased songs on iTunes. It's a happy day. :D
I've been working on my new skirt pattern and it's cute, but I'm thinking I'm perhaps too fat for such pattern. Or, I did it wrong. I'm pretty sure it's the first one though. Mrgh. Oh well, the second skirt should look better than the first prototype. Maybe I'll give the first one to my sister, she's a bit skinnier than I am. She'll love it. Really, she'll die happy. :D

slacka slacka slacka!

Pretty much been two weeks since posting. Here's the quick Reader's Digest Recap on the life so far.

--> My awesome trip to Savannah, GA to visit Victoria and John was FAN-TASTIC and a much loved and needed getaway. For those with Facebook, I put pics there.

--> I actually in reality finished my asian dress, the last post that said I was finished was totally lying. It looks fantastic. Again, photos are on Facebook (hint hint nudge nudge Natalia). If you wish to see it here, drop me a line.

--> Job Search is still in the tank. It's not like I'm sitting on my butt doing nothing...but I'm hoping to get some leads at the Utah Valley Job fair coming up here on Wednesday.

--> I've actually gotten into a Jane Austen book and been able to read it effortlessly. Yeah, that's saying something, considering it takes a bit for me to get into such books. Sacrilege, Austen lovers, I know. Anyway, it's Northanger Abbey and it has been quite enjoyable and digestable. :D Still working on it though.

--> I think I'm about ready to put out a shingle for a Custom Sewing business, for reals, after the comments I got from displaying my projects. It's nice to see that y'all've been impressed. I wouldn't consider myself professional by any stretch of the imagination. I will admit that I am getting much better. I generally tend to see the flaws, but whatev. I'd just like to get back to sewing with cotton blends, a heck of a lot easier to deal with. More satisfying results. Good thing summer's coming, eh? :D

So that's the shpiel. Happy last full week of March. OH! and can I say I'm so totally stoked for the Monsters vs. Aliens movie that comes out on Friday? Yeah I totally am seeing that one.

finishing projects I started

So I worked my bum off today and finished the most of my dress. All I need to do now is hem the lining and then I'm finished. Yeah. Really. Just like that. Natalia's nod in my direction to just get it finished already, gave me the kick-in-the-pants incentive I needed to finish it. This is what true friends are for. :D Then I will be able to go back to the fabrics I love that are easy to sew with: cotton, cotton blends, polyesther, linen (iffy). And Tones? If you get me your measurements, pick out the supplies and pitch in a couple bucks for the labor, I sure will make you a skirt. It'll be a dang good one, too. :D We might have to make a fabric shopping day of it, but I don't think you'd mind. :D

more crafty love!

EEEE! My domestic nerdiness is showing(which I fully accept). I giddily announce that I finally got this book from Sam's Club today! I saw it there about a week and a half ago and have been "coveting" it ever since. There is some major bibliophilin' going on. :D

It's Weekend Sewing, by Heather Ross. I love the colored illustrations and instructions. It also includes pull out pattern guides for all of these projects. The classic pieces found in here are absolutely fantastic!! I love the wrap skirt pictured on the front of the book, but there are so many more gems inside. Yeah, so it's based on elemental sewing and I'll actually have to trace the patterns instead of just cut 'em out...but, I can't wait to get going! With my new machine in hand, life will be a plethora of grand crafty adventures, oopses and all. First of all, I should probably finish my asian dress...lol. And lastly, I am SERIOUSLY craving some amazing Kettle Corn. Like, really bad. :)

awww, that make-a me happy...

Dear readers,

Oi, it's been a mazillion years. I know. I attempted to start writing a post last week. That doesn't excuse this lack. What have I been doing? Umm.... ::guiltily shifts eyes:: nothing of particular importance or busyness. You'd think I'd be all over blogging with all this 'free' time I have. This past week, March 1-8th, I have been fighting the emotional battle, after two weeks of apathy. It also adds to the fact that this weekend was a bit more emotional than the other weekends in the rest of the month will be. (Yep.) My birthday was fantastic though. I never thought it would be sooo much fun. Things I got for my birthday include: new cotton pj pants of the Spongebob variety...are you surprised?, a new cute cute cute green shirt, a chocolate glazed texas donut (which was the circumference of my face. Made me think of Natalia and Kristen!), a pink bottle of bubbles, a $15 gift certificate to Barnes & Noble (from my cousin, Anne), some awesome comfy stretchy lounge pants, the second volume of season 5 of Spongebob Squarepants (my guilty pleasure) and (trumpet fanfare) my very own BRAND NEW camel! (watch out, they spit.) No, hahaha I'm kidding. I got my very own sewing machine which is way awesome. It's a Babylock and so far I am loving it. I might actually finish my asian dress now...(lol 3 months later). No I will. Anyway, it's pretty sweet, take a gander. My parents totally surprised me with the idea and after the 'no machine for Christmas' moment, I didn't think I was ever going to get one. So it's been pretty awesome. My birthday present to me is going to Savannah this weekend to visit Victoria and John. I know, I won't shut up about this, I AM SO EXCITED. I kinda dislike long flights though, has to with my circulation problems. This will be worth it though. :D

OH! I beat myself for forgetting the most AWESOMEST present I EVER recieved!!! Apologies to austenaficienado for my terrible mistake. I got my very own copy of The Emperor's New Groove on DVD from Sarey. I am so happy to OWN it!!

'bout time for a post, don'tcha think?

So...I guess it's been awhile huh? Whoops. :S
Well, I haven't had a ton to write about lately. I'm kinda in no man's land, sorta like being suspended in jello...but...not. ANYWAYS. Currently, I am functioning as a surrogate mother to my siblings as my real mother is having the time of her life with her sisters in beautiful, warm, sunny Phoenix, Arizona (that's where one of her sisters lives). She'll be back on Monday, so that's no big. By the time she's back, we'll be able to celebrate one more year of life added to my age and I'll be headed on my own little jaunt out to Savannah, 12 days later. Did I mention I'm excited to go to Savannah? Yes, Victoria, even with the noisy neighbors. I'll bring my iPod so I can sleep. So yeah. Anyway, back to mom-hood. I've discovered that even though my true cooking skills have been dormant for awhile, they are just as successful as they ever have been. YES. I guess I will have to cook for John and Victoria while I'm out there...just as a treat. Call it my penance for being a lousy houseguest...lol. I'm kidding. So as this next week gets nearer and nearer, I go more in denial that I'm actually in my mid twenties, when I still act like a 16 year old on sugar. I like who I am, but isn't there supposed to be some grace and wisdom that come with age?!? ;D I resign myself to be a fun, crazy person for life. Just like my mama. :D

claritin clear

So I'm making a clarification about my former job.

Firstly, I did work for my dad, but technically, he was my supervisor.

Secondly, my poppo had no say in whether I was laid off or not, but if he did, I'd still have a job, working for/with him.

So, really it's rather unfortunate for all parties involved.
Currently, I am looking at a job as a Skill Building Coach at Hobble Creek Elementary School, which not coincidentally is the school my brother and sister attend. Basically help kids that are behind in their work or have behavior problems; and noon inside/outside recess duty. It's only about 20 hours a week, but by golly it's a start. So wish me luck!

singing the jobless blues (da-na-na-na-nuh)

So yesterday, I got laid off from my job. Luckily I get severance, so I'll be good for at least a month or so. This kinda changes my plans a bit, though(haha understatement of the century). Don't worry, I'm still going to Savannah. That will offer me some good respite and it's always nice to forget about life for awhile and spend it with a high quality friend who's basically family. Thus far, things have been all right, I've had some co workers call me and express their empathy/sympathy and offer what advice they could and have had a lot of people reach out and help. It's nice to see people who care. It honestly could've been a much worse case scenario (hypothetically speaking) and so right now, I'm counting my blessings and looking for the silver lining. Thanks to counsel from living prophets,seers and revelators, I don't ask myself why, I ask What now? 'Cause I'm real curious as to what's gonna happen next. I am surprisingly more upbeat than I ever thought I'd be. Wednesday I was pretty much an emotional wreck personally, but managed to pull it off as professionally as possible. Which I did, successfully. I will miss all my co-workers in the IT department, "The Guys". We had some great times together and I wish them the very best. It's just the looking forward and the cluelessness of what will all go down that gets to me. I don't even know what I'm going to go into. Apparently the Lord needs to humble me some more so I can learn what I need to. Maybe it's frugality...lol...my spending tendencies need to be curbed just a bit...lol. Maybe it's the importance of putting money away for a rainy day and that I can't count on always having a supply of dinero on hand. I knew this day would come eventually, I just hadn't planned what I was going to do. I've filed for unemployment and I'm already working on networking and job searching. I've also looked at the Church's website too. I've been busy. But anyway, I just thought I'd keep y'all up to date about what's going on. Nothing is concrete right now. My plans to move out have been halted for the time being(fyi, Natalia). Surprisingly I've managed to stay relatively calm, regardless of the frustrations. I'm still smiling though. Lata.

mid feb post

So I got my hair cut yesterday to an inch below my chin. I've decided that this is where I'll probably keep it, 'mom haircut' or not. But you readers know just how fickle I am, so in two weeks it might be something TOTALLY different.
I know the bling is a bit much, but I've always known I run a little on the expensive side...lol. I was sooo happy to have yesterday off. It's just what I needed. I was busy, but whatever, that happens.
Mrgh. I feel like it should be next month already, except I know that it will come soon enough and I will be blogging then, wondering where February went. Ooo! I'm going to the Draper Temple open house on Thursday and after all the positive reviews I've heard about it, I'm even MORE excited! The last time I went to a Temple Open House was (drumroll) 15 years ago!! (It was the San Diego Temple and it was pretty sweet.) So I look forward with anticipation to Thursday.
One last thought. I totally dig my sister's blog layout. Somewhat jealous. :D

fin.

a tidy person does not a clean room make

So...I discovered somethin'. Besides the fact that I'm a clever sleuth (in most cases that I'm interested in)...I'm not such a fan of clutter. Sad thing is that I'm a first-rate stacker. I cleaned up my room yesterday (i.e. rid myself of all unnecessary papers, trash, hung up clean clothing, etc.). I think it had been at least a couple weeks since the last time I did it. I can't begin to tell you how much more relaxed I felt after it was done! It was like restoring balance to the force. Now, I've come to the conclusion that when my room is cluttered, the unconscious messages of things that need to be done, clog up my brain. Hence cluttered room=cluttered brain and vice versa. Also, I wanted to mention my new favorite random movie. A flick that came out last fall with not a lot of hype or very good reviews, but it was a great one time watch and it's addictively quotable. I dare not start quoting it because I'll give away all the funny parts. Anyway it's a MGM pictures feature, 87 minutes long, called 'Igor'. Voice talents include John Cusack (Dmitri, Anastasia), Steve Buscemi (Randall Boggs, Monsters Inc.), Sean Hayes(Richard Levy the Shameless, Win A Date With Tad Hamilton; or Jack from Will & Grace), Molly Shannon, John Cleese...yeah you get the point. Anyway, it's kinda morbid and dark-ish humor...but very random and funny. Steve Buscemi and Sean Hayes make the movie. So go look for it. It just barely came out on DVD...I know, I rented it on Friday. So if you've ever watched a movie with me...just imagine I'm there when you watch it...so as to fully enjoy the experience. :D

yesterday, I thought it was friday

and I think today is next friday, the 13th. Can anyone clue me into why my mental 'datetimestamp' is curiously off-kilter? My mental filing cabinets are in disarray and I'm pretty sure I'm running at 52% capacity. This equals: Wow, I'm less productive. Well, anyway. Good news is: It's my favorite weather type of day. Deep gray, low clouds, light rain/snow that doesn't stick to the ground. I know, I'm strange, but I really do love days like this. <3

random = love

So okay on Sunday night, we played 'Speed' LIFE. It's like the original game of LIFE, except rigged. Basically includes no 'miss next turn' or anything that might extend the game any longer than it has to. 'Trade Salary Card' becomes 'Adopt a kid' (if you missed the baby spaces during the game) and we randomly pick a people peg from the pile. LOL anyway, the point is to make the game go quickly as possible. Unfortunately, unless you're stickler on your payday spaces, your money could be accidently forgotten. Not on purpose though. So we always joke that my sister Hannah always gets all the kids and ends up having to have a 'trailer'(which is basically one of the unused cars filled with remaining kids that moves behind her car, when moving spaces). So on Sunday, she decided to see just how many people pegs she could fit onto one car. Let it be known: my sister is awesome. It may not be a record, but it certainly is impressive.
<-Front <-Left <-Right <-Back
Official Count of People Pegs on one LIFE Car: 20. Hannah=win.
(Photos courtesy of Sarah Lutz, all rights reserved.)

shifting into different gears

Music is my solace. I turn to it in times of grief, pain, anger, sadness, frustration, happiness, excitement, contemplation and most importantly: paradigm shifts. What is a paradigm shift, you ask?

"A Paradigm Shift is when a significant change happens - usually from one fundamental view to a different view. In most cases, some type of major discontinuity occurs as well.
Thomas Kuhn wrote about Paradigm Shift during the early 1960s, and explained how "series of peaceful interludes punctuated by intellectually violent revolutions" caused "one conceptual world view to be replaced by another view."
In laymen terms, Paradigm Shift is a popular, or perhaps, not so popular shift or transformation of the way we Humans perceive events, people, environment, and life altogether. It can be a national or international shift, and could have dramatic effects -- whether positive or negative -- on the way we live our lives today and in the future."(see link for reference)

In a general sense (according to the last paragraph), I’ve been having a lot of those lately. It’s kinda rough when your world as you know, see and perceive it, is something so totally different than you even realize. As a BYU Alum, I’ve heard my share of people stating that BYU is The Bubble. But really, I believe it is a collection of several bubbles, everyone has their own. When you get a whole bunch of people like this together, it forms a gigantic one; hence the nickname, The Bubble. I’ve realized that living in my own bubble, these past two years in Springville, I’ve become set in my own theories, the great book of ‘How Things Should Be”. When I am a part of events or activities that don’t fit nicely into my book, I start to have issues. Yeah, that’s average, so what? The point is, I want to break my bubble so that I don’t start passing judgment too quickly on others. I still have my standards of life, but I seem to find these priorities oh-so-very-different from others. Not that I’m going to change them, but it’s just strange to see the stark contrasts. These upcoming changes are going to be harder than I thought, but I know it’s the right thing to do. It will be interesting to see what happens because of it. When I go through these questions and doubts and fears and truth-searching...I will turn to music to soothe myself into a sense of security (whether it be true or false) so that the intense range of feeling will not get the best of me. It's like what chocolate does for you when you have PMS, only a more of a low-fat option. I only hope that I can be there for my friends when they need me, not just when I wake up to reality. :) (P.s. this whole soapbox was brought to you by: the movie coming out this weekend, He's just not that into you. Very disappointed by content and reasons for rating.)

You too!

I had a U2 song come to my mind this morning (All I Want Is You). I hadn't listened to it in forever. Or so I'd thought. Maybe I heard it on Saturday and it just came back to me today. But I had to listen to it. I don't know why it came back to me. I could probably write a lot of analytical psycho babble interpretation of perhaps why it did, but then that means that I'm reading too much into it. lol. The defeatist in me wins, so I'll just listen to it for the umpteenth time. On a more positive note, I get to see Kristen for sure tomorrow, plus Miss Natalia, which is a bonus! I can't believe how fast February came, yet all the days add up and make sense and here we are at February 2nd. Groundhog Day, a day that just makes me smile. I don't know why. Anyway exciting things are coming closer for me and that makes me happy too. So I hope you can find something to smile about today, too. :D

if we don't learn from history, we are bound to repeat it

Today I abandon the crafty update posts in the fact that I got frustrated at its' ill-fitting state, half unpicked the waist seam and threw it on my couch. I shall tackle it on another day when I have more motivation.
Instead, I write about something that's been on my mind as of late. The affects of media on the morale of the American people. Do I believe what is written reflects the nation's feelings as a whole? No way. Have I been caught in this trap before? Yup. I'm seeing a current trend in the media of using headlines that can project fear and doubt in the face of troubling economic times. In a sarcastic and cynical jab: Print media has nothing better to do than write doom and gloom headlines 'to sell papes'. The same ol' same ol':
"[Insert Company Name Here] to cut [significant number] jobs this month."

"[Significant Company] to have bailout."

"Unemployment at [significant percentage]low."

"[Name of State] government to cut [significant program] budget."

(Venting--->)Why do they keep writing these things and why, for the love of Pete, do they end up on the front pages?! So we're struggling, yeah, we know that. We've done it before, what's new? Put it on the back page. Write about something happy for once before I jab my eyes out(<-lol)! And make it be on the front page for goodness sake!
What I'm trying to say is that negative headlines don't help morale, they intensify negative feelings and complaints. People of the complaining ilk tend to do even more so in the face of adversity. I don't know about you, but I'm not such a fan of feeling weighted down by despair, are you? I understand that it's important to be realistic, but surely, not fatalistic. So why can't we be positive in the face of adversity? It makes it just a bit easier to endure.
Do you remember past history? In the earlier half of the 20th Century, in the 1920s, 30s, 40s and 50s, they dealt with similar struggles, but people didn't talk about it as much, they just survived. For most people in the middle class, we don't have to worry about whether we can pay our bills, where our next meal comes from or whether we'll have a place to sleep at night, it's not 1929-1930. Comparing ourselves with past history, so far, so good. In the past, each decade had their own set of problems and difficulties but one theme that remained constant throughout. It was using music to promote positive ideas and ideal happy times to help people forget about life for awhile and dispel feelings of gloom and despair. Is music used to promote those feelings now? Not as much. I'm not saying we all need to hold hands and sing Kumbaya, but realistic morale boosters always help. Don't ignore the problem, just be calm about it. The song "You're Never Fully Dressed Without A Smile" from Annie, the musical, came to my mind. The idea behind that song being, it's okay to be happy, even if life appears to stink hardcore. A favorite of mine is "Bare Necessities" from Jungle Book, but I just put that in here because I really like that song. I believe I'm writing this mainly for myself, as a reminder to stay positive and think about all the things I've been given and that make me happy and to not succumb to the doom-and-gloom-world's-gonna-end philosophy. Life is great, we are blessed. The end.
(P.S. I love that my opinion doesn't need to make sense. That's why it's called an opinion. ;D)

getting closer

So here's the latest. Right now, this is mainly being held together with pins. Well, the bodice to the skirt seam is fastened with pins, as well as a pin at the collar so the dress will stay on the hanger. The skirt and lining need to be hemmed, the zipper put in and the frog closure sewn on the collar for a sense of style. I hope it all works out! :}

bustin' out the gospel

The theme of my stake conference (which was this last weekend, p.s. btw) was President Monson's talk on finding Joy in the Journey. Many of the talks were focused on spiritual preparation for the storms that lay ahead or that are even now raging at our doors. Others cited Elder Worthlin's wonderful talk on taking life as it comes. A perfect example of how we should keep our lives flexible and not to stress over the small stuff. One speaker said:"Our problems become worse, the more we stress over them." That might be a "Duh." to some of you, but it was an "Ah-hah" moment for me. The lightbulb went on. Now, whether I actually apply this knowledge, or not, will show the true test of my character. I'm hoping it's a yes, I will.
In these tough emotionally charged times for me, my mom has often reminded me of President Uchtdorf's talk on hope and that was also a reoccuring theme in our conference. There are many who might get discouraged in times that are less than favorable. I have a small shining hope and a glimmer of optimism that keep me going. I think that's why President Hinckley always gave a positive example of optimism. He knew there would be hard times ahead and wanted to leave as much optimism on the earth as he could before he was called home. I do not fear the future. I embrace it. But the future to me is the next minute, the next hour, the next day. We will be given experiences and the Lord expects the very best of us. Conference was so fantastic. We had a new stake patriarch called on Sunday and he had some great insights about what our Patriarchal blessings can be to us. I sat down with mine last night and broke it down into two columns: What the Lord has Given Me and What the Lord Expects of Me. It's a pretty decent sized list in both columns. It's like the Lord told Joseph Smith, 'where much is given, much is required'. I got a lot to work with and a long journey ahead of me. But I'm ready for it. Anyways. I just really enjoyed Stake Conference, even if my countenance didn't really reflect it.

crafty update

I was busy on Friday and Saturday! Apparently the bodice is the toughest part. Which is why I am so glad it's going first. I haven't called the sewing machine any creative names in frustration yet, just my inability to see how the fabric is pieced together and my inability to sew it correctly. LOL. I was tired on Friday so after a while I decided to called it quits because I was ready to chuck my project across the room. I decided sleep was a better option. The lining in the bodice is giving me grief, due to tautness and a lack of ease in the lining where room and ease is generally needed in a bodice...if you get my drift. So that's been a *joy*. But it fits where it needs to else where, so we're doing good thus far. Here are the pics.

it's waining!

Umm, Confession: I love the rain.
Not that I'm going to up and move to Seattle or anything, I just love it. Plus it's getting rid of(HOPEFULLY!) all the nasty polluted "air of death" hovering over Utah County for the past little while, due to temperature inversion. Bleah. I hate it. (we got a lot of strong feelings going on in this blog today...lol.)
There is something so poetic and symbolic about rain, plus everything just looks fresh and clean after it rains. The neat freak in me, rejoices. I've written more on the topic of my rain love I got going on, previously, but it's more a personal indulgence of happiness after writing about my not so happy frustrations with medical issues. Anyways. I just thought of my missionary brother. It's nice to know that there are people who care about you, that think about you and you don't even know it. That's kinda a convoluted sentence, I hope it made sense.
Today, I'd like to publicly announce to all 6 of my readers (that I know of) how much I love my dearest friend Miss Kristen Kennedy, who is fabulous beyond measure. The end. :D

if a food lover is called a "foodie"...

Why isn't a music lover called a "tunee/ie/ey/-y"? hahah that sounds like "If you give a mouse a cookie," starter. Just curious. Just tryin' to be on the edge...maintain my hipness(oh, speaking of which, time to take my calcium...). lol In the example of Natalia, how often do I blog about music? Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Like maybe two of my posts. So in honor of such occasion, I love music. I live it, breathe it, sleep it. My mind has so many songs in it, it's like a jukebox. I have a soundtrack to my life and I don't need an MP3 player to hear those songs. I play 'em myself. Just add a quarter(memory trigger) to the jukebox and away I go. Don't ever play encore with me, unless you're on my team. You'll lose. Badly. Come to think of it, if Natalia and I were ever on a team, it would be the super team. Add my mom to our team and it would be a cosmically phenomenal team that would figuratively wipe the floor with whatever competition was available. Hah. It makes me smile.

asian progress...

I'm going to be like my friend Kendra and taunt you with my false updates.

Picture of my progress on the asian dress: are now here!

While you wait and chomp ferciously at the bit, may I explain that I forgot my camera transfer chord...hence, no picture downloadability.

A short story to tide you over until then: Once upon a time there was a girl named Catie who accidently caught the edge of her lining material on an iron that was hotter than it should have been for that material. Um. It melted. To a non-fabric state. On the edge of the iron. There is now a hole with burnt edges in my lining bodice piece. MRGH! Guess who gets to cut a new bodice and interfacing piece? Me. (Luckily, I have enough left over fabric to have it not make a difference!) At least I got one half side of the bodice done, minus the sleeve part. It was pretty difficult to assemble the right way. This is no 6 hour dress I can just whip up in a day and a half. This sucka's gonna fight me the whole way. It will take me at least a couple of weeks, if I want it to look decent. I'm no Martha Stewart (read "Domestic Goddess", not "Jailed for Fraud") but in my own unique way, I am able to bring a touch of elegance to my life...lol. Always fabricated, never natural. LOL I'm full of bad jokes today. Stopping.

Here's the latest!
Like I said: I got one half side of the bodice done which includes the lining, the outside, the collar and the decorative black cording sewn in appropriately. Success!

healing

The Lord is merciful. Today I had a journey of the heart, which resulted in a great experience which granted me the ability, desire and motivation to continue forward. I can’t share most of the details in that this is quite a significant and special experience for me. All I’d like to say is that the Lord is so very mindful of each of us and loves us infinitely. We can be perfected in Christ, because of Christ. We need to rely on the Savior so that we will never come up short. I have never felt so much overwhelming comfort in my life. It is an experience I hope I will never forget. I wrote it in my journal (even though I’ve been slacking lately) so I won’t forget the feelings that I felt and the things that I experienced. Amidst the hustle and bustle of everyday life, I hope I can remember Christ and the all-encompassing and un-surpassing gift of his atoning sacrifice for me. Not just for everyone else but me, but also for me. I think I’ve struggled quite a bit with this concept for most of my life. Until one accepts this, imagine the suffering they have endured because they wouldn’t accept Christ’s sufferings for them. (I’m giving you the references for Doctrine & Covenants, Section 19, Verses 20, 23, 38-41, also for John 14:1) These are just some meaningful passages for me. Hope you enjoy them as much as I do.

boo-hoo

My favorite blog accessorizer site is down. How am I supposed to browse future designs for the end of January, February themed or March goodness? Poo monkeys. Ah well, I better go to bed. Goodnight, y'all.

this is for Natalia and anyone else who cares to know

I bought my fabric today. Boo-yah! I took some pictures. This post is gonna be full pics. Are you ready? (enter dramatic movie trailer music and that deep voiced announcer guy:)"One lone woman. On a journey that will change her life.

<--The Pattern.
The Fabric.

The Mission: To make such a freaking awesome dress, people melt from the sheer awesomeness of it all.(lol) Her life will never be the same. Okay, thanks, Mr. Announcer guy, you can go home now. There are some free donuts in the back if you want some. hehehe

Here is the last photo: It's my conceptual drawing of what I actually want it to look like. Enjoy! :D

a whole new world

Sorry, I'm *not* bursting into a Brad Kane & Lea Salonga Disney version...although that would be fun. I feel a bit more alert today. Perhaps because I got an email from my missionary brother today that brings somethin' different to the table. I also got to have lunch with my sister and friend AnnaLee on campus at BYU. It was so good to break from routine. I felt more like in my early 20's than a 40 year old. I was reading a dear friend's blog about how she loves dancing and I was like, "this is one of the many reasons why we are friends." I regret I have not done more stuff with her, regardless of our busy lives and schedules. I miss having a fun social life sometimes. Here in the barren tundra of frozen brown whiteness...it's almost like Iceland. It's not like you can just run over to your friend's apartment and say hey, lets boogie. Okay, here's posing a question: How much is the price of convenience and is it worth it? Hmm...On a side note. This is me electronically busting a move. Right now. party on, party people. Lemme hear some noise.

itchy trigger finger

Sheriff of Nottingham: "Criminently", Trigger! Point that peashooter the other way.
Trigger: Don't you worry none, Sheriff. The safety's on Old Betsy.
[Old Betsy goes off]
Sheriff of Nottingham: What in tarnation you tryin' to do, you birdbrain?
Trigger: Just doin' my duty, Sheriff.
Sheriff of Nottingham: Oh, you and that itchy trigger finger of yours.

The preamble to my post. It is fitting, no? I'm not going AWOL, but my independent spirit longs to move every which way. I'm dancing,everyone is watching and I could care less. Break free from the snow chains! Wake from Winter!....Cruel irony of ironies: it's January. Good luck with that one. lol :)

I shouldn't write posts when I'm sick (a more religious post)

Today I'm feeling better, but it was frosting on the cake to get some love from ya'll. Yesterday, my blood sugar was pretty low and I didn't read my scriptures that morning, on top of the sickness. Honestly it's interesting to see how much reading my scriptures affects me emotionally. It's almost like taking spiritual medication that helps my emotional management. At times I would feel like I had depression or was bipolar because of the highs and lows that I would go through in a matter of days. The scriptures are a healing balm to my soul, restoring and replenishing the hope, faith, peace, confidence and knowledge of my true identity as a cherished daughter of God. I read this morning and it was amazing to see the contrast between today and yesterday, it's like night and day. (I think the fact that I'm feeling slightly better today helps too). Sometimes my eyes can barely focus on the words, but the very act of reading does something for me. I can't describe it any better than I already have. All my life I've heard that the scriptures have a power about them, but I don't think I ever took it so seriously until now. There is power in the book, to heal, comfort and yes, even help with emotional management :D. I'm grateful for that knowledge, it will get me through. I finally get to get back to the temple tomorrow for my ordinance worker shift. I can't wait. Granted I've had 4 days to go as a patron and haven't due to illness, but I've missed it as it has been closed for the past three weeks. I think I kinda needed this break because it helped me realize how much of an influence the temple has in my life. I got in a routine where I was going to the temple every week and I think I lost the special feeling that one gets by being in the House of the Lord. I was just going through the motions. I was not focused on the implications and significance of the work I was doing. I wasn't communing with the Lord, I was crossing off something from my spiritual checklist. So, I hope that I can be more thoughtful and focused on maintaining the spirit in the Lord's House and be able to feel like I can commune with Him and not just seek for answers.
(Changing topics)Often times when my birthday gets close I tend to go through a few downer moments. I know, seriously, I should be celebrating! Huzzah! I made it through another year of my life, alive! It's just crazy nuts to see my age number go up when I still feel so young! I know, 26 is not old, trust me, I know. It just came WAY too fast for me. I remember a younger Catie who thought 26 year olds were so OLD. LOL Now that I'm almost there it's like NO WAY! My life has just started! I guess it's a good time to reflect on all the things I've been able to do in this past year. I would say 'look back', but one must not look backwards. President Monson says we should look to the present, not to the past. President Hinckley was known to often quote the words 'looking forward with an eye of faith'(Alma 32:40). I sure hope to take these words to heart. it is difficult to fight the battle against yourself[often called the natural man or woman]. There are several that happen over the course of one single day. All the lessons from Seminary come flooding back to me. All of those cheesy early-mid 90's videos play like YouTube clips in my mind. Spiritual Crocodiles and The Armor of God ones particularly. Remember those? :D I ask myself, what can I do to combat the daily snares and traps set for me? Do I recognize them? Do I cautiously avoid them or do I purposefully step in them because of my stubborness and pride(which I have done before)? I guess it's rethinking and reevaluating where I am in my life and what can I do to improve in this next year. Very optimistic, but it's worth a shot. Speaking of reflection, here's an article I stumbled upon that you might enjoy. Cheers!