I want to marry you.

So, today at work, we got a letter for Trump University (we do the coaching for Trump University but obviously do not work for the Donald) and it was by far the BEST letter I've ever received. I opened it and immediately started laughing. We scanned it for emailing purposes, but her handwriting is atrocious as it is, so I will translate for you. I love the photo she included, which is probably from the 80s. Make sure you try to read it from the picture first, but I can help here:

This is what the letter says:

Dear Donald Trump,

I think that 800 billion was supposed to be mine. I had an account with a trillion billion forty million in it on the statement and the bank won't send me checks & a credit card on it. Do you want to fly out & help me, I'm at 19664 Stacey Beaverton Oregon 97006. I don't like living here & need my own house. I'd like an 8 million dollar house, but a 1 million dollar house would be better than nothing. My name is Kerry. I'm 55, I'm at 19664 Stacey Beaverton, Oregon 97006 I want to marry you. We had a date between 1980 & 1984 you met me at Marina Village in Marina del Rey Caly near Los Angeles we went to the Beach Shop Cafe for lunch & you gave me a house in Malibu & said you'd buy me a car. I forgot where the house is Can you send the address. I really need a car. I've driven 11 cars, but don't have one right now Can you buy me a car.

Love,
Kerry

So, we googled the address and yep, she lives in an assisted care living center for the elderly. She is not even a student with us. She must have just seen our address somewhere and decided it was time to send Don a letter. This is the saddest, most memorable letter ever and it certainly had us entertained this morning.

On another note, I did something last night that I secretly wish somebody had been there to videotape. I was in my skirt and cork wedge sandals, walking down the front porch stairs, and I rolled my ankle for the 789,364th time in my life. I then proceeded to gracefully tumble down the rest of the stairs, with two full, big purses, and my leftovers from Olive Garden. Even though it was 10pm and nobody was around to comfort me, I still audibly moaned for a bit. I could not get up for about 10 minutes, so I sat in the cold air, on the cold cement, in my skirt, and texted friends. Today, my foot is up on a stool and box at work with a towel-covered bag of ice. My arm, foot, and leg are all scraped up a bit. Awesome. I just really wish I could see it from the view of another, and have it videotaped. I am positive it must have been super attractive.... especially with me being in a skirt... and all the bags I was carrying.

Another Tag

I was tagged by my cousin, Katie, and I decided to play along! Here we go!

1. I had lazy eye as a child, and wore a horrible brown patch over my left eye to train the right one better. As I have heard, other children wore patches with dinosaurs on them or I can only assume butterflies or Lisa Frank characters, but no, mine were Band-Aid-brown. Thanks, Doc.

2. When I was five or six years old, I told everyone in the ward that my mom smoked, and I genuinely believed it, too. My aunt Bev sat me down one day and said, "Lindsey, I promise you, your mom does not smoke." I remember thinking, "Ha, little do you know..." I thought that when she was in the bathroom, locked door and everything, that she was smoking.

3. I have pretty picky food habits which I have realized over the past couple years. I say no to Teriyaki, sweet & sour anything except Sour Patch Kids, sweet and savory mixed together except chocolate covered almonds, etc., banana-flavored items except popsicles, bananas that are the slightest bit overripe, cherry-flavored items, pie crust, pie filling except cream pies with graham cracker crusts, sushi (which makes me literally vomit right onto my plate, remember Happy Sumo?), jicama, uncooked apples (give me stomach aches), boogers, dirt, cooked olives or olives on sandwiches, bugs, hot pineapple except for Tucanos, more than one piece of fudge, honey except in honey butter, molasses except in gingerbread, fish except shellfish, Moutain Dew, Dr. Pepper, and many other things I can't think of right now.

4. My dream is to be kissed outside in the snow, while it's snowing, and it has yet to happen.

5. I have a slight fear of snapping rubber bands and popping balloons. I hate the games where you try to pop balloons and I am a nerd and was snapped by rubber bands in jr. high band by mean boys. Mean, mean, mean. And the STUPID substitute teacher didn't do ANYTHING about it. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

6. I hate teaching piano lessons because then I don't get to play and the students are never as good as I want them to be, and I am a music snob.

7. I have never had a real boyfriend, and have therefore never been through a real breakup, which is a blessing in my opinion.

OK!! I now TAG
Amber
Kim
Heather
Brittany
Candra
Laura
and Jenn

Have fun!

"You don't have to be stupid to be domestic. You can be hot."

3am Utah time: Wake up and get ready to head to the airport. Nothing will process in your head until many hours later.

That was pretty much how my morning went. Heather Beck dropped me off at the airport, and we said our goodbyes. I have some thoughts on travel-via-airline, which I will share after the description of my trip.

Friday: Headed to the airport with Lance and Ryan in tow. I was thrilled beyond reason that I had said no to the Croatia trip in the first place. Why, you ask? What was my one fear? That Lance would have a girlfriend and I would be ticked the entire trip that I wasted thousands of dollars on. Ope, yep, you guessed it. I do believe he is dating a girl from our ward, and no, he did not tell me about it in any conversation. Ever. After he made me move over on the couch, like he was throwing away a stinky diaper, so he could sit next to her, well, it became apparent. Then when she stayed after to say goodbye after all of us had already left... yep. And hearing her talk about him the past week, and seeing the way he looks at her, it all came together. Thank you, buddy, for the nice invitation to your house to watch Ironman and to sit on a couch with you and your lover. So, I'm moving on!! It will be tough, but I will still be friends with my friends and try to not let anything bother me or get to me. Thank goodness for a weekend away in Kansas City to eat two big bowls of chocolate ice cream, snickers cheesecake from the Cheesecake Factory, my weight in cinnamon rolls, etc. Thank goodness for Heather Beck!

So, Friday night, I got in really really late and we went home and chatted and went to sleep. Yay.

Saturday: Woke up, got ready, watched the first session of conference where they announced a temple to be built in Kansas City! HB screamed so loud, the roof blew off the house and we jumped around in giddy delight. The next few minutes were filled with phone calls to/from fellow Kansas Citians, who were equally excited and emotional. Went to Target to buy tights since I forgot all mine and they MAKE the outfits I brought, ate lunch at Panera (YUMM) and then made it home for session numero duo and meeting Edward. After that, we went to the Plaza and boosted the economy by each purchasing three tops from Banana Republic. The second one is in a robin-egg blue and I'm wearing it today. I must say, actually, that these models are too skinny and don't look good in these shirts. I am curvy (I know, shocking) and actually fill them out and I think I look good. I need to feel good now so that works great for me. :)

Then, we hit up Cheesecake Factory, our new KC tradition, and got nachos, quesadillas, and snickers cheesecake. Mmmm. Went home, went to bed.

Sunday: Got ready, Katie Woods (from Heather's singles branch) came over and made us cinnamon rolls! She is a babe! We had a really random connection, too. Her cousin is the elder from Lance's mission I've heard him talk about for the past five months... and who he is currently visiting in Hungary. What the?! Crazy times. We watched the first session and ate Jolly Ranchers to pass the time. Lots and lots of Jolly Ranchers. Then, it was off to Heidi's house for dinner and playing with Heather's niece and nephew. Scarlett is absolutely beautiful, but obviously did not like me. We had a good time anyway and I adore Heidi. She is a great example of being a hot mom who is still domestic and awesome. I had grits for the first time and enjoyed ribs for the first time.

This morning is a blur because I have been up for 14 hours and it is only 5:00pm. I do, however, remember being on the plane, asking for crackers, trying to get my mind off the Lance drama, and them handing me this:

Has anyone even heard of "Lance Snacks?" You've got to be kidding me. That was like the time I was trying to get my mind off of Richard Taggart in high school, since he broke my heart on Valentine's Day, and my dad taking me to the movies to help me out. We saw Galaxy Quest. The main character's name? Taggart. Thanks, world. I listened to Leona Lewis telling me it'll all get better in time and felt better. I love her and wish I could sing like her! I miss Heather Beck and am glad to be home with family at the same time. Oh yeah, and if you have anyone you want to set up with me, please feel free. I hope they like drama.

Travel thoughts:

1. Don't put the exit/emergency door on row 13. You poor superstitious people. Dumb Delta.

2. Don't charge extra for an exit row seat and call it an upgrade. Then, when they're not filled, let people like me move to an exit row. I feel safer sitting there than having nobody who is helping with the emergency exits. Dumb United.

3. Who said it was okay again to serve peanuts on the plane? If my nephew were on that plane, you would've been hearing from me. Stupid Delta and United.

4. Don't serve Lance-brand Snacks. Dang, Delta.

5. Don't wear sailor hats. You're a FLIGHT attendant. Dang, United.

6. Don't give me a 4-hour layover in Denver. Stinkin' Travelocity.

7. Don't tell passengers they can carry-on that size of bag, and then fail to tell them they're on a commuter plane, so you'll have to check that bag planeside and bye-bye laptop. Stinkin' Delta.

8. Don't charge extra for checking luggage and then tell two scared international passengers that they will need to check their luggage again during a 1-hour layover in Frankfurt, Germany. Scary American Airlines.

9. Thank you Delta for printing off my boarding pass even at the incorrect gate, for my convenience. That was actually really nice.

10. Thank you United, for doing the same.

Weekly weigh-in

So, this is gross. Just a warning. I weighed myself this morning and was happy but not thrilled with the weight loss this week. Then... I went to the potty.... yada yada yada.... weighed myself again.... DOWN THREE POUNDS FROM LAST WEEK! That is a running total of 7 pounds. Just 13 more to go and cruise time!