Faux pas Whispers

I’m very upset. Over situations. Usually I’m not upset over situations, I can laugh it off and plan the next move. But this is the kind of situation where you want to blame anything and everything else except you, but in the end you know that nothing good will come out of it, and you just wanna collapse and cry. And go home.

I’m just glad that I have some things to fall back on, such as writing. Such a hobby often has been my downfall, expressing my feelings to the unknown public, but personally I feel that anyone who bothered to find out about my feelings deserves to know, unlike most people who just say what they wanna say and go away.

I’m still looking for my “life’s catalyst”, the kick start to my moods, my dreams and ultimately my purpose. I’ve actually discussed this with a few of my friends, they too are in that same soul-searching stage in life that gives them direction. I wish them all the best.

Studies have been decent so far, at least things have been on schedule. Nowadays I constantly think of my parents who work so hard just to build a better future for their children. Maybe that’s why I wouldn’t like spoilt children, but I wouldn’t like kids who are too liberal either. I can imagine someone having to think about the pressure of performing well, as well as the financial pressures in the family. I don’t want my kids to worry about that. But that would mean that goodness knows how long before I start having kids lol.

Sometimes I would like to replace something else rather than myself as the centre of the universe. I’ve bee told by people that matter, that “it’s not all about me”, and I believe them. I wish that I knew what to do to exuberate that kind of behaviour. Perhaps that is why I indulge myself in other people’s stories. Sometimes I also realise that people don’t like what I want. Maybe that’s why I don’t tell people what I want. What I dream of. Coz it’s what disgusts people, especially people who genuinely wanna know, I just wished that I could find someone who would understand. It’s probably also why I find it hard to empathise or sympathise with people’s problems, it’s probably because I don’t really expect them to empathise with my problems either. Not that they wanna know anyway.

At least I’ve calmed down now. Thanks for reading, appreciate it

Someone grab a good mop

This post is made to confirm that “nice guys finish last”. This post is to tear open the wounds of the old, the new, and all the pain everyone’s had in the last 24 hours or so, gripping you at night as you hug yourself to sleep. The grip is a soft one, a soft, teasing grip that would send any person to his knees and manifests itself as daggers, daggers of memories, memories of everything you knew now about the past and the future that hurts. This is for everything that you fought for crumbling down in a card castle despite keeping everything still for the last who knows how long. This goes out to the exact moments when something happens and the first question that objective onlookers would say “Isn’t that unfair to you?” and you reply “Geez, I’d never thought of that”. This is for all the gestures, or any of the gestures, that you have made in the last decade, not being appreciated, not being valued, not being taken seriously, I just wanna tell you that you have been freaking awesome and that there is no need to feel bad; You just have to remember that no matter how bleak the present looks, tomorrow’s a better day. 

Keep fighting guys, keep fighting. I will be here supporting you guys all the way. Hurt only lasts temporarily, but genuine support lasts a lifetime.

Some things you just fail to explain….

Firstly, to all those people who say that life’s unfair, life’s actually unfair to everyone, so technically life’s fair. Some times I wander off into nothingness, without a purpose, I find that I can drift off so easily into my own bubble of “living with myself” that I lose touch with people that I actually had in my life before.

Hence, the first new year’s resolution: I’m definitely not gonna be myself next year.

This resolution is made based on the fact that I am a lazy, ignorant, naive, and lack of purpose. I cannot remember the last time I did something with determination; I had been so caught up with my own problems that I have been losing sight of the big picture, so I have made up my mind to be, at least, purposeful. This resolution itself is a very hard one to keep, and I have a feeling that it will be the only resolution that I will make.

So here goes, the steps towards making a new me:

• Prioritise. Important things will always come first. Playing games doesn’t exist until everything else is completed.
• Goals. My goals for this year: Acing everything. I don’t see it as impossible. I just need to keep everything up to schedule.
• Organise. No more procrastinating. I have identified my weaknesses, and I will definitely aim to cut them off completely (bye FB games)

And so we say goodbye to the decade, as well as countless happy and sad things, that we’re probably aiming to create this coming decade. Happy New Year everyone