What do I want?

These days work is making me take lot of trips and that too long ones ranging from 1 week to 2 weeks. And its taking its toll on the family life.

I enjoy the work I'm doing and personally would like to continue it. But its not working out from family perspective. From children's perspective. Nishka is too small and misses me badly.

I think of taking a job which is less challenging and less time/effort demanding just for the sake of kids and to be able to be with them. But that also means less money. But more than anything else I'm unable to convince myself to do something which may not interest me as much as this job does. What do I do?

I'm so confused. So torn...

As long as it lasts...

I'm talking about my job here. With the current market conditions, this is on top of the minds of everyone. Last time when we had the slowdown in 2000 (?), it affected primarily the IT sector. But this time the wave has covered the entire economy and all the sectors. Lay-offs have started in huge numbers everywhere and we at my current organisation were sitting with bated breath if our company shall follow suit soon.

And yes it did even if in small numbers so far. 12 people have been asked to resign and that includes 2 Project Managers. Some more developers have been asked to move to their support center. This means change from the role of developer to the role of Customer Service Executive. Some agree and accept the demotion while some don't and are leaving.

After a group interaction with the senior management, the main criteria for these exits was not performance. The criteria was being on bench i.e. no work since a long time and cost to the company.

But now my worry starts because if my guess is right, they will focus on newcomers in the next batch of exits. And I will definitely come in that batch coz its not been even one year since I joined this organisation. I was quite nervous initially. But over the past few days I've kind of prepared for this mentally. There is so much I can do to save my job since the criteria has not been performance so far. And if the company doesn't get any new projects, I'm definitely doomed!!

I've no clue what I will do if god forbid this happens. But I definitely know that I'm not having any sleepless nights thinking and worrying over the issue anymore.

So its a wait and watch game for me and any day you might hear from me that I'm a free bird! :D

First day @ new office...

After a 4 day induction program which ended on Thursday, I went to my office yesterday. It was a funny feeling as I was stepping into the place. It was a mixed feeling. You know something like "This is my office!" and "This is my office?". Got it? :)

I met the delivery manager who I will be reporting to and guess what? I already have been asigned work and have a deliverable for Tuesday. :) Now this is called back to the grind. Right? :D

And one interesting thing happened when I was having lunch with a colleague from our group. Don't remember how but the topic started about anniversaries and it so happens that another guy shares my anniversary date - the exact date with month date and year :) It was quite a strange coincidence.

And the biggest shock I got when I joined there was that they were planning to send me to client site for 2 weeks next weekend but now they can't because visa thing takes about 10 days. Phew! I had to pretend disappointed but I knew how relieved I was. I feel I need to understand how they work and what their processes are before I actually start travelling.

So as of now its "So far, so good"!

Sent on my BlackBerry® from Hutch

Induction @ new company : Day 1

Its going to be a 4 day induction process at this new company.

Day 1 is almost over with just about 2 hours to go. Each person comes and gives an overview and sometimes detailed info of each vertical within the company. Some sessions were good and some made me sleepy.

One session was taken by a person who interviewed me last week. So in the entire session he was looking at me for about 90% time and I had to look all attentive because of that. :D

If he would ask any question, he would look at me. If he wanted the audience to ask questions, he would look at me. It sure felt funny.

On the whole I just feel excited thinking I am back to work. :)

Sent on my BlackBerry® from Hutch

The plunge!

I have already talked about the dilemma in my earlier post and so many of you have come up with your viewpoints which I've read and re-read many a times.

And despite the dilemma I've taken the plunge. I told the first company I will be joining them from Monday. Well, probably since the second company has still not come up with the final figure that they are going to offer me, I guess it was a no-choice scenario.

Everyone has been telling me to go for the first offer and not to worry about Anirudh as he is not that small a child anymore. And I wonder when will he really not be small enough in my eyes. I guess till he is in his teens. Probably not even then. Who knows...

My parent-in-laws, hubby's younger brother and my Appa, all have been pro the first offer because its such a renowned company. Although me and hubby also feel more pro to this company because of the profile being offered. It will be a good career boost for me. However, we still are rather I am still so apprehensive about Betu.

Its a situation where mind says "Go for it!" and heart says "Hold it!". Ever since Thursday thats what I've been thinking all the time. And hubby can make out from my expressions and behaviour that this dilemma is taking a toll on me. So after thinking, and thinking and some more thinking I decided to go for it looking at everyone's positive outlook towards this opening.

And today, about 30 mins ago I told the Senior HR person that I will join them on Monday, Jan 14, 2008.

So the plunge has been taken and I am just praying hard that everything goes smooth and that I am able to do justice to the job and to home and to Anirudh!


The mind won over the heart this time...

Sent on my BlackBerry® from Hutch

Dilemma

I had quit my earlier job in August 2007. And I've been at home since almost 4.5 months now. I started searching again for one after about 2 months of being home. That is serious searching. And today suddenly I've two options that I've to decide between. One is from a renowned and a large company from the same field but the profile is larger than what I've been doing so far. The other is from again a renowned company in its field but the role is different than what I've been doing so far.

The first one requires on and off traveling out of India varying from a week to a month. This is something I've never done. Before we had Betu or even after that. I and Hubby were open to traveling before we had Betu. But now leaving Betu for so long is giving me shivers. At the most I've left him with his Dad for 2 days, 1 night when I had to go for a training in Manesar. I left at 8 AM on day 1 and was back home the next day by 7 PM.

And Betu is the biggest concern in all this. Will he manage without me for so long? How will Hubby manage taking care of him on his own? Even if we call his Dada-Dadi (paternal grandparents) will he be fine? Or will I be fine staying away from him so long? I've never stayed away from Hubby for more than 10 days. Or for that matter I've never stayed away from family minus the Manesar training. I wonder if its about Betu managing it fine without me or is it really about me managing to be fine without him? He is a kid and can be distracted with things but what about me? I guess the question is all about us being stronger emotionally rather than thinking if he will be fine or not.

I'm sure he will miss me initially and may make a ruckus but I've a feeling he will be fine over the time.

If we minus the traveling-concerns bit, its a great opportunity. It will give me international exposure which will definitely help me in future career wise.

Talking about the second one, this one is in Gurgaon, which means traveling about 1.25 hours each way, every day. What entices me to this option is that its in a field that I've never dabbled with before. Media. Advertising media, mobile media etc. So it gives me a new domain to learn and grow in. Here, I will in fact be leading a new initiative in the company. They had been thinking of starting this initiative for long but somehow it didn't materialise. And when I met them, they felt that probably I can lead it. So again its a job with great responsibility with a varied role and into a totally different domain. And doing something different is what I love.

So now I'm thoroughly confused what to do. I'm discussing it with family and lets see how we move forward as their views will help me and hubby decide on a choice. And then whatever decision we take, I will take it as whatever happens, happens for good :)

No luck yet...sigh...its so frustrating..

Its been little more than a week since I started looking for another job and I'm frustrated already. Not because that I haven't landed on a new one but because of the expressions, the outlook the response I've received so far. Its just pathetic.

I've spoken with about 4-5 consultants and about 3 companies directly and to some in person as well besides replying to various openings that I received through emailers or openings advertised in job portals. And the moment I utter the words "time-constraints-coz-I've-a-child", they go 'Ohh ok. We will get back to you' and they never do.

Why is this outlook meted out towards working mothers? Are the womenfolk not supposed to work once they have a kid? Why do they think only working long hours makes one an efficient and sincere worker? WHY? WHY? WHY?

Having been working in the IT industry I very well know for the fact that those who stay late at work, how much time do they waste whiling away in smoking or chit chatting or just doing nothing. But just the fact that they are visible at work premises much beyond the regular working hours, they are deemed to be hardworking employees. I used to despise such thought process earlier and despise it even more now when I realise this thought is prevalent across the industry.

I really don't know how soon or late will I be able to get a decent job looking at my experience in just one week. I know it might be too early to reach a conclusion and with so many telling me something nice and bright must be in store for you and I just need to wait and watch but its not working guys. Its just now working. Its not being morally supporting at all. Sigh....

The urge to get back to the grind!

I did not start searching for another job until this Sunday. I just didn't want to. And whenever anyone would ask me about my job search I would get angry. Angry because it would remind me of the episode with the previous company. I still feel such angst inside me when I think of how I had to quit and how unprofessionally they behaved.

And it made me angry also because I used to wonder why is everyone asking me about me searching for a job? Can't I not work for sometime? Is it something unusual to not to work? But if I think calmly, I know they were just asking me generally and didn't mean anything else but still it irked me. I guess we all are allowed times when we needn't behave sensibly all the time. Right?

But when I was home, I didn't do anything constructive with respect to house cleaning or rather in general house keeping. I just wasn't interested. I've never been a great housekeeper because it never interested me much. When I was working I would attribute it to hectic office etc but now when I'm home I still don't do anything about it. I guess its high time I accept the fact that I am not a good housekeeper. And neither is there a will to be one. It somehow just doesn't interest me.

I was just bored sitting all the time at home with nothing to do. I used to sit in front of the TV but nothing good would be airing. In fact I never even once found a good soap to watch on. So all I got to watch was some stupid home-family-drama soaps which I couldn't survive for even 10 mins, "Superman Returns" dubbed in Hindi and I did try to watch "Gladiator" dubbed in Hindi but couldn't do it after 10 mins.

So over the weekend an urge to start my job search got me in updating my resume and posting it on the various job sites. An urge to get back to the grind. An urge to do something constructive instead of lazing around in the house. An urge initiated by the sheer boredom of being home.

I've never been a home person. I have always been an extrovert. Anyone who knows me since my childhood will vouch for that. Home is nice and good but the need to venture out is quite strong.

Now only time will tell when do I land upon a decent job - a job which matches my terms and conditions. Let's see when...