Time may change me...

Well friends, our game plan has changed indefinitely. We will be staying in Dallas for the next few months, working and saving money, waiting for direction on what God has next for us. Please pray for us during this time of transition, it has not been easy. I must admit that we've felt like Jonah in this. We now know what its like to be displaced/homeless/jobless. Its a scary thing.

Thank you to our friends for putting everything on hold to encourage us yesterday, empathizing with us, giving hope in overcoming similar situations. I just can't thank you enough. We are truly rich. We still have our health & faith. We are not being abandoned. I say that to myself everyday.

I am still working.here.in dallas. If you need a photographer for a session or product photography, I'm your girl. I'm still available for travel.would.love.to.travel. Josh is also working on a new project and will be launching very soon. I'm really excited for him!

So that's the deal. Its taking some time for us to process all of this so please allow us to work through things and talk when we are ready. Thanks for listening and praying.

Cue David Bowie...C-C-Changes...

gluten, you make me sick...

As if there weren't enough life changes going on, we add to the list...maybe that was a little more dramatic than I intended. When we moved 4 weeks ago, I woke up one morning and realized that I was allergic to gluten. It was kinda like all clear. And you know...I was right. I am allergic to gluten.

I am not going hungry.  My entire family and good friend Sunni has helped to give me alot of solutions. The greatest thing is that Austin is an extremely health conscious city so I can basically eat anywhere. Fantastic. I'm not just limited to rice!

I've been struggling the last 3 years with a crazy amount of weight gain. Yes, its true. But it came out of no where...I hear that so many girls gain weight the first year of marriage but it happened after the second year and all at once. I went to a few different doctors asking for thyroid tests and other stuff. And it just happened to be gluten. I'm grateful for that because I'd been killing myself at the gym with no results. I even did p90x and the scales didn't budge. Anyways, I'm glad to not be crazy.

I have more energy than I've ever had and I'm seeing results. And I'm not starving myself (good things from a girl who really struggled with an eating disorder). We joined a gym this week so we'll see what happens. I hope to post a few gluten free friendly recipes each month. And they won't tast like crap. I promise you that! I also want to do a comparision for different gluten free products as well. Cheers!

Q&A

Sunday was an amazing day. I feel as though we were given all of the GRACE our minds could process. During major life changes, i think questioning is part of it. I don't think I was ever at a place where I asked, "Is this really the right thing for our family?" after the move, certainly before. But even thought I might have not ever asked God that question, I think I still searched out an answer.

Is this really the right thing to do?

My answer came Sunday evening, the middle of a worship service. This was probably the 5th time I ever had the opportunity to sit next to my husband during worship. Unfamiliar. Strange. And I hear:

this is a call to all the dead and disappointed
the ones who feel like they are done
this is a word to all the ones who feel forgotten
but you are not

I look up to see tears running down Joshua's face. A phenomenon talked about but never seen. I, myself, had already been in tears. Doubt leaves me. Doubt that had been there for years. Doubt mixed with fear. A whole lotta fear if I'm being honest.

We listen to One Sonic Society as they lead us. It was as if we were sitting in God's lap. And he held Joshua and me firmly. I knew we didn't make this decision to move on our own. God was leading it. You hear people say things like that all the time. I can honestly say I hadn't ever felt more love in my life. Like all the busyness of the last couple of months stopped and we were there with God's Spirit. Never away from it but not aware for the last few months.

I feel remarkably clean after Sunday...Does that make sense? God used it in such a lovely way. Even though we are still commuting, I feel relieved to know this is the right thing. I feel justified, maybe even holy. This is where we are this week. Dreaming again.

And not that there is anything mystical about this music, but I would check out All Sons & Daughters and One Sonic Society. Its just plain good for the soul.

Messages

Hey, there are a few people who have asked if the messages from Riverpoint Austin are online and they are. We are in middle of a great series called LIVE LOVE. We've had 2 messages in the series (1) Love God & (2) Love Others.

I have to admit that I am not as great of a notetaker as I used to be...maybe I feel like I know everything the speaker is going to say already...anyways, Chris' messages have made me listen well and I thought I would share. You can find them here

Purgatory Part 1

Well, we are now residents of Texas. We survived the move and are settling into our own personal version of "purgatory" as we commute each week from Dallas to Austin so Josh can work at Riverpoint on Sundays. I have a make shift office complete with a piano at my mother's house. I am enjoying the change of scenery and the nightly visits with my grandpa.

I feel completely made over being in Dallas...I am a Texas girl, now and forever. I did, however, underestimate the tremendous loss that we feel without our friends from home. We grew extremely close to a few families from Twin Cities Bible Church & Portico. We try to skype with the Bonners every week and when I say skype, I mean the guys dominating the convo and the girls just listening, waiting for our girl talk via phone later in the week. It works for us and the time is invaluable. We have missed keeping up with everyone. We were able to share a meal with Bo (our pastor from Twin Cities) and his son Tanner this weekend in Waco. They took our picture and used it in their newsletter reminding people to continue to pray for us. We are/were so blessed to be a part of that community. We continue to learn from their wisdom and kindness. I'm glad they haven't shunned us into looking at the bigger, better deal that awaits them...we are still a family. 

We've been able to catch up with old friends and meet new people. I was fearful that people would continue to dismiss the possibility of friendship with me here, but it has not been the case. Looking back at Louisiana, it was the driest time for me spiritually, teaching me to endure every day because I was called to commit no matter what I was given in return. I realize that God was training my heart instead of training my behavior. Does that make sense? Training my heart to love like his heart...and there are still people I have no love for in my life (is the absence of love really hate? could be)...some day I will have the compassion he wants me to have. 

Back to the point, people actually want to be my friend and be involved in our family...it is almost shocking. Why is this the case? Why shock? 

After living in LA for 3 years, I believed that I lost my confidence in almost everything. Why? I don't think I'll ever really know. I lost my luster, zeal for life. And putting pressure on my husband to fill all of those of roles of friend, husband, family, co-worker, minister, prince charming, etc., just wasn't fair. It made both of us crazy! Just goes to show you know matter how committed you are to each other, christian slogans or not, you can still be "caught in a bad romance".  God is giving us more outlets and rebuilding what grew our of very dry ground. And the human spirit is resilient, but God's Spirit is sovereign. Can I get an "Amen"? 

So its nice to have people want to know me and miraculously, I am able to trust & try. And part of me thinks I lost myself because I fought so hard for community and by the time we really found it, I was so exhausted that I did it half heartedly (thank you Bonners for understanding that). So we are ready to go once again! We want to give to our community and church. God has put together an incredible team for the Grammons to be a part of in conjunction with Riverpoint Church in Austin. Sunni & Chris have welcomed us in and made us a part of their team/family. It is amazing. 

So these are my thoughts on moving forward. Please continue to pray for us as we have another interview with our apt complex. We would like things to be finalized very soon! Thanks for listening!

The Unknown

Its been a long while since my last entry. I decided to reprise my guest spot on this, my personal blog being that there is so much going on in our household now.  Joshua is wrapping up his time at portico while still remaining faithful to honor his commitment. I cannot tell you how he inspires me to forgive and move on. Well, I should give credit where it is due, he continually reminds me of the gospel each day but he vowed to do so during our wedding ceremony. I am struggling to stay ahead of the curve when it comes to work. Business couldn't be better but I am wearing thin in stamina department. I am thankful and completely convinced that I would be driving myself (and Joshua) crazy with possible moving scenarios if not for the mountain of work that is on my desk.

If you are so inclined to journey with us through prayer, please consider praying for us on Wednesday, August 3. We have an interview with a ministry. Nothing is set in stone although thats not what most say. We are still trying to discern God's plan; we are apart of it, I'm sure. Would you please pray for our stress level in addition?

At this point in our story together, I look back and think that God has blessed us while showing his discipline. We have lived through some of our greatest fears (or mine) coming true. I am sad at the possibility of closing this chapter, moving from our first home, leaving behind our cgb family. But I am excited to work in a new capacity, let go of the apathetic. Each day has a new set of challenges and I believe we are equipped.

I feel tired thinking about this decision now, it has been hard to trust the people we looked to protect our interests. I know now that I should've only trusted God. The law of man seems to think that you can earn trust and that if people loved you, they wouldn't betray you. But the only thing you can count on is that everyone will eventually disappoint you except God. We should expect the humanity of our friends and family to come out.  As followers of Christ, we are to be gracious and forgiving. Grudges don't nearly provide the example of the Gospel we wish they would. Forgiveness is a great mystery of God. It is a true gift that he bestows on us, we should give it more. Difficulty shows the cracks in our foundation and the fact that we will always be "in repair".