random story of the day

so after our board meeting this morning, we took a group to grab some breakfast before going home and right in the middle of the restaraunt one of our kids makes antisemtic remark and then proceeds to sing and dance to Hava Nagila...we will not be going back there again.

sooo close

well, we are 4 days and counting until the caribbean getaway with my family and i feel like i have to do so much in this short amount of time that i’m afraid it won’t all get done. work is crazy...i have a board meeting, closeouts, and testing. and on the friend front, i have a bachelorette party and then i'm flying in early to houston for a night of "girls weekend" with jenn...and maybe it doesn’t sound like much, but i’m trying to get packed for 10 days...that’s so something a girl would say. all good problems to have...

i’m just ready for the swimming with dolphins and watching my brother go down a zip-line for the first time...laying on the beach and wearing a swimsuit all day long. and i think we all need this so much right now. it will be so good for us to just be...be ourselves...be together...be a family.

and i haven’t made a cruise playlist yet or picked a catch phrase for the trip (complete nerds...just something we like to do)...and i haven’t decided on the inappropriate phrase i will dare my bro & sis to say at dinner with strangers...although i’m leaning towards “sucka”. totally old school, i know but i heard it tonight on tv and it was hella funny...just think of it...“what time is dinner, sucka?” and then respond with a “i’m rick james”. i know i would get in so much trouble for the rick james comment from my parents, but its totally worth the risk. it will all work out...only 4 days away from paradise.

fashion tip of the day: fork over the money for a good powder bronzer...i would recommend the new smashbox product...it not only gives you a tan but a glow, too...never underestimate a the power of a beautiful glow!

Happy Birthday Mom!

Happy Birthday Momma! There are no words...love love love you! Just in case you forgot, you're the baby on the left! xoxoxo

MAYER

well...this being somewhere around the 5th or 6th time i've seen johnny mayer...it was fantastic as usual and if we had better seats we would've literally been in the VIP section! that's totally not even luck just evidence that God knows how much me and alli love john...jk. ben folds was great as well...just a great time to witness insane talent. and the weather...perfect! it was definitely the first time i focused on the music instead of sweating the entire time...i was actually freezing because we were right under the fans. and we definitely heard some wisdom from the headliner about life...he's genius...that story is best shared in person. still recovering from the experience...the greatest! i apologize for the video being shakey, but i was dancing!
john mayer

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Ocho, where you at?

so i’ve done that math and this is first time i haven’t been to camp in 13 years...yes, my life is sooo dangerous! i worked that figure while multi-tasking at work...right. well, i can’t believe that it has been such a big part of my summers although i probably should’ve been fired for some of the junk i pulled on a few of the trips. so here’s to great dance parties in the condos at padre and looking for your buses...bus #8. Do it right my friends...this is the week you dream about!

i would advise you to not set mattresses on fire, do not ever think a food fight is a good idea (you’re welcome), never get involved in a police chase in amarillo, do not steal golf carts and think there are no security cameras, never take more dramamine than you need, do not say racial slurs in the cafeteria at LA Tech, never have a dance party on a moving bus, do not break your flip flops and walk around the streets of colorado in bare feet (you’d probably fit in), never hide from the student minister, never let stroube kick anything in your room or come up with party games, NEVER sleep on the balcony of your condo and let your counselor FLIP OUT because she can’t find you (seriously...still mad about that one) and never disobey Mary...MARY!

this little entry solidifies my place in the nerd hall of fame, but i am never at a loss for stories...i know you’re jealous! here are a few unauthorized photos from the past two years!


fashion tip of the day: do not be afraid to wear converse and let your hair be wavy/curly. you might just achieve the homeless look you are going for!

juneteenth

in an effort to redeem myself and my lack of festivities for the juneteenth celebration, i decided to dedicate time to the holiday. the majority of you know that i’m writing a book...yes...still in the process two years later...enough of goals unmet. there is a chapter in the book entitled “i don’t celebrate juneteenth”...it was my favorite chapter to write out of everything. my writing workshop at the time tried to talk me out of the title and i caved for a while, but i can no longer censor that part of myself....it is a fact that i don’t celebrate juneteenth.

traumatic experience elluded to and now explained...the story begins in the summer of 1992 (cue the paula abdul “forever your girl” track) when i was living with my dad and stepmom. as in most cases, i’d gotten a fabulous swimsuit at the beginning of the summer. it was a one piece, but precious...red with purple, green, and blue flowers on it and i know what you’re thinking, but it wasn’t some kmart look-alike pattern, we went to marshall fields for this baby. and it had a bright purple sash...i was in love with that sash. i happened to go swimming at the rec center indoor pool because i was so serious about the sport (i blame the olympics and my father). this particular day there was a pageant...yes, a pageant which fascinated me (think olive in little miss sunshine), but it was only for african american girls...oh the humanity. my poor dad had to explain the reason i couldn’t enter because i would absolutely postive i could take the crown! back to swimming, i swam to take my mind off of the juneteenth pageant and while i was getting dressed in the locker room afterwards, i turned around to pick up my swimsuit and it was gone...disappeared into thin air...but who would’ve taken my beautiful suit, so fabulous with the purple sash.

it wasn’t until the following day that i saw one of the girls in the pageant with her younger sister...they were going swimming...you see where this is going. the younger girl had my swimsuit on and i’m not one to speculate, but i marched right out to the pool and told my dad about the girl who had stolen my suit...thus explains the mystery of why i do not and will not celebrate juneteenth. i believe i am totally justified.

fashion tip of the day...don’t be afraid of wife beaters and i’m speaking specifically about the item of clothing i’m all about bold statements today...must be wednesday!

clarity

so i feel more like myself every day being that i've taken time to do the things i really enjoy and thankfully now i have the technology to do it. so here's to a new era of seeing the world in 3x5's...i've felt more clarity today than i have in the last 3 weeks. it feels good...about time...

seriously

so amy and i haven't lived in the same city in an entire year...insane if you ask me and yet i feel like we haven't changed. yes, circumstances, addresses, and purses change but we are still the same at the heart. and i could never put into words how much i adore her and her family. i actually don't recall the first time we met because we have always been so close and i honestly don't know if i would be the same person if it wasn't for them. she has been there to cry with me in the middle of a dark room, in the driveway, in the garage, and at church (no, i'm not always crying). but she has been there with me through every difficult decision, every good thing, everything and it is amazing to me that God allows us to have relationships like that in our lives. i am so glad that i didn't expect this unexpected gift because there is no way to explain the gift i've been given. and i'm excited for the little people that she and cj are raising because they are becoming extraordinary little people. and i would only pray to be as good a mother as she is. sometimes the unexplainable happens and you have everything you need...especially when thinking about something or someone that you've lost.

my lito

it was my the spring semester of my junior and i was going back to baylor. i had been through the difficulties of coming to terms with all the learning disabilities along with rebounding from my depression and i was ready to try it all again. i stood next to him and held his hands while he prayed over me before i left. and when he started to pray that i would make it through and graduate he began to cry. in that moment, i knew that he had become so much more than my lito...we have golfed together, ridden elephants, chased tornados, and we have done life together and done it well.

my grandfather has driven a school bus for the last 15 years. i can remember the first time he drove me on my first field trip. i sat right behind him and talked to him until we arrived at our destination. it was field day at standridge stadium and i was in the 6th grade. he could’ve left and come back when he was scheduled to pick us up, but he stayed and watched everything with me. even when i was in high school he would sign up to take the drill team to our away games so that he could be there to see me perform. and i would take my seat right behind him like always and talk to him all the way. looking back now, i was always so proud of him being there. he didn’t have to sign up for the trips or videotape the performances...he had already done so much more than my real dad. it would’ve been enough to know he was in the stands and it is still enough. he has been there for every dance recital, piano and violin concert, every birthday, moving day, graduation day and every other day i’ve needed him. he even dropped me off at dance class while he was in the midst of having a heart attack.

and as much as i have learned from lito already, i am constantly absorbing more. i understand that he makes time for his church, my grandmother, and the family although they all come second to the relationship he has with Christ. the greatest example he will ever give to us is that of a Godly man and he is that and more. i can’t believe that he has been married to my grandmother for 57 years...they actually met in a bar one night while he was in the navy...he says she was just too beautiful to let her pass him by. and they have built an amazing life together that honors God and gives us hope.

and i know that if you asked anyone in my family about my grandpa they would all have the same things to share...that he has been there. my cousin aaron and i will forever be embattled in the question of who loves my lito & lita more...it’s me! he has not only filled in for the place my real father has left in my life, he has become the greatest dad i could ever ask for. he has graciously let me change his flat tires, allowed me to scratch his car, and carried me without asking questions. my mother and i never asked him to do it for me, but he has and for that i am forever grateful and humbled by his love, time, and legacy. Happy Father’s Day Toe...i love you.

the sick day

i indeed had to take a sick day today being that i looked like i was runover by a bus...i would say a car, but i a sucker for the dramatic effect. Lindsey and I went to lunch today where she broke the news that she is expecting...so fabulous! And after running around with her at the dollar store we split and had the rest of the afternoon to myself.

While I had very ambitious list of things to accomplish, i went a little alice in wonderland for a few minutes...not really knowing what to do next and therefore, i thought of only one thing...the Apple Store. i really wanted to get the top secret spill on the iPhone which comes out June 29th...and i realize that to many of you that means absolutely nothing but to me it is one step closer to knowing the Heart of God...well...maybe not that close but close enough for me to have one...soon.

and at the urging of a very wise friend who cancelled their myspace account in a complete act of faith for the one true way...facebook...i decided that i should follow suit and get one, too. just wanted to see what all the fuss was about and it seems to be going well so far. i will say it is much easier to manage and i've talked with people i never see...pretty cool.

I would like to say the past few days have been therapeutic and beautiful, but i've felt so incredibly confused and hurt. i was not prepared for the worst case scenario. after spending some time with the girls at day camp yesterday, they reminded me that i am a cool girl with so many things to offer and not just to one person, but many people in general. and i have to say thank you for the late night and early morning calls, texts, and emails. i am finally aware of what a self-centered person i am and you love me anyways in the midst of your own lives...going to work, raising families, getting married, etc. truly, your kindness is so deeply valued and respected...there are no words only love from this bruised little heart.

just a random word of fashion advice...there was freak down pour at willowbend mall today and i had on my jelly's on...yes, jelly's...they're not just for the 80's anymore...i casually walked to the car in the rain with a confident stride being that it was all okay...my jelly's were waterproof...because sometimes its not all about the way you look!

it's been a good afternoon...let's pray it stays that way...we'll see...

sleepless in dallas

so after a sleepless night i'm still trying to stay positive, but its so difficult...i will continue to pray

the breakup & restoration

i wasn’t aware of all the new breakup songs that are on top 40 radio. i don’t listen to too many of them because for lack of creativity they are depressing and cliche. and for the sake of embarrassment i did download a few in the last week...some sort of epiphany for what was to come. indeed. love is a mystery.

there is nothing like heartache to remind you that you are alive. ALIVE...living, coping, existing, wishing, wondering, hurting...BREATHING

and it seems like i’ve heard the same song before...and it repeats except you have no ability to press pause or stop it at all...love is a mystery.

i am not anyone or anything that God doesn’t intend me to be. i love and serve God with everything i have or so i try and he gives me life, experiences, joy. i am only a girl with a vision of what perfect love resembles and yet when i try to put it into human context, i am only reminded of the need for God’s grace and man’s depravity. i have made so many incredibly stupid mistakes in my life when it comes to relationships and just when i think they are far away i am reminded. so i hope for the day that someone says that they serve God with everything they are and they appreciate me for what i do as well...i wait for that someone who says my feet are beautiful for where they have been and where they have stood for the sake of Christ. i wait for the person who pursues me and listens to every mission trip story i have and is excited about every country i want to minister to. i wait for the man who will lead me in prayer before every date and every meal...before every big event and the silly small ones. i wait for the man who will fast, pray, and grow a beard. and i pray for the man who tells me i am important. i know he prays continually and has a heart for missions, preaching, and adoption. i will be inspired by the urgency he has to share the gospel. and i know he is fabulous and beautiful wherever he is. i feel as though he is coming from africa and he is walking...love is a beautiful mystery.

so as discouraged as i was when i first began to write, i am filled with the Lord’s hope and His heart to continue to have faith. And there will now be faith in my waiting and purposeful patience. and i believe that God wouldn’t have it any other way. afterall, the most important question i was ever asked by any boy was when i gave my heart to Jesus...that is the standard.

i will continue to be consumed with God’s Glory and Kindness. if the Lord continues to wake me up at 5am every morning, i will get out of bed. i will not be afraid to become the missionary he wants me to be. and i will enjoy the time i have been given here to do His work. and God continues to protect and LOVE me because he wants to and i will not take it for granted. i will be amazed. God is my healer, redeemer, and ultimate love.

my fave

i believe the picture speaks for itself. he is much cooler than the rest of us.