rathgrith

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frustrated

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So, since I started working out again a month ago, I have actually GAINED weight and inches! What's that about?

nbinoculars

I just finished reading The Fat Girl's Guide to Life by Wendy Shanker, and it was a really interesting and funny read. If you haven't already, you may want to check it out.

akasha314

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jealous

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I need to rant.

Why is it that men do not find me attractive at all? All I want is a relationship where I'm not going to be shit on and I'm going to be happy and have a man who loves me.
I'm even to the point now that If a member of the male persuasion shows me any kind of positive attention at all, I'm immediately attracted to him.

Take last night for example.

I was with a good friend of mine, who is of average size, and we have been going to Denny's 2 times in 2 weeks because of the fact that there were some very atttractive young men that worked there. They were complete gentlemen to us, and I was attracted to one of them especially. Well we went there last night, and come to find out, he *big surprise* likes my friend, and not me. Which is ok. I'm happy for her, but I'm completely green with envy. We end up hanging out in the back of denny's where the employee's go for 5 hours waiting for this guy to get off of work. We end up back at his house, consumed alchoholic beverages for a little while, and I passed out on the couch while he and my friend proceeeded to go to his room down the hall and went to sleep cuddled together.

nbinoculars

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good

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Wow. I've just spent the last hour or so reading what you all have to say, and it's been pretty amazing. Also cathartic.

( I'm fat, too, and I don't always feel pretty.Collapse )

takako_chan

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accomplished

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I don't have much to say other than hi...and that I'm new here.

allura

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angry

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I was flipping through the channels and came across a "reality makeover show" called "The Swan". Never ever in my life have I felt more angry, depressed and outraged!

The basis of the show is to take women who look average or unattractive and "beautify" them through any means necessary, such as plastic surgery, weight loss, etc.. I watched this show and felt a huge range of emotions, and it made me feel sick to my stomach.

What made me feel worse is as I watched, I felt uglier and worse about myself. I had finally started making a recovery on my self image issues and began having realistic type goals for who I am and what I can do to change myself a little at a time. I was even a bit concerned this week when I found I'd lost 6 pounds in 3 days by my Doctors scale. (Side effect from being ill, I know, not having much of an appetite lately due to medication) Now, I feel myself being pulled towards that mind frame that allowed me to become anorexic in high school and not want to eat at all.

Something that was suppose to make women feel like they have hope, I suppose, is what this show is suppose to be about. But for me it had the opposite effect. I'm very angry right now and I feel like screaming at the television set, waking up my Beloved and ranting, or just get in the car and drive fast down the interstate. None of those things are healthy, and I worry that this is going to draw me down a bit deeper back towards the depths from which I just swam in the past few months.
I've worked very hard in therapy to get to this point, and I don't want to feel that I've been wasting my time.

I really wanted to change the channel, that voice in my mind that speaks when it must was telling me that watching wasn't healthy, but I couldn't make myself change the channel. I even tried switching the channel a few times during commercials but kept being drawn back in.

An even smaller voice in my head was wishing that I too could be given the chance that these women have been given, to change drastically on the outside.


I hate that voice. It sounds like a collection of people whom have berated me throughout life, complete with the looks of disgust or pity. Its the voice of the guys in school who thought I was too fat and ugly to date. The girls who made fun of the way I dressed since I never got to shop at any place fashionable. The teachers who tried tell me I wasn't smart enough to take honours classes (but I did anyway, and faired well in them), and the father who could never show me love, because I was never good enough to make him happy.

I am angry, hurt, betrayed, and feeling very frantic at the moment. My mind isn't quiet and I can't find my happy place.

roisnoir

( snipped, just becauseCollapse )

nickki1447

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chipper

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anonymous confessions!!!! Read em, confess, comment.
confessions

satan_luva

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nervous

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hello all

I've been sitting around this community for some time. I've laughed, I've cried, I've really enjoyed every little thing that big girls across lj have to say.

But I have to stick up for the media. Alright, it does promote that we all look like super models, and everyone hates that.

One thing we can't be against however, is the spotlight that's been put on obesity lately. There's a difference between someone whose curvy, chubby, or even fat, and someone who is obese. Obesity is unhealthy and it puts us into early graves, just as being underweight would. I see this new health kick the world seems to be on as a path to a more positive way of thinking:
dont be anything but healthy. Dont worry if you dont look like Cindy Crawford, I hear she's ugly without make-up anyways. Just worry if walking a block gets you winded, and you were only on your way to buy a large pale of chunky monkey ice cream.

Maybe it seems like there are less curvy women on tv and in movies lately because it's less shocking to everyone, and it doesn't have to be pointed at all the time. I admit we aren't "there" yet, but I still think we're close to having normal looking people making us giggle on thursday nights.

There are people who are going to be relatively the same size no matter what they do, and that's ok. Just dont be so quick to get angry at the media for telling us not to be obese. I mean, after years of promoting snack foods, deceiving us with unhealthy salads, and making everything so easy to do that we haven't had to lift a finger, I really think it's about time that we were told to start taking care of our bodies. I mean, we only get one.

And dont hold grudges on the perfect people in the world, as hard as it may seem, it's not their fault the camera loves them.

So in conclusion, be skinny, be fat, be anything inbetween, but eat your vegetables, and try to get 30 minutes of low impact exercise a day, would you?