obscuritystar, posts by tag: school - LiveJournal

I was surfing on the net when I glanced at the time, WTF- it's 1.00 a.m.! I look at the date, the 14th of February.

Valentine's Day never meant much for me: I've never had a boyfriend, I'm single since forever. It's not that I don't like it, it's that I'm used to be alone. Kind of sad, huh?

I kind of regret to never had the courage to confess my feelings for my former crushes, but I have always been scared of being rejected and I KNOW they would have rejected me, maybe even taunted me-

My first crush was Matteo in elementary school: 5 years of unrequited love, andI wasn't seen as a girl, but as 'one of the boys', simply a friend. 
My second crush was Marco, in middle school: again, 3 years of silent passion and adoration. I hated middle school, I was bullied for three years, boys especially liked to torment or taunt me. I started middle school as a little girl sure of herself, and even a bit conceited and stubborn; I finished it as a shadow of my former self, afraid of others' judgement, afraid of speaking my mind. 
So, I started high school: the second year (I was 15) I fell in a serious depression and used to think daily about suicide. Writing (especially fanfictions) and escaping reality thanks to mangas helped me staying alive. While in high school I had several crushes: Tommy (who was one year younger than me), Hayden Christensen (I know, I know), Neji Hyuuga from Naruto (I KNOW, pathetic isn't it?). I'm a bit ashamed of all this. Still, I got stronger and became the young woman I am now.

And now I'm University and things haven't changed much: I'm not interested in anyone, all the boys I know either have a girlfriend or are uninterested (or I'm not interested in them).

Usually I don't think about it too much, since I have so much to do and I'm very busy with University and I have my friends that, bless them, distract me and are wonderful, I LOVE THEM, even if sometimes I get angry at them. 
But now I'm surrounded by couples!

F., E., M., G., they all have a boyfriend, G.D. is single now but had several bfs in the past, M.R. is a lesbian and recently broke up with the gf...Mi. has a flirt with the boy she has liked since forever... Only my friend G.T. never had a boyfriend like me, because T. had a short story while in middle school.

Sometimes I feel so unappreciated and so alone...
I want someone to love me...