obscuritystar, posts by tag: love - LiveJournal

So, I yesterday I went to see "NARNIA - PRINCE CASPIAN": nice movie, cute actors (Ben Barnes... *drool* he's so handsome as Prince Caspian!), beautiful dresses (I want the dress Susan wears at the end!), nice ATTEMPT at a love story, but.. but...

I DON'T LIKE THE ENDING!

MY ROMANTIC SPIRIT DEMANDS A HAPPY ENDING FOR THE LOVE STORY!

AND C.S. LEWIS COMPLETELY DESTROYED MY LOVE STORY! 

Argh, I'm so frustrated!!!

 
Don't they look cute together?? Don't they look good together?? Uh?? UH?? UH???
SUSAN/CASPIAN forever!

Okay, the movie wasn't nothing special, sure it was nice, but I think the first was slightly better. 
I was happy to see Italian actors in important roles in the movie: 

  SERGIO CASTELLITTO, one of the major italian actors, he's really talented and was great as the villain!

  PIERFRANCESCO FAVINO, adored by many female fans in Italy, I like him better as an actor: not that he's ugly, simply he isn't my type. Still, I liked him very much in Narnia!

Now, MUST read Susan/Caspian fanfictions...

Sometimes I just wish someone could see under the surface, under my facade. 
Sometimes I just wish someone would love me as a woman and not as a friend.



Sometimes I just wish I could look in the mirror and see the child I was
because I want to go back in time to erase all my mistakes.

Wishful Thinking.
All of It. 




About the boy I crushed on... it's over.
I mean, he's got a girlfriend, who's an awesome person and I like her very much.
It was hard to see them everyday, hugging and kissing passionately and
it hurt, a bit.
But now I think it's over.
He has a special place in my heart, also 'cause in a way he's more a best friend than my male best friend- 
he's someone I care for and that I cherish. 
But I don't want to have a crush on him.
Enough.
I've been hurt enough.
And I don't want to hurt them, 'cause they look so cute and right and wonderful together, and I care for both of them.

I just feel a bit lonely right now.



The title is from an Italian song by 883 - "Tutto ciò che ho" - All that I have.
The translation is: 
"I would have liked for a bit not to have my personality/character, my body, my face"

 I'm really a masochist...

Here I am, listening to Stone Sour ('Through the Glass'), Ten Thousand Maniacs ('Because the Night'), Three Doors Down ('Here Without You'), Tiziano Ferro ('Sere Nere' - he's an Italian singer), all LOVE SONGS, while I'm studying Horatius and his CARPE DIEM and TEMPUS FUGIT. 

Damn it. 

Everything reminding me how I wasted my life until I was sixteen. 

Damn it. 
I can't understand why I hate being alone when sometimes I hide myself from others...

I was surfing on the net when I glanced at the time, WTF- it's 1.00 a.m.! I look at the date, the 14th of February.

Valentine's Day never meant much for me: I've never had a boyfriend, I'm single since forever. It's not that I don't like it, it's that I'm used to be alone. Kind of sad, huh?

I kind of regret to never had the courage to confess my feelings for my former crushes, but I have always been scared of being rejected and I KNOW they would have rejected me, maybe even taunted me-

My first crush was Matteo in elementary school: 5 years of unrequited love, andI wasn't seen as a girl, but as 'one of the boys', simply a friend. 
My second crush was Marco, in middle school: again, 3 years of silent passion and adoration. I hated middle school, I was bullied for three years, boys especially liked to torment or taunt me. I started middle school as a little girl sure of herself, and even a bit conceited and stubborn; I finished it as a shadow of my former self, afraid of others' judgement, afraid of speaking my mind. 
So, I started high school: the second year (I was 15) I fell in a serious depression and used to think daily about suicide. Writing (especially fanfictions) and escaping reality thanks to mangas helped me staying alive. While in high school I had several crushes: Tommy (who was one year younger than me), Hayden Christensen (I know, I know), Neji Hyuuga from Naruto (I KNOW, pathetic isn't it?). I'm a bit ashamed of all this. Still, I got stronger and became the young woman I am now.

And now I'm University and things haven't changed much: I'm not interested in anyone, all the boys I know either have a girlfriend or are uninterested (or I'm not interested in them).

Usually I don't think about it too much, since I have so much to do and I'm very busy with University and I have my friends that, bless them, distract me and are wonderful, I LOVE THEM, even if sometimes I get angry at them. 
But now I'm surrounded by couples!

F., E., M., G., they all have a boyfriend, G.D. is single now but had several bfs in the past, M.R. is a lesbian and recently broke up with the gf...Mi. has a flirt with the boy she has liked since forever... Only my friend G.T. never had a boyfriend like me, because T. had a short story while in middle school.

Sometimes I feel so unappreciated and so alone...
I want someone to love me...

I JUST WANT TO MEET SOMEONE NEW.
I JUST WANT TO MEET NEW PEOPLE, WANT TO SURROUND MYSELF WITH FRIENDS.

I JUST WANT TO KNOW MY SOUL MATE.

I've seen him - maybe - four times. 
And I really like him, but I don't know what to do exactly.

My friend indirectly warned me off - he has a lot of female best friends, two sisters and a mother very possessive of him - but I like him, I want to know him better.
How?

I wish I could just tell her that I want to...  I'm so confused right now.

What to do?

You're so fucking beautiful, always trying to be more than what you really are, I can see myself losing my soul in your hazel eyes, as they look at me with anger and anguish...

You are more than I want you to be, your filth blood is red like mine, your hands bring me pleasure... and I feel nothing of the disgust I should feel when you touch me and I touch you...

                                          

You think you are so much better than everyone else, with your pureblood behaviour, in reality you're just a prat, an arrogant child so good with his hands and tongue, an unsufferable male I can't help but lust after. 

You think you can control me, you're so wrong, as usual... you should know I'm more intelligent than you, instead you always put me down and I get so angry, you always make me feel out of control... 



What disturbs me the most is than I can't live without you. 


Draco Malfoy & Hermione Granger