I was inspired by this:

Dear Students, I know when you're texting. Seriously, nobody just looks down at their crotch and smiles. Sincerely, Teacher.

and this.

So here are mine just from these 5 weeks of teaching:

Dear Students, nowhere in my contract does it state that I have to supply you with writing instruments. Sincerely, The Stationery Teacher.

Dear Student, no, you cannot move to sit with your best friend. And yes, that is exactly why I made a seating plan, to make your life miserable. Sincerely, The Stationary Teacher.

Dear Students, I gave you 4 weeks IN CLASS to do this assignment and you're telling me on the day it is due that you haven't completed it because you "didn't know what to do"?! Forgive me if I have no sympathy. Kind regards, The "Cruel" Teacher.

Dear Students, I do realise that you are asleep. And actually, that's easier for you and me both. Just don't snore or drool. Thanks, Teacher.

Dear Student, no, you may not hug me, poke my face or otherwise touch me. I cannot, for the life of me, figure out why the same laws that are supposedly there to protect you aren't there to protect me either. The Harassed Teacher.

Dear Student, just because I'm 'Asian' does not mean that I like Wok in a Box. The 'Asian' English Teacher.

Dear Student, just because I'm "not English" does not disqualify me to teach you English. Heads up, you're "not English" either but you're using the language to communicate with me, aren't you? The 'Asian' English Teacher.

Dear Students, sadly (for you), Singapore is not in China. You'd think that since Singapore is a mere 5 hours away by plane you might know that a little better than your American counterparts, but, no. The Singaporean Teacher.

Dear Students, yes, I can be both Singaporean and Chinese. The two are not mutually exclusive. Just like you can be both Australian and English. It's not that difficult a concept to grasp. The Singaporean Chinese Teacher.

Dear Student, yes, I am throwing you out of my class because I am picking on you. It is certainly not because you're disruptive or because you haven't done any work or because you've been extremely disrespectful. The Mean Teacher

Dear Student, honestly, I have no idea how you made to high school when you cannot tell the difference between there/their/they're, even AFTER I've explained it, and gone through numerous examples. The Baffled English Teacher.

Dear Students, teachers are people too. Sincerely, Teachers.

I was born in the 1980s. The 90s is a decade I actually start to remember things. The 1990s ("nineteen-nineties") or the 90s ("nineties"), was the beginning of the proliferation of personal computers in homes and the Internet, pagers, tamagotchis and rollerblades. Then it was the year 2000, Y2K, the turn of the millennium.
But what does one call the decade 2000-2009? The 2000s ("two-thousands")? It can't possibly be 00s; I don't even know how to pronounce that! Even 2010 to 2019, the decade we're currently in, is tricky, albeit slightly less. One could call it the 2010s, pronounced "twenty-tens", "two thousand (and) tens", or even 10s - "the tens". For some reason, it still sounds like a plural of the year 2010. I don't know!
All I know is that come, 2020, it will be a relief when we can start calling the decade 2020s ("twenty-twenties"). Although we can't say the 20s ("twenties") because then it could be confused with the 1920s. Or maybe by the 2020s, decade-naming conventions would have changed in the English language.

The first time I baked with an Australian friend, I asked him to pass me the 'flour'.
'The what?'
'Flour.'
'Flour?'
'Flour!'
But this time, my friend was laughing so hard, he couldn't even respond.

Now the IPA for flour is 'flaʊə', which is the exact same one for 'flower'. (See the Oxford Dictory entry for flour and flower.) But most Singaporeans/Malaysians pronouce it as 'flar'.
I used to believe that it's another British/American difference. (Like the 'ə-LOO-mi-nəm' vs 'AL-ew-MIN-ee-əm'.) But the American Dictionary.com also lists 'flour' as pronounced with 2 syllables. You can even click on the link to listen.
The dictionaries also note that 'flour' came from the word, 'flower'; in the sense that the 'flower'/'flour' was the finest part of the meal (like the finest part of the plant, I suppose). Until about 1830, the spelling was changed to the present 'flour' to avoid confusion.
So why do Singaporean and Malaysians say 'flar'? It beats me! Perhaps we just got lazy with the 2 syllables and combined it into one and it just stuck. Or they wanted to futher reduce the confusion.
What I do know is that if I say ‘flar’ in Australia, America, Britain or any other English-speaking country, no one would understand me. But if I say ‘flower’ when I mean ‘flour’ in Singapore or Malaysia, they’d think I’m gila.

You can press the buzzer as soon you as you know the answer. You do not need to wait until the entire clue is read. First to guess correctly, wins. Ready? Go!

Useful for storing food, or for lining hats to keep the alien brainwaves at bay, this object is a fixture around the world. It is a paper-thin sheet of a rolled light-weight silver-white metallic element that tears easily and can be used to wrap and store food, in art, as decoration, as insulation and in heat exchangers. First developed in 1910 as a replacement for tin foil, it gained popularity quickly. It is not merely seen in home use, but also has many commercial uses. Manufacturers quickly found that it preserved food from bacteria growth, and prevented light from spoiling the food, or moisture from collecting in it. It also does not impart any flavor to the food. Many manufacturers use it to line drink boxes, thermal bags and other foods.

Buzz! Time's up! Got it?

As you should have guessed by now, I am talking about the humble aluminium foil. (As if the picture didn't already tell you.)

Unlike you, dear readers, who knew exactly what I was talking about, 2 different supermarket personnel did not. I was in a different supermarket than the one I usually shop at, and needed to get aluminium foil. So after wandering around and not finding it, I asked someone stocking food. After looking at me quizzically and making me repeat myself several times, she said, "Aisle One". I couldn't find it in Aisle One so I asked another worker who happened to be in the said aisle. I got the same puzzled look and again repeated myself several times before a look of recognition finally crossed his face and led me to the desired product.
It was strange but I put it down the incompetence of people working in Unnamed Supermarket. And it was not until my sister recounted a conversation she had with an American lady about the difference between Australian pronunciation and 'ours' that it all made sense. Apparently, Australians (like Brits) say 'AL-ew-MIN-ee-əm' whereas I would say it the American way, 'ə-LOO-mi-nəm' (Listen to the difference.) I had no idea! It has taken me almost 8 years of living here to finally realise that I say 'ə-LOO-mi-nəm' differently to most Australians!
This brought me to another idea. My students often accuse tell me that I have an American accent, which I find hard to believe since I've only spent 6 months in the US but almost 8 years here. But nonetheless, they tell me it's there. Coming from post-colonial Singapore, I've always believed that I've been taught British English. (I spell with a "u" words like 'colour' and 'favour'; use 's' with 'organise' and 'realise'; and 'grey' with an 'e'. A habit I found hard to part with when I spent a semester at the University of Michigan.) But could it be that the Singapore education system teaches British spellings and most British pronunciations but some American pronunciations snuck in? Or have I just learnt the American accent from too much American tv shows and Hollywood movies? I doubt the latter. I know, for sure, that I learnt the British pronunciation of 'vase', 'semi', 'anti' and 'lychee'. (The American pronunciations of those words grate my nerves!) But I don't ever remember being taught the British/Australian 'AL-ew-MIN-ee-əm'. How strange!
What I do remember however, is 'flar' for 'flour'. But that's another pronunciation tale for another time!

Thanks to this site for help with the clues to aluminium foil and this other one for for the photo of the foil.

This woman is amazing! I wish I had that ability. I have a few convincing ones. But I've always wanted to be able to speak with an Irish accent.
I have, what I'd like to think as, an untraceable accent. Most new people I meet cannot figure out where I'm from unless I tell them. I like that. But it's also because I code-swtich, that is, I adjust how I'm speaking to who I'm talking to. So perhaps it's more accurate to say accents. It's a skill I began honing in my first year of uni, living in college. I had friends from all over the world sitting at the same dinner table. The only way they could all easily understand me was to talk as accent-neutral as possible. But if there was a Singaporean present, I could just as easily switch back into Singlish.
There are many contributing factors to my accent/s:
1. My parents don't have strong Singaporean accents.
2. Living in Australia.
3. Living in America.
4. Teaching, particularly international students.
I don't know my what my "normal" accent even is. Because it's largely circumstantial, normal when I was teaching full-time was the neutralish/Australianish (and my kids used to tell me that it sounds American) accent I used in the classroom; yet normal now is the Singaporeanish accent I use with churchmates with whom I'm spending copious amounts of time in rehearsals.
Maybe I need to go live in Ireland.

Once upon a time, in a land far away, a beautiful, independent, self-assured princess happened upon a frog as she sat, contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle.
The frog hopped into the princess's lap and said, “Elegant Lady, I was once a handsome prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me. One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into the dapper, handsome and charming young prince that I am and then, my sweet, we can marry and set up housekeeping in your castle with my mother, where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children, and forever feel grateful and happy doing so.”
That night, as the princess dined sumptuously on a repast of lightly sautéed frog legs seasoned in a white wine and onion cream sauce, she chuckled to herself and thought, “I don't think so!"

I've been doing some serious thinking about faith, humour and fairytales. Oxymoron overload?! I assure you the three themes can be unified. For now, I hope you enjoyed the feminist recast of the traditional tale! (And if you know the source, please tell me!)

And a shameless plug for those of you in Perth: Come watch us in Search for a Star in 15 days!
(And for those of you who have had the privilige of having caught wind of the script... shhh...)

Image found here.

In an attempt to 'talk' to people other than myself, I asked in the previous post if punctuation or spelling is more important. It is in my humble opinion that even if I canot spel propley, u can stil understnd me but inaccurate punctuation can change the meaning completely. Take the following letter, without much punctuation, as an example. There are 2 ways to punctuate the letter with wildly different meanings:
Dear John I want a man who knows what love is all about you are generous kind thoughtful people who are not like you admit to being useless and inferior you have ruined me for other men I yearn for you I have no feelings whatsoever when we're apart I can be forever happy will you let me be yours Jane
( The 2 Ways of PunctuatingCollapse )

I'm back in Perth. Job-hunting. And still thinking about writing and editing instead of teaching. But we'll see.

The Oatmeal explains how to use "i.e." correctly with funny pictures. (You can even order a poster!) [via]
I also like 10 Words You Need to Stop Misspelling. Not that this dyslexic has any right to call out the blackness of any other pots or kettles. But "they're", "their" and "there"?! Com'on people! This is primary school stuff! Yet I each time I marked a stack of essays, I'd inevitably have to go through the differences. And after explaining in class, I would still have kids raising their hand, "Miss, I don't get it, can you explain it again?"
How to Use an Apostrophe is also another important lesson I try to drill into my kids, with varying results. For some odd reason a few of them think that they need to use apostrophes every time they use an "s". I like kitten's, monkey's and zebra's. Before I started teaching in an Australian high school, I had never encountered such gross misuse of the apostrophe. I wonder if Singaporean students are the same.
Don't even get me started on How to Use a Semicolon. I'd be happy for proper commas and fullstops, without run-on sentences; I heart people who semicolon properly.

Humour me: Which do you think is more important - spelling or punctuation?
(i.e. Give me some comment-love, I feel like I'm talking to myself!)

PS I like ranch dressing.
PPS I wonder if I could survive a job as an editor. (Overlooking spelling mistakes aside. Spell cheque can spot those for me, well, mostly.)

It takes me a very long time to write anything. When I get asked to contribute articles, my editors famously know that I will never submit it before the deadline (and sometimes after too), I need to use all the avaliable time. (That's also due to my procrastination but that was already the subject of a previous blog post.) I write, re-write, edit, re-write, edit, etc. For a recent article, I ended up with 2 articles instead of one. Given more time, I would probably have produced even more! The worse thing someone requesting I write could possibly say to me is, "Write whatever you want." I wouldn't know where to begin! Or stop! Even my blog posts sometimes take me forever to write, not this one and others like it; but usually those that have been researched and have multiple links and quotes. Sometimes those can take me hours to craft.
But I comfort myself with knowing that even the writer of Ecclesiastes, the Teacher, "searched to find just the right words" (Ecc 12:10). So I am not alone in my pedantic attitude to my writing. Though, much can be said for brief writing, Theodor Seuss Geisel aka Dr. Seuss says it much better:
It has often been said
there's so much to be read,
you never can cram
all those words in your head.

So the writer who breeds
more words than he needs
is making a chore
for the reader who reads.

That's why my belief is
the briefer the brief is,
the greater the sigh
of the reader's relief is.
- Dr. Seuss (Theodor Seuss Geisel)
And with that, I take the advice and leave you here.