Not without a home

Week two of a house hunt, and still uncertain. My current state of life consists of living in a house in TVA with nothing less then newlyweds. I can't stay that they were just married, but a takes many years for a couple to finally get use to living together. I know them well and I am comfortable with them, but I can't help but fell that I am a burden.

I never thought that the lack of a home would create such anguish for me. I have a pressing fear, it seems, all because I don't have a place to call my own. The fear comes from the fact that I might get kicked out of school, that I have to relaie on the generosity of others, and that I will be a problem for others. It all adds up. I might have a house by tomorrow, but if this one does not go through then I don't know where to go. I hope the school is not too tough on a guy that does not have BYUH contracted housing. I hate the contracted housing limitation.

Farewell alas!

 My lifelong farewell

Farewell, I guess farewell
Farewell, no horn or bell
Farewell, so start your life
Farewell to forgotten strife
Farewell, both good and bad
Farewell always, but sad
Farewell now, just move on
Farewell, no simple pawn
Farewell, a heart-filled spree
Farewell, alas but free
Farewell, don't stand so still
Farewell, climb up that hill
Farewell, is all I know
Farewell, it's time to go

I feel like I am leaving, but I don't yet know where I am going.
My path is charted, yet my vessel seems to lead me into mystery.

Coming back to life

I return to find I have my possessions scattered and not a place to my name.

School's D-day is approaching and I am unprepared. My summer was fantastic, and now I am reluctant to continue on with life. The last couple of weeks have been a long blur of upcoming deadlines. I have many a pressing task.

I sure have work to do this year.

Deleted day

The day began with a simple 'why'.
My days never are too clear.
Congratulations to the sunrise:
It could never have been better.
A sound mind is a tight rope,
Which came to be very handy.
I walked just as I did before.
I eluted to nothing unusual.
There really was nothing unusual.
I was unusual; I was myself.
My mind was haunted with targets,
Targets that discourage and compel.
I never thought myself a good aim.
This skill is one I have yet to learn.
I spoke to those passerbys quietly,
For only reasons that I may know.
And I don't care to explain presently.
The callouses slowly growing upon my feet;
They were worked until fresh flesh remained.
I took no thought, accept thoughts of pleasure.
Pride is a direction I dare not go, yet it calls.
The sun was engulfing me with its searing arms.
I did not cower or back down to suck petty obstacles.
There was a distance target, not one nearby, that I must own.
I was a spectator to those that failed at embracing their needed target.
This, I could not let happen to me, and so I studied the terrain and even sky.
With such copious knowledge to be acquired in my long pursuit, a rest would be fatal.
But resting was vital to my health; I had to test and push myself to see my limits.
I have found that I have not found my limit yet, so my path continues pushing forward.
If only there was not just a map and a trail, but signs and escalators to carry me onward.
I was weary and wanting the root of my tender desires that have too often and too easily eluded me.
At this time I blew a kiss to a modest familiar lady that tipped her hat as I passed.
In a window I saw the reflection of an older gentlemen who's eyes looked somber and strongly intent.
This image of a man appeared to stride with a strong sense of purpose and with much luck at obtaining his target.
I thought myself much less and ever wanting; life is such: not to always be wanting, but to have always wantings.
This I know and for this I confess: I have strength that I know not and motives that I understand not, but I am not a man without needs.
Mice scavenge and hide knowing no other life, but I know better: I have lived heartily already notwithstanding my diluted directed; I have given.
The sun dips down and the darkness deepens.
This path I am on seems long and encumbering.
By the end of the day, I hope to sleep soundly.

Hope and dope

I just hope I can succeed in all I have going for me. So much opportunity, not enough time.

Sometimes my mind is so meddled that I feel like I am on dope. In actuality, I really would not know because I have never tried it or anything comparable, but it imagine it would be all the same... except more enjoyable.

Wise when waning

The last two weeks have gone so fast that I shall have to report them both at once. I've heard it said that time flies when you are having fun, and while that is most definitely true in my case, I would add that being busy sure does help it pass. Busy is what I have been.

At the beloved business of TongaSat, much has been accomplished. Last week I started the big push to complete the application I now call White Fin. In reality, I just started it last week and all the previous time spent on it can be accounted for in learning and planning. I was able to lay out the entire interface for the first version. This was necessary to do before any code can be written. This process is a little backwards from the typical approach to designing an application, but Visual Basic almost requires the interface be done before the code. This week, I began writing the code and adding the features. I would say that the beta version is about halfway complete and if anyone would like a buggy executable to see the progess, just email me the request.

TonFon is still there. I don't feel as productive and useful at TonFon because I am not doing anything that can be measured like at TongaSat, but I still like it. I think a task that they are trying to get us to do is help establish a new company network by reformatting all the computers to eliminate any viruses or unnecessary software and files. I am really getting along with the employee there. In fact, most of them are competent, friendly individuals. I collaborate mainly with the supervisors and the managers but still talk to and work with many of the technicians. Just the other day I went into a television division of TonFon to try something new. I got to see all the hardware and software they use to manage all their TV stations - I think they only have about four. TonFon is always expanding. It is not a company content with its measly market share. Thin makes it a fantastic place to learn.

In addition to my two main projects, I now must create a website for the Nation Centre for Women and Children (NCWC). They want it done by their second grand opening (they moved to a new building thus they are having another open house). I when into the center on Tuesday instead of TonFon - I did call TonFon to tell them - to get what they want and need. I will try to work on it this weekend and get it done. I don't know if I can, but the least I can do is try. It is another great opportunity to help so I am willing.

As for other events, the strike is still on. The strikers say that the hospital will be closed after tomorrow, but at least the airport is still up. I don't know what we would do if that to was closed. I will stop with the report because I could still go on much longer. Tonga is a small place but there is so much here.

I should have burned

The beginning of August and no manifestations; I am waiting.

The Tongans are irate. The government is not giving them a fair salary in their eyes and they are now on strike. In truth, they have been on strike for a week. Some of the interns have not been able to work a couple of the days. It seems peaceful but their are threats. Threats to burn the Crown Prince's house down (it is very nice); threats to close every store, even threats to shut down the airport.

I personally have not been directly affected yet. However, this is the biggest thing that has hit Tonga since toilet paper. Almost every government office is closed. Everyday, the the strikers meet and sit and talk and eat. They have a committee to represent their interests that has yet to make any agreements with the government. Even many of the government schools are closed.

I almost like it but peace is what's right. I think I am getting sick again, but I will ignore it until I am certain it has completely grasped me.

Dream now

 Present tense
I work late; not today.
I scream deceit; please stay.
I don't know; give up.
I drink experience; no cup.
I like people; some move.
I give sincerity; must prove.
I obtain courage; one time.
I open eyes; cry lime.
I am pensive; abhor pimp.
I stop slow; head limp.
I take blow; no cry.
I kneel low; thoughts fly.