History & hers.

"The thing about putting things

on

hold

is that it might

no

longer

be there when you choose to

come

back."


The 4 year (and 6 months!) ride has been absolutely lovely, lovelies :)

But i have missed the pen and paper oh so much!

Until i learn to miss you too, until then.

Pahit

Kalau senang, lain jadinya.

Kalau susah, macam ni lah..

Gila.

Malam, diam.

Tawar

Sebab terlampau dekat dengan Jiwa.

Sebab semua percaya semua.

Sebab kaki si gadis songsang sisinya yang dua dah entah ke mana.

28.

"Biar naluri-mu beraja" 3 Venus.

Spot on.

She combed my hair with her fingers, tucked it behind my ears and said "sekarang boleh kerja"

All while i was blabbing (excitedly so if i might add) about the left hand.

Who would ever thought a speck of Kindness was all it took.

The Lion Sleeps Tonight

"Don't talk to me. She knew I would hate you and she didn't want me to hate you. You know what that means? She's planning on forgiving you or trying to find a way to forgive you. It doesn't matter...
...she didn't want me to know and i do. So, don't" (source: tvfanatic.com)

Telinga tertangkap. Mampu gelak je.

Malas nak cerita Magnitude. Nanti kena disregard.

Biasalah benda kecik. Remeh.

Tak suka bila Cikgu Haq has a bloody point. Even though it has been years.

Ye, aku memang dungu orangnya.

So bagilah advice sekarang. Ajar aku selok belok dunia.

Tahun depan paling awal aku faham.

Ahihi.

There.

That's as much as i can hold before i can't anymore.

Maybe some things are meant to be a secret.

Mr Kite

The dreams these teeny weeny flu pills bring about is interesting.

Today, I knew all the answers to every trivial thing i've left unsolved.

*insert widest grin ever*

Until i woke up of course. And forgot.

But that feeling, of just knowing, that stayed the whole day.

Hee:)

(Yes. I just took my meds. Excuse me haha)

Action vs Reaction, III

Belajar dari Wan Long cara-cara satukan keluarga.

Belajar dari Wan Lang cara-cara gembirakan segala jenis suasana.

The dream? To grow old and graceful as they are, with love and prayers for us all.

Oh! Belajar dari diorang cara-cara korek rahsia & masak kuih kole kacang super sedap jugak!

#challengeaccepted

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Action vs Reaction, II

Lights, camera...(!)

Best be prepared to expect noone will be sitting, watching.

Not even the tomato-throwers, bubble-poppers.

Just sweat mixed in a whirl of confusion and anticipation, the drowning silence and the reason for standing here right at this very moment.

Standing, mind you.

Action.

Actions vs Reactions

Sampai bila nak reti siram pokok?

Terlebih air ke terkurang?

Silly.

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Gold

"Maybe, to that person, Silence is awkward"

"So then Time is filled with mindless chatter?"

"Yeah, maybe"'

"How do you regard Silence?"

"As it is. Highly"

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Life on the Emergency Lane

One more shot at being happy and sad at the same time.

Penulis sebenar dirahsiakan. Khuatir Hilang, for real.

Oh how things change *sniff sniff*

"Tiada yang Lain

Kakiku terus melangkah tanpa kenal erti putuus asa. Telah banyak tempat aku menetap, telah banyak negeri aku temui dan telah banyak orang aku kenali.. Namun aku tetap bersama kamu. Kita akrab walaupun banyak pertelingkahan berlaku, kita masih bertolak ansur, kita memaafi sesama kita dan kita teruskan perjalanan hidup bersama. Tidak dinafikan, kita tidak berkongsi permainan kegemaran, sukan kegemaran, atau muzik kegemaran misalnya. Namun, dalam lubuk hati kita, kita masih mampu menerima perbezaan ini dan terus bersabar dan melakukannya bersama.

Indahnya dunia jika semua seperti kita kan? Tolak ansur sesama manusia dan jalinan ukhuwah yang sangat kental dapat menepis segala unsur-unsur jahat yang cuba diterapkan oleh mereka yang dengki dengan keharmonian yang kita kecapi. Aku sering terfikir, kenapa kita tak selalu berterus terang? Benar jika berterus terang, mungkin persahabatan yang kita jalinkan ini akan musnah sekelip mata. Tapi tidak pernah wujud dalam perasaanku bahawa kita akan hancur atau putus. Percayalah adik-beradikku.

Tentera berdisiplin, begitu juga kita. Kita tak perlukan komander untuk memberi arahan, kita tak perlukan "siren" untuk mengejutkan kita. Atas keperihatinan dan tolak ansur, kita dapat berjumpa pada waktu yang ditetapkan, namun ada juga yang mempersoalkan ketidakhadiran atau kelewatan segelintir kita. Ah! itu mudah sahaja, hadirkan diri pada hari yang berikutnya, mesti semua lidah menjadi kelu dan seterusnya bergelak ketawa sambil memegang daun terup.

Ong Bak 2 pada hari sabtu yang lalu tidak dapat ditonton kerana beberapa perkara sepertik kekurangan korum, kelewatan, dan sudah ditonton. Oleh itu, Paie dengan hati yang pilu terpaksa menerima keputusan sebulat suara. Paie, nanti pergilah ke panggung wayang bersama "scandal"mu. Mungkin "scandal"mu dapat belajar Muay-Thai serba sedikit untuk memberi tunjuk ajar jika kamu tertangkap mencipta "scandal" baru kelak.

Razhues pernah terdengar cerita dari seseorang, Anahiatta tentang rakan-rakannya di Universiti Mulia. Terdapat seorang pelajar perempuan bernama Annie yang berang dengan rakannya Allie kerana telah bercumbuan dengan kekasihnya (Annie) bernama Aimar. Tindakan jujur yang bodoh yang dilakukan Aimar (yang berjantina bukan seperti anda sangka) mungkin akan mencetuskan pergaduhan yang besar kepada "Gang KingMeYah" tersebut. Aku yakin, kita tidak akan melakukan kesilapan seperti mereka. Telah banyak perkara yang telah terjadi kepada GKMY tersebut. Persahabatan antara mereka retak, kepercayaan antara mereka telah punah, keharmonian telah lesap. Jangan kerana 1 "ampere", hilang dekan.

Gay bukanlah gaya hidup kita, begitu juga lesbian. Oleh itu, bersama-sama kita teruskan usaha selama ini untuk mencari teman hidup yang diterima agama dan keluarga serta kita semua. Teruskan usaha anda! Buatlah pilihan sebaik mungkin. Titian hidup tidak patut habis tanpa sebarang kepuasan. Jumpa lagi jika diberi rezeki oleh yang Maha Esa. Tidak lekang dari menyebut nama-namamu di dalam doaku. Hanya kita menjadi rakan sejatiku. Sebab itu aku keseorangan disini.

B.E, Posted February 3rd 2009"

How I Met Your Aunties

Of how these ladies happened to walk, run or roll into my path and changed things - always for the better, for the longest of times.

How we fought and threw our tantrums, cried our eyeballs dry, held each other's hands through losses of different magnitudes, laughed like there's noone else around and found in each other love over and over again after everything has been said and done.

And oh dear child(ren),

At the end of the day, realize (on your own!) the beauty of a weathered stainless steel-ish friendship that's here to stay.

Damailah Di-Sana

2011 - 2012

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The Challenge of Making Peas with the Past

I had my trusty pen at hand and twirled it for the longest of times, letting Peace bounce back and forth between thoughts and memories.

Peace

Peace

Peace

Peace

Peace

Peace

Peace

Peace

Peas

Peas

The blank white paper was starting to glare, you see.

A sentence started to take shape.
Very Patronus-ish.
Wispy white words, stumbling together at the edge of my magic wand-like mind.
Cewah.

"Writer's block on a topic that needs it. Finally!"

**
(Added much, much later)

And yes, I may not fully understand the discomfort (hatred still being too strong a word).
But I get it.
It made a nice nest outside my window once upon a time.


But like everything else in this worldly world, things will fall into place.

Peas out!

The (sliver of) Window in my Shoe

I've learned a trick.

To maintain order - whether externally or internally, "I'm okay" is a good line to throw.

I draw a line and hold my ground, you see the line, i don't cross, you don't cross.

We both come to a silent agreement, and i in turn believe i actually am.

I am.

Until it catches me off-guard.

3 + 3 = Whatever You Want It To Be

Sitting back and allowing your heart listen to a song whose birth included your presence has a strange effect.

But maybe it could also be caused by the twin keyboard with oh look a multi effect! Or Kaoss that found itself being freely accepted by the masses. Or the number 3, which I'm afraid I have yet to find an adjective for - i would do them no justice.

Or something else. Something I would have a hard time constructing sentences because Perspective can be tricky.

**

"...the end is near... I did it my way" Sinatra

Until the next time then, whatever it may be :)

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Something Borrowed

Tenang & bersyukur.

And it's only Tuesday.

:D

Search Mail: sbe

but God is great, and i believe He will help those in need of assistance.4:49 AM dan Dia tunjuk jalan, and here i am

dah sampai masa untuk maafkan diri sendiri.

Rentak,

Hormones, 

 & the Irony.

Heh.

Katniss

Oh Tuhan, kepada Mu aku berserah


**

I think Mama stared into my eyes for far too long.


Pray tell me your secret, how do I be as steadfast as you?

Keep Me Where The Light Is

Yang ada, yang teman, yang gelak, yang nangis, yang geram, yang sudi

Simpan. Jaga.

Exactly where I'm supposed to be, indeed:) 

Jamais Vu

I think it's funny the people i find myself sharing the same room with nowadays.

Harmony feels like too strange a word to let it roll of my tongue, but it fits.

Never Mind I'll Find Someone Like You is mean and I don't believe in it, but it fits.

Just because i disagree doesn't mean it can't be, no?

Adele has a way of making things topsy turvy.

And for peace of mind and heart, most importantly,

it is time.

**

Ahh, finally! Something that fits.

Jamais Vu indeed.

Hey Hey

Life has a funny way of making sure you realize you're exactly where you're supposed to be.

Maybe I'm Amazed

Susah. Susah jumpa orang yang sehaluan. Se-niat.

Penting! Niat dan hala tuju dapat memastikan jangka hayat...mmm say...Passion itu sendiri.

And yes. Passion, time and time again. Passion of all sorts! Passion!

Sebab tema tahun ni, Be Brave.

**

Ada jenis arguments yang takkan boleh menang kerana puncanya bergantung pada persepsi.

It's not about winning. And i'm learning that as i go.

It's about letting it all out, hearing it all out, letting it go, and finally! Contentment. For both sides.

And that ladies & gentlemen, is a gift.

If you share it with another blessed soul, keep. Keep em close.

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Myrtle

It is important, what happens after the math itself.

The air knows it. The vibrations know it. The silence amplifies it.

Reassurance, putting aside the actual facts in order to save what is worth while.

Reassurance.

You see, what scares me is losing the gift of having conversations.

It scares me.

Double Adventures, Part I

If there is sadness, which I'm sure there must be -it being the last night of what has been the much needed and amazing double adventures, it hasn't sunk in yet.

There is, instead, a buzzing high (yes, you got it. Buzz buzz buzzing wild and free), partly because of grey and yellow Fluaway pills which apparently work quite well. I think.

**

Everyone -yang sudah jumpa Passion ataupun yang baru-baru nak terdetik, if it takes for them to be nudged, deserves a chance.

One of the biggest lessons of 2011 was to put down walls, stop judging other never-played-with musicians and shake their hands. Enter their worlds and see everything in a whole new different light.

A few nudges and pancing sejenis penyanyi c'mon don't be shy and boys being boys being boys, there you go. Shared looks and slight smiles. There you go.

**

Hyper Music is the perfect example.

Why not one is ever, ever replaceable.

That's Electric-tric-tric-tric!

There is something about Greatness before it happens.

The air, suddenly, in anticipation, becomes electric.

But lets not spoil it with expectations, shall we?

I shall behave and not jump around, and patiently hold my tongue.

And when it actually does come true whatever the shape it may choose to form;

JUMP LIKE HELL.

**

Ini sejenis Anticipation yang teramat familiar.

It's been too long, boys.

2012

#1
What lies At the Corner of the Room will continue to haunt, until one day enough courage is gathered to look Under the Bed.

#2
I am learning to hold my tongue which also includes matters Across the Table. Perhaps then there would be more good slumbers, then just sitting By the Bedside figuring out what went wrong.

#3
I choose to listen to a stream of information On the Radio nowadays, as compared to repetitive music that gets in my way. But when the heart is weary, i'd sneak a glance of what lies In the Folder just to feel the warmth that belonged to only them.

#4
It saddens me less now, what i see Outside My Window. Maybe it is true; in order to move Through the Sliding Door all you have to do is seek for the sun. Seek passion.

And just like that, it is 2012.