Grant us Serenity to accept the things we cannot change.

We are afraid of what we don't understand.

True.
However, Fear should not stand in the way of curiosity, the need to explore and endless questions.

This is after all, the way of life. =)

"On no soul does Allah place a burden greater than it can bear.
It gets every good that it earns, and suffers every ill that it earns.
(Pray:)"Our Lord! Condemn us not if we forget or fall into error;
Our Lord! Lay not on us a burden like that which Thou didst lay on those before us;
Our Lord! Lay not on us a burden greater than we have strength to bear.
Blot out our sins, and grant us forgiveness. Have mercy on us.
Thou art our Protector; Help us against those who stand against faith." "
2:286

Hey!

kita Geng! ;)

Three Hours;

No matter how brave you are or how brave a front you put on, being alone-

(for example, in an office where it is almost pitch black and every sound is amplified by a million times)

is scary.

Loneliness is terrifying.


Tiring too these swirls of anger and disappointment from every corner of just about everything.


Now. Excuse me while I pull the covers up high and shut my eyes on you, World.

Please be kinder tomorrow, I'd like that very much thank you =)

Becareful What You Wish For.

1) Milestones - There And Back Again.

KL - Awana Kijal - Pasir Puteh - Kubang Kerian - Pantai Cahaya Bulan - Kota Bharu - Gua Musang - Genting Sempah - KL

For keeping me sane without realizing it, thank you.
For the hugs and extreme laughter and extreme everything in betweens. Thank you.

Mal, rahsia kejayaan? Family. Twinkling eyes, grins and laughter.
That is what it was, is, will always be.

Whatever the storm.


2) Milestones - Guiding Light, Where For Art Thou'?

It is Effort without changing the Substance.

It is to remember, to notice, to accept and embrace.

For without it, I am lost. Do you not know?

IT IS EFFORT WITHOUT CHANGING THE SUBSTANCE.

We get too caught up in our own spiderweb sometimes to notice;
Be it the Effort themselves.
Or the Substance of others.

Don't. Don't focus on darkness until you lose sight of the light that chooses to guide you.
And the people who chooses to stand by you.

Remember. Notice. Accept. Embrace.

*

At the edge of the cliff and you're about to fall.

If you do not accept my extended hand, how can I help you?

Cerita Ceriti di tengah tengah tiang Glojy.

quote Lya:
"...like a car that needs to be fueled, that needs to be maintained. Were you that comfortable in knowing that I would always be there for you, is that why you didn't do anything?"

"No, I knew it/you had to be 'maintained'..."

"So why didn't you?"

"I don't know."
:unqoute Lya.

*

It's sad that it's true. The thought that Comfort is something that can backfire (sebab tu connection tu penting, kan Lya?).

Scary the very fact that it's common. When she's gone or he's gone, that is the time you figure out that it's the best thing that has ever happened to you. All the wondrous things that you've done together runs through your head, and all the things you've always complained about suddenly doesn't matter anymore. Then you realize how much better a person you are because of her/him.

Tapi, kalau dah terlambat, kau nak buat apa?

A lesson and a reminder for me (and for you too, if you want to take it);
It shouldn't slip in between my fingers for me to realize it's worth.
Small little bumps should not get in the way.
Don't ever ever, take anyone for granted.
Kalau betul sayang, jaga elok elok. Simpan.
Oh please oh please jangan buang, jangan hilang for good. Ever.

*

Lyaaaasayang! I love you too (!) and Glojy and the dude who made the milk-based Very Vanilla specially for you! I'll see you (and Wan!) Monday :)

*

Sebab kita, awak awak awak dan awak; Kuat.

Apa jadi bila Chocolate Overdose.

Hari ni memang sugar rush. Bila Bulan semakin dekat, Chocolate Digestives setia dalam drawer dekat office. Just in case.

Tapi itulah. Overdose biskut hari ni, boleh tak? *tsk tsk*

Naik LRT. Tiba tiba dengar suara sumbang, "Hi, lama tak nampak."

Oh Nooooooooooooooo! Lelaki-tua-gatal-pangkat-'Manager'-perangai-tak-senonoh-suka-sexually-harass-perempuan! (Jangan tanya macam mana saya tahu dia manager, tapi betul. Dia manager.)

Bisik. Okay, pandang tempat lain dan jangan layan. Okaylah, lepas kan satu evil stare so dia faham bahasa dan diam.

"You sihat?"

Bisik. Hamboi hamboi orang tua nii.

*Dia semakin dekat semakin dekat oh no! semakindekaaaat*

Teringat. Mama pernah cakap, kalau ada orang yang pegang pegang lagi sila cakap kuat kuat biar orang lain dengar dan biar dia malu. Cakap English pun boleh tengok dia intimidate ke tak.

*Kumpul tenaga dari langit dan sedia untuk tindakan refleks kalau kalau dia tarik tangan atau cuba benda benda pelik*

*Mula buka mulut*

"EXCUSE MEYYH, CAN YOO PLEASE STOP TOUCHIN MEEYYY"

*tahan muka ketat*

*hold evil stare*

*tahan gelak serious nak gelak guling!*

Sejak bila aku cakap English ada slang British pulak niii??

Sugar rush okaay. >.<"

.

Feeling as if you're being taken for granted is not a nice feeling.
Not being able to put it into a sentence is worse.

Just because a person is nice or nice enough,
tolerant or tolerant enough,
doesn't give you the right to step all over.

Or be totally ignorant, kan?

Betul tak nak kisah, betul? Sumpah sakit perut.

:DD

Oh. Ini saya punya, saya sendiri simpan. *senyum kecil*

123 posts later. Flew high, flying still.

Hurrah for good company then, and now :)

Wi-Yerd (in the good-est best-est way ever!)

Jack fell down and broke his crown
and Jill came tumbling after.

Temptations are everywhere, yes true. But there is that will to Choose (and say No).
Please (and I would be on my knees), for You and I and Us and Them, hold on.
For You and I and Us and Them.

Catch a falling star and put it in your pocket

Never let it fade away

I have not slept for more than 24 hours now. But I am at my happiest I have ever been for the past months.

Blessed.

• Not being able to sleep and having to only walk a few footsteps to your Girlfriends and having them break it down and thus the teeny weeny breakdown in between rationalizing everything and random spongebob-ish moments.

• You were not two hours away by aeroplane, probably daays by Sampan. You were right here. With Mama, with Yan, with Adik, with Lya and Wan, with Me. We're learning still aren't we? About Capabilities and Probabilities. Yes please with you, yes please :)

• RM 37 enough said.

• Laughing Fits. Non-stop laughing for at least 15 minutes. With a pause to vacuum the floor out of guilt and continue laughing like mad. Best. Gila sebab mamai dengan orang orang yang betul adalah terbaik.

Kenyang:) (and mengantuk now haha!)

Satu: "Kick Them in The Nuts!"

Ada dua tiga benda yang saya betul betul tak suka. Verging on Hate, and Hate to me is already too strong a word.

Salah satu benda benda yang saya betul betul tak suka tu, boleh buat benda seperti kena rompak nampak remeh. Dan saya pernah kena rompak (plus benda tak suka at the same time), so Hush.

Kalau dah berkedut, berbini dan beranak, jaga diri sendiri dan mereka elok elok. Tak perlu buat perangai tak senonoh ala ala budak baru nak faham dunia. And that's all I have to say.

For saving and ending the day with the usual cacatness, I Love Youss =)

Lesson of the night:
WMB, Sila letak video atas Youtube dan tumbangkan lembu. Yes, literally. Hehe.

Oh Them Cobwebs! (botherbotherbother)

The Mathematician

Kalau kira kira
Satu campur satu akan selalu jadi dua.

Kira lah dengan jari atau alat apa apa
Satu campur satu mesti jadi dua.

**

Mary and Her Little Lambs

Mary would always lose her little lambs.
Takpelah, eventually her lambs would come back to find her.
(Everywhere that Mary went, her lambs were sure to go, right?)

So Mary, when she loses her darling lambs,
sits back sipping a good cup of tea, stares at the sky, hums a little song, and waits.
Patiently. Too patient it may seem to some, but patient nevertheless.

And true enough, after a while of sitting and playing with her hair (she's finished her cup of tea you see), fleeces as white as snow could be seen making their way towards her.

It's been that way for decades.

Oh dear old Mary, what if one day they never came back?

**

The System

Generally Accepted Beliefs are not necessarily The Way of Life (or The Way Life Goes - whichever you want to take). Generally Accepted Beliefs, in my opinion would be, how things are (usually) or how it would typically turn out.

But it can't be, not always (and not all ways). There are exceptions, no? I want to believe that there are.

Naïve? Probably.

Fikir macam macam, pasti jadi macam macam.

**

The MathemARTician

Kadang kadang
Ada orang kira kira
Dia nampak dan kata
Satu campur satu jadi tiga.

Siapa kata dia salah?

Patience is (Actually Very) Golden

when there is a hush instead of the usual rush.

a sigh.
not that sigh.
yes my sigh.

it's not that i don't.
i always do.
never once not ever never there.
always (you know?), always there.

but there is that pause sometimes.
at the peak of the very peak.
and at the edge of the very edge.
and every last drop is about to (drip drip) spill-

(i know) it is only because-
that is when i wish you to be near the most.



(anywhoo, put on a smile and a grin!
that is Life, so they say)

=)

Flying Clouds :)

a bunch of black pantyhoses,

a flurry of silver skirts,
a LOT of velcro-ed tops,
hairspray, makeup - "lipstick Ms Lina pretty pleases with hugs and kisses!"

little girls loves to be told they're pretty princesses (and they were, very)
little boys loves high fives and ghost stories and weird dancing and la-la lands.
oh my, simply adorable i tell you.



the girls.


the boys.


the one that loves to dance (kita gang!)


the chuck bass


the ms lina in the midst of pantyhose-silver skirts-velcro tops and lipstick.


the Flying Clouds; if all else fails, become a kindergarten teacher!


**


11 girls and 7 boys that made my day.

Sayang, i draw the line at having 11 girls and 7 boys, okay?

Hihi.

Hate Is Such A Strong Word

According to the long chain of hate mails, i:

1. need to learn and understand that i need to study early to get good grades.
2. need to control my emotions (specifically anger), because according to hate mail number 2:
"you will face many other problems, issues etc at work, life etc" unqoute.
3. showed disappointing behaviour on 28th of October 2009
4. potrayed childish behaviour on said date.
5. cannot accept constructive criticism.
6."Being sarcastics" unqoute.

Grammar Sir, tsk tsk.

*breathes in deeply*

*breathes out*

sila buang rasa macam sampah.

Perhaps there are some truth to those emails. Perhaps. Siapa tahu kan?

*

Saya terharu.
Sebab ramai yang datang tepuk belakang.
Hero? bukan. Berani? Errr.
A little bit of stupid in me too, but oh well, sedang belajar kan.

Dan yang paling terbaik,
bila GM cakap;
"you can always use our phone to call your boyfriend. It's free anyway"

*

Oh getting back to you.

Whatever reports/letter of recommendation written by you will be personally removed by Pn SV. (not me)

And most importantly,
you don't get to judge me.
not as a person.
you don't decide whether it's heaven or hell.

*

dan bila dunia semakin gelap, dan awan mula sarat...
i only have 9 and a half weeks left, i have to remember that.

*

alaaaaaa. i'll live through it. takda hal punyalah!
alahai benda benda niii. remeh.'

=)

take care sweets!

wannakapalokwannakapalokwannakapalok

(title explanation: view here)

That is my little brother. Sarcasm is his forte. Catch him on a bad day and he'll shoot you using only his words dripping with sarcasm until it practically oozes out of his ears. (Or yours, whichever)

But that is one of the many reasons why i love him dearly, though he would probably make a face if so i tell him this -and i tell him this often just to get a kick out of seeing his reaction. (yes, Yan. I love you deaarlyy tooo *grins*)

This post however, tugged a heart string someplace deep. I guess it's how you choose to interpret it.

I am amused thank you very much let's get through the day bring it on!! ;)

125 Book 2

"The supreme happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved"
- Victor Hugo

from the authors of Book 2:

"2. She is WONDER WOMAN - hehe..."
RAIHAN ZALIKHA ANWAR
18th July 2005
8.33pm
(weather: raining)

"At least I've learnt a lesson from all this, cherish those around you especially the ones you love. Say thanks to them and give them a hug once in a while..."
ATHIRAH AHMAD
22nd July 2005

"It's more of a gift to myself...In other words, to let it go. To not think or waste my neuron cells thinking all the pain caused"
AINA AZMI
16th August 2005
(26 days to trials)

"Please don't hurt yourself. Mentally or physically. In any way, don't do anything that would hurt yourself. Nothing and no one should be the cause you put yourself to harm. IN ANY WAY DO NOT HURT YOURSELF"
LINA RADZI
29th August 2005

"Seriously guys...uhh girls, i don't know what to write. Ok here goes something that pops up from my blank head :)

"Kudaku lari..gagah berani!" "
SAKEENA ZAHIDAH
4th August 2005

na, we're here for you.
always have been, always will be =)
sila bawa busuk jumpa saya. for a big big hug or a slap, mari (hehe)

p/s: siapa simpan Book 1?

Sekala-Sekali

Baru balik kerja satu jam yang lepas. Shit.
Nasib baik manusia manusia kelakar teman.

Working makes some of us so very random doesn't it?

***
On a different note;

Cause I'm sitting here waiting for you
to come on home
and turn me on.

Yes. It's that kind of night.

Alahai Norah Jones.

of good food and conversations

kenyang :)

Back to back lepak sessions with the significant other three (maybe four) weeks ago was all about us and our (ancient) past. We went down memory lanes that once used to hurt and came up with a lot of conclusions and resolutions.

Lesson learnt (his):
Tak boleh jadi 'tak betul' bila tengok perempuan tu. Kalau dah rasa macam tu, memang dah tak betul dah semua.
unquote. Which at that point i understood - to an extent.

~

GoodCompany+GoodFood+GoodConversations+1/3*Randomness=Kenyang+Laughter+Realizations
Then came the supermassive (bukan supermassive black hole - though yes, sangat rindu pergi jamming) updates. And also on some recent turn of unexpected events.

And the comment. (And now the count of receiving such comments is three in two weeks)

I think it's sad that it's a generally accepted belief the magic in a relationship will eventually die. When the so-called honeymoon phase ends, that's when all hell supposedly breaks loose. Maybe it's true for most. Maybe. But it can't be, can it? There must be a sliver (if not a glimmer) of hope somewhere, no?

Lessons learnt (mine):
No overdoing it, no faking it, no fancy pansy efforts (all the time) in the early stages only to have absolutely NO efforts (at all) later.

It has to feel (and be) real from the beginning, with certain (ehem) degrees of angau-ness, boleh? ;)

~

Ahh, then new revelations to the conversation three (or four) weeks ago. Right term then 'Tak betul', indeedy-o-righty-o! hihi. :)


Good night good people, good night and good day!

The Good Kind

it starts with a slight shiver causing goosebumps all over
then a rumble-like thunder from the core of someplace deep
and spreads like lightning-
til the end of every end

warm tingling senses and that smile oh that too yes or a grin sometimes too yes.

it's a good kind of storm this, yes.

"Longs with every passing moment"

writes Steven Vera as tribute to Voltaire and Emilie.
and mine to you, mine to you, mine to you;

"It’s the people who hug you and never want to let go, the people who you haven’t seen for months, but nothing has changed at all, the people who give to you more than you give to them, the people that truly understand who you are, the people who you cry about, the people who you live for, the people in your photographs that have light genuinely shining through their eyes and their smile, the people that take your breath away."
taken from lovelybluepony

Oh Hearts!
Rindu.
Thank You.
=)

Sumo Mode;

Jadinya Makanya Nak Dibuat kan Cerita,
(i give up).

I'll push them silly whispers out of my bloody way, work my way around it, i give up giving you my time of day.
Yes, (i give up).

**

Duduk dalam smoking room yang bersih dan wangi (sebab dah tiga minggu setengah tiada penghuni) sambil mendengar cerita Cik (bakal) Manager buat saya sedar satu benda:

INI, (senyum sengih dan balik rumah tenggelam dalam selimut -dan hilang)
needs no justification.

None, if it is not needed.
None, if you're not.

:)

"It's at that moment where moving (be it backwards, to the side or forward) seem
difficult, that's when you just have to MOVE. Forward preferably."

"It's Times Like These..."

pecah otak? *angguk*

resah gelisah Cik Esah? *angguk*
jom.

"...Time and Time Again."
-Foo Fighters

Priceless;

Giddy.

Memories :)

Reason one.

"They deem me mad for I will not sell my days for gold;
I deem them mad for they think my days have a price"
Kahlil Gibran

The List

*lands hard on the seat next to me*

*i look up*

"hello!"

"hoit"

*silence*

*SILENCE*

"she's pretty"

"yeah"

and that's that.

done.


i can now cross off the name from a list i've been silently and unconsciously doing in my head.
cross off and add a smiley face.

:)

kasihan tapi kan.
otak working on overdrive tapi sunyi.
hush, hush.

Friends: "The One Where The Guys Lost A Boy(space?)friend"

rambut masih bau a mixture of asap rokok and asap shisha.
tekak masih kering sebab bau cocktail asap asap-an.
facial muscles masih lenguh sebab kadar tunjuk gigi yang extreme.
kepala macam nak teleng sebab bengkok leher sini sana untuk masuk gambar.
belon merah tertinggal!

puas!

bukan sajaa dapat jumpa (hampir) semua,
tapi dapat dengar (dan membebel) pasal perihal hati dan cinta.

bukan hebat pun kami kami ni. biasa saja.
semua pernah jatuh, semua pernah hilang.
semua pernah rasa sakit yang macam macam.

**

we've seen each other go through it all.
seen them fly so very high; unbreakables.
seen them fall into the most deepest and darkest of crevices; broken.
we've hurt each other too, haven't we?

tapi yang penting,

in the end,
throughout it all,

kita masih ada awak, kamu, saya, mereka.

jangan lupa!

jangan lupaa :)


**

sorry lama menghilang.
lin kan 85% anti-social. hehe

**

p/s: and in the spirit of the independence day, i declare myself free from...well, let's just say, tak nak kawan sudah. dah hulur tangan untuk salam, sambut atau tidak bukan lagi masalah saya :)

hello:)

"...and those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music"
- Friedrich Nietzsche

oops i did it again ;)

Enchanting

Enchanted! (yes, the movie) When Suits meet Princesses.

Nevermind the pretty dresses.
And them breaking into songs at random.
And that the squirrel wrote a book called 'Silence isn't golden'.
Nevermind those for a second.
There were lines in that movie that (yes, surprisingly) made me go "haaa".
There's nothing wrong with optimism.
Nothing.

So, tralalalala~ huh :D

Silence

is golden...

?

tipu .

If Only... (David Urquhart-Jones).

ahh. tak perlu swing kali ini.
perlu datang dari hati,
terus ke jari.

lyaaaaaaaaa.
apam :(

sebab.

harini,
ada satu lelaki,
kena herdik dalam LRT.
("hey apa ni pegang pegang baju orang!")
kena marah depan orang ramai.
("nak mencuri ya!")
kena tuduh,
kononnya dia penyeluk saku
nak seluk saku orang depan dia.
kononnya.

tapi.
kalau nak tahu cerita sebenar,
("maaf bang, saya bukan pencuri")
lelaki tu tak sengaja pegang baju orang depan dia.
sebab
takut terjatuh dan terlanggar perempuan di kiri kanan.
tak ada niat pun nak mencuri.

tu lah.
tak pernah nak tanya sebab.


(saya punya) sebab.
harini,
nak senyum sopan sambil pusing pusing.
nak senyum macam ni -> :)
sambil pusing pusing.
simpan gigi untuk lain hari.

segala macam Optimism dari setiap sudut dunia sangat dialu alukan.

<. strong> :) <. / strong>

tahu?

Jangan lupa lirik

nanti jadi macam ni.

"i really really miss you
i just want to kiss you
but i've got some issues
really need some tissues
i've got some snot
nanti you'd kiss me not"

mahahaha! =P

Found this

while going through the documents during the filing process at work just now,

"Dignity consists not in possessing honors, but in the consciousness that we deserve them."
- Aristotle

nothing comes easy.
almost always the things you want you have to work hard for.
i know that.

but as Lya said yesterday,
"While there's life, there's hope".

You can't fall forever. kan?
at the veryyy least, have fun falling ;P


p/s: ikin, meh la datang melawat aku lagi meh la :P !

"Hang on (real) tight"

see!

on days like today

i'm glad that the utterly annoying optimistic side of me exists.

"of dark, will climb; will blossom; will sing"

it serves (at least) me purpose.

tebalkan muka, tutup telinga, gelak gila.
kejap lagi boleh balik.

of magnificent treasures never told;

can i say that i've been around the world and back again?

and learnt that -
those gleaming treasures
the pirates hunt to feed their greed
and the commoners wish for to feed their hunger
the kings seek to feed their souls -

i already have.
found.

all that is needed is the
patience and perseverance
and the ability to summon as much strength as humanly 'lincat-ly' possible.

have a break, have a kit kat!

there! over and bloody done with.

best! 7 fun-filled minutes on stage.
two weeks worth of hellish bonding moments.
twisted kan? haha.
people who goes through the same 'torture' everyday can bond amazingly, apparently.

saja. nak tengok kalau masih ada skill menari.
it's been what?
4 years since i last danced on a stage?
itupun traditional dance okay, tak pernah modern dance like today.
ahah.

but neah.
i'd rather be on stage
with subtle makeup
with the keyboard
surrounded by other musicians.
extra plus points kalau ada that certain drummer (ehem)
:)

will be back by Sunday afternoon! (hopefully)
akan rindu a whole load of people though.
especially them from overseas.
hee.

lepas ni mahu MC satu bulan.
suara gue sudah nggak ada!

take care people, take care:)
rindu sama dunia luar!
rindu (more) orang bintulu

"We're not the same, we're different in a good way"

"together's where we belong"

last week.
"are you from Vietnam?"

yesterday.
"are you sure you're not from Uzbekistan?"

today.
"lina can you ask one of the Sudanese girls or South African girls to braid your hair nanti? just to complete the look"

mmm.
it doesn't matter.
at the end of the day, we're all humans anyway.
same old good difference :)

chickensoup.

i miss talking to real people.
having real conversations.
gossip girl? (sekarang) ick.

i cannot do surfaces,
and talk about how my eyebrows are shaped and how my lips are kept moist.

loneliness does not come when you are surrounded with people who helps feed your soul.

i'm tired of having empty days.
and biarlah, walau ada seribu manusia sekalipun,
i've never felt so alone.

hari ni je. promise.

***

little steps.
bumps and bruises.
fell and broke into a million tiny pieces.

all worth while if at the very end, you fly high.

***

suka.
sesi girl-bonding-heart-to-heart between interns in Corporate Affairs and us interns from IBU tadi.

***

never have taken it for granted, God no!
refreshing -to be reminded of all that actually matters:)

do, do take care!
i'll see you at the end of two (long) weeks.
hopefully lepas ni boleh meet up for lunch and catch up?
and have more time to do other things on weekends and when i get back.
(janji! lepas ni keluar office pukul 5 (or earlier), and not any later teehee)

Que Sera, Sera

monday.
left home at 645am,
brief meeting on expectations and job scopes,
short tour and introduction to fellow future office mates,
total boredom until 5pm,
gossip session bersama fellow intern mates until 5pm,
reached KJ at 630pm,
had dinner with ayah,unofficial atuk,adik and mama,
reached home at 9pm.

tuesday.
left home at 650am,
meeting on Project Rahsia (wuhuu! sudah ada tajuk FYP!),
haha tak rahsia pun, aku je poyo
lunch with one of our SV's for briefing on KKP,
got started on phase one of Project,
had to do montage with silly lappy with no movie maker,
serabutserabutserabut!
dance practice for KKP,
reached home at 930pm.

wednesday.
left home at 645am,
continued progress on Project Rahsia,
gathered info from different departments in IBU,
continued montage making in between meetings and Project progress,
bloody long meeting on KKP,
reached home at 830pm.

thursday.
left home at 630am,
meeting and short presentation with fellow Country Risk people,
a serious and stressed out bunch but friendly nevertheless
continued progress,
montage checked by SV for KKP,
minor changes,
after lunch first phase of project reached the design phase,
minor changes on colors,
was almost color blind with the two hours spent on choosing colors, mind you
design phase almost complete,
dance practice again,
reached home at 9pm.

macam mana?
kalau kerja nanti macam ni.
kesian suami haha =P

plans for music lessons on hold lagi.
ish.

tolong jangan marah last two previous posts sangat soppy.
LRT tempat yang menarik dan kadang kadang sayu.
apparently.

on a brighter note!
fellow intern mates are the coolest!
and smart and rajin and reliable!
(jadi boleh time out for me sekali sekala =P)

fellow SV's and office mates (jangan tanya kenapa ramai SV's) are the coolest juga!
very very friendly and sporting even mereka yang serious sikit di sebelah sana.

kesimpulan after this one week?

mahu jadi surirumah.

boleh? =P


(whatever will be, will be) says the song.

peek-a-boo, i see you;

there was this
kind old lady
who actually gave her seat to a tired looking mother
when she herself seemed tuckered out

perhaps
she'll come home to a loving husband
who would kiss her wrinkles away

there was this
sweet old man
with a smile for those with frowns

perhaps
he'll come home to a wonderful family
giving him all the love he would need to last him two lifetimes

there was this
pretty little girl
in a slightly torn pink frock
staring out the window while her worried mother held her tight

perhaps
she'll grow into a beautiful, strong woman
and make a difference in this world

there was this
busy young man
with a phone stuck to his ear
never pausing, not once

perhaps
he'll get his break real soon
and retires at the age of 40

no matter how bad the day
no matter how utterly horrible the world
no matter how tragic the life

was, is, will be;

everyone deserves a happy ending.

flash(es);

fourteen stops.
and a hundred faces.

one last ride.
and a million cars.

just not yours.
not you.

i miss you, tahu?

i miss you.

.honeybee

macam...-macam.

oh well.

=)

broken record;

geram.

for years it has always been about the same thing. the only difference was the trigger.

geram.

we're all different. and it's such a waste seeing two people you absolutely love just cannot and will not settle their differences.

geram.

just because you walked down a path you deem wrong and unnecessary, and lived with regrets you can do well without does not mean any one of us might too. the circumstances are different. we are entitled to make our own mistakes. and learn from them.

geram.

there's so many other things in life worth pondering on. and you must never, ever let anyone, no matter who they are, push your buttons. everything happens for a reason and you won't always get what you want. some things come easy, some you have to work extra hard for. what's life without the bumps and bruises? don't ever stop moving. don't ever just stop living. no matter how hard. ever.

geram.

when you're standing by the sidelines and you know there's nothing you can do. nothing. except watch.

geram.

sleep, please.

canvas;)

"bizarre, unconventional and dorky."

it pays not to wear someone else's face.

liberating:)

i'm happy-oh! hehe.

besok perlu bawak diri sendiri dan si Extended Eyes keluar berjalan jalan.

come rain or shine.

mesti.

click!

a-muse-sing

"I want spoon please!"
*hands over spoon*
"No, no! The sharp sharp spoon!"

ceh. haha. okay. nak garfu ke.
hati hati jangan sampai cucuk mata.

=P

gelak golekgolekgolekgolekgo lek
sampai utp.

lagi lagi! =D

13 hours 29 minutes before Wi-Tech,

cik Lina, tolong tidur please.

***

sila dengar cakap orang tua.

especially if he's older than you by a decade
(or two! teehee).
and knows you (really really really) well.

dengar; bila dia kata jangan bagi semua.
katanya; nanti cepat rasa kecewa.
nanti pasti dia bising, tahu pun sakit!

how dare you scoff at him then.
being different doesn't exclude you from the rules the world has set.
'just because' does not apply here. not here.

sebab sehebat mana pun, kalau tak hati hati...
hish! jangan sebut. nanti si orang tua marah dan tampar.

yes. he will smack me. yes he will. he will.
breathe and take a step back.


"come find me."


kaki si orang tua yang "love-surfer-boys"
haha. he'll smack me for real this time, won't he?
*jelir lidah sambil lari sebelum kena scorpion yang sakit*


rindu Revelations.

Closed.

I am ignoring you, Little Voice in The Head.

You haven't been nice lately,
with all the silly exaggerated whispers from silly little random passing thoughts.

You should know better!
Silly little random passing thoughts must never be entertained!

Silly Little Voice in The Head.
You, yes you.
You're sleeping outside for a while.
Until you stop making the heart weary.

*sigh*

An overactive imagination apparently comes with a huge painful price.


grr. all this is making me hungry~

Hi Hi Hello, Her Name is Diyana (Please and Thank You!)

nampak budak senget ni? ye, ye. yang makan pizza guna sudu ni. kasihan~ siapa yang kenal beliau pasti tahu tahap kesengetan beliau tak boleh nak buat apa dah.

mungkinkah salah kakak beliau yang tegar menurunkan segala ilmu senget sejak beliau kecik, comel dan tak boleh berjalan sampai beliau besar, bising dan boleh berjalan?

kenapa cerita ceriti pasal budak senget yang boleh berjalan nii?? whhhyyyyy~

sebab harini beliau tujuhbelas tahun! lapanbelas tahun! teehee =P
Naaaay yang mentaal! WE LOVE YOU!
Cepat jadi doktor yang kerja sambilan dia main muzik!

nota kaki: nay bukan nama sebenar. itu nama tipu tipu saya seorang guna.

nota kaki lagi: oh jangan risau. yan takkan offended saya kata dia mental. mental dalam family (especially yang extended sebelah mama) adalah satu compliment. pelik kalau kamu blood related tapi tak mental. (kan farah kan =P)

nota kaki lagi lagi: ha cik yan! puas hati? takde gambar pelik yang buruk kaklong letak okay! oh by the way, *ehem* apa hadiah sweet tahun ni? ;P

nota kaki lagi lagi lagi: i'm really bored. penat baca stuff and hafal formulas. i'm having fun looking at old pictures :D

Flutter-by;

they say the Eyes are the windows to your Soul.
and until that moment, i never thought it to be true.

it is.

those pair of Eyes who chooses to see past your skin and deep into your Soul would cause so much more than just a mere belly flop.

and i am not talking about butterflies (or elephants!) in your stomach.

no, no.

it breaks walls,
heightens all Senses
but at the same time blocks everything else
except for you and him, you and her.

as the Eyes take everything in,
and the Ears listen to each breath,
and as every microsecond is Savored,
the Heart swells in the beauty of it all.

it makes you feel like you are capable of doing anything, everything.

and
being you,
is all you ever have to be.


come;
as you are, as you are.

one more then lets jump for joy!

yeaaaaaaay!

esok (lepas pukul 12 tengah hari)

cutiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!

=D


almost able to breathe normally.
tepi, tepi coursework. rimas!

fractions

kau nak tahu (what).


apa?



grr.


(edited 24th April 2009 1603)

They made my day, made my day

The sky is empty tonight. Eloklah tu. Sesuai.
Oh ack! Ada kucing ikut pulak.


Hello. Ini kawan baru serta penjaga baru saya.
Hobi Si Kucing: teman saya jalan kiri kanan (apparently).

Kalau ada orang kacau, nanti dia bukak mulut besar besar.
(Menguap sebab malas nak layan)

Macam ni.


Oh. Si Kucing (maaf, belum ada nama) ni sangat gedik.
Suka manja manja dengan roomate tersayang.
Oh, roomate tersayang pun suka manja manja dengan Si Kucing.

Macam ni.


Hari ni saya ajar Si Kucing Penjaga main keyboard!
Oh okay, Si Kucing yang pergi raba raba keyboard saya dulu.
Dia suka tekan C guna kepala (tak tahu kenapa),
tapi sebab kepala dia besar,
BCDEF semua tekan sekali.


Macam ni.

Silly billy.

Besok ajar Si Kucing buat programming pulak.

Hello, I'm Hungry.

"Silence is Golden"

Whoever said that must not have known silence of this kind.

Huh.

Lucky you.

sukatila nak bising dekat IRC. sukatilaaa~!

hehe =P

lala~
(gifilafaaaaaaaaaaa)

Parts

Hari ni satu hari sakit kepala. Semua sebab bangun mengejut pukul 4 pagi tadi (oh, ada kemungkinan sebab hal intern juga). Bangun dan hampa bukan satu perasaan yang menarik.

Tadi berlari, tapi berhenti separuh jalan. Semua sebab (tiba tiba) teringat mimpi pukul 4 pagi tadi. Baru faham kenapa bangun dan hampa pukul 4 pagi. Menguap (sebab kurang oksigen) sambil berlari bukan satu perkara yang menarik (oh, mungkin juga sebab sakit kepala).

***

Thirty nine days...

since the last time I watched you from the side mirror, crossing the street from where you dropped yourself off.

Thirty nine. Since the moment I stepped out of the co-driver's seat (that has been mine for the past months when you were driving), and had my sister ogle at us from the backseat, and had my best friend hold back tears (which had nothing to do with us), and I shared that look with you, and you held my hands (probably so that ogling sister would not see, haha), and I squeezed your hands one last time, and popped into the driver's seat and drove off watching you watching me drive off. Thirty nine.

Seventy eight since the two days of heaven with our (music playing) family.

It does not feel like thirty nine days.
Or seventy eight.

It just doesn't.
No matter what I tell myself.

Hari ni susah nak percaya diri sendiri (haha)
Terima kasih mimpi.

***

Circumstances doesn't always work your way does it? No matter how much and how hard your Heart yearns (yes) for it. No, no. I do not wish for things to be any different. Nor do I wish it to be simpler or any easier. It is as it is for reasons that we may or may not understand.

It is this feeling that comes with every sight of things and people and words and even cats, that triggers the memory and tugs at the Heart. It is this tug, this pang that makes everything seem (a wee bit) difficult but worth it at the same time. All in a way that is so ironic it's...weird? Weird. Yes, I'll settle with that.

***

Weird.

I'm sure those who grew up with me, is close to me, used to know the skeptic side of me, seen the ice queen-robotic-emotionless side of me and heard the (many heartbreaking) stories find me weird now.

Kan? (haha =P)

***

Selamat Hari Khamis (malam Jumaat) semua!
Jom study Wi-Tech!

=)

Yong Tau Foo dah sejuk

air mangga madu semakin kurang sejuk.
ironic haha.

they counted up to eight.
i, on the other hand stopped at two.
and could not - would not count no more.

ich.

this is all too familiar.

i'm too old for this.
em, yes.
this would be one thing i am too old for.

alahai~

Shiny Black Ears, anyone?

We sat in a circle,
on the floor of the huge hall.
And played.
And sang.
While one pretended the guitar stand was a real guitar.
And sang his heart out.

At that moment, no differences mattered.
And all things said and done was let pass.
Because at that moment,
the Magic that bound us all together,
was Music.


We walked along the many stalls,
saw a floating colorful umbrella,
and bought food fit to feed a small country.
Later, joked about shiny black ears all the way back,
leading to stomach aches
and breathing difficulties.

At that moment, no differences mattered.
For that brief moment, all troubles were forgotten.
Because at that moment,
the Magic that bound us all together,
was Laughter.


It's those little things in life we often overlook that actually might mean a whole lot more.

alamak, alamak.
Tak jadi marah.
lala~
=P

Elevator Love Letter

"If there's a crisis, you move forward.
You get the rest of us to move forward, because you've seen worse.
You've survived worse and you know we'll survive too.
You say you're all dark and twisty. That's not a flaw.
It's a strength. It makes you who you are."

-Grey's Anatomy
(via thoughts from along the broken road...)

lalalala ;)

come watch the sunset with me.



sayarinduawakjugak!:)

when Hope came in a different envelope

his hands
(all wrinkly with veins)
reached out for hers
(all wrinkly with veins)

and his voice
(all low and sweet)
whispered softly in her ear
(until she started to breathe calmly)

and they kept holding hands,
until i had to break them apart,
because my bladder can only hold so much for so long,
and the cold plus the bumpy ride did not help.

they spoke French.
old sweet couple, them.
and so very much in love.
with hair as white as snow,
and so very much in love.

three hours.
of strangers, but not so.
and i learnt,
that a simple gesture could bring great effects.

and that there is one universal language
spoken without words and
through the heart;

nevermind the spoken language,
if it is there,
it would be felt,
thus understood.

i wish them (and all like them), well =)

Strength.

The definition.

but it does not speak of
the breadth and depth of
the stomach-quenching pain,
the chest-hurting pangs,
the heart-felt longing;
does it?

as fables unfold,
Strength (as it seems);
is having the courage to fall and bleed.
is the power of acceptance and forgiveness.
the ability to love and to lose.
to admit and to change.
to laugh and cry.
to Live.

despite the odds.
despite the odds.

like
a phoenix, rising from the ashes.

push us to the edge (i dare you),
we shall fly.
we must.
we will.

"i am afraid of falling,"
"i have wings,"
-unknown author

sugar-rush!

Life is Divine Chaos; so they say.

Embrace it.

:)

those Three Little Birds should sing louder.

louder please, let the World hear your words.

and let us;
people in dire need of such words,
hear you loudest.

as loud as you can. please.

tiga si burung kecil;

Three Little Birds sang to me,

"Don't worry about a thing,
cause every little thing gonna be alright"

Terima kasih Encik Bob Marley.
Terima kasih kamu-kamu;
you Hearts, you Sunshines, you Love.


for all and everything.
however small, however magnificent.


And as the rain cleared,
she saw Light.

let's go jump in puddles! *wide excited grin*

Hehe =)

kali lapan(puluh ribu);

of 'slow-mo' for breakfast,
with the appam loving bestfriend.
updates over tosai and roti canai (extra canai please),
and the (very) hungry (not satay seller) little brother and tight spaces.
of going shoe-hunting with the mighty blue truck,
and found a golden pair so very bright!

of the stress-free and bright-smiled roadtrip,
with the Blue Twins (one with patience and the other with rashes).
of winding roads and highways and low-ways and small scary roads,
and mocking ('anda pintar semakin pintar!') signboards, disappearing and appearing out of nowhere.
of the theme song; a thousand (sexy) miles.

the sighs of relief and whoops of joy!
(and how convenient, just as when the will to screw it almost took over)
and and and...and there, there, there.
familiar familiar familiar.
all smiles and grins.
of the Heart that could not, would not...stop.
smiling, grinning.
just like that night of "nak tak, nak tak"

and everything else in between.
(of mee sup kompang and kuew tiaw kering)
and everything else.
(of duets on the piano)
everything.

(i'm sorry) that my goodbyes are brief.
apparently i have found someone i cannot say goodbye to.

that was my two-days-after,
my eighth,
now it's time to reset the counter,
back to one; all over again.

can you hold on to a day longer than you should?
just a little while longer, i promise.

and the many branches conclude;

"would you, will you?"

shh. shhhh.

maaf cik roomate,
saya kurang cakap hari ni.
suara sexy lah ;)

*thump!*

tadi ikin cakap,

"rindu la zaman matriks"

and i immediately said no.
maaf. automatic reaction yang tak dapat control.

now i realized it was a lie.
i actually do miss kulim.

rindu.

rindu madihah and her stories.
rindu bila dia masuk dorm she'd be all cheery and "heloo! hi dah balik!"
rindu camwhore like crazy with her.
rindu listening to her swoons and sighs.
rindu. that one fight we(all four of us) had, she cried, in tears while telling me she loves me.

rindu cik diyana si keras kepala.
rindu the (oh so many) fights.
tapi, dalam keras keras kepala dia, hati dia lembut rupanya.
maka dia selalu nasihatkan saya supaya lembutkan hati.
(erm yeah, masa ini masih anti-cinta dan semua segala)

rindu henen cubemate dearest.
ahh, jika selama ini saya rasa kecewa kerana (mungkin) gagal sebagai seorang roomate yang baik,
at the very least i know i did my best by henen :)
because eventhough kitorg PMS time sama, we'd just sit next to each other.
i loved loved loved listening to her talk about her day.
but i also found comfort in our silent moments.
i found comfort.
and hey, siapa boleh tahan dengan saya yang dulu suka conteng dinding dengan segala macam quotes and newspaper cuttings.
rindu ambil bakul dobi dengan henen.
rindu gelak gila bila dia buat perangai berani yang macam macam.
rindu budak si mata lawa ni :)

and yang paling paling rindu?
rindu nabilah.
rindu punya kawan yang boleh hilangkan tension dengan hanya meng-squeeze tangan.
rindu punya kawan yang boleh tenyeh tenyeh konon je tgh urut dia :P
rindu having her come over and tell segala macam masalah dunia.
ahh, she's the only one in matrix dulu who would understand my extreme need of having long walks when i'm stressed.
walaupun dia tak sedar saya sebenarnya claustrophobic sikit, and would never admit it to her nanti hilang lah macho saya. :P
oh yes! kami dua perempuan macho!
you'd see us walking around campus without a care in the world.
if i'm walking next to her, semua sekeliling boleh kata apa apa and i wouldn't care.
i loved it. the fact that she was stronger than i am.
and masa period saya kena 'boycott', she was the only one who came up to me and talked to me.
we both understood how the other works.
ohhhh. ini sumber reality check versi perempuan yang paling sakit!
she understands in depth how much i value honesty.
and values it as much as well :)

okay. so rindu. sangat. apparently.

and some of the valuable lessons i learnt?

it's okay to be different.
you don't have to follow the masses, because even they can lead you astray.
and when you're placed in a box, you can either choose to suffocate and die or break out, break free.

it is a choice.
because we're not always placed in circumstances we dream of.
most of the time life throws us in squirmy-screamish situations.
mope, grieve, cry, rant - all a natural process.
some people need to fall (and fall hard) in order to bounce back.
but please, bounce back.
falling without a 'thump' hurts more than when you actually do hit the ground.

"likewise. tolong."

bila sakit sendi dan urat mula kuasai minda (yea?)

LUCIFER is a Feistal block cipher that operates on whatever number of bits, using a key of a longer number of bits.

LUCIFER was designed for this, to do that, given to whoever to be refined further for a purpose i cannot seem to fathom.

blablaba LUCIFER this and that. blablablabla LUCIFER blablabla LUCIFER blablabla DES.

LUCIFER is jumping off the page i'm reading.

and as far as i know, Lucifer is what they name that evil fiery creature.

not this block cipher thingamajig that i can't seem to understand.

pfft.

assudaalaa~

oh Dear, concentrate!




"No Singhalese, whether man or woman, would venture out of the house without a bunch of keys in his hand, for without such a talisman he would fear that some devil might take advantage of his weak state to slip into his body."
-The Golden Bough, Sir James George Frazer
(erm, yea. this is from the text book too)

"The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen, nor touched...but are felt in the heart"
- Helen Keller

tahu tak.

bila makcik tu tak ada,
pakcik tu macam serabut.
kalut.
kurang senyum.

semua segala seperti terlebih rasa.
atau kurang gula.

niat pada hari hari lain mungkin ingin ramah mesra,
tapi hari ini dia cuma ingin siapkan kerja.

macam hilang seketika, bisik teman.
kosong.

i think it's beautiful.
that you've lived with each other so long that you grow into one another.
that instead of letting it fade, it becomes stronger with age.

emm.

tahu tak.

bila makcik tu tak ada,
tiada siapa yang nak panggil saya sabrina
*nada kecewa*

hehe:)

**

thank you:)
you who listened as it rained from miles away:)
you who randomly passed by with a few kind lines and a good chat:)
you with the advices and the encouragement and the optimism on a rainy day:)
oh and you who would call and ask and make weird seruling noises:P
thank you:)

eeeek.

recent posts are starting to make me sound like i'm erm, not stable ala ala PMS pulak.

and i don't mean to sound so.
and i'm not PMS-ing.

mmmmffffttttmmmmmfftttmffffftttttttt~!

i need (a..?) time out.

excuse me:)

the addiction.

glojy's cookies and cream.
(esp when it's free)






p/s: there is always this dead-lull-all-empty-feeling after a virtuoso performance ends.

pp/s: ahh. mungkin dead-lull-all-empty-feeling is amplified bila go through the jungle of heavy red curtains dekat Main Hall and the face you hope to see just...well, just isn't there.

apa (apa) saja

gedik kan?

semakin dekat dengan rumah,
semakin kurang rasa serabut.

siap boleh jejak kasih dengan farah tengah tengah The Mall.

hehe.

home sweet home. :)


ohh awak, congratulations! :D

ohh busu, congratulations juga!
(haa see. baju maroon semata mata untuk busu okay! nasib muat :P)

ohh. lagu berkorban apa saja layan juga sebenarnya.

hehe.

come (help) please;

ohmyy~

silly me.

excuse me while i take time to breathe and correct myself.

and stand straight again.

you cannot take back the silly things you say, can you?

oh come rain, help wash it away.
come breeze, help blow it away.
come sunshine, help warm the insides.

oh my.

"so hold me close and never let me go~"
ahh lagu ini.

slipped

dah dah.
hari ini, ini janji saya:
kalau rasa tangan gatal,
mulut gatal,
kaki gatal,
saya tarik nafas dalam dalam dan pandang tempat lain,
okay?

dan senyumsenyumsenyum.
dan gelakgelakgelak.
dan tenangtenangtenang.

i vant to go to greece. and see oceans so blue. and skies so clear. and naik donkey. and rest. and sleep. and not think. and be safe. and warm. and see stone walls. and lean on one. and jump. and run. and have walks. i vaaant.

if i say i am tired, boleh?
please?

stripped

okay.

thankyou.bye.

deep breaths in between is possible.
i should remember that.

deep breaths.

ohh enambelas! (tolak lima)

yan, kaklong terharu.
*nada tiada sarcasm*

i'm touched honestly.
*i'm not being sarcastic, scouts honor!*
tapi! i'm not good at describing myself.
well, not really.
even the weird bits.

tapi sebab bosan.
and being alone with my thoughts, especially now can be dangerous.
maka saya buat! okay?

16 random things/habits
(CUBA!)

1. Saya suka gelak. With or without reason, suka hati bila bila lah.

2. Tapi dead serious when it comes to studies? Mungkin sebab tu most coursemates rasa saya garang? Mungkin.

3. Saya malas mandi pagi. Dengan alasan saya lelah, so nanti dada sakit. Tapi sebab class banyak pagi, maka gagahkan diri mandi juga. haha! (Oh jangan risau. Tak pernah tak mandi pergi class) :P

4. Oh. yes. Orang panggil saya Lincat dari Form Four. Terima kasih pengasas, Nur Hazwani Zainal! Yes Wan, i love you too :) Ahh, there used to be a time where everyone called me just that, and nothing else. Haha! The good old days.

5. I'd rather you snap a candid picture of me. The weirder the better. Sesungguhnya saya tak reti posing lama lama. I don't do poses, not really. So just click! And make it snappy.

6. I have a bunch of journals/letters/buku conteng/story books all in a HUGE box at home. Satu hari saya akan bagi seseorang baca. Semua. Kalau dia nak lah. Tak nak tak pe. Recycle. :P

7. Saya suka nyanyi bila drive (esp masa menyupir). And it's one of the only times I actually sing. Out loud. Loud lah. Loud enough, fiinneee :P

8. I used to bake when i'm sad. Dulu dulu lah. Masa kecik dulu dulu. Oohhh, i don't anymore. :) Sekarang baking comes with other more valid reasons.

9. I get all high when i see (okay, not only books and (ehem, kamu la haha)) those small windmill thingies. Ala, yang jual kat kedai, warna warni tuu, bila angin tiup dia pusing pusing. Ye, saya hampir rosakkan mama nye (untuk letak kat garden) sebab masa yan tgh drive pergi pegang luar tingkap kereta dari Uptown sampai rumah. Yes, kereta semua pandang. Couldn't care less, best! :D

10. (adik suruh letak) gemuk. pfft. I'd rather the word curvy :P

11. (yan cakap) suka makan sambil baring tapi yan bising. uh, masa kecik je okay! sekarang suka bersila :P mahahaha

*erm okay, dah tak tahu*

12.
13.
14.
15.
16.

ha! isi tempat kosong! dalam hati.
or nak type it out sini pun boleh suka hatilah haha!

hari ni vocab macam crap sikit.
sorry lah ye.
hehe :)

"Drink to me only with thine eyes,
And I will pledge with mine;"
- Ben Jonson



Jangan kira!

Cuba.

Okay?

2. reasons.

i am thankful that i was taught to appreciate strong family values.
i am thankful that i was taught how to appreciate bonds between people.

i consider myself blessed that we are related by blood.
because i have always found strength in them.
always found reasons to stand up and be proud.

no matter how screwed up the world can be,
this is the place i can run to and still find reasons to smile.
and just be me.
(can i also consider myself blessed that i've found other places as well? :) )

no, no.
no words to describe all and what i felt the entire night, entire day.
but.
i realized contentment after the conversation with Lya, Wan and Clarie.
and.
somewhere between Taman Melawati and TTDI i found solace and peace.

mudah kan manusia lupa?
blessed sebenarnya kita semua.

sometimes we have to stop looking for the bigger picture.
and look at what is around us.
smell the roses darlings.
it's those small and little things that matters most.

always :)

the first step.

if there's one thing that's wrong with me it would be this:

i cannot show extreme emotions.
extreme.

the sadder i am, the harder it is for me to show it.
the more it hurts, the more i'd hide it from the world.
i'd rather retreat within myself, cry when its dark, stuff like that.

until of course comes the trigger.
and once it comes, and once i start, it'll be hard to stop.

so yan's written about it.
healing begins with a step.
and so this is mine.

ohhh. trust me.
when mama sent the message that morning i felt my heart drop as if from a thousand feet up.
i called her, and heard her monotonous tone
(yes, that's mama when she's in pain. she, like me, retreats as well. in order to be strong for other people, she puts her emotions on hold to tend to others)
knew then that it was for real.

yan kata:

sebelum balik, mak long said to me, while hugging me tightly, "jangan lupa pak long k?"

impossible.

ini Pak Long yang most of the time is bubbly and cheerful and always with a smile. ini Pak Long yang made sure that Kamal apologized (profusely!) when he accidentally dropped a vase on my head. ini Pak Long who'd crack jokes yang so extremely funny i'd always be in a laughing fit sampai sakit perut. ini Pak Long who'd burst into a song at random times when we go on holidays. ini Pak Long yang suka cerita ceriti pasal masa dia, ayah and Pak Ngah pergi fishing trips and roadtrips. ini Pak Long.

of course takkan lupa. ever.

funny isn't it?

how it takes death to realize the value of the life we still have.
that it takes death to realize the value of the people around us.
it takes death to realize life.

youneverknow youneverknow youneverknow.

i wouldn't pause.
not for a heartbeat to stop myself from telling the people i care about that i care for them.

that iloveyou iloveyou iloveyou.

life is so much more than the petty everyday problems we believe we have.
petty, yes.
bila kau orang masih rasa salah aku sebab konon nya tinggalkan dia.
bila kau main dengan perasaan orang lain kerana kau rasa aku punca kau hilang segalanya.
dan bila kau orang baca dan terasa walhal mungkin ini semua bukan fasal kamu.
segan? silu? malu? benci?
PETTY.


life is precious.
as are you dear Sunshines, dear Hearts, dear Love.
for making the week so bearable.
directly, indirectly, thank you. :)


imissyou imissyou imissyou.

I Love You.

I Love All Of You.

So Very Much.


Al-Fatihah.


be brave.
be brave.
throughout the day.
throughout the day.
be brave.

nothing works

like you.

qoute:

Plan not for the future.
Instead,
Plan to be surprised.

:unquote.

quote:

It is not a feeling, but an ability.

:unquote.


Aaahhh, if that is the case...

Then i am superwoman.

(hah!)


;P

Anger does not hold in a heart that embraces Love.
Patience and Compromise comes part and parcel with those who acknowledge it to be true.
Soft and wimpy as it may seem; it is a strength so silent, so tremendous it could brave the stormy seas, over deadly terrains, all the way and back - alive.

sebab hari hari itu akan datang dan pergi. datang. dan pergi.


hormones. i swear.

ayah saya cakap,

people who do stupid things, isn't a reflection on you.
it's a reflection on them.



ayah saya cakap lagi,
saya tak boleh kasi orang orang yang punya niat untuk kecilkan, rendahkan, jatuhkan (dan yang seangkatan dengan nya) ganggu fokus saya. study wise or emotionally. jangan kata ayah. sebab kalau saya kasi mereka ganggu, salah saya juga.

*masa ni berkaca sikitlah mungkin - habuk masuk mata..mungkin*



ayah saya cakap,
mainlah muzik, biar balance semua.

*okay masa ni saya rasa ayah saya sangat cool!*

sebab dia tahu, kalau bukan pasal muzik mungkin keadaan saya masa lalu semua perihal sakit dulu dulu lebih kronik.

*hoh! masa ni terkejut. mana ayah saya tahu?*



ayah cakap lagi,
takpa kata dia. fail oracle dua tiga kali takda hal. no issue.

*okay thenn, jadi 300 lebih everytime retake tu ayah tanggung okay? teehee :P*

*okaay, semakin cool disini*



lepastuuu ayah saya cakap,

"oh! ayah suka la lagu ni! what song is this?"

erm, In The Ayer - Flo Rida feat Will I Am


okaaaay ayah :)

"color me beautiful"

i had a moment just now.
where a bunch of memories just flashed right before my eyes.

(some of what i remember)

if you're hated, you're probably doing something right.

i khabar separa baik, sebab i strong.

you know what i think we are lin? we're twisted.

omg, mamat tu! butang la baju sampai atas!
*sambil usha mamat tu who is now known as cheste*

jangan kecik hati, biar kecik badan. exercise jom!

tapi yang penting sekarang adalah 'kesenangan dan kegembiraan hati dan perasaan'. yang lain tolak tepi.

hahah you take care ye syg..jgn biar diri melayang (don't ask me, it rhymes)

dude, tak baik taw tipu diri sendiri dengan cakap camtu. aku faham apa kau rasa walaupun aku cam tak berbunyi sangat kan. tapi aku faham. jangan merenung jauh2. kau macam nak nangis bila buat camtu.

semenjak semua problem2 ni semua. dah malas dah. sekarang kalau ada apa-apa, terus terang je terus. malas nak sorok.

takpe. nangis dulu puas puas. mama dengar.

i always believe that those pangs are the price we have to pay for being human.

lighten up, and never play a single lie.
*sambil sedut inhaler*

faham lina, faham!! takpe, jadi la wanita tabah. aku ada sini untuk kawan baik macam kau.

rupa kau macam mei lin dalam buku sekolah rendah dulu dulu bila pergi jog.

aku nampak kau bila kau dengan dia.

hang tengok aku je gelak. rupa aku cam badut ke?

betul kau nak aku tampar?
*slaaap!!*

babe!! i think i saw you! you tengah jog eh? hee rindu

kelkatu berjihad, menuju ke arah cahaya untuk lari dari kegelapan

there's a connection you get with the right person yang teramat amat lah priceless.

nak tak? nak?

sila kurangkan kepedasan wasabe
*dan tiga orang terus gelak guling guling*


ohh, kamu semuaaa :)

colors :)

Moon River

Moon River, wider than a mile,
I'm crossing you in style some day.
Oh, dream maker, you heart breaker,
wherever you're going I'm going your way.

Two drifters off to see the world.
There's such a lot of world to see.
We're after the same rainbow's end--
waiting round the 'bend,
my huckleberry friend,
Moon River and me.

- Audrey Hepburn; Breakfast At Tiffany's (1961)

the Red and the Blue and the (very) LimeGreen;

all from a distance the row of parchments gleamed.
(oh so very lime the green that gleamed? hehe)

and ever so silently the two concealed a scream.

quickened their steps toward what seemed like a dream.

i could have stayed there forever.

and drown in lime green paper backed books.
(it rained books for a while, yes it did!)

classical titles with solemn promises of bliss.

ohh lets lets!

on to unknown realms and of fairy dusts.

of dragons and gallant knights.

ohhhh *swooons*



see what a trip to the bookstore can do.
gila. angau dengan buku.
gila kuasa dua. angau dengan buku with lya.
(ohh, bukan lya yang gila. angau juga maybe yeah =P)

ala! biar.
it is after all A Midsummer Night's Dream.
and Wuthering Heights, which lya chose.

and hopes of new ones every week or so.
hehe.


ohh. i've bought myself a notebook.
Blue this time.

Found this somewhere some time ago:

"Blue represents depth and stability.
It symbolizes

trust

loyalty

wisdom

confidence

intelligence

faith

truth"

ohh new chapters, mari mari :) :)

the last journal was Red.
Cuba teka what it says about red =P

coincidence okaay~

so okay.
i'll be writing more i suppose.
kurang posts online? we'll see.

:)


good day people!


****

ma: ayah, kenapa mata merah?
ayah: shampoo masuk mata.
ma: laa, takkan mandi bukak mata?
ayah: ye lah...
ma: tutup la mata bila shampoo!
ayah: takleh. tak nampak!

ehe, nampak apa kalau shampoo atas kepala?

*the three of us started laughing gila gila as mama imitated ayah mandi bukak mata*

*and there i was choking at plain water listening to them and watching them*

and now mama tengah cari eyemo untuk ayah.

and plans to start a survey:
do all guys shampoo with their eyes open?
(it amuses her, and me - best =P)

comel lah mereka ni :)

aduhai, sakit tekak tersedak.

and gelak.

hehe :)