50 random things about yours truly.

1. i'm growing out my hair and i can't wait for it to be looooooooooooooong (i've been seeing my hair dresser since 1997) (6 of these 50things are about HAIR...remember i'm a beauty school dropout)
2. i'm in love with SamMoon...accessory heaven
3. my christmas tree is still up and we kind of want to keep it up for a long time.  except for the part where we won't because of how badly i want a clutter free space
4. my treadmill is for sale for $100...want it?
5. i kind of want to divorce myself in an effort to get rid of many of my things
6. contrary to #5, i loooove things (which is likely how i accumulate a slew of unnecessary mumbo jumbo)
7. i recently went to the lady doctor for the first time in like 4 or so years and i love her with all my heart...seriously. 
8. i want a hair wand to make the waves (cause one of the YoungWomen at church told me that's what i needed) (and she has great hair so i trust her:) 
9. my mom and i watched youtubeVideos the other night to try and figure out a few new hairstyles, and the cute boy made fun of us.
10. i'm going to learn to cut boy hair.  i'm starting with thinning shears and new scissors.  the cute boy needs to get over the whole "i'm not going to be your guinea pig" thing....cause he totally is;)
11. i got lab work done today (doctors orders) and i felt oooober responsible
12. my favorite colors are yellow and red (but not together).  but i also really like blue.  and greens.  really, i love COLOR.  but then white, cream and black are amazing together.  did you know that "what's your favorite color?" is such a loaded question and completely complicated for me.  sometimes i feel like i'm betraying the other colors when i choose just one(!).
13. i cannot wait to be able to braid my hair.  i cannot wait to be able to fishtail braid my hair.  i cannot wait to be able to really sport the side bun (without 45 bobbypins).
14. my son's size 12 in men's shoe makes my size 10 in women's feel quite dainty
15. my cute boy got a super short haircut today (VERY cute) and he still got called justinb(not totally acceptable he says)  by the way, he hadBeiberHair way before JB even hadBeiberHair
16. i'm kind of starting to miss my students
17. i haven't (really) seen many of my best friends (6 to be exact) in SUCH a long time and it really bums me out
18. anthropologieWARMS MY SOUL...every detail of the store.  i want to design with them.  the creative part of designing/creating the displays and such.  on my list of dream jobs.
19. i want to spend a summer very soon in an orphanage with the boy taking care of babies.  i would go june6th if i thought i could.
20. i want to spend next school year teaching english in italy.  we chose italy because of the food.  seriously.  there are programs, but i'm afraid of all the logistics.  do you think we could pull this off????!
21. i want to spend a summer in utah subletting an apartment.
22. i want to live in a house that doesn't start with TREE;)
23. i love dressing my body even though it's a bigger, complicated-to-dress size
24. i've been nominated as "most interesting dresser" in my school.  and because i accept weird as a compliment, i like it.  a lot.
25. i just watched theSoundofMusic for the first time a few days ago and i've never been more in love with a movie immediately!  i couldn't commit the TIMEbefore because it's so long...but i watched it twice this break.  the music, oh the music!  and i've always adored julieAndrews!!
26. i'm addicted to lotion.  specifically VaselineIntensiveCare in the white bottle. (if you are reading this chances are you already know this about me)  and my cute boy got me a HUGe bottle for christmas.
27. i want to get my associates degree in graphic design (even though i'm already sporting a masters in something else)
28. i don't want to retire as a teacher...or even do this for the next 5 years
29. even though it might not be totally appropriate or accurate, i really do believe in the pencil myth predicting your babies;)
30. the inside of the temple is the most amazing place in the world (i go there for an overwhelming jolt of PEACE)
31. i pay for a gym membership every month and we rarely use it...tomorrow.  we're going tomorrow.  (no really, 10am)
32. i teach 3rd grade in the same hallway as MY 3rd grade teacher
33. i love burlap tree skirts and brown paper wrapped presents tied with jute because it makes me think of jesus.  really, i imagine his birth would have been celebrated with a similar kind of style and it makes me feel more connected with that experience.
34. i have a small small nativity collection, but a wishlist a million dollars long of fantastic SIMPLE nativities i want to add.  my favorites this year were the wool ones and the peg doll ones.
35. i know all my friend's favorite apples.
36. i don't think i'm living the life i'm supposed to be living.
37. i often feel like i am doing a disservice to my cute boy (for nothing imparticular).
38. i am crazy genuinely confident for such an insecure, unsure gal
39. silence and wind are my favorite sounds
40. i am obsessed with children.  i absolutely LOVE them.  all of them.  and my cute boy has a similar lean even without any persuasion by me.  sometimes i am equally obsessed with parents.  i looooove working with parents.
41. if my apartments would allow me, i would have the mother of all yard sales right outside my door and pretty much change our life.  should i just do it?  they're closed on saturdays!
42. i want to do an interpretive dance class ANDperformance.  i've always wanted to.
43. i want to move my boy to the local charter school, and teach there myself.  i think. (do i get to just make those sorts of decisions and the world of logistics will simply obey?)
44. i want to sew and create allllllll the time....but i don't know how to sew and i have nothing to create.  i often feel like a creative impostor.
45. i saw a pair of super old lady shoes the other day and i got a rush in my whole body of excitement about being a grandma (the shoes were hideous by the way).  i KNOW i was born OLD.  i've always been an old lady trapped in my body...i can't decide if that's creepy or not.
46. my mom wanted to name me sunshine, she's said "good morning sunshine" or called me her sunshine girl my whole life, many of my customers at "the drive in" used to call me their sunshine on the way to work (even without the background), i was assigned to be on the "sunshineCommittee" in college and now at my current job, and one of my graduate professors called me sunshine because i reminded her of sunshine.  isn't that all a crazy coincidence?!
47. i cut my grandma's toes every time we visit and i just gave mini pedis to gma, mom, cousin, cousin's cute girl, my own cute boy ANDmyself.
48. magnolia cafe is amazing.  as is chuys and rudys and chipotle and this little chinese restaurant by my house.  i order the same thing from each restaurant every time. 
49. i love love love blogworld (i'm in my 5th YEAR of blogging!)
50. when i press certain letters in my url bar the same things always pop up....A:austinhomesearch & anthro, C:craigslist, E:etsy, F:facebook& fandango, G:googlemaps, P:the j-o-b, S:stephandalec &soapcity(to read about young&the restless...seriously), Y:youtube

(there was a time i probably couldn't have come up with even 5 things cause i just didn't know a darn thing about myself.  i suppose now i could go on and on and on.  that IS better, yes?;)

a few things stashed in myEtsyCart.

a few must have etsyPRINTS for the boy this christmas:

and this totally fabulous little treat for me. 

okay, who am i kidding....not this year, but one year....isn't it the sweetest?!

day2.

day2 of OPERATION: BACK TO BASICS has been quite successful.  simple and fantastic actually.  i left work 15 minutes behind schedule today which almost gave me a small panic attack (ish) to be off the schedule on the 2nd(!!) day, but other than that all has gone surprisingly easily well.  my time with the boy has been necessary and important.  we even got to watch a christmas special on TV tonight.  and i was more patient with my students at work today.  perhaps i've just been burnt out and resentful?
i'm even caught up on my laundry AND my dishes!  seriously people. i'm getting there.

i do promise more eventful posts that tell more about our happenings and less about the highs and lows of my heart.  i promise them for both you and me.  i've just got to get over the hump;)
nightie noodle.

back to the basics.

personal prayer.
scriptures.
early morning journaling.
pondering. sweet beautiful quiet reflective pondering.
family prayer to start the day.
meeting the boy at the door, or even beating him home (no more fending for oneself for a bit...especially when the one is a middle school boy.  am i asking for trouble??).
homework complete and mom(me) checking more consistently.
family home evening every monday.  simple, important, nonnegotiable.
evening walks whenever possible.
only 2 nights away(mutual and bball).
family prayer to bookend the day.
grade.
pick up.
read.
personal prayer.
bed.


somewhere in there i will incorporate exercise.
for now, this list is my personal goal.
i will change.
my family will change.
i will change.

i really just looked up and thought...when did we even STOP doing these things?  how does that happen?

still hunting for the J-O-B. 
there is one waiting for me. 
i know my answer is hidden in the blessings of tithing.  just waiting for the enlightenment:)
back to the basics.

it's 5am and i'm awake.
still.
again.
mum is in town and she slipped into dream land about 12:15...and here I am.
i have so much on my mind. 
it's racing.
spinning.
spazing...and then regrouping.
and time is speeding by all the while.

we traveled for the holiday and brought family back for the holiday part2.
and then there was loads of shopping...or maybe it was just a massive hunt?  loads of hunting for the best bargains?  that could certainly be a better description.

i will rest soon.
before daylight.
before it's time to fetch the boy from his other grandma's.
yes, i must rest.
i will try.
i will try again...

I'm at school.  I've been here since 8am and it's now 11:30. 
It's Sunday and I'd much rather be at church than work.
I have a lot more hours to put in, but I'm only doing about 1 of them.  The reason?  Graaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaades. 
I MIGHT get lesson plans done today.  I mean, who needs to know what they're doing ahead of time anyway?  Well, I suppose it's kind of important if you are about to be evaluated that week.  And for sanity.  Cause did you know that if you don't know what you are doing around children they eat you alive?  They seriously take little bites out of you.  They start at random places and just gnaw until you give in and let them take over.  And at some point (hopefully) something inside you remembers something that can resemble KNOWING what you are doing and you shake them off....at which point they land in their seats and begin to pay attention.
Tuesday brings LiteracyNight at ourEscuela which is a grand event celebrating reading.  Guess what I was made in charge of.  Guess.  No really, guess.
Yes, decorating.
I'm charging my camera.
And then you will see what happens when this girl is in charge of decorating A SCHOOL for an event.
Friday we (a few teaching peeps and I) sang, "We built this city on Rock n Roooooll" as we literally built a city.  Or perhaps constructed is a better word?  A city.  Of paper. 
I've been at school or working from home more than anyone should be legally allowed to do anything.  In fact, it should be against the law for any parent to be a workaholic (if that's what this is called).
But since there is no one really policing me and since I don't have a good  measuring tool announcing to me when something is TOO MUCH, I simply take on.  And then suddenly I have my "oh crap" moment when I realize I may have gone too far (which is today).  I feel like I should insert a disclaimer that my cute cute boy is doing well:)  He has short hair.  SHORT.  But that's another post....
It's particularly tricky because these things are fun.  They are festive, fun, in the name of something good, and don't appear to be all that bad.  Did I mention I'm in a play?  I have been wanting to do something like this for a while.  What I know about myself is that if I have an opportunity to be creative, I can do more.  It sustains me longer.  And I needed a chance to be this kind of creative again.  I think there may be a video of it after Tuesday.  Bring on LiteracyNight;)

Which also brings me back to this post.  If in the middle of grading and posting I can write (some kind of creative expression) I can get this grading mumbo jumbo over a bit easier.  Strange, yes?
Okay, okay, back to grades so I can get back to my life.  I haven't answered my phone in like 4 weeks.  I don't even think my voice mail is accepting messages anymore and my email has 1,828new messages in myInbox (none of themSPAM).  I'm awesome.  And I need an assistant.  Anyone?  Anyone?  I'm accepting applications. 

My love to all!

wayyyy TTTTTMI. (you've been warned)

SEPTEMBER2010 brought little female "drama" if you know what i mean....like, NONE.
OCTOBER2010 brought double trouble.
specifically, OCTOBER8th brought a regular monthly encounter, only way early, or way late depending on how you look at it with september's shenanigans.
likewise, OCTOBER24th brought another regular monthly encounter (exactly to the day this time) only it also brought the intensity of childbirth.
do you labor monthly?
even in my shower yesterday i labored.  i stood up, i laid down, i stood up again, i sat on the side of the tub.  i was sweating in my shower! 
and just like a fever breaks and brings relief and new beginnings, theMidol kicked in and all i could do was sigh big deep sighs of relief.  i was a new gal.  my body could feel the work it just did and i was exhausted having "labored."  but i was also beyond better with one swift moment of pain relief running through me.

i know you're confirming that i'm off my rocker.  or just gross.

but seriously, i'm considering a midwife, or an epideral...monthly.
in this condition i've got to either have techniques or an iv.
any Home/NaturalBirthingPeeps want to coach me so that i'm prepared around the 24th...or8th....or both?

on a side note, it does kind of explain the extreme-extended-broken behavior this month.
tomorrow. 
tomorrow i will call the new doctors i've been meaning to call for days now.

until then, it's me and my ongoing labor pains sans the sweet babe to hold afterwards.




by the way, is it just me or are these (above) feminine product cases fromEtsy totally cute??;)

broken cat lady.

i'm  so far from happy that i can't help but feel broken.
many things bring me joy.
i can make, see, and do beautiful things.
i laugh.
i smile all the time.
i have friends.  really really good friends.
i have a good relationship with my family.
my child is amazing and in a good place.
and it's all genuine and real.
yet i'm miserable.
i can't explain it.
i don't understand it.
i just got home from work (8:30saturday night)...it was my 2nd time there today only this time i was doing church stuff.  i pulled up and my neighbor is outside on his porch with his daughter and they are drawing.  they are having a drawing contest.  and now i'm bawling....I want to be having a drawing contest.

but who has time to draw? 
i've been doing my house all day and it's nowhere near done (i've done a lot!!).
i went to work and my to do list is so grandiose that i couldn't even check off one item in the hour and a half i was there.  instead i made the list bigger.
i made the 200 fliers for the upcoming church activity, and am now working on the collage i was supposed to turn in a week ago at work.  (my entire team was scolded for another assignment that we have yet to turn in and it was due 8weeks ago...there's.no.time.)
i didn't even know the cute boy had the solo for his fall band concert last night until we were walking into the auditorium and he told me he was super excited about it!  (in my defense i was totally aware of his piece and practice hours and such...i just didn't realize he was playing it by himself)

i'm spread thin.
too thin.
i don't know how much is my fault, or just the way it is and i'm just dramatic.
i feel like the big, lonely cat lady with no life. (we have no cats, but if i wasn't so traumatized by tabor i would totally get one)
or maybe so much of a life that i am lost in it.
perhaps it's just my body.
if i wasn't carrying an extra 120pounds would i FEEL differently about all these to do's? 
or would it feel the same?
or am i just so resentful that this is what i'm doing rather than being home with babies that i can't truly get past it and enjoy my NOW?
or if i had nothing to do, would i still create a ton of things?
do i create things in order to avoid me?

cause i do feel like i make a conscious effort to avoid ME.
and then there's the inevitable moment of meeting, where i have to face me again.
and that's when i cry and admit that i am indeed broken.

the J-O-B.

i like my job
i'm good at my job
i have doubts about my job
i kind of think i could provide better for my family doing something else
i kind of think there's another job out there that gives me more time with the boy
i kind of think there's another job that's better for right now
i'm not totally sure what that is
it's on my mind
a lot
perhaps tomorrow i will get some answers
inspiration always comes
i can't wait

good morning!

it's my favorite time of day again...morning.
i even have my back door open and the birds in my tree are chirping loudly.
it's crazy peaceful quiet in the treehouse and i am so completely in love with these quiet calm moments. 
they rejuvenate the soul.
last night was my first friday in ages to not be completely wiped out.
the boy and i even updated his room a tad. 
i'm happy to be up early this morning to finish up the rest of the treehouse. 
i'd love to take a walk today.
and a bit later i will mosey over to the escuela and do a little work.  a little.
and then off to the church for a little girl power recharge.  (not my girl power, but Relief Society girl power:)
i think i need to organize today's agenda a bit and get to it!

you know my computer bit the dust, yes?
and i still haven't gathered it's brain which contains a valuable piece of my own functioning self.
when i do, blogging just might be a little more interesting:)
that's my hope.
i'm still figuring out my new little honey of a computer, and some days i feel so out of sorts.  although i'm smitten by it still.
to do list, here i come.
simple, concise, realistic, healthy to do list.
happy saturday!

friday night fairytale.

Once upon a time there was a crafty gal who dreamed of fabric, color, and all things unique and beautiful.  More importantly she dreamed of space &time to delve into such treasures.  She nodded off to sleep at night with the actual (almost tangible) feeling of her deepest desires being fulfilled, yet the actual vessel hidden from awareness.  It's true, this gal had no knowledge of how to make what had been brewing inside her come to be, nor was she crystal clear on what might be her creations of choice.  Some days she felt as though she would burst.  The clarity seemed as though it might never surface.  But then that tangible feeling of (future)fulfillment seeped back into her being as though injected specifically to calm her anxiety.  The glimpse of hope would suffice and reassure the gal that the longing was only temporary. 
Sigh....luckily there is always some kind of magical happily ever after in once upon a time.  Right?  I mean, the gal still has a chance.  I don't suspect a fairy godmother will stumble upon her, but maybe through pondering and such?  Actually, she might have had a little personal revelation/prompting/remembrance of a sacrament talk that just might be leading her in the right direction.  Good luck little gal from once upon a time;)

happy sunday.

home from completely spontaneous trip to see a really cute cousin turn 4.
home from gathering a huge new collection of treasures.
home from visiting family, and loving it.
home from the country.

home to no power (because of a nearby powerstation explosion).
home to a trashed house (that we were happy to split from when we did).
home to dishes, laundry, and stuff herethereandeverywhere.
home to no ac, no tv, no internet, no hot water, and 1 bar left on the cell phone battery (and to hoping that we'd get word on what was going to happen to all 19,000 of us in our round rock/austin area with no power).
home to dishes by candlelight...which i happened to love and might be incorporating into the routine (seriously try it).
home to the cute boy practicing his percussion piece and feeling proud of his progress.
home to unpacking and giving our home its new treasures. by candlelight.

alas power.

currently bagging up the yard sale clothes and items (yes, there's more already).
currently putting away clothes....to unearth my bed.
currently spreading my AMAZING tempur-pedic dream(!!) i found at a yard sale to give me pleasant dreams.
currently covering it with my anthro love (i got on craigslist) which also gives me pleasant dreams.
currently setting my alarm to a particularly early time (not the 3am times of last school year though!) to grade and such.
currently anticipating waking up to finish the boy's preparations for his first football game.
currently anticipating round top and general conference.
currently feeling rejuvenated about life.
happy sunday.

remember me?

hello friends,
i'm back.  almost.  my computer (my first computer i ever purchased) bit the dust shortly after Tabor (i hope that's ok to say?).  we have welcomed a new one into our home.  (computer, not reptile)  and since this sweet beautiful lap sitting love is only a few hours old we are enjoying getting to know it.
more to come soon.  there are quite a few posts up my sleeve.
steph 

thank you,HEB.

this whole, summer's off thing is just grand.  amazing!  bliss!  i love it!  sigh....
it's also quite confusing.  it's been the longest laziest "weekend" ever (like almost a couple month weekend). 
we do stuff.  we do lots of stuff.  but tending to responsibilities....the one's i was dying to get to tend to during the school year....holy moly not happening.  {it's tricky even when there's nothing going on!}  i mean, not like i envisioned (my expectations and i are on complicated terms).
last week and this weekend was mostly tending to the family i was birthed into.  lots of tending.  mixed in with that was lots of frantic "but what to do you think about this?!" kinds of things (before the family went away for good) regarding the classroom that has been inching it's way back into my mind.  i'm feeling ready to think about the classroom again.
i love august.
the boy hates august.
i was dreading it...until i accepted it 
i love all the things about it that my cute boy announced he hated about it last week:
shopping
school supplies (be still my heart...i'm in love with fresh school supplies)
clothes
shoes
basics
schedule/routine/more defined family rhythm
bedtimes
early mornings
even forced, under pressure creativity
(don't let him fool you.....he dances all around in those new clothes and uses everyone of those fresh school supplies even before the first day, to "try them out."  and he loves nothing more in this world than shoes (and babies) (and maybe me).  he will remember soon that he also loves this time of year.)

well, i've grocery shopped for the first time in about a month.  really.  (what have we even been eating??)  i feel like a good mom again.  i feel productive.  from grocery shopping.  today we are tending to our home (the family i birthed).  and this upcoming weekend we are having the mother of all yard sales.  i signed another 6months in the tree house and my compromise to myself was to get rid of the chaos.  it's cluttering ME to the core.  so if i can't spread it all out in a house of choice, then i will down size to fit our current situation.  hence the mother of all yard sales.  and the liberating feeling that comes with ridding myself of it all.  i can't wait. 

okay, sorry for all the randomness.  and now i'm off to tend to my domestic feeling- so-good duties...

Tabor 5/18/2006 - 7/13/2010.

this week our sweet little leopardGecko (Tabor) went to leopardGecko heaven.  it was a family decision that we came to after learning he hadCANCER.  (yeah, we didn't know such things were possible either).  tabe-tabe was with us 4 years and a couple of months (he was alec's 8th year birthday present from a friend), and in his last days we massaged his skin and fed him twice a day with a syringe (because he couldn't see anymore).  in fact his last weeks/days were likely just miserable (lots of gory details i'll spare you from knowing)....although there was a lot of family bonding so maybe he felt that??

did you know that one could be so upset having to make THE decision about another living things life?  even if the living thing is of the reptile family?

we were considering this adorable stray kitten that has fallen in love with the cute boy over at his grandma's house (which consequently we have also fallen a bit in love with her, too).  but after having to make these kinds of decisions (and after millions of dollars of care) we decided to love animals from afar for a while. 

oh, tabor...

best globe ever.

ohhhhh my goodness.  i'm in LOVE with this interactive felt wall globe.

i swiped the picture from DesignMom who got it from it's original maker CupofCoco.

holy cuteness!

i'm deep in the throws of helping organize a CulturalFestival at church.  so this is particularly speaking to me.  i love the idea of children being able to connect to the world like this.  do you see that airplane on a ribbon?  oh.my.word.  could i make a version for my house?  my classroom?  the festival? 

my brain is spinning.

for now, i'll just enjoy this one:)

TheHappinessProject.

i'm LOVING this right now.  every spare chance i get, i'm reading it.  this gretchen is my kind of gal, only she's a million times more thorough.  as a result, i'm happy to use her research and go with it!  she's speaking my language and my thoughts and i'm learning a lot through her experiences.

looking for a book to read? 
it's a neat one:)

&
who
knows,

maybe
you'll
even 
want
to....

i'm going to! 

(but you probably already figured i would)

aww yeah...

i'm rockin' the most precious apron that belonged to my great great grandma.  it's orange, melon, brown and gray.  i love it.  i love the shape.  and that it belonged to 5 generations up from me.  i wonder if grandmaDowns knows i like her things better than my own? 

i'm rockin' the banana clip.  i think i'm bringing it back!  and my hair's at the length that when it's all pulled back in the clip it looks a little mohawkish so it's a little edgy.  AND i'm rockin' another new birthday headband.  and new birthday basics (cutoff bermudas and a gray tshirt) compliments of yours truly.  cause my new curves...the even curvier kind (which is the opposite of any goal/wish/desire, but at this particular happy productive moment i'm all: whatev) requires new digs to fit.
i'm also rockin' an almost put together house.  it's taken me about 3 days and i'm about to finish off MYroom.

i almost kissed the CraigslistMan today when he rolled up in his ginormous chevyTruck that could have eaten my civic with a brand spankin new vacuum (iiiiiiii opened the box myself) sitting happily in the backseat waiting to be adopted byME.  and the reason for the kissing is because it was about 1/4 the cost of the store/orAmazon/or any other add onCraigslist.  or maybe a third?  anyway, i got the rush of a good deal and that made it even better.  and tonight me and the new yellow "family member" are bonding.  i've been dreaming of a better vacuum for YEARS.  it was a birthday miracle;)
this little ray of sunshine is jazzing up my floors.  vacuuming is my favorite part of cleaning.  it's the most obvious sign(or illusion) of cleanliness.  you can always recognize a freshly vacuumed floor.  so even if i've done nothing else, i feel like i'm accomplishing something....cause i SEEit.  and i am wandering around my house glancing at every corner of well suctioned dirtless floor. sigh...

okay, okay, enough about that.
i'm off to finish.  6more loads of laundry and 1 room to go.  i just might wake up tomorrow to bliss.

TIMEflashing before my eyes.

i was looking through pictures early this morning and came across these.  i can't believe my boy is 12.  i still feel like this is him.   

TODAYthiswillalltakeplacetoday...darn it.

STEP 1: put on apron, brush teeth (in whatever order I choose)
STEP 2: choose a CD (wicked or taylor?) or CleaningDayPlaylist? (cause we have one)
STEP 3: see below
KITCHEN
find a place to put pots and pans (somehow there isn't any space for them anymore?)
scrub sink
organize freezers
plan dinners
LAUNDRY ROOM
holy loads of laundry to wash and dry and fold and put away and such (the room is clean, the laundry...not so much)
DINING ROOM
unpack/put away church picnic remnants (the picnic was at the end of june)
go through paperwork
get together studentloan mumbo jumbo to fax...and fax it!
LIVING/GATHERING ROOM
unpack/put away from recent trip to grandma's
clean up scraps from hand cutting 200 save the dates for upcoming church activity (my papercutter was broken...and i was so over the project that i didn't even clean it up)
put away my 3 80%off treasures from HobbyLobby that are still in the bag on the couch
go through mail
vacuum
THE CUTE BOY's ROOM
hang up tshirts
put towel away
make bed
tend to Tabor...he has a follow up doctor's appointment today at 11am cause he's not doing so hot
MOMMA's ROOM
close the door and tend to it tomorrow.
okay, decide today is the day (not tomorrow).
and it is.
make the bed
organize every article of clothing AND PUT THEM AWAY (it's the land of clothes, we say)
box up 1/2 of the room and take it to storage immediately (cause i've been storing storage unit items again)
unpack school stuff that i brought home from the classroom (june5th)
plop myself on my bed and enjoy the beauty of a clean room...soak it aaaaaall in.
WHAT I REALLY WANT TO DO
gut out everything!
there is a grand yard sale taking place this weekend that I KNOW i could contribute a massive amount to....but it's so.much.work.  it's 25minutes away.  i have a civic.  i live on the 2nd floor.  i need boxes.  i need to gut the treehouse and the storage unit.  and this weekend is my birthday and do i really want to be doing this on my birthday?  maybe.  maybe it will feel totally refreshing and fantastic to be rid of all this clutter and such.  and maybe that's the perfect thing to gift myself.  and maybe i'll make some extra dough.  and maybe that's the best idea yet.
oh...it's supposed to rain?

STEPS 4,5 and 6:
when all of the above is done, we will swim at theY.
then come home to showers and the couch bed and a movie.
maybe.
that's the plan anyway.

maybe my favorite compliment ever.

"everytime i look at you, i see art."

this compliment was gifted to me on sunday.  by a [31yearoldsingle] girl (of course).

with no interpretation of it's meaning, i get to let it mean whatever i want.  i'll take it:)

and then on wednesday, a [31yearoldsingle] boy said, "what's your name again?  i know, i know, it's like my 8th time to meet you."  girls and boys are quite different.

DearHusbandToBe.

okay, so clearly you are experienced bloggers;)

you found it quickly...good job!

yes, i'm writing to my guy.

the one who is going to gift me with a beautiful ring and a happily ever after.

the one that exists, but that i don't know just yet.

i talk ABOUThim all the time.

and sometimes even talk TOhim (in my head of course...that makes it better, right?).

so why not write him?

i wonder a lot about:

interaction

communication

empathy

patience

reliability

capability

education

ambition

mission experience

spiritual goals

priesthood responsibilities

family background

ability to nurture

personal character

integrity

hand shake

language

temperament

testimony

and.

so.

much.

more.

it's not in a consuming way,

but i tend to cross over to the dreamy longing side

rather than the realistic logical side.

so i thought there might be some significance in making this relationship

more of a reality.  perhaps i'll get to clarify what this all means to me...and finally do something about it.  and perhaps one day it will become a book to gift that guy.

i got this blessing once that talks in detail about my guy (and i trust it).

and i have this pencil that told me about all my kids (and for some silly reason, i like trusting the pencil too;).

and i've got this great boy who's as eager as i am to meet them all (the guy and the kids).

if you'd like to read about it...you may.

and if you'd like to guest blog on it...you may.

cause let's be real: i've never been married and i know there is a chance for naive foolish ideas to slip into the posts to the ol Husband to Be.  it's kind of the idea of someone who's not a parent saying all the things they WILL and WON'T do when they have children...but then the kids come and life is totally different.  i get that.

and i'm so excited to have the input from my trusted peeps to add to the whole experience!

the new blog will evolve just like this one. 

it has no boundaries. 

i love the freedom in that.

enjoy!

listography.

LISTOGRAPHY = LIFE IN LISTS

i was gifted this a little while back and have officially begun the listing of my life.

it's an amazing process!

an autobiography of your life, in list form
if you've never done it i recommend it...highly.

because yes you are just listing things, which is EASY.  but then it prompts you to think of things that go with those things.  it forces mental organization without any real work!  it's beautiful.

if you are a listy person you will have just entered heaven.

i think the creator knew that might be the case, cause why else would they display this book in the bright blue heavenly sky?

if you aren't totally sold on the book version, go HERE. 

there might be a little something on their website.

happy list-making!

another one?

i may

or may not

have

a

new

blog

up

my

sleeve. 

if YOU

can

find

it,

i

will

talk

about it;)

sleep much?

3:45am yesterday i awoke quite early to make the boy a yummy breakfast and to get him happily off to a week of camp.  then after a smidge of computer time i drifted back to sleep (about 6:30am).
11:30ish awake for the day part2, at which point i plopped my body onto our couch bed to watch the second half of Y&R.  but i watch in a i'm-sort-of-awake state.  i don't even think i moved or blinked once.  it was like i was asleep but with my eyes open (to catch up on the drama going down in Genoa City).
blog
bath
lunch
fold up couch (to feel productive)
lay down on couch and fall asleep
4pm up to watch oprah
5pm-ish slip into my bed to zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
7:15pm wake up for theBachelorette (the tv watching today is ridiculous, i know)
10pm i don't really know much about what happened at this point of the day.  i think i just watched tv??  i couldn't tell you what i watched and i didn't even eat dinner.  i'm pretty sure i just laaaaaayed there with the tv on for noise.
12:30am back to bed for the night (woke up at 9am this morning)
i think about 2hours of my day yesterday was spent vertical.  the rest was spent lying down.  in fact, my back is totally sore today (mostly because i'm a tummy sleeper and that is a loooong time to be in that position).
i think i was tired.
but today, although I'm moving slow, i'm quite awake.  today i'll tackle the house.
happy bright, shiny, totally awake (with the tv off) tuesday!

while the boy is away...

...momma will play.  and clean and organize and sleep and such;)

i'm so proud of that boy of mine.  the 12th birthday brought a growth spurt of maturity (he even "feels older").  and perhaps another spiritual growth spurt (with his earned priesthood and new responsibilities).  and since i'm barely holding onto my 1 inch i have on him, i'm certain summer will bring a physical growth spurt to change that, too.

he's mostly anticipating the shooting rifles part of his week away.  we'll see how that goes.  i'm sure he'll have some stories to tell!

happy flag day.

swaggerWagon.

i love when brilliant things like this happen.

myTREE.

so there's this tree.  it's a big, grand, beautiful tree.  a breathtaking tree.  i love it because once you step under it it's as though you've entered another land.  really.  i'm not exaggerating.  it's like being inside a tent, only looking up you are engulfed in branches and leaves.  it towers over a huge amount of space with it's strong thick trunk sturdy in the center.  i couldn't love it more. 

there are many elements to this tree, it's location, and it's surroundings that make me fall more and more in love with it.....well, actually that allow me to become even more solidified in all things good about it (there was no contemplating the love part).  so while others simply head out for a day at the park and walk right through the beauty of "my" tree without even realizing, i've spent hours envisioning events, festivities and celebrations.  i mostly see WHITE.  round tables and white linens, lights, white pumpkins, and every other detail imaginable for a perfect early November wedding reception.  this is what i am most infatuated with at the moment.

i just had the boy's shindig at the tree, and introduced "it" to the family.  i think they are beginning to see my vision.  mum was adamant NO WAY when i first told her (months and months, maybe even years, ago).  but i can't shake it.  and yesterday i came across this....

and the deal was most certainly sealed.  myTREE will done a beautiful lacy attire for my wedding reception.  the entire thing.  every branch (or realistically mostly every branch).  and white balls of light will glow hanging from the branches adding to the enchantment.  and it will be bliss.

and then we will ride away in an old vintage car to our happily ever after;)

sigh.

mother's day surprise.

Dear Mother/Grandmother/Mother-figure,
(ms.G interviewed me personally about my choice and i felt good about deciding on and picking YOU to celebrate today)

I've brainstormed you, learned how to write poems, and put my words about you on paper following those poetry rules.  I've illustrated with pencil, crayon, marker, chalk and glued beautiful little silk flowers all inside this book.  I even included a beautiful coupon book on the last page with things I know you'd want to cash in because I made them thinking about you (walk on your back, hug you when you feel sad, help you clean, and more).  And just when i thought my masterpiece couldn't get any better, ms.G arrived with my silhouette to fit perfectly on the front cover.  I was so happy I hugged and kissed my own book about 100 times.  In fact, all my classmates did.  And ms.G took pictures of all of us with our books and we were smiling so big (but she can't post our pictures on her blog no matter how badly she wants to).  We made "packages" for our books by decorating big manila envelopes and wrapped it in jute just like a real present.  Now all i have to do is wait for Sunday for you to open it.  I hope you like it.

Love, Me (student-in-ms.G's-3rd-grade-class)

today i loved getting quick glimpses in the mirror because i'm so in love with this head band.  it's a deep orange color and super anthro-ish to me.  just about the time i would forget i was wearing it, i would see it again and get all excited.  3cheers for cute jazzy headbands.  mum gifted it to me cause she got it for coins at a super gross (but awesome) thrift store.  and then she cleaned it to mint condition (with qtips even!)...just in time for mother's day. 

oh that NieNie. i love love love love love her.

this or that?

i'm torn.
it's the weekend which brings the gift of time(ish).  this week was jam-packed.  like the sit-on-your-suitcase-and-then-zip kind of packed.  (only there was no suitcase)
naturally after such a week, momma needs a break.  but also in my world, naturally after such a week, my home is NEGLECTED.  and it typically means that the days leading up to said week were stressful with anticipation and preparation and so those days were spent beginning the demolition of all things good that would eventually take place in my home. 
and so we have arrived now to friday night.  blessed friday night.  where i have tied up most loose ends at the j-o-b and shipped off my wee weekly-daytime children to their real families for the weekend and i get to plop back into the reality of my own one cute boy.  it was a totally productive week.  and i have already soaked in a hot bath this afternoon.  i am moving slowly and getting into the laid back groove that i need this weekend to be.  i need to disconnect from the work week..you know?  i mean, i'll still grade and do progress reports this weekend, along with lesson plans and prep work for next week, but still there will be a disconnect;)
the boy has to end his friday night promptly in dreamland at 8pm.  because he will be on a big yellow ride out of town for a band trip...his first (sniff) at an insanely early time in the morning.
thus the dilemma.

scenario1:
take the boy to his 5am duties hugging him and kissing him and wishing him good luck, and don't forget your notes, and be responsible gallivanting around the local(ish) waterpark, and all that motherly advice, and then pick him up promptly upon his arrival back at school at 8pm.  all the while I............clean like no other. top to bottom, spic and span, beautify our pad, and spend some time grading and organizing the classroom.  then welcome home tired boy, guide him to the shower and then to his cozy bed where he started off his morning at a totally crazy time.  scenario1 is also FREE.

scenario2:
take the boy to his 5am duties hugging him and kissing him and wishing him good luck, and don't forget your music, and be responsible galavanting around the local(ish) waterpark, and while i'm giving him all that motherly advice remind him that i'll be at the wavepool/lazy river all day (with the snacks, money and all things awesome...cause that's my bribe for him to acknowledge me) so after i watch him perform he can find me there.  i'll be the one with the vintage swimsuit and the hat and sunscreen.  and the book, and possibly the papers to grade.  i'll be the one soaking in all that vitaminD with no internet or real responsibilities other than to be a base for the boy and to spend my hours forcing myself to relax: swim, layout, read, sleep, grade, swim some more and then repeat.  then when all of 6th grade band is loading up on the big yellow ride to go home, he can hop in the car with me at which point we will plug in the ipod tunes and ride with the windows down all the way home as we please.  scenerio2 is not free...but darn it, i was going to go to Oprah'sLiveYourBestLifeTour this weekend and that would have been much more expensive than this (so the justification has already been authorized if scenario2 is chosen;)


it shouldn't be this hard to decide.
what would you do?

i do love my job.
and i will be sad to see them go.
i'm just trying really hard to get them to chill out (cause we still have like learning and stuff to do).
and in the mean time, i'm thinking this...

P.S. I am self proclaiming ME teacher of the YEAR(week at least).  want to know why???  cause I'm making 14 silhouettes right now.  and cause they are stinkin' cute.  and cause i think i'm really effecting 14 mother's days this weekend.  that's monumental in my world;)

can i get that video?

so a couple of weeks ago, i made a video.  a video that is worthy ofAFV...I'm sure of it.  only, i'm not totally sure i can get my hands on it.

preface:
i was on my late merry way to a church function, dropped off the boy at family's in hutto, ran by mum's to pick up something for the presentation i was about to do, and slipped into the local drugstore for a couple staple items i had been going without.  i wasn't past the time i was supposed to be there, but i was later than i wanted to be.  it was drizzling outside and it had rained off and on all day. 

event #1:
i hopped out of the car and briskly walked through the already open automatic doors welcoming me inside.  i took about 2 steps and found myself slipping (on the rain water tracked in) rapidly into lunge position...every muscle in my body trying to prevent the possibility of a fall.  now, when you go into lunge position the front leg bends, right?  well, in my beautiful slip and slide moment my own front leg stayed nice and straight landing me in the perfect position of a final gymnastics floor routine pose (kind of split-like).  my body was completely on the floor, my head was at my knee and my hair had flung drastically (tina turnerish) into my face and my arms were straight with jazz hands standing out for "balance."  pretty much it was one of my brighter moments.

i could feel the eyes on me...the ridiculous number of eyes.  just to my right was the register which forced paying customers to stand facing the door.  and just my luck there were about 11 people standing in that line (no i didn't count)...in time to watch my performance.

with that in mind (and cause it was such a big dramatic fall) i collected myself and stood up immediately with my hands high in the air (under arrest-like) declaring about 3 or 4 times "I'm okay! I'm okay! I'm okay!"  and giggling at myself I grabbed my first item on the shelf to the left of the entrance.  i was feeling thankful that i don't get embarrassed all that easily because that could have done me in.  but no...i was determined to make my purchases.  i was tender on the knee and certainly not going to even acknowledge the damage done to my body at this point, so i trudged on with a lot more caution and only semi-quickly now.  one item down, one item to go.

event #2:
chapstick?  make-up?  medicine?  i'm shaking and not thinking totally straight and still convincing myself that i'm not embarrassed.  cause i wasn't...thanks to adrenaline and such.  well, really i wasn't.  yet.  i walk through the main middle isle of the store and looked left through the isles as i passed them to see where the chapstick might reside.  i finally see a spot on the back wall and turn left to cut through the isle to get to it.  i'm confident now and much closer to getting to leave, so i pick up the pace. 
i get about 1/2 way down the isle and find myself REPEATING the events of about 2minutes prior (the whole front door incident part II) only much more dramatic.  I hit the ground hard, same jazzy lunge position, only my whole body hit much quicker (and did i mention harder???) and as my arms went flailing to catch myself i took out the whole row of light bulbs.  seriously.  not exaggerating.  i slid FOREVER.  i never thought i would stop.  skin came off of my knee...that's how long i slid.  i could not get control at all. 
in front of me was a couple...facing me.  we locked eyes the entire way down the isle.  if i could have any moment in the store it would be to watch my eyes/face in that 2nd fall.  i was so shocked and in utter disbelief!  my face...oh my word...my face.  i know my expression was priceless.  i know it's an AFVwinning face.  honestly it crossed my mind that i had been shot or something and couldn't feel the pain.  i wondered if something happened to me and i didn't realize it and i was throwing my body around this store.  it was a very odd experience. 
i stood up, now totally knowing i was hurt, but semi-super quickly inspecting my body for obvious ailments or causes to this.  i find myself declaring loudly "I don't drink, I'm not on medication, I'm just a girl trying to walk through the store."  the guy (of the couple) said "are you okay????" in a tone that i will never forget...the kind that makes me laugh even harder (now).  he finds the source immediately while the woman is comforting me with her own fall experiences.  i sort of hear them but i'm so flabbergasted and slightly convinced still that i've been shot or drugged.  there was a yellow puddle on the floor.  yellow.  awesome.  i stared at it trying to process...how could a child do that?  not possible?  an adult?  no.  i'm convinced it's a dog.  someones dog peed in the light bulb isle and i slid down the isle on it.  in my skirt.  on my way to be in a little presentation.  sweet.
he says, "that doesn't look like water"...i know.  we all knew.  seriously?

so i gather myself-ish, the couple goes to "tell" about the pee, and i take my determined-to-get-what-i-came-for confused self to the chapstick section and then to the counter.  the cashier is still freaking out over the first fall and i have suddenly lost all recollection of everything.  "I fell again.  Somewhere back there.  It was bad.  I fell again.  There's pee or something.  I fell again."  again i declare that i'm not drunk/medicated/etc and say i'm just trying to get my items...cause i was.  she asks if i want a manager, but i'm LATE now and all i want to do is get to my car and process (so, no).  i'm shaking, i'm hurt, my knee is traumatized, and i'm wet.  from pee.  i just wanted to inspect myself in private and cry and laugh cause holy hell that was an experience and i.must.process. 

i pay and i exit...more cautious than i've ever left a store in my life.
i sit in my car staring at my deformed knee (not internal, but totally bruised and swollen and funky...almost like a water retention mis-shaped kind of deal).  i'm seriously feeling like my vision/perception and reality are all distorted and off from each other.  so i stare at my hurting parts to make sure they are really what i'm seeing...scrapes and immediate bruises and such.  i remember once a lady had a wreck in the drive-in parking lot.  she was holding her bleeding child and running back and forth screaming at the other driver.  she lost it.  it turned out her child only had a busted lip, but she (the mom) had a broken collar bone.  the adrenaline and fear of blood on her child took her out of her own pain and reality.  i was kind of afraid i was leaving one of these situations, totally a distorted girl with real injuries.

aftermath:
after i pulled it together i laughed harder than i have laughed in a looooong time.  i cried too.  i cried cause i was hurting, cause i slightly traumatized myself and because i was laughing so hard that i was genuinely crying!  oh my word, how hilarious.  my face is what i picture most.  over and over and over...i wish i could see my face.  and the floor routine finish.  and the light bulbs being pushed frantically to the end of the isle by a woman (me) grasping for her life on the way down.  h-i-l-a-r-i-o-u-s.  i don't know that it is a winning video, but i know it would make a lot of people pee their own pants with laughter (hopefully not in an isle of the local drugstore).

reflection:
dear drugstore,
i will not sue you for your lack of caution signs or for your random puddle o' pee in the light bulb isle.  instead i'd like to chance my money winnings on the fact that i did a totally hilarious thing.  or i looked hilarious doing a totally awful thing.  and so because i'm willing to expose my slip-sliding self on television, i'd like you to simply hand over the video.  please?  can it be that simple?  oh, and can i ask a friend to come get it cause i kind of don't ever want to show my face in there again?  and cause i'm kind of nervous to walk in your store, yo...it's dangerous!  and cause my knee is still blue and green and recovering.  better yet, can you mail it to me?  okay, well you get the point. 
thanks,
the lady that fell a bunch of times in your store a couple of weeks ago