Oh look!

I'm alive!

Other random fact: I am also happy. =) Occasionally.

But that's enough for now.

Things I Hate

I hate having to remind myself that you're no longer a phone call away. I hate that I have to think of all the expenses and the bills that will definitely be coming after me at the end of the month if I do call you.

Sometimes, I miss you so much it hurts. 

There is so many things that I miss, I don't think writing will help at all, but I'm reminded that it does, over and over again. drafts and drafts waiting to be posted. 

I need to move on. 

Because moving further away didn't really help much. Damn you. 

Do you hear that? That's the echo of your voice.

I wonder if you do that on purpose.

Every time I try to move away. You remind me of the reasons I shouldn't. 

You never say goodbye. 

See the clouds in the sky and the leaves on the ground?

Of course you don't. 

One day, I'll be the stronger one. 

I'll wait for you to find me. 

And then remind you, as you try to move on, of all the reasons you should stay. 

I'll drop you hints

make you think.

I'll make you feel like a cheater,

even though we're not together. 

One day, I'll learn to stop caring.

And that's when you should start. 

Nike Shoes anyone?

Because someone tried to buy shoes with my money while I suffer through cheap shoes.

You wait while I go find myself a nice pair of nike running shoes.

Ps: PNC gave me back my money. =) I love my bank.

Credit Card Fraud

So this is what it feels like. . . I really don't have anyone to blame. I can't even say this will teach me a lesson, because I'm already paranoid. I've been careful with my debit card. I pay my phone bills and rent online. I buy textbooks and occasionally, I get a couple of birthday presents off amazon. I haven't bought anything since the beginning of the semester (textbooks). I guess I'm lucky I found out early (the money's not even gone through yet), but I guess it didn't really help much. The PNC customer service person told me there's nothing he can do about the money until I've lost it (a whooping $234) and they'll try to get it back for me. They've inactivated my credit card already and is going to get me a new one in about a week ($7.50 charge). I hope whoever stole what little money I have left in my account gets gnawed to death by chipmunks and squirrels.

Why me?

Gah.

I guess the saddest part of this is that I can't even learn from it.

This is infuriating.

Chocolate

Lots and lots of them.

On bread with peanut butter and a warm cup of tea.

With a highlighter and a book and. . . 

oh, what's the point. 

Look

Can you see the stars in the skies?

The tiny dots in the vast night sky,

They hide more in their blot than your entire life condensed into one,

See how they mock you with their light?

That bright happy dot in the dark,

They have more secrets kept than you ever will have heard,

Observe how they twinkle?

That little star that you wonder about at night,

They will never wonder about anything that has anything to do with you,

Look at the stars,

Stare all you want.

They will never stare back.

Breathe

Breathe through your nose,
remember that your lungs needs air,
Oxygen;
Breathe into your lungs,
all the way in
even though it hurts;
Forget about lies,
and tears,
Forget the pain,
Don't think of anything else
but remember
to Breathe.