Music

I'm listening to Melissa Etheridge for some reason tonight. I used to belong to her fan club, followed her everywhere, I got over her at some point apparently. Guess I need to take that Brave and Crazy tag off my Jeep too, HA.
Annie came through and asked me if Melissa was touring, cuz we saw her a hundred times back in the day. I kinda blinked and told her "Dunno, I haven't kept up with her in a while."

One of those things that used to mean a lot to me, and I don't go there much anymore. I was all about music, listened to it constantly, found new artists I liked. I guess I got old. I don't do it anymore. The last person other than Adele that I've paid any attention to is Lissie, and she sounds a lot like a young Melissa Etheridge so that may be why.

Up and Down

I spent yesterday with a bunch of 7 yr olds because my mother decided Spawn should have a Xmess party. It wasn't horrible, the kids had a good time. Spawn and I played and had a good time last night and this morning, so it was a success. Babysis and I caught up a bit last night after Spawn finally settled, all in all,  a good weekend.
Went to see Dad after I left there today because it's been way too long and I'd gotten a couple of messages from him saying it's been way too long. We're just kinda hanging out watching bad westerns on tv when he tells me to start looking for a new vehicle, that's my Xmess present. I think I looked like a goldfish for a bit, then got over it. That was the Up.

I came home. It was downhill from there.

Not Giving A Shit

A comment earlier made me think. Apparently I haven't done much of that lately. Nope, I don't give shit about much lately. I work, I try to get thru my Monday to Friday, and then I'm done. I'm too old for this shit.
Or too young for this shit. I used to be passionate about music, I don't care anymore.
I used to be a lot of things I'm not anymore. Hellmart has sucked the life out of me.
I need to find my passion again.
After some sleep, lots of it. Some fool is having a Halloween party at noon because she has nothing better to do, and I have the perfect costume after I did think about it. I may pass on the whole mess. We'll see after some sleep. My weekends haven't been mine lately and I'm feeling the need for one where I can do what I want instead of what everyone else wants. We'll see how that goes.

Football!

Watched Spawn play today, he's good, they won. Annie went with, which was a bit surprising, but anyway. We went to the Assholes after, and everyone was there. It was loud, and mostly uncouth, and I sat in the corner playing on my phone most of the time because I'm really not a joiner, or participator with the person that never shuts up.
We did welcome a new girl to the group, she seems cool. I'm home and been fighting bed for an hour now, I think I'll give in.

Finally got someone on the phone

Mom is ok, according to the scan, so Yay! Talking to her makes me wonder, and like my idea of not going to the Dr.

So Here I Am Again

I'm worried. Mom had a freak out at her PET scan today, which freaked me out when I heard about it, and Babysis is convinced she has brain cancer, and yeah. I'm worried. I'm not home much anymore, but Mom tells me her balance is off and stuff, when I see her she's pretty much ok. Alright, not so much last week when we went to the pre ballgame stuff, she was leaning on Stepdad quite a bit. Another reason I'm worried. Nurse telling her to make sure someone goes with her to Oncologist Thursday to get the results of today's scan could be because she had a freak-out there and nurse is concerned about her, she's a very nice woman. Or it could be something. Babysis thinks it's something, I'm hoping not, but I'm still worried. It's like that. The worm keeps eating itself and I think I need to go to bed because I have to show up at work tomorrow whether I do anything or not.

I know, but I worry anyway, so light a candle Jackiesue. Love you too just in case I haven't told you lately.

Dammit, it's Sunday again.

Already dreading tomorrow. I think I'm gonna have to bow out of polite society for awhile because I just really hate everything right now.
Today the neighbors suddenly semi-cleaned out their dog pen and put a dog in it. These are the same people responsible for all the street cats I fed that ended up being picked up by the pound. Except for Buttplug. He's the only good thing that came out of that mess.
I did go home yesterday and see DeNephew escort his little friend across the football field, and that was cool. He's becoming such a little man. I threw football with him for a bit, bad idea, I hurt all over again so I guess I need to get some ice and put my ass in bed.

So Tired of the Bullshit

The girls are still not getting along, and my dumb ass said something to someone else yesterday, because he asked. Pretty much he told me to keep an eye on them, and things in general,  and I'm yeah ok.  I'm suddenly the Den Mother.
The only good part of that conversation was I'm doing a good job and he trusts me if I tell him something. He's Asset Protection so he obviously knows I'm not a thief now. DUH.

I said a couple of weeks ago I needed to quit hanging out with the people I was hanging out with, that's working well for reasons unknown to me. Annie said I scared Mrs. Asshole when I was so pissed off about work, but I don't think that's all of it. Annie is on my shit list too and we haven't talked too much lately so I think Mrs. Asshole may be scared of talking to me because she knows things I don't, that don't matter, but she doesn't know that. So yeah, Everything is fucking stupid right now, and I'm tired and should be in bed instead of doing this.

Happy Anniversary!

I was hired to Hell Mart 1 year ago today. OMG, I'm an idiot. Newest news on the kids, is I went off on them this morning, so they got pissed at me, but it didn't help anything in the long run, so fuck them.
I don't need friends, I just need someone to do their fucking job. This just means I'll do mine, they can do theirs, and ooops sorry, I can't help you anymore.

I'm off for the weekend, they have to deal with each other tomorrow.

Annie is my other WTF. I finally asked her tonight if she still had a job to go to since she's been so fucking lackadaisical about getting there, every fucking day this week after she was off Monday.

Sorry, just not having a good day/night/week/month right now.

I have a game, I should be playing that, but I'm doing this because Cat didn't know what to do with me when I was over there shooting shit. He's good with me sitting here.
I'm way too fucking nice.

I'm an Asshole

I called into work yesterday, for today, because I had a death in the family. That I did, but I didn't go to the funeral even tho I should have so I'm not happy with myself.
I hate liars, and I feel like one and it sucks.
Got a text from someone who was supposed to be there, that she wasn't, so FUCK some more.
I don't think she'll feel like shit, but I do. I did text the person who was left alone, and she forgave me, but still. Dammit.

Another of Those

Got a text from Dad telling me my uncle passed away, Dad is off on a trip, heading home. I was chicken shit and texted the cousin about my aunt in the hospital since I haven't heard anything from there lately, got a call back and she's doing better, but not well. She told me about Uncle too.
Thinking about calling Mom about the Uncle....she calls me to make sure I heard because Babysis heard it when she was in town. Gotta love small towns.

I think I'm gonna go play some games and go to bed, I was up way to early for a day off.

War Has Been Declared and I'm the Neutral Country

Apparently The Girls (Squeaky Wheel and New Kid) are bound and determined to not get along. Squeaky seems to be the main problem here, but I don't care since I have to deal with both of them and I'm not gonna put up with this shit for long. My biggest problem is Squeaky likes to run to management over every little thing, where I would just talk it out with the person I'm not happy with, but she's doing it the Hell Mart way and I've not been assimilated yet.
If things haven't settled by Monday, since they have to work together without me tomorrow, I'll fix things or get fired because I'm not dealing with their shit on top of hating my job. Oh wait, I might not hate my job so much if they would get their shit together so....

I need to sleep. I'm helping Mrs. Asshole cook tomorrow, meaning I'm cutting and chopping while she cooks which means I'll be seriously inebriated way early. Yes, driver is lined up so I can do that, and things will be ready for party Sunday at The Newlywed's house, where I also have a driver lined up. I'm on top of things like that. I can schedule my weekends, just not anything else lately.

Now off to sleep just because I can, and if Cat doesn't wake me up at the crack of dawn, it might be daylight when I wake up. Wheeeeeee!

Weird Ass Wednesday

I'm not sure where to start... There was usual stupidity, and then shit happened, and happened, and happened. I'm still trying to find out about the co-worker's husband who had heart problems Sunday and she hasn't been back to work yet. Nobody has talked to her because she's not answering her phone.
There was a massive OMG going on this morning which turned out to be a manager having seizures and being taken to the hospital, she was unconcious when they put her in the ambulance. Last I heard was she was stable and they were running tests, apparently they don't have a clue.
After all that co-worker that has been there with me from the start, the other half of my "We've gotta get some help because it's killing just 2 of us", informed me she had an interview about transferring to another place today and she's thinking about it. I don't blame her, hell I'm looking for a real job, and/or a transfer to somewhere closer to home if I can't find something else because the cost of gas and mileage on the Jeep are wearing on me and him.
Got a text about dinner with the Assholes, declined and went to The Dive. The new cook (new to me, old to the establishment) bought me a couple of books at the library sale the other day which just kinda blew me away. That niceness pretty much made up for a lot of the not nice I've seen lately. While there, got another text from Mrs. Asshole about a mishap with husband, truck, and light pole at their house and I should come over just because. Nothing was hurt except light pole and possibly wallet so that wasn't a major emergency, and I went. Had decent dinner, then got the hell outta there to come home because I really felt the need for some solitary confinement for a bit.
Annie is out of town so it's just me and the critters for a few days and I think I'll spend the rest of my week after work here instead of anywhere else just because.
Cat is still mad at me about a multitude of things, starting with being gone for most of a few weeks so I'm trying to make up, and I'm also just fucking tired. I think it'll be bedtime real soon.
So much for Humpday WOOHOO! I need to call and check on the Aunt also because I've apparently been dropped out of that loop, so yeah, I think it's time for bed. Night kids.

Sitting in the corner

Housesitting got finished, hung out with them Sunday since they got back late Saturday. Got a text from Dad, My aunt is in hospital, could I go check on her. I did, saw cousins I haven't seen in forever, chiefly her son, we've kept in touch this week. She's ok, but not. Still in ICU and I should have gone by after work today but I was in such a foul mood all day I couldn't stand myself so I couldn't even force nice onto my face. I didn't feel the need to inflict that on anyone else.

Talked to Mom for a long time last night after I called to give her the Aunt update, she's always been friends with the ex-inlaws which I think is great, so she was concerned also.

We talked a bit about the family that she had visiting 2 weeks ago, I didn't see the 2 cousins I kinda sorta remember, so I asked again about what happened to their mother since I didn't realize she was their mother, I just remember the son because he was close to my age.
I overheard something when I was young about her husband beating her to death and going to prison and the son going into foster care. I asked Mom about it years later and she told me I was wrong, she died of cancer. Last night we actually had that conversation again, I had the son's name wrong, and some of the details wrong. She was found badly beaten in a park in Illinois, where the family is from, and died from her injuries. Husband was in prison, but I still don't have all of that story, what I got is I don't think he's the one who killed her, and may not have been her husband that brought the son around that night I remember from way back when and we'll have to have another conversation about this because it's bugging the shit outta me. Might be part of my foul mood today.

Looks like I'll have another foul mood going on again tomorrow because besides that mess, Dad was supposed to visit his sister in the hospital Monday and didn't, and apparently has no plans to. I guess he sent me so he wouldn't have to talk to those people he doesn't have anything to do with anymore. A whole bunch of stupid.
Then I find out via facehell there is a family reunion on his side this weekend that I wasn't invited to, and it seems to be his cousins, not immediate family so I guess he's mad Mom caught up with hers. I think I just need to resign from the human race for a bit. These are the people who made me and I love them both dearly but I'm so pissed at Dad I can't stand it, and Mom....I dunno. She probably didn't mean to lie to me, but she did, and I'm not happy about that either.

Guess I'll go get some rest so I'll be all ready to throw shit again tomorrow. Being pissy takes a lot out of ya.

Totally Different Day

I met a bunch of women for lunch today. All older, and you know how I like Older women.
Mom's cousins, my cousins. Other than one, I've never seen any of them. Mom hadn't met one of them, and hadn't seen most of the others in over 40 years so it was pretty awesome. There was picture sharing, story sharing and I wish I'd been there yesterday for some more of it.
I had a great day. The end.

That Day

I've been trying to do something for hours, and it wouldn't work. Then I saw my last post. Scary I was that coherent when I have no memory of it whatsoever.
I've been wanting to bitch and whine, and I guess I got over it a bit. Not completely, but mostly.
I hate the people I hang out with right now. I need to quit hanging out with them, because I had a choice today and apparently I made the wrong one. I'll be over that tomorrow, but yeah, some days I don't want to deal with all their drama and stupidity.

I had my review at work (even tho it's not due for a bit, it's done) A month or so from now I'll get a pay raise. I'm middle of the road performance-wise too, just so you know. I don't feel so bad about not giving a shit anymore, wish I'd done it before I killed myself.

I can't apply for the other job because I flunked the management test and can't re-take it for 6 months to a year. I answered as me instead of the Devil, wasn't thinking.

I need to go see Dad, it's been way too long since I was pampered.

That's another thing, I pushed Lucy away to the point where I can't even call her to bitch. She was a good sounding board. Oh well. Live and learn.

Been That Week

I've been muttering to myself every morning, just one more day.... I finally got there. Squeaky Wheel is up to something. She had stuff pulled up on the computer about bereavement leave, I pointed out her husband's aunt wasn't included, she insisted it was, and she's not working so ok.
If she thinks she's getting paid and not, not my problem. New kid and I are doing ok. New kid scares me a bit, she's so insecure,  but she's ok. She's got the job down, and I mess with her, but she's ok. Obviously I like her. I'm not so sure about the other one anymore. I'm still looking for an out. I have the whole weekend to do that WHEEEEEEEEEE!

Someone else is moving and her job is coming open. I'm going to ask her Monday to recommend me for it because really? 2 pay grades above what I'm making with less bullshit. I want. I already know how to do it, I help there when I'm not busy. Doesn't happen much, but it has happened.

I don't get that either. I have keys, have to unload trucks, meet vendors, truckers, deal with people in general. She just rides herd on the employees so they get their shit out of the back room and puts up what has to stay in the back room. And makes much more bucks. I would have to give up my Weekend off though. I think I could deal with it.

Different

I talked to my Mom for awhile tonight. I haven't done that in too long. We caught up, and then talked about a lot of other shit, and family that she and I don't really know anymore.
We both miss my Paternal grandma, and my Aunt. Babysis has a different set of relatives, but I'm related to them too, so it was an evening.
I've been thinking about some of the same people we were talking about, so it was good to catch up.
I miss both my grandmother's, I knew one when I was really young, but remember her well. I spent summers, and winters with the other and miss her too. They each had their place in my my heart when I was young,  and one stuck around long enough to see me as a young woman. I wasn't yet an adult, I'm probably still not, but I enjoyed hanging out with her after I was able to drive, and converse in real language.
 I probably ate pig knuckles that day she insisted on cooking lunch for me, but damn they were good. I visited her a few times, besides the lunch, I took her a plant, she replied with a throw she had crocheted. And stories, and smiles.
I wish I had reminded her of the summers, and the winters, and how much they meant to me. Summer was creeks, and grapes, and wide open windows at night.
Winters were fudge by the fireplace, peanut brittle, and piling quilts onto the feather bed where I made my nest in the middle.
I wish kids today could know that.

I'm Too Old to Be Doing This Shit

So I was stuck in the middle of the shitstorm between the new employee and the other one. Apparently my esteemed co-worker took it upon herself to be a total ass to the new girl while I wasn't around, and a little bit while I WAS around, and then went to a manager saying a bunch of shit about her not being able to do the job. I heard most of this from the new chick because co-worker didn't say too much to me after I told her I thought the girl was doing ok.

So, they were both off Wednesday, I told new girl to enjoy her day off and breathe and we'd deal with things Thursday. I hung out with her, watched her do the job, she ignored the troublemaker, and I didn't have too much to say to her, but wasn't ugly about anything. I really don't want to get in a confrontation if I don't have to because it'll be not pleasant for anyone.
Apparently squeaky wheel got the message, I got there today and she had apologized to new girl for being an ass, and things were much more pleasant.

I'm off this weekend and squeaky wheel managed to do the same. We'll see what happens next week. Management was ready to jump into the fray after ass said something to them, but hopefully that has been put off for now anyway because even if I didn't like new chick? I still like having another body around so I don't have to do everything because squeaky wheel is a pain in my ass.
And yeah, I think squeaky wheel will be her permanent name because she is, all the time, if it's not one thing it's another, and you know what they say about squeaky wheels and grease. I'm just trying to hang on until end of September when I'll have some time I can take so if I get an interview or something, it won't kill me. It was fun for awhile, but it's no longer amusing and I hope it's just a rest stop on my highway to somewhere better. I got out of my old rut and learned a lot of new shit that will hopefully serve me well down the road.

Now the other shit that has me so mad I can't stand anyone. Speeding tickets. She missed the court date on the first one after she didn't pay it. Suspended license, new court date, paid money to make the warrant go away, I just told her to make sure she pays the second one before it comes up because I can't bail her out or make the house payment if she goes to jail and/or loses her job. I also don't want to cart her ass around while she has no license because she was stupid twice. I could understand if she did this shit drunk, because I've done a whole lot of stupid shit under the influence, but no. 6 am on the tickets, and just plain lackadaisy bullshit on missing the date and shit. Like the tires, she would have ranted at me 6 ways to Sunday if I had been the one to do that. Think it's time for me to go do something else for awhile and get some sleep. At least ticket whore is staying somewhere else tonight.

Here We Go Again

Yep, there was much whining, since I was only there for it Tuesday I told her to zip it. She had a day, I had 2 weeks. Everyone else told me how ugly it was Monday, and I said Oh Well. She was off  yesterday and today was a whole different level of it. She got help from somewhere else because mgmt was upset. Really?
I'm looking hard for something else because my idea of being in the background, not having to deal with people, something I could deal with, isn't gonna last. I refuse to be that whiny ass to get some help and I'll probably end up in trouble for it in the end. THEIR LOSS.
I do my job, her job, and someone else's job most of the time. I didn't have time for all that today because MY job got slammed. I still got to do someone else's because they never showed up after they were called. When I get in trouble, I'll be sure to tell them that along with the Fuck You I'm sitting on.
I think there may be a "Rain quit" party tomorrow unless there's some serious ass kissing to me going on. I know I need a job, but this one has pushed me to limits it took the other one over a decade to get me to. I don't have that much patience anymore.

BWAHAAAHAAAHAAAHAAAA

Cough, cough. So I got my 2 days off, schedule all fixed so I won't be an exception, even though I AM exceptional. Got texts from that co-worker this afternoon asking about things, never told her I'm off Monday because I'm actually afraid she'll call in if she knows it. Spiteful? Yes I am a bit. I've been beat to hell worse than usual lately and I'm really not happy about it, and I know all I'm gonna hear from her is whining when she gets back, and I'll probably nip that in the bud pretty quickly too because I really don't care, and I don't like her all that much anyway.
Anyway, I know my stuff won't get done Monday, partly because she won't have time for all of it, but mostly spite on her part, and I don't give a damn. I'll catch it up Tuesday which means "Darn, I won't have time to help her any." Yep, I've pretty much declared war. She's talking about transferring (when it suits her to talk about it), and I hate to tell her, she's expendable. So am I for that matter, but my replacement won't do half the shit I do so there.
Yes, I'm looking. Will do a lot more of it while I'm off, sitting in front of the computer in my boxers with pussy in my lap too. Now I'm off to play for a bit and put my tired ass in the bed, where I can stay until whenever tomorrow :) Night.

And Yet Again

One more day of going in way early. I can do this. Schedule is screwed to hell and I'll probably end up in trouble before it's all over since I can't get anyone to change anything, all I have is 1 e-mail and a verbal about my hours for the next few days. Also don't give a damn. I'm being used and abused because I'm awesome, and it would probably be a favor to me if they let me go over something stupid. It's not like I'm stealing or anything, I'm disgustingly honest. Anyway, at least I've made a few possible connections I need to be looking into, but most of those involve me being up early and pleasant every day, to some unpleasant people from what I hear. Seems everyone likes seeing me because even on a bad day, I'm not a total bitch. I'm slacking.
Anyways, playing a bit longer and putting ass in bed so I can get through tomorrow. Then at least 1 day off, I'm gonna try for 2 so that bitch that went on vacay can have a day by herself and see how she likes it.
Later.

A Day Off

Had to cover for that bitch yesterday so I went to work at 5 a...m... I wasn't happy about it at all, but I did, got shit done, got out and looked forward to a day off. I didn't manage to stay up late enough to watch one of my favorite movies, but I've seen it a dozen times so still all good. Slept in, chilled around the house, finally got dressed and went to float in my boat at The Asshole's house. Sat around, smoked a cigarette, went inside to change into swimming togs and came back out to a thunderhead looming.
I never did get wet. Finally gave up, changed back into me clothes and came home because I'd had a couple of shots and a couple of beers, and pretty much done after that.
Cooked some taters since I needed carbs because all I ate there was a couple of fried pickles and french fries. Dinner wasn't happening for a long time, and I can't hang like that anymore.
I'm fighting sleep now because I want to sleep all night. I haven't done that in several nights and it sucks. I only have to do my duty for 2 days, and another day off! Then everything is stupid all over again, but whatever. I think I'll smoke and play for another minute and go to bed anyway. I'm still tired, and my work neice may be getting fired since she called in yesterday, dammit. That hurts me too, she's a good kid, but anyways. Later.

Can't Bitch on Facehell

I can, but I friended a manager from work because she was leaving, and she's apparently not so much now, and I don't like to unfriend people who actually laugh at my insanity.
Most things i can't put there anyway because Annie reads it, and everyone else so. Back to the point, if I ever had one.
Work. That co-worker went on vacation. I'm mad at her for taking it, mad at management for letting her, and mad for the person who was sent to cover for her because she and I are both going above and beyond here. The cover did this for a few days a couple of months ago, she's lost. I ran from 7 to 12 today because I had to. I only stopped then because we both took lunch because she was past due and I said fuck it. I ran again from 1 to 4 because she left at 2 and there was still lots of shit to be done.
I only did some of that shit because I'm nice and didn't want the cover to walk into all that mess at 5 tomorrow.
I've got to get out of here, they'll let me run the whole fucking store while they sit on their asses, because I can.
I spent too many years in the same place. I talk to women my age and older, and they all bitch about the younguns, they don't come to work, or don't do anything when they do show up, Not true on all fronts, but yeah, there's a whole lot of it. I know which younguns I want on my Zombie Apocalypse team, and which ones will be feed. I'm tired, my old ass can't keep doing this. I'm exhausted and not sleeping well, and yeah, beer should help me sleep well, but it isn't working lately.
One of my kids ( I have a Neice and Nephew at work, they call me Auntie) mentioned leaving yesterday and I teared up. I don't do that shit. But I've been doing a lot of it today too, and I'm  pretty sure it's just because I'm tired. Gonna go shower because it's hotter than Hades around here and I sweat and get dusty, nasty at work and hope I will sleep until the alarm goes off. Later.

Another Day.........Another Dumbass

I had a headache all day, my stomach wasn't happy, and I was pissed at my whiney ass co-worker so it wasn't fun. It got even better :) Annie and I threw some darts and her dumb ass hit a curb on the way home and punctured 2 perfectly good tires because she can't keep her foot out of the engine these days. At least she was close to home and didn't kill anyone in the process, but really?
She's already got 2 speeding tickets that I don't ask about, but I know we're broke so I'm just trying to conserve my money because I can't do much else.
Headache is back and tomorrow is probably not going to be pretty either. Already told her she's on her own with ride arrangements because I have to work no matter what. I'm pissed, but......can't do anything about it. Thing is, if it was the other way around she would be all over me right now, bitching me out. Yeah, I need to do something else, far away from here all the way around.

WOOHOO

I had a line of people waiting for me this morning because I had to cover for someone else. Busted my ass to do my job and made damn sure it was done.
I was scheduled to work tomorrow, for no apparent reason. Yes, double time, but it wouldn't be worth it to me. I asked, and I received. I'm now the proud owner of a day off. Annie is trying her best to ruin it for me, but dammit I will persevere. I will chill on the couch with Cat all day if that's what I want. I may go to the Asshole's to swim, but it's doubtful, and I might cook a hotdog on the grill at home to commemorate the occasion, but mostly I'll just not have to deal with anyone I don't want to. I think that will be the best  thing for everyone.
Yay, utility company is here to take care of that pesky limb so maybe Annie will quit freaking out and leave me alone now.
I feel another WOOHOO coming on.

Now I'm Rude

I probably was. Dinner wasn't gonna happen till about now, I wasn't hungry anyway and my hostess was inebriated already. I winked at Annie and came home because work had already kicked my ass, I wasn't the least bit hungry, and the shot of tequila didn't do my any favors so I wanted to get home before there was risk of bodily injury to anyone on the road.
I got texts from the hostess and her husband, which I replied to and apologized . Then I get some from Annie, so I had to call her and get a whole bunch of shit.
I'm sorry, she asks me if I'm looking for another job, after she didn't want me to take one a few weeks ago. So I told her it's none of her fucking business as long as I'm paying my way.
I really just don't care, I will apologize in a phone call tomorrow to my hostess since she's the one really upset, and you know what? Fuck the rest. I'm going to bed.

Could be a Felon

I broke and entered accidentally today. Ok, I entered, I didn't break. I was invited to swim, she didn't answer phone, I showed up. Her car there, door unlocked, I always just walk in. Today I was doing that with sunglasses on and shit in my hands when I hear a beep-beep-beep and go "OH SHIT." Alarm code is in my wallet somewhere, aforementioned sunglasses still in place and I can't see without reading glasses so WHEEEE.
I managed, and had a few minutes of bliss before everyone else showed up. It was nice to just float for a bit. I may try it again soon while they're gone.

I'm A Wuss.

Who knew? I"m being abused , and I'm letting them, and I shouldn't be. Hmmm, maybe because I was raised to work for a living. I should talk more with the people around me who are calling out because they got an ouchie, or work interfered with their going out. Or OMG, they had to work and they're tired. I can barely move these days, and I'm still going, and it's stupid. I shouldn't have to do this. I need to take a new inventory because I shouldn't be this.

Yep, just meZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
I'm not sure where all those z's came from, but they can stay  because that's where I'm headed.
I'm in a whole lot of hell right now. Job hates me, Annie is telling me old job went belly up, which I want to  celebrate, but not. I need to get out of the new one because it's killing me, but dammit it's a job. I need a day or two to hang out with Dad, I haven't had that in while.

Going to bed/

It's Me Again

I need to find a new job, but I'm too tired. I had a meltdown last night, and almost walked out today, and the meltdown happens occasionally the walking out thing? Not so much.
Annie wants me to help her paint a house, but I hurt, and I'm tired, and it's all because I'm too fucking old for the job I'm doing. Or as other people tell me, I'm doing too much at the job I'm doing and I shouldn't be doing it. I guess I need to tell them to kiss my ass because I don't have to do it, but I'm not sure how, other than walking out or using those words. I'm going to bed  because tomorrow is going to suck again, and maybe report that head injury I suffered today as a reason for my sudden onset of Tourette's that I'm sure I'll begin suffering from.

Saturday, All Alone

Other than an early morning text that pertained to Annie more than me, I was having a decent day. Watched The Color Purple for the 100th time, love that movie. Hung around unshowered and braless until...........
I went out back to smoke because there was a birthday party going on across the street so I decided not to smoke on the stoop and scare the kids.
I found a dead rat last night when I went out to water the garden, today I found a small mocking bird and a kitten. I don't know if the kitten killed the others, but I know the dogs killed the kitten and it just ruined my fucking day. I don't have a problem throwing a rat and a bird in the trash, but I had to bury the kitten, which pretty much finished off my shoulder as far as I'm sore as shit, and it hurt my heart. It was probably a distant cousin of Cat which makes it even worse. Back to that PMS I have that isn't going anywhere because it's been about a year since the M part was here.

Rambling again, kitten bothered me. Told it I was sorry, but dogs are dogs and it was in their yard. What really pisses me off is it happened while I was home today, no barking, no nothing. I don't like them much anyway so they're lucky I only hit them with a glove because I really wanted to use the shovel.
Anyway, off to bed with some ice soon because I hurt all over again and need to buck up since I have to work 6 days this week in addition to helping Annie do some painting at the Gnome's. My body is never gonna be the same.

Had a Bad Day

Insert music here. I'm too tired to find it and I'm pretty sure you don't want a song clip anyway, so there we go.
Spilled soda in my lap on my way to work because I haven't been to the store lately. I was having a go cup instead of a trusty can because I'm cheap, and there's nothing wrong with that until you arrive at work in  brown pants with a wet crotch.
I promptly got pissed off once I walked in because yet again, things not done. I dropped a pallet on my foot, and thankfully it wasn't a wooden one, or I would have been here way earlier with a cast on said foot.
Pretty much like that all day. I keep telling myself I have a job. Some days I love it, but days like this, not so much.
I knew better than to go to The Asshole's house, but did anyway since I was invited and most of the time I'm not rude. Hung out for a bit and came home before dinner was done because they were bickering, Annie is useless and I wasn't hungry.
Annie came in the door telling me "even I could do her job" so maybe I should polish up the reume' and look for something else since I'm so beat up these days. Apparently I was dinner conversation.
I"m whining again, I know. I've thought about it. I'd rather be beaten up right now than go back to a high stress job. Mom gave me shit about my profile pic on facehell, but the funny thing is I do look younger now than I did 3 years ago. I took that at the old job when I was stressed out all the time. Even a bad day here is better than what I was back then, so I'm good with that for now.
I don't plan to make this my life, but I do have more good days than bad. So far. Hopefully this week is an abberation and it won't continue. I'm still babystepping back into the real world,  I'm also apparently hormonal because I've cried about something off and on all day and that just pisses me off too, so there we go.
I need to shower and put my ass in bed. I stink because yep, I sweat, and it's hot as hell where I am, and I haven't looked at my foot yet to see if it's "kiss it and make it better" worthy or not. I know it's not broken, but it's sore.
I think I've rambled enough, I'm gonna take that shower and put my ass in the bed.

I'm Really That Old?

Yep, I circled the sun another time today. Wasn't a big deal. I'm still here, so that's a good thing.
I don't visit this place very often anymore, mainly because I'm tired all the time, and quite possibly because I don't drink so much anymore because I'm tired all the time. I seem to have sense enough to shut up and go to bed most nights these days. I guess that's some of the wisdom that comes with age? HA. Something like that anyway.
I seem to be a new person these days too, it's scary. I'm quite popular at the job, someone told me a couple of weeks ago she was concerned about me, I didn't seem as upbeat as usual......I was having a bad beat to hell day so I told her I'd just been tired, but thanks for the concern. I make sure I smile at her every time I see her now.
I did take yesterday off because last week beat me up and the trip to KY was a whirlwind of drive up, party, come home, so I called in exhausted. Felt much better today thanks to that. I'm still too old to be slinging boxes around, but hell, it's a paycheck, and most days I like it, so I'm good.
I got shitloads of Happy Birthdays today, which made me feel good, some I actually cared about (Jackiesue) some I know were just because Facehell told them to. For the most part, they were from people I actually care about whether I've met them or not, so YAY.
I ended up at friends tonight instead of where I intended to go, and she cooked oysters (which I hate), chicken, was good, canned asparagus (not a fave), stovetop stuffing, again, and strawberry stuff in pastry with fresh whipped cream. I would have preferred apple, but it was good.
The fact that she cooked for me made it special, and I love her and the big ape she's married to so it was good.
Looks like time to go play a game for a minute and put my ass in bed. Night kids.

It Was a Day, in a Week of Days

Let's see, Fedex guy asked me sometime this week how I wound up doing this, told him I needed a job, they offered, and here I am.
I got a talking to  because my 30 minute lunch was only 28 because I can't remember what time I left, and I'm supposed to take an hour, but I was having a day so there we go.
It's been kinda like that. There are lots of rules, and I try to follow them, but still get in trouble when other people don't follow them so it's been a week.
I'm tired, but at least I'm not stressed. I don't care that much. At least as long as I have a job, I can move on if I need to, and right now I'm good because I'll get insurance next week so yay!
I can go get poked and prodded if the need arises, and it hasn't in a long time so it's just money I'm pissing away, but anyway. I need to throw some ice on my shoulders and sleep. Later kids.

It's Another One of Those

Got paid today, WOOHOO! It's not much, but I work for it dammit. And I dunno.
Annie got paid Tuesday, and she's broke. Part of that is because she pays the real bills around here, and part of it is I don't know what and pretty sure I don't want to know, so there we go.

I'll be looking for another job, either a part timer to help with this one, or a real money one, and who am I kidding? I'm getting insurance next week, I'll stick with this one until they get tired of me. That may happen before I'm ready for it too since I've gotten the "cover your ass" speech twice, once implied, and the other implicit. I had to go look to make sure I used the right word there too, and yes, I did. I'm still good, I just have no self-confidence anymore. Working on that too.

Cat was a good boy today, he finally caught that fly, and he's been My boy since I walked in the door, so I guess I should go enjoy my lap time with him. He comes to bed with me, but leaves in the middle of the night. At least he leaves his toy to guard me when he's not there. I'm pretty sure that scrawny kitten is the best investment I ever made.

Regrets, but not Mine

I had an e-mail from my Mother this morning, apologizing for not being a better one. It was long, and detailed, and I sat on it all day because I wasn't sure what to do with it.
I finally, after many beers, responded, and I think I could have done it better, but I did what I could.

She sees thing this way, I see things that way, and as much alike as we are, we don't see the same things. I see the woman who was widowed way early, and it should have been earlier because he was an Ass of the first degree, but I woudn't have sisters if that hadn't happened. That woman worked several jobs to keep us fed and clothed. She's the strongest person I know because she had a shitty life, and turned it into a good life for her daughters.

I'm not what she wanted me to be, but I think I'm a decent person. Middle Sis was the most like Mom, and the least like her at the same time. Mom survived her death, my being different, and Babysis being, well, the Baby Hellion. She mourns, but she loves, and she does it all with grace and dignity, and I told her she has nothing to aplogize to me for.  I wouldn't be me without the hard times and the good times, and her.
I think she did OK.

Wondered When It Would Happen

My Brother, (who really isn't) showed up at The Dive tonight. Haven't seen much of him lately, mostly because neither of us have been there much, but that's a different story. He proceeded to tell me that he'd heard some news that just blew him away because he never expected it.
Someone felt the need to tell him that our recently deceased friend was gay, and backed it up with old text messages. I think I know who did it, but I didn't ask because I feigned ignorance. I told my fake brother that I didn't know, and obviously it was something that B didn't want known or he would have heard it before now.
I did know, I'm one of the first people he told, but it's not  something he wanted people to know, and certainly not something he would want people talking or speculating about now, so it's not something I'll gossip about. And I guess that's what it boils down to. I never gave away his secret when he was alive, and I'm offended someone else would now. Dawned on me later those texts my brother got while we were playing darts were apparently from someone telling him I was lying, because suddenly he told me twice how much he loved me and what a good friend I was. I don't care if he knows I lied, what B and I talked about was between us, and I knew then as I know now, he didn't want me sharing it, and that's it.
And yeah, this gets put here because I can't even tell Annie about this one. She'd just stir up a whole new kettle of shit if I told her there was gossip.

Not Having Fun Anymore

It was a day. Took my bandaids off in the shower from the knocking half my forearm skin off yesterday. Bathroom looked like the scene from Psycho by the time I got to the sink and got another bandage on. And then another bandage over that.
Had a bad hair day becuase of all that drama, couldn't find my zippo, even came back in the house looking for it and no dice, so I went to work with Bics instead.
I'm tired of the whiner/hypochondriac (I've listened to everything every day, and it only changes if she has something new going on, and every few weeks, something new goes on.) The other one is ok, but she doesn't get that I'm covering for her when she wanders off on her mission from Gahd, and it's really not part of my job to do that.
I didn't get in trouble per se, but I did something wrong and was spoken to about it today. Not a big deal, except I'm emotional as hell for some reason and I haven't been like that in awhile so I'm scairt about it. Main thing about that was yes, I did screw up something, it's fixable, and got fixed immediately, but got talked to about other things that I've already fixed because someone told me to, so she didn't need to send him to tell me again. That pissed me off. She doesn't even work there, and she tells me to change things, I do because she works at a store that supposedly knows what they're doing.
Back to Not Having Fun Anymore.
I also hurt myself again because I'm stupid, but on top of that I hurt everyday because I'm too old for this shit. Tempted to apply to the office job that's open, but they didn't interview anyone we knew for the other one, so don't think I'd stand a chance. Need to start looking for a real job anyway since this one is no longer amusing. On the other hand, I'll get insurance next month so it's worth staying for. Tomorrow will be better. Cat and I are going to bed.

Sentimental Journey

Talking with The Assholes tonight, about someone else, who apparently has no sentiment whatsoever, was different.

I lost my 6 dollar ring one day.
Got home, noticed it was gone, and was willing to just write it up to oh well, it was 6 bucks. Then I missed it, and I bought it on a Christmas shopping trip with Mom, and I don't do those very often, and at the time she was in Chemo so I went back and hunted for that damned ring until I found it. With the help of the bartender, who knew none of the backstory, but she's a good person  so all good for the day.

I do have feelings for things, and memories associated with things. I don't understand people who don't. Some music reminds me of some people, either still here or not, and some actions make me smile because I learned that from someone who is no longer here, but I remember, so they kinda are.

Been a strange day.

Happity VD

It was a night, the faux parents threw darts and I beat them after Annie left because Whee. I dunno.
She and I couldn't beat them together so, I guess there is something there.

Lucy has gone off the deep end again. I don't know what to do about that because Lucy and I are done. She just keeps on with the crazy which is why we are done.

babycat just got in my lap and said fuck all that.

Besides the Fact I Don't Make Sense

I found a couple of things I wrote, didn't post, but liked tonight. So there you go. I think Grannie and I are the only ones who still read, so not a problem. Sometimes I surprise myself by actually having something worth saying. Cat has taken away my left arm, btw. He wanted a chin rest, so this typing is a bit slow. Guess I'll give up and go to bed.

Scary How Much My Bullshit Skills Have Grown

Annie is concerned about changing positions and asked me for my opinion. I surprised myself with all the keywords I know for saying " I don't fucking like this and would rather not, thank you very fucking much, but I need the job so just don't fuck me over too bad in the process."

I'm still happily being a peon, in retail, and those are words I never thought I'd utter either, but it is what it is.

Mr. Asshole told me tonight he had never seen anyone more miserable in their job than I was at the old one. I didn't realize how miserable I was until that one was gone. He tells me I'm a much happier person now, WTF? He's not the most observant individual in the world, so I liked that he noticed when I didn't.

I'm now...........probably going to bed because I do have a job to go to in the morning, and I thank Dog everyday that I have one. Even on foggy, rainy, or snowy days, at least I have a job dammit. I was without one long enough to be appreciative.
Later kids.

I'm Still Here

I just haven't had much to say lately. The last post I wrote, I took away because it sounded like I was saying I was better than what I am, and I didn't like that, so poof.
I like the job, the money sucks, but the hours are good and at least I'll have insurance in a couple of months so I'm happy with that.
I reported for jury duty this morning, and had to practically undress to get through the scanner at the door. Just hand me my clothes on the other side please, geeeze.
That worked out, I managed to get excused since x number of people could go, and I was Madame X today. I'm sure the lady sitting next to me was glad because my stomach was making all kinds of ungodly noises because I needed to go. Thankfully I made it home for that so cat got a taste of how I feel when he visits the litterbox some nights.

I took a day off to go to Bill's funeral, and my stomach was shit for that too. He came by to say hello last night, I liked that. In other news, went to visitation for The Gnome's mother Saturday. I was housesitting when I got a message that she was coming home early because that had happened. It's kinda been a few weeks, months, something. Time has no meaning anymore, I work, sleep and start over. What drama has gone on lately (and oh, has there been some) I wasn't around for so I'm all good with that too. I guess I only write when I'm miserable, and lately I haven't been. Who knew?

Footnote for Grannie, the drunk the other night was a complete accident. I was tired and there were shots. It jumped on me before I realized, because that's another thing, I don't drink nearly as much these days.

Debating watching Dallas, since the last few Saturday re-runs have kinda got me hooked, or just going to bed since I do have to work tomorrow. That was the other thing, after getting out of JD, I didn't have to go in, so I wasn't sure what to do with myself today. At least my taxes got done and the cat got petted.

Shhhh

I've had several things to say lately, but apparently wasn't drunk enough to say it. I've been here off and on, and either written something I hid away, or just looked at the room and left again.
I guess it's easier for me to write when I'm miserable.

I'm working a menial job, but I like it. The money sucks, but it's better than unemployment bucks, and feeling like I'm actually doing something is way better than feeling like a complete failure.
I'm good right now.

Someone at the job is asking me "Did you apply for that other job? Did you take the management test? Did you...." I told her I'm happy being a peon right now and doing what I'm doing. She doesn't get it.

More money would  be nice, and Annie is asking about me applying to other jobs, but I have job for now, and even tho it's physical (and somedays almost killing me) I'm good with it. I'm virtually stress free.