Clothes and Crutches

I was gonna tell you how appalled Lucy would be with what I wore to work today, but I don't really care that I don't match. I did iron when I got home so at least I'll be pressed tomorrow even if I'm not color coordinated. I need to do laundry too. I suck.
I did speed clean when I got home so Lucy will be able to get around my room with crutches, walker, whatever she's using. Probably not walker since I'll laugh, and she gets better reach to hit me with crutches. Well, an inch or so, she's short too.
Yeah, she'll kill me when she's able.
She's been texting me dirty messages, apparently she's fried again, poor thing had therapy today. She didn't think she'd have to do that, silly woman.

Spiders

I hate them with a passion. I know, some are supposedly good, I don't care, they gross me out. I just looked up and saw a nasty reddish-brown fucker sitting on the corner of a picture on my desk. Ok, I'll knock him off in the floor and bye bye spidey. I lost him. Now I feel creepy crawly cuz I don't know where he is. I hate that.

Lucy's knee

It's apparently fixed and neatly wrapped and she's on some good drugs. Her sister let me know everything was cool, and Lucy would probably be out of it until tomorrow, nope. She's called twice, stoned off her ass. I'm pretty sure she'll not be happy tomorrow, I'm just glad she's fixed. Now I don't have to worry about that turkey baster badump babump.
I know. Sorry. I think I'll give up. Now, 3 times.
She's starting to hurt, told her to take a pain pill and GO TO SLEEP. I think I'll do the same.
Have a good night kids.

Lucy just beat me up

I made some derogatory "old lady" comment and she came off the couch fists 'a flying....Yeah, ok, not really.
I did say [insert derogatory old lady comment here] while she was lying on the couch. I bent down to kiss her to let her know I really didn't mean it about the time she flipped me off.
Obviously she is badly in need of a manicure. It doesn't help that I bleed like a stuck pig. I had to wash out my shirt and the pillowcase in the sink because I have a really nice scratch on my face.
She feels terrible, but I think she's more worried about what I'm telling ya'll. LOL.
Actually she's just worried cuz she's having knee surgery tomorrow and will be at my mercy, besides seeing Mom this weekend and explaining that scratch. Poor Lucy.

NOOOOOO!!!!

Tequila shortage?
MEXICO CITY - Mexican farmers are setting ablaze fields of blue agave, the cactus-like plant used to make the fiery spirit tequila, and resowing the land with corn as soaring U.S. ethanol demand pushes up prices.
Damn us.

Heh

Lucy left to go to work today, Annie left to go to her parent's house for the night. I spent the afternoon hanging out in boxers watching something on discovery, looking forward to a night of Cold Case and me on the couch.
I went out for a bit and beat up on The Princess throwing darts, then Lucy called. She got out of work, She was headed here.
We had a huge dinner involving steak, shrimp and fixings. So, Annie is gone, we have the house to ourselves, and we're both too miserable to worry about anything other than sleep. Damn, I guess I got married and missed the ceremony. Hope ya'll have an equally good weekend.

I beat up on a 12 yr old

Ok, he's not really 12, he's at least 21 but looks 12. He's the boyfriend of a bartender friend of The Princess, and someone I know but not well. He's not real talkative, that's ok, he's very competitive, and he's pretty good at the game. He didn't like it that The Queen and I beat him and g/f 2 games of darts. His g/f came over to say he'd like to play me one on one. Ok.
I whipped his ass. Twice. This is major only because I was a bit worried, I hadn't been throwing very well. I got up for the game and cleaned his clock. I'm so proud of myself. Yeah, I'll suck ass tomorrow.

Thanks Syd

Annie, Lucy and I drove in one car to the dive tonight to beat up on The Dirty Old Man and The Princess at some darts. We accomplished that task. Picked up some fish from The Dirty Old Man because he loves us even if he does get his ass beat, and headed home. Get in the car and Kokomo is playing on the radio. I started laughing my ass off, all I could hear was "Cameltoe"
Lucy has seen and heard it now, Annie ran away like the pussy she is. I'll e-mail it to her when she's least expecting it

Lucy gave me shit

about My Seduction Style, then she took the test.

I think she should shut the fuck up about now.

Hello Pot, Kettle again

If you don't like the temperature of my office, stay out. I don't visit you because it's 10 degrees in there year round. Also, if you have nothing constructive to say regarding lunch, don't bother asking me what I'm having and then bitching about it. I didn't bring enough for you anyway.
Thanks

Cartoon

I got this in e-mail this morning. How true.

The View

I don't watch it unless I'm accidentally late to work and it's on, so I catch pieces of it when I walk by. I've avoided commenting since I don't actually watch it. I'm just really sick of all the shit that has gone on since Rosie joined it.
Today, what the hell, a note to Rosie,
shut your fucking mouth, you're making the rest of us look bad.

Don't fish in Georgia

He really meant no fishing
Wed, May 23, 2007, 0:50

GREENSBORO, Ga. -- An 86-year-old man didn't want anyone getting too close to his fishing lines, so he took a few shots at a pair of fishermen competing at a tournament, authorities said. One of them was hit in the arm.
John Burke Yearwood of Madison was jailed on a charge of aggravated assault and later released on bond.
Greene County Sheriff Chris Houston said Yearwood has been putting his fishing lines out in the area for decades.
Two men competing in a fishing tournament Saturday on the Oconee River told authorities that when they got close to Yearwood's lines, Yearwood raised a rifle and fired two shots that hit the water in front of their boat. A sheriff's department report says Yearwood -- who was at a fishing camp but was not in the tournament -- fired a third shot that hit Craig Barnett as he sat in the boat.
The men said they sped away in the boat and used a cell phone to call 911.
The sheriff's report says Barnett, a Sycamore resident, sustained a wound under his left arm and gave authorities a small-caliber bullet that he says went into his arm.
Investigators found Yearwood at his home.
"He was just trying to warn (them) away from the fishing lines," Houston said Tuesday.

Obviously I lied, I mean I was mistaken....oh shit

Shamelessly stolen from here.

Bottled water?

The number one (Aquafina) and two (Dasani) top-selling brands of bottled water in the U.S. both fall in the category of purified water. Dasani is sold by Coca-Cola, while Aquafina is a Pepsi product. As U.S. News & World Report explains, "Aquafina is municipal water from spots like Wichita, Kansas." The newsmagazine continues, "Coke's Dasani (with minerals added) is taken from the taps of Queens, New York, Jacksonville, Florida, and elsewhere." Everest bottled water originates from southern Texas, while Yosemite brand is drawn from the Los Angeles suburbs.

Yeah, it's healthier if it comes in a bottle with a nice price tag. See why I don't drink water?

Semi-productive Sunday

Today I felt almost human, as opposed to something just this side of roadkill, so I actually got some stuff done. The Jeep is semi-clean and got an oil change so we're both happy about that. I did a little ironing while watching The Music Man, and caught most of The Color Purple in between helping Annie with the flower bed. She apparently went to Homo Depo this morning and got flower happy. Fine, just don't ask me to touch them, I have a black thumb. I'm good for lifting bags and saying "Yeah, that looks good there."
I think I've also gained back every pound I lost over the last couple of weeks because I've done nothing but eat today, but I don't care, I'm so happy to feel better. The downside is Lucy wasn't feeling well yesterday, but was better today, hopefully I didn't give it to her, I wouldn't wish that shit on anyone.
Ya'll have a good night and I hope we all have a good Monday.

Bob Barker retiring

I grew up with The Price Is Right, and Bob Barker, so yes, the man is older than dirt. Reading this, was just a bit too much.
In this month's Esquire, for instance, Bob is the subject of the magazine's "What I Learned" page (no link yet), giving his recipe for a vegan enchilada bake and saying, "I'm still sexually active. Just not as active as I once was. I think Viagra does help. You should try it. It might surprise you. And your friend."

Lucy and Pizza

My favorite pizza place finally re-opened after being forced to move. Family owned, real pizza, yummmmmmm.
Lucy called to order dinner and had quite the chat with the guy on the phone.
Annie and I were saying small, 10" pizzas. Lucy said No, we need 12". Fine, Lucy won.
3 pizzas and a sandwich, $36. My girlfriend telling me I need 12", disturbing.
Then, my girlfriend takes fucking forever to come back with food. I told Annie she was flirting with the guy, turns out she was bonding with his Mother, that whore.(Lucy, not the mother)
Her yankee accent led to where you from, where you live, OMG I knew your Mother, Aunt, all 'o them. So we got cold pizza, but it was still awesome, and Lucy's sandwich was even better so.......I know what to order next time. I'll just go myself.

Lost Dinner and Dr's

I came home with the intention of cooking up a steak and fresh asparagus from Annie's parent's.
I guess I got over it.
I wish snothead would go away, I may be begging my old Doc to take me back because at least he would have me well in short order. He knew I didn't like meds, or routines, he would kick my ass with some antibiotics so I only needed them for a week, or less.
Hot Doc, and Lezzy Doc (the one I saw this time) don't know these things about me. They also don't listen. I hate to say a man knows me better than 2 women. Geeeze.
Snothead is going to bed, and percolating on calling old doc tomorrow.

Kitties

An orange tabby greeted me when I got home, then ran back into the bushes. I sat on the porch and said "mew" till he came back out. We had quite the conversation before he left to finish his mission.
I love cats, but my boys broke my heart so badly I don't think I'll ever own another, or be owned by another to be more accurate.
Teebo was 14, he had cancer, probably caused by me smoking since he was a groomer, he cleaned his brother too. Scratch was fading at 16 from mourning Teebo and his dog, they died within a few months of each other, when apparently The Handsome Devil was surprised and bit him, wasn't pretty, put him down.
I haven't had the heart to get another cat. I don't know that I ever will, they had so much personality, and were so different from each other, it was like having roommates. They fought, we fought, but it was all good in the end. I miss them terribly. I don't ever want to go through that kind of pain again.
I know it'll happen with the dogs, but those are Annie's. I just live with them.
Sorry for the depressing post. I apparently have issues.

In the News...

A 10 month old in Illinois was issued a gun permit. I'm just shocked he wasn't from Alabama.

Ok, so TN people are even crazier.
Man accused of beating wife with block of ham.

Tired

I'm tired of being a snot factory, I do believe part of my dinner came back an hour later, via my nose, because everything is just lounging around in the mucus.
Betty is telling me the T-Rex is back, he's not, the yard is mowed, so either someone is fucking with the dogs while we're at work or Betty is just being a drama queen because she's not getting enough attention lately. I'll reserve judgement on asskicking till I decide which it is.
I think I'll go spend some time with Betty and Veronica and take my ass to bed. Night kids.

Lookalikes

I keep telling Baby Sis he looks more like me than he does her. Yes, I was blonde until I was about 5, I have no idea where that came from.

Monday at The Dive

The Dirty Old Man and I were throwing a few darts, I'd played some music on the rockola, Cyndi Lauper "Girls Just Want To Have Fun" was one of them. The 12 yr olds next to us apparently had a discussion. I heard "Dude, you remember The Goonies" reply was "There were chicks in that?"
I'm officially old.
My body is paying me back for the years of abuse too btw, I'm still a snot factory, and I broke a tooth eating a wing tonight. I hate the dentist even more than I hate the Dr. It's not pretty. I'm also restraining myself from killing Annie because she has been colossally stupid and is now lackadaisical about her stupidity, THANK GOD I don't have PMS right now or I'd be in jail.
I think I'll go walk around the block. Have a good night kids.

Necklace

I couldn't get a good picture, but you get the idea. I love it.

Guess what?

Most of my links are at work. I've been picking up here and there since I lost all my shit, but my list of everyone I read is in my faves there. Half of them aren't even on my blogroll, I just visit, say hi, and move on. Kinda like the list of comics I keep too. Yes, I'm a webcomic whore also, it takes me a bit to catch up on everything on Monday's.
I need a life lol.

Stolen from Ms A

I'm a Talent!

You're a risk-taker, and you follow your passions. You're determined to take on the world and succeed on your own terms. Whether in the arts, science, engineering, business, or politics, you fearlessly express your own vision of the world. You're not afraid of a fight, and you're not afraid to bet your future on your own abilities. If you find a job boring or stifling, you're already preparing your resume. You believe in doing what you love, and you're not willing to settle for an ordinary life.

Talent: 46%
Lifer: 41%
Mandarin: 46%

Take the Talent, Lifer, or Mandarin quiz.

Should have gone to bed

I've managed to delete my links, what a dumbass. I'll get them back later dammit.

America's cutest puppies?

Lucy can find some shit on tv let me tell you. Now it's Doggie Day care. I'm getting scairt.
I wonder about some of the shit on television and who watches it, now I know. My girlfriend does, for 2 seconds anyway since she has the attention span of a gnat on crack.
I think I'll be going to bed soon and leaving her to it. How in the hell did I end up with her and why does she think I know everything? I'm smart and all, but no, I do not know the meaning of every word ever uttered or the history of everything ever invented.
I'm flattered she thinks I'm smart, but what can you expect from someone who watches this kind of shit on tv, and ignores me when I'm talking about her LOL.
Have a good night kids.

I'm spoiled

At least that's what Lucy is saying. Hey, I didn't ask her to bring breakfast to me. So if I am spoiled, it's her fault. Silly girl.
It's looking like we're going to have a lazy day around here. Yay, Fried Green Tomatoes is on. See ya.

Awesomest girlfriend in the world

I have a necklace with a pic of me and Spawn, on a heart, engraved. It's pretty cool.
Did I tell you she's the awesomest girlfriend in the world?
I'm a lucky woman.

Friday Night

I went out after work, sick and all. I had to see The Princess and kick his ass at darts. It turned into a long evening of asswhupping, his and others, and a shot of b&b. I'm a new woman. Ok, the same old woman, with a new attitude cuz I'm sick and allowed dammit.
Lucy will be here soon to whip me back into shape, but she'll feel bad for my ass cuz she hasn't seen it all week.
I just cleaned the dog's ears and we danced. I'm not sure if I should be ashamed or not. Apparently I should, Annie is mad I danced with the dog.
Lucy is taking me to breakfast. Life is good.
Ya'll just deal, I'm sorry you're not me.

Sign

I really need to put the camera back in the car. On my way to work I pass a chinese buffet, not someplace I eat, or really even notice much. This morning their sign outside that usually advertises what a great place it is said "New Rating 89"
I'm assuming that means health rating. If the previous rating was low enough to make this worth bragging about I think I'll continue to not eat there.

Not dead...yet

Although Tuesday I was worried, I woke up from a dream where the gates of hell were in my head and I had to listen to all kinds of shit from people trying to get in and out. Must have been all the snot festering around my little brain.
Apparently it was a religious kinda day for me, later I was having a conversation with JHC about what the H. stands for and why he needs a raft if he can walk on water. I believe I was feverish, over-medicated, both, or just having withdrawals from the lack of nicotine and alcohol in my system.
I'm not well, but much much better, thanks. I'm back to work hell today, hiding in my cave and trying to catch up on everything. Later kids.

Tired of sleeping

So I sent Annie to dinner with all our buddies since I didn't feel like going. That was at 7:00. I've been back and forth between the bed and the couch all night, wake up a little after 11 and Annie isn't home yet. It's a bit late on a school night for her. I sent a text a bit ago to see if she's ok, and could not believe the call I got back. A: "I'm trying to drag The Widow out of The Dive". Sounds like they had fun. I immediately called Lucy to share that one, she couldn't believe it either.
It's not that far-fetched, she has been there with us a couple of times, but never this late, I'm sorry I missed it.
Ok, taking happy ass back to bed so maybe I can work tomorrow.

Sick *Updated*

I seem to have contracted the crud dammit. Ya'll have a good night, I'll catch up with ya later.

So after 3 hours in the doc's office, culminating in a very painful and prolonged coughing fit while this sweet little old lady was trying to stick a needle in my ass, it's been determined that I have a nasty sinus infection trying to work it's way up to bronchitis.
I'm loaded up on meds and going to bed. See ya.

What the hell

I was gonna tell you something really disgusting, but Lucy would chastise me for having no shame. Heh, I pretty much gave that up when I came out for real at 35. I spent so much of my life worried about what people thought of me that when I gave up and decided it didn't matter, nothing was off limits.
I probably should have saved this for coming out day, but I'm in the mood, and bored, waiting for my HASHBROWNS.
I fell in love in Armpit, AL when I was 15, she was 16. It was a summer of "I know this ain't right, but it seems right, and I can tell she thinks so too, but I can't make a move until she does" and raging hormones, and it was scary and wonderful, and she lived with us, and slept in my bed. When she moved out to live with her Dad is when it finally happened.
It was sweet, just kissing all night, the next day, she was freaked, I knew what I was and what I wanted, lots of shit happened, I got thrown back in the closet because "it ain't right."
Long story short, she and I managed to be together for 4 years, but I had to lie about who I was the whole time, and I had to like it.
Next girlfriend, 16 yrs of pretending, she threw me out, I lived alone for 5 years and finally found myself.
I came out of my glass closet since everyone knew anyway, we just pretended it wasn't.
I'm now a sick individual who happens to be a lesbian, with a lot of straight friends who accept me for who I am and I'm happier than I've ever been.
I like me much better these days, I really don't give a shit, if you don't like me, it's your loss. I'm worth knowing just because I no longer have inhibitions, or not many anyway. I'm fat, but I'll moon you in a heartbeat, I'll do a lot to make you laugh.
LOL sounds like a good personal ad, I'll ask Lucy if she would have responded to this one when she gets here.
Have a good night kids, and try not to dream of my big ol ass.

Happy Saturday or whatever

Lucy and I went test driving today. Since I hate her driving, it was an experience I was hoping to avoid, I had 2 bloody mary's before we started. We had a very nice young man at one place who figured out we were together pretty quick, other place was an old fart with better things to do apparently. Anyway. She went to work and Annie and I went out to throw darts, after a shot of tequila for our birthdays. It didn't help my throwing at all, it's not doing much for my spelling either, I have to backspace way too much.
Anywho, The Dirty Old Man and The Princess showed up, we played, badly, but had fun. Everyone went home early.
The Princess got lucky last night so we were catching up on all that while we had him, since he was totally unreachable yesterday, that bitch.
I asked him if it was like being grilled by the parents, and he replied yes.
Annie and I were, "So do we know him? Is he nice? Pretty? Did you have a good time? Gonna see him again? Is this going somewhere? What's his name? Where does he work?"
He supplied some other info that we didn't want to know but...
Turns out we DO know him, he was our waiter one night out with the girls at one of the fancy places, he would go out to smoke with Lucy and I and chat, very nice guy, we loved him. Unfortunately, it's not relationiship potential, poor Princess.
I'm home, bored, waiting for Lucy to get off work and get here so I can make her take me out for HASHBROWNS...said in a very gutteral zombie kind of voice.
That was a very drunk night, she brought me home and I wanted breakfast, so HASHBROWNS was what I kept repeating until I got some W*ffle House. Yes, I know, I'm an awesome girlfriend. She's lucky to have me:)

Another Friday Night

and I'm home early. I've been home for a couple of hours actually. I met The Lady for a drink, picked up The Dirty Old Man for some darts, he and I threw a couple of games, a shot of tequila and he was done, so I came home.
We interrupt the regular rant to throw in another, Lucy has to work tomorrow too. I told her when she called about working tonight she wasn't gonna get a kiss, much less a reach around...she didn't listen.
I guess I will be less fun than usual for a week, this fucks up fishing with Dad, who I have a whole other beef with at the moment, time together because she's just gonna sleep most of the time she's here because she's a beat old lady. (Yes, I will get shit for that when she reads it.) Besides that, it's all about me, I should have the weekend of my dreams dammit. LOL.
Ya'll have a good night, I'm gonna go smoke and bitch to the dogs, they understand.

No Dinner

Well that's settled. Lucy has been in town for the last couple of hours looking at cars, the plan was to go to the house and hang out till I got home. Guess what? Those fuckers called her to come in to work tonight. And she said yes. I'd like to kick her ass for that one, but her reasoning is maybe they won't need her tomorrow if she goes in tonight. Yeah, right. Anyway, I'm off the hook with cooking dinner so I guess I'll go visit with one of The Ladies since the other is out of town.

I'm committed

Not the asylum yet, dammit. I just burned the fuck outta myself with a cigarette, I'm sensitive, leave me alone.
I will be home on a Friday night, cooking dinner for Lucy since her life sucks so much more than mine right now.
Yeah, that's the plan, right now, I'm thinking I might pick up pizza on the way home.......nah, I should be a good girl and take care of her. Devil says pizza sounds good, Angel says I should make porkchops and asparagus, except I'm the only one who likes asparagus, hmmm.
I think I'll just go nurse my burnt finger and worry about it later, just call me Scarlett. Tomorrow is another day...

I really, really hate Lucy's job, did I tell you that yet?

I was about to tell you how much I REALLY hate her job, when she called. She doesn't have to work tomorrow and Saturday, she only has to work Saturday. Fuckers.
She works Sunday thru Thursday, lately it's been every Friday too. Friday night and Saturday are pretty much the only time we get together, it's been ugly the last few weeks, she gets here late on Friday and Saturday there is shit to do...now we get Friday but she has to leave to work Saturday and come back to sleep and work Sunday.
Of course, she's more upset about the bird she found in a parking lot today. She put him in the car and took him to the humane society, and they weren't working, her vet's office said no, she put him in her sister's car with the windows mostly down and some water, Sis told her he flew away when she went to check on him. I trust Sis, but, really, who knows? It was a bluejay, not the nicest of birds, but Lucy has such a tender heart....
In other news. Annie had her drink at Friday's, served by our favorite bartender and bought by someone other than me. Bartender kicked her ass. We went to the dive to throw some darts where she won, team and single, so she had a good night. I will be taking her to lunch tomorrow to see the favorite bartender since she didn't want to go anywhere today.

Yes, I'm a bitch

It's Annie's birthday. We have to go to Friday's after work for the traditional long island tea to celebrate. She just came by and said "We won't tell anybody it's my birthday since I haven't been in there in awhile."
Just a little too late. I told The Dirty Old Man last night so he could spread the word, and e-mailed a few other people. I'm pretty sure she will be calling me names later. hehehe

Question of the day

Do you have a white keyboard? The glare on this black one makes it so I can't see the numbers.

Get swabbed

If you don't read Crystal you should, the woman is funnier than The 3 Stooges and me on rollerskates. Today, isn't so funny, but stop by. She's talking about this.
May is the Thanks! Mom campaign for the National Marrow Donor Program which means that all fees are waived. Please, find one near you and go get swabbed. It costs nothing, it's painless and it could save someone very small and helpless. Someone who just wants to gnaw on their toes, learn to toddle and hopefully, one day, give his or her Mom a heart attack when they swallow a bee.

Shoes

I meant to blog this the other day, but life intervened, today just brought it back up. I'll try to keep it short, but......
My feet sweat, a lot, it's ugly, I wash shoes religiously because of it, so here we go.
My boss was admiring my new sandals as she showed off hers, she said "Let's swap, you've got to wear these and I'll wear yours." I said no. She asked why, I said "I might possibly have foot funk going on, I don't think so." She told me I was weird. My reply was "We're grown women and you want to swap shoes like 1st graders and
I'm weird?" She got over it, we're still friends all good.
Annie calls me this afternoon to ask what shoes I'm wearing. "Sneakers, why?" A: "Can we swap? I've almost fallen in these like 3 times." Ok, I go see her, turns out she's wearing MY sandals so I didn't feel too bad, but then she asked for my socks......I gave them to her, sweat and all. Serves her right.

EEEk, Just EEEk

I'm going to visit barfy now.
A sculpture of Paris Hilton as a corpse that's not a problem, but the pose.......

Flo and The 7 Freaks

I'd forgotten about a few of these, but they've all been to visit lately.
Headachey
Crampy
Sleepy
Bitchy
Sensitive-y
Clumsy
Stupid as Shit-y
So nice to have unexpected company, they inconvenience you and then blame you for not being happy.
Headachey and Crampy are here for an extended stay it seems, I'll deal.
Sleepy kinda comes and goes, maybe I should pay more attention to her.
Bitchy and Sensitive-y are pretty much full time residents, we have mutual hate.
Clumsy showed up when I was making dinner, I managed to steam the hell out of my favorite finger.
I managed to make 11+12=33 today, so Stupid As Shit-y was definitely in residence.
I think I'll go see drunk-y for a bit.

Completely worthless

I don't think I've been useful since about 10 am. This isn't real big news, or anything really new for that matter, I'm just exceptionally bored today. I suppose I could go harass the new people just for the hell of it.