new year's eve

New Year's Eve day was spent at the zoo with Chris, Sandra and Tyson. We love that place. And afterwards we ate teppanyaki at Satsuma Japanese restaurant in Bethesda. While we were waiting for the restaurant to open, Chris got his head shaved at the barber shop next door. And then for dessert Chris treated us to pop tarts from Ted's Bulletin. What a delightful day! Hard to believe the new year is here. 2016. We celebrated by going to bed before midnight, as usual. Chris leaves tomorrow and we've loved having them here to visit. Hopefully 2016 brings more time with family friends!

New England in their blood

How alarming to find my irises in bloom already. All of nature is a bit confused right now. But we enjoyed skating in relatively warm weather. Benjamin and Corrigan are natural athletes, like their dad. Benji especially has taken well to the ice. Maya has picked up right where she left off and was zooming around the rink all on her own while Mike escorted Benji and Corey. Our friend, Nat (who is a former Olympic speed skater and now runs DC-ICE) commented on how well all the kids skate, especially Benji and Corey for their first time. It must be the New England blood in their veins. Everyone had such a great time that Mike went ahead and purchased a family season pass to Canal Park. Hopefully we get some good use out of it!

outings

While Mike worked on shelving the kids and I enjoyed an outing to the Postal museum. And there was a popcorn truck parked out front. Which meant we had to try several different flavors. I loved the truffle oil...

Mike joined us for our annual visit up to the temple to see the lights and catch a concert. The show this evening was a local women's barbershop-style acapella group. The kids had struggled a little bit with staying still, especially towards the end, but overall it was a successful outing.

a walk and some other thoughts

Chris and Sandra and Tyson left this morning to drive down to Virginia Beach to visit Sandra's brother and his family. Mike and I had the pleasure of taking all four of our kids to the Quest Lab to get blood tests for the three boys. Lead tests are a requirement for DC residents who want to attend public school (and a good idea regardless). We'd been prepping them by reading books and watching Daniel Tiger TV shows about visiting the doctor and getting shots. Truman went first and it was pretty tragic because the first time they stuck him they couldn't find a vein and we had to go through the entire traumatic process again. Corey whimpered a little bit but kept his cool and  Benji calmly watched the needle enter his skin and didn't even flinch. I was pretty impressed with the way they both handled everything. They were rewarded with donuts and then Mike went back to working on the bookshelves and I took the boys for a walk to Lincoln Park. The weather is still spring-like and we enjoyed our time playing and exploring the neighborhood. I love passing the little medieval church that has been transformed into condos. When it stood vacant I liked to fantasize about living there with large open spaces and stained glass windows and pew seating. Behind the building is a Little Free Library with books specifically for kids and I let the boys each choose a book to bring home. Because we don't have enough books already...

I taught the lesson in Relief Society yesterday. It was drawn from the October 2015 General Conference Talk "It's Never too Early and It's Never too Late" by Bradley Foster. It was mostly focused on integrating more Christ-centered teaching by parents in the family but I adapted it to be applicable to anyone. I was a bit nervous, which is unusual because I love teaching RS; I find it uplifting and invigorating. But a few weeks ago I was approached by one of the Senior Missionaries in our ward. She's one of those very righteous ladies who seems to seethe in her seat when I teach what some might consider unconventional lessons. She asked if I was all right. I was a bit confused and replied "yes, I'm fine. Why do you ask?" and she responded that after the last lesson I taught (about obedience) she'd been concerned for me. Now, in that lesson I had gotten a bit emotional when I shared that sometimes I had a hard time following certain commandments or approving of certain policies but that it was something I was working on. This followed on the tail of a media leak that the church had instituted a new policy not to baptize children of homosexual parents.
So this sister missionary asked if it was indeed that policy that I had been not-so-vaguely referring to in my lesson and I said yes, it was, and she asked if I've received any closure in my struggles. I looked at her and was very honest.
"No, not really" I said. "But I've come to a place where I believe the leaders of our church are trying to make decisions out of loving concern and not out of hatred or prejudice towards homosexuals."
She said, "I think I can help you understand this better. This policy is in place to protect the children who live in these situations so they aren't put in awkward situations in their home"
"Sister X, I've read all of the arguments and justifications and I simply don't buy it. There is already a policy in place that requires the permission of parents in order for any child to be baptized. If the parents give permission then I see no problem with the baptism going forward. Their permission would seem to indicate that they were all right with their child making a decision to join a church that condemns the parents' lifestyle. Look, there is no policy that singles out the children of coffee drinkers, liars, robbers, or murderers to be baptized. We've had a youth get baptized whose mother had a different man in her bed every night, children whose parents were abusive, children whose parents were neglectful... and we never denied them the opportunity to be baptized. In fact, we are all sinners in the eyes of the Lord and our children are still allowed to be baptized. Why single out the children of homosexuals?"
"Well don't you believe that the prophet is speaking for God? This goes against our entire doctrine of the family..."
"My definition of a prophet doesn't include infallibility. My understanding of the history of the church is that sometimes the church is doing God's will and sometimes it is doing man's will. But if you want to know the truth, this basically comes down to the fact that I don't believe that homosexuality is a sin. I have a hard time believing that a loving heavenly father is opposed to two consenting adults loving each other, regardless of their gender."
"Well I guess I just have faith that the church is doing the right thing. I don't see the need to question everything."
"And I respect that about you. I think it's wonderful that we have people of varying degrees of faith and with different opinions in our congregation. We don't have many who are as physically mature or spiritually mature as you and we need your influence. We need to hear everyone's voice."
"Well, that's all fine, but my concern is that you're a teacher and in a position to influence other people. There are women in our Relief Society that are just learning about the church and they don't need to hear these things."

That stopped me in my tracks. Was she implying that I shouldn't be a teacher or that by honestly sharing my own struggles I was somehow being inappropriate?

"Sister X, I'm not sure I understand your concern. I've had nothing but support from both the Bishop and from the RS President Sui Lang, who both know me and my heart very well. I've shared my concerns with them. I've NEVER had anyone approach me to let me know that somehow I had offended them. In fact, after every lesson I've ever given I receive nothing but gratitude and support from the sisters in this ward, particularly from those who feel like they are on the fringes and like they don't always fit in or belong. But if you're truly concerned, perhaps you should speak with Sui Lang and let her know."

It was all very cordial and I was very calm. But underneath I was quite shaken and upset. I work hard to prepare my lessons. It is true that I am not interested in glossing things over and presenting a happy, cheerful "all is well" approach to the gospel; I like to ask questions that encourage people to unpack and deconstruct the conventional and to dig a deeper foundation for their faith. I don't support the "keep the commandments and everything will go your way" kind of philosophy. But I also don't use class as a dumping ground for my own doubts and I always strive to be uplifting.

Since our conversation I've spoken with a handful of people, including Darrin and MaryJoy, Sui Lang, and Dana. I've been reassured on all fronts that my lessons are not inappropriate in any way and that I am a good teacher. Yet I still feel inadequate somehow. I'm uncomfortable teaching now because I feel like I'm being judged. The Capitol Hill ward has been such a haven for me all these years, precisely because it has been the antithesis of other more Utah-like wards we've attended. But I realize that I have been sheltered by other like-minded people and that not everyone agrees with me or feels the same way I do. So I'm trying to work my way through that and come to terms with what Sister X said and how I am going to handle things moving forward.

Anyhow, here are my notes from the lesson I gave yesterday. Despite my anxiety, I think it went well and encouraged joyful, positive discussion:

It's never too early and it's never too late by Elder Bradley D. Foster

"It is never too late to be what you might have been." - George Eliot 

"For of All Sad Words of Tongue and Pen, the Saddest are These, It Might Have Been....." John Greenleaf Whittier

*What was your dream for yourself when you were a child? What did you want to be? What future did you envision for yourself? 

Well-known people who achieved "greatness" later in their lives:

Story of Grandma Moses who was never trained as a painter and didn't even start painting until she was 79 years old. In 2006 one of her paintings sold for $1.2 million. One of her paintings hangs in the white house.

Though she was a nun since she was 18, Mother Theresa didn't have the epiphany to dedicate her life to helping the sick and poor of Calcutta until she was 40. She left behind everything she knew and established the "Missionaries of Charity" organization. Founded by only 12 members, it eventually became a worldwide organization and led to Mother Teresa receiving the Nobel Peace Prize in 1979 at age 69.

Charles Darwin published Origin of the Species at age 50.

Julia Child didn't go to culinary school until 36 after marrying "late" and didn't write a cookbook until after that. Became a star in her 50s.

Laura Ingalls Wilder didn't publish the Little House on the Prairie books until she was 65.

Brother Foster talks about how this applies to parenthood "It’s never too early and it’s never too late to lead, guide, and walk beside our children, because families are forever." 

Years ago the First Presidency stressed the importance of quality family time. They wrote:
“We call upon parents to devote their best efforts to the teaching and rearing of their children in gospel principles which will keep them close to the Church. The home is the basis of a righteous life, and no other instrumentality can take its place or fulfill its essential functions in carrying forward this God-given responsibility.

but this applies to all of us, regardless of our parenting status.

From Nelson's talk "The Sabbath is a Delight"

"The question for each of us is: because of what I have heard and felt during this conference, how will I change?" 

If we are not happy with the direction our life is headed we always have the opportunity to adjust our trajectory. What are some ways you want to change? What can we do to help each other achieve our best selves?

Don't wait to be the person you could've been but also know that it is never too late to be that person. 

We have the opportunity to repent every week when we take the sacrament and start anew, with a clean slate.

Abigail Adams said: It's never too late to get back on your feet. Though we won't live forever, make sure you accomplish what you were put here for.

(Super controversial, right?)

nature walk

While Chris and Mike got started on the built-in bookshelf project the rest of us went to the Arboretum for a walk around Fern Valley. We all love a good walk in the woods and there is always something to discover; fallen trees, interesting pods, piles of leaves and rocks, soggy ponds, etc. We even happened upon MaryJoy, Darrin and Sarah much to our delight. They invited Mayumi to join them for the afternoon and the rest of us headed home. The kiddos napped in the van and Sandra and I got to chat. A nice way to spend Boxing Day.