Sunsweetness

Which is the best gene pathway analysis tool when working with a small number of genes? I've been using Ingenuity Pathway Analysis, but my limited number of genes, and similar genes in the same pathway are skewing my results.

Whoa does anyone still have this thing? Its been ages since my first entry, and everything is so different, yet bitter sweetly beautiful. I'm beginning to forget everything- a sign of Alzheimer's or dementia, hopefully neither, and its all cuz i'm in a house in the middle of no where all alone by night, and by day i'm at work and i can't chat or reminisce with anyone. I can't wait to move back to the city. In college i totaly believed that i'd get out of school and party for the rest of my life cuz there would be no homework, no tests. My expectations have left me disappointed, as everyone is now busy with work. I'm unsure if want to continue on in science, which sucks cuz i've invested so much into it. I need to decide if i want to go on to genetic counseling. I need to weigh the pros and cons. I totaly need to talk with D, who finally took the plunge of fate and left law school last week. I can't function without a schedule, and have organized everything possible, all apparent signs of OCD which i don't have. Looking back at this past year, its been eventful, i actually left the state, i moved, i attended my first conference, volleyball, i went to the mall many times with Kai-yu, but there is one thing which clouded it all. And i don't know what to make of it, and i wonder what i'll think of it in a year. I'm counting on it to be at least a little easier and less consuming.

So i'm in lab right, and i order all my primers right, and then i realize (with a start of course) that i have nothing to do. What a luxury, what a delight! Wrong. I'm bored out of mah mind. I hafta stay around though because i have class at 5pm, and driving back home for about 40 min, and then back would be quite silly, and i can't skip my class because i have another one right after it, and both meet only once a week. So i'm stuck in this cubicle with a computer, and some books that i don't want to read. Its a pity no one is free to share in my new found free time. D-girl is close by in Huntington but she has class, oh what a shame to waste away this beautiful day in my cube staring at a computer screen, yet alas thats all i can do really. I tottaly wanted to go shopping, but i need to save money, yup even my landlord called today claiming to need the rent today. Today! Its due the first of the month, whats with being due ahead of time.

How did i regress and become less of a serious/responsible person as i got older?

Everything just came crashing down today. I love my job and what i'm working on, but recently we have no longer been able to produce any data using microarrays. I still have a project to do (yea) and so Stephanie, Maya, Constance, and Abi follow me around the lab as i work and keep me company. Constance left last week. Maya is leaving in two weeks and Stephanie just announced her last day is on Friday. Because there is no Data production I def contemplated leaving two weeks ago, but talked to the Proff and he convinced me to stay, mainly because he said i'd be done in 3 years as opposed to the common 7 years for a grad student. As of yesterday my project slowed and i can't take having nothing to work on. I feel like every moment i'm idle is like wasted time. I am also so so unbelivable sad that Stephanie is leaving. I'm not even gonna be here on Friday to see her last day because i have a weding to go to. I get so attatched to people and when they leave i'm a complete wreck. Steph has been with me through so much.. i hit a parked car with her, we went out to lunch, and on walks, dress shopping, and just talked about everything. I'm not gonna be able to take any one else leaving, and yet Maya is going to. I remember last year B4 i started grad school, i told my friend that i don't think i'm gonna care about what lab i'm in as long as the atmoshpere is like a family, like the one i'm in now, and now its like my family is leaving and i'm so sad.

I don't understand how people can persuade themselves to be in the lab on weekends and after normal working hours. Like aren't you afraid you'll miss something life related? I feel dizzy Oy.

So in lab when we deal with trio's meaning a mom, a dad, and an affected child, that has an unaffected sibling we do a quick paternety test just to make sure that everything is kosher. We found out that when the parents have an affected child the very next child (the healthy one) usually fails the paternety test. Omg Bio 358 strikes again!
I fear that i am going deaf. The long commute to and from lab has me stuck in a car for about 1 1/2 hours a day where inevitable a good song will come on the air. When it does some how the volume on my car radion will increase continuously until the song is over leaving a throbing in my ears. Man i realised i can't concentrate on music unless its uber loud, which is super bad for me, and i can't stop.
Being in a genetic's lab you'd think i'd be doing bio work or lab bench work, but no, i'm learning C#, and other types of coding. Go figure. I get to live in my very first cubicle though, and thats kind of nice after i gave it a personalized touch, of AFI and OLP. In addition my professors current project is Greenspace, a play on myspace, since the part of long island our lab is in is called Greenlawn. There's also a never ending candy basket, a continuous stream of alternative punk/Bluegrass/Banjo comming out of my proffs office, a technician who has a squirrel, and a two year old who belives everything in the lab is hers, including my lunch. Now who's gonna tell me being in a lab is boring?

...and in closing the two year old steals cell phones and she knows how to use them! i did not know they could do that!

I can not stand people who are smart but go around on a daily basis going "omg it was sooo cool" and like "omg no way" with their vally-esqu increase in pitch at the end of every sentence reminiscent of asking a question. Are so asking it is so cool? Are you asking if it is no way? Other than that they walk around fake smiling at everyone, with a plastered grin on their face. (Genetic program excluded) It is so sad that all they have in their life is like the TV shows they watch (tottaly boring and unacceptable) and the new desk they got the night before. ( it was a plain desk how do you talk about a desk for a half hour?) Take the plainest undergrad and he/she will top them. Why don't they have more in their life? i can't understand how they got to this point acting the way they do. They would'nt have growing up in da 'hood thats for sure.

And i started to go insane and thought there was something wrong with me. But today i was saved when i sat near by all of them and realized no its definitly not me its them, and Maria told me to give them all an STD. ( using your mind ) Where is the posse? I miss you so.

in other news i don't know anything from Bio202, and bombed my TA lab session, explained buffers wrong, mixed up the pH scale, broke the projector screen, and explained the experiment wrong which means all my students did the experiment wrong, and i have to shape up, but i'll be doing human genetics soon YAY! Welcome pedigree charts, welcome.

Tottaly slow day in lab today like whoa, and i went and ate lunch early cuz i thought i'd have work to do later but alas some one is using all the apparatuses i need for all the different projects i'm working on. What are the chances that would happen! So now everyone else is at lunch and i'm lonely. So i decided to waste my time on line, and checked my e-mail, only to recive awful news. My TA assignment has been changed, and instead of TAing Biochem 2 like i would have soooooo enjoyed, i now TA bio 202. God no. That is the worst class ever and i am so deeply saddened. The funny thing is i so failed the lab, with like a D or something, How am i supposed to TA it. So the pieces don't fit like i thought, and i guess i'm gonna have to give up autisim research. I'm also being mean for no reason to people who are competing against me, that also makes me sad afterward for they are far better and deserve respect. but fire the gun into the mouth of doubt i will conquer although the average would break. If i repete that enough times mabey i'll belive it. Tomorrow going on retreat to a MCC. My heart is with my MEFS and i hope they live and not get a nasty fung and produce virus a plenty.

While apologetic for my long absence from updating my live journal, i still give the common excuses which should make all better. Right? Sure! So yeah nothing interesting happened since...when was the last time i updated? Sometime in April. I just graduated, started grad school, got to live in an apartment, and today i found a super awesome downloading site that had all my favorite music except for bane.
Anticipating graduation was the best feeling. You know that you're done with school, and that it’s over forever. I had been getting ready for leaving school, hoping for a good job, but alas i got into grad school. So no break for me. Graduation itself was the greatest day! You walk around with these pointed caps, with string coming from them whacking you in the eye, or that vicinity, and you listen to speeches tailored to your school and year, but you know that its over rehearsed and trite, but who cares you graduated! I got a picture taken of me and Dale!
My summer was filled with playing pool at La Cue every Mon, Wed, and the rest of the day's i just hung, and was a bum, for the first time in many years. I enjoyed it, and went to the city many times, never tiring of the bright lights, and the ordered chaos of the streets. So beginning with the fact that I’ve become hardcore over the summer, why, oh why! i've been listening to so many band I’ve hated before, and every song i hear is better than the last, and I’m even using a lyric in my presentation on Tuesday. Oh man what a one-eighty. So silly SBU gave me a hard time when i tried to get housing on campus for the fall, and so i got me an Apartment. Whoo! mah first crib. But it’s more of a dorm, and i rent out one room in it, but have access to the kitchen, and Laundry room, yay. It’s so close to campus i can walk to class in 7 minutes if i try.
School is hard. I can't make the connection as to what’s causing me to do really bad in my classes. My grades are the lowest they have been in my life. This makes me sad, and confused. I majored in Biochem and am doing horribly. I'm not as disciplined as i was before, cuz i only have 2 real classes! Yea only 2! This is a far cry from my previous 7 classes, overloading style which caused me pain. Now in grad school, i'm watching TV, hangin out, having lunch. The last time i had this kind of free time was during the bad year when i got a C in Calculus. Free time does not work for me, for the past eight years i've always had to be somewhere at some time, and had to study these many pages in a set amount of time. I can't deal without structure. I missed classes, which i have never done, and wake up super early to get to class, but underestimate that amount of time i'll need to walk to class. I've missed the clock to one too many classes.
Its so strange to be on the same campus, without the same people. I no longer have Kaitlin, my ruffle, who was a good sport to deal with my many over exadurations, such as "it is THE END," "i'm failing again ahhhh," and my many "omg i saw insert fakename here"! Annie my partner in crime is gone, and i have no one to open random doors with, or someone to interpret my seagull sighting, which oh man i'm is confusing me. The campus is the same and everywhere i go there are so many memories that surface while i stroll though campus in a mad dash to class. I want out, which i probably why i'm trying to get to CSHL.
Going through grad school, i've realized a lot, maybe even done that thing where you learn something and people commend you for having "grown." So i am working under a new boss, who is the complete opposite from Papa Marcu. He graduated from Hardvard, and drinks afternoon tea like the British people. He is what some people call high class, and although i'm all for being civilized, high class people bring out the worst in me. I get very cranky having to listen to them, and disagree with their opinions openly, and my are the opinionated. People are all the same, but there is a rift between "high and low class" and i don't feel like i fit in with "high" people. I feel like all their wishes have been handed over to them, and they don't know the struggle to live pay check to pay check, like normal people do. Its just a really different life style and i can't work for a boss who does not understand when i say i can't buy a car yet i have to save up, and he asks why i don't have a trust fund for this situation...umm what's a trust fund anyway. Sigh, why can't all people have the same amount of money then we'd all understand each other. We should ALL just have a lot of money, what fun would that be.