a lifetime of worry

My first memory of any kind is my grandmother’s wake. It was in our house. She was the last of my grandparents. I remember being puzzled as to why everyone who normally greeted me with smiles looked so somber, seeing my parents wipe their tears with handkerchiefs, and seeing my grandmother in the casket thinking she looked beautiful. I was three. This is not a sad or scary memory despite the event. I don’t remember my grandmother when she was alive, or anything about how my parents and my older brother, who knew her, grieved. We brought Trixie’s ashes home today in an urn, along with a clay paw print the hospital made. It’s been a long and odd five days, acclimating to life without the dog. We realized that there are so many dog routines that have been embedded into our bodies that it’s disorienting to suddenly have to break ourselves of them. I don’t know how to cook without tripping over her and giving her bits of vegetables. Philip doesn’t know how to wrap up his evening without fee...

The Plan: Polish off that bottle of "Two Buck Chuck" and put together a tricycle. Hmm ... might have to rethink this plan. And, with a minimum of cursing and no bloody knuckles, TA-DA! Yay, wine! The next morning ... Love at first sight? Let's roll! Dang. A White Christmas. I can wait. Thank you for the box of packing peanuts! Why are we walking when I have a new tricycle? Why am I walking when Dadoo will carry me? Even down slippery slopes ... Until his neck hurts and Mommy takes over. Dadoo shoveled and now Kiddo can ride her tricycle ... back and forth in the 20-feet of clear sidewalk in front of the house because nobody else shoveled. C'mon, let's go inside. In the words of Gary Coleman, "What you talkin' 'bout, everybody."

This is not the holly-jolliest of entries to have to write just two days before Christmas, but I guess life is like this sometimes. Regular readers of this blog (both of you) are no doubt familiar with our "first born," Trixie. It fills me with great sadness to report that our dear old friend died this morning. She took ill over the weekend and had surgery on Monday to remove a large tumor in her abdomen. Sadly, she couldn’t recover from the surgery and her health deteriorated rapidly. We made the terrible decision to end her suffering at about 7:00 this morning. Fortunately, we were there for her final moments and were able to say goodbye to her. I think you probably all know how much Trixie meant to us and any of you who had the great good fortune to meet her know that she was a goofy, lovable old girl. We feel very fortunate to have had eight years with her.

We don't get snow often in Seattle. When we do get it, it's rare to get as much as we have. So here's what we did today. Dadoo shoveled the front walk (because he's a nerd when it comes to shoveling snow -- can't wait to get out there and do it). Then we went for a walk. Friend Ursula (keeper of The Krentz Family blog) loaned us a sled. Yuki lasted about four minutes -- long enough to take a couple pictures of her picture in it, at least. Then we stood around and contemplated the snow. Yuki was especially unimpressed. And as a favor to friend Amy, who's snowed in at home in Portland and can't possibly watch any more Elmo or Yo Gabba Gabba, here's a video that she can watch with her girlies (and you can watch it, too).

* and a few things we don't love so much. 1. TUBBY TIME! ® To be honest, she started enjoying Tubby Time after she was about three months old, but lately baths take forever. She's discovered a couple travel shampoo bottles that she likes to fill up and empty and pour into each other and pour into her bathtub watering can and then pour the contents of the bathtub watering can into each little travel shampoo bottle ... Eventually it comes down to deciding whether we wait to take her out until her fingers and toes are shriveled beyond recognition or when her lips turn blue. 2. Eating Mommy's Lunch While we do try to serve her what we are eating so she won't have food envy that spirals into a tantrum, sometimes she doesn't just want the same food we have, she wants the exact food we have. And lately she hasn't been feeling well and hasn't had much of an appetite so we will feed her any way we can. Which brings us to: 3. Antibiotics I don't suppose we "l...

1. Other music! Oh, thank the maker! While "They Might Be Giants" are still kings in our house, we have managed to sneak in a few other CDs here and there. Yuki loves the Animaniacs music (and shouts "yaaaay" after every song, though somewhat perfunctorily) and will even tolerate the occasional playing of Raymond Scott's " Reckless Nights and Turkish Twilights ," a favorite of her old Dadoo's. Once in a while she will insist on " Sympathique " by Pink Martini which seems an oddly sophistimicated (yes, sophistimicated) choice for a kiddo, but we don't mind. 2. Mommy's cereal. Yesterday she ate it for lunch and dinner. She knows we have it. She knows where we keep it. When she wants it, there is nothing else. I managed to hide the Peanut Butter Crunch from her, but she is obsessed with Honey Bunches of Oats. I no longer trust the Post company. What in hell do they put in it? 3. Pushing stuff She pushes her toy stroller, she pushes h...

Anyone who thinks their child is so good tempered that perhaps she will bypass the “terrible twos” altogether is a fool. Call me a fool. Hello, Mother. It is true that behaviors which might be categorized as “terrible two” begin at 18 months. I suppose kids have to discover what tantrums work best and perfect them by the time they turn two. Or something. Yuki’s full name is “Miyuki.” It means “grace and determination.” Determined, she is. Grace, not so much yet. I mentioned in an earlier post that she now wants to eat and drink things on her own. While that’s getting better, she is now very clear on what she wants. She points and whines. When we don’t guess right, the whine becomes a screech. It’s like a bomb. You have to defuse it within a certain amount of time or it’s going to blow. If you don’t, you’re looking at a puddle of boneless toddler, pissed off and crying. Then it’s plan B. We bring out all the crap that makes her happy no matter what the circumstance and see if that will ...

1. The Triumvirate Sometimes called "the holy trinity," it comprises Brobee (from the oft-mentioned television show "Yo Gabba Gabba"), Pooh-san, and old/new friend Margaret Miller. For a while it was just Pooh-san, then it was just Brobee, then it was Brobee and Pooh-san together, then one day a couple of weeks ago she picked up Margaret Miller, gave her a big hug, and The Triumvirate was complete. They go everywhere with Yuki. They sit on the back of the toilet when Yuki is in the tub. She piles them in her toy stroller and pushes them around the house and down the street. They have breakfast together. But they do have to wait by the door when we go out. Oh, and Margaret Miller was a gift from the real Margaret Miller, master quilter and loving mom to our dear friend, David. 2. They Might Be Giants I've been listening to TMBG for more of my life than I haven't been listening to them. Fortunately, their songs for kids are pretty much like their songs that...

Ladies and gentlemen ... ... preeeesenting ... ... blurry rash face! Sometime in September, a rash developed on Yuki's face. Just around her mouth, like a goatee. Didn’t seem to bother her much, but applying lotion didn’t do anything so after a week, we took her to the doctor. He said it may be “impetigo” and suggested an antibiotic cream. When that did nothing, we went back and he suggested jock itch cream. After we got done giggling, we tried that and when that didn’t work, we took her back and the doc was puzzled. He pulled in another doctor to have a look and said that this may be a form of eczema and not impetigo after all. Since I also have eczema, I felt that was probably true and followed his direction of putting cortisone cream on it, which worked like a charm. It said to use it for a week. We did. Then we stopped. Then the rash came back with a vengeance. We then called the dermatologist our doctor referred us to (in case it didn’t work), and I took Yuki in. The physician...