LKUSHGWERKGB

Well, it's been almost five years since I found myself in this place.  After Faithlynn came home, we were neck deep in medical care for a couple of years.  (She's doing great now, by the way!) Then we entered a trying time of trying to have another baby, after over a year and two miscarriages, we welcomed our caboose.  Her name is Elizabeth Joy (Ella Joy.)  She has been a wonderful addition.  Here we are, nearly 13 years of marriage, an 11 year old, two 8 year olds and a nearly 2 year old, and we also just moved on some acreage (!!!!!!) in a small 2 bedroom, 1 bath house.  We may be crazy, but we are loving it.  I also believe I forgot to mention we began homeschooling this year!  Lots of changes have taken place since I was a frequent writer.

The title of this post is most fitting.  My brain has looked much like this lately.  Over the last five years, my walk with the Lord has been ever evolving.  I'm in such a good place right now.  I can't get enough of His Word.  I've honestly never desired it like I do now.  And I'm on fire to do Kingdom work.  I've really been dwelling on the Great Commission (Matthew 28:19) lately.  It is no secret that I have a heart for the nations.  But what season in life am I in?  I want to raise these four tiny disciples to the best of my ability, and I never want to forget they are my first mission.  I've been reading this morning on what the Bible has to say about a woman's job/place/responsibility.  Here's a couple of verses to consider:

"Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value.  She brings him good, not harm all the days if her life.
Proverbs 31:11, 12

"She gets up while it is still night."
Proverbs 31:15

"She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy."
Proverbs 31:20

"She speaks with wisdom and faithful instruction is on her tongue.  She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness."
Proverbs 31:26-27

"....to love their husbands and children, to be self controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God."
Titus 2:4b-5

"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens."
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 

I feel as though God has been speaking to my soul that this is the season for raising our children and caring for our home.  There might come a day when I found myself living overseas spreading His word, but this is not that season.  But does that mean I won't do anything outside of our home?  Absolutely not!  I'm exploring all of the ways our family can make a difference and learning to serve right where we are.  I can't forsake the primary mission He so obviously gave me in His Word.

I'm pretty sure nobody will see this, and I'm quite content with that.  I desire to write out the things God is teaching me as a weapon for me to use to look back on.  Maybe one day I can actually have a title instead of just jumbled letters, but for right now, this is where I am.

Orphanage Tour

As I stated in the previous post, our girl was starting to get sick.  We knew she got pneumonia monthly, literally.  It did cause some concern, but we kept thinking we could just give her the antibiotics we brought with us and just make it through the trip and get home.  The evening before we went to the orphanage, she starting running a fever.  Our guide called the orphanage doctor because nothing we were giving her was helping.  The orphanage doctor wanted to see her when we came to the orphanage the next day.

 

 

Our sweet girl spent the first three years of her life with a foster mother.  Because she shut down on us when we first got her, and was starting to get use to us and open up, we made the decision to keep her in the van at the orphanage and take turns going in.  We didn't want to confuse her any more than she already was, and we were trying to protect her sweet heart.

 

I was told before we went that the orphanage where she was was pretty nice.  And that was true!  I was quite impressed with it to be honest.  With that being said, there are still nearly four hundred children there who don't have families.  No building can replace a family.  I know of 5 orphanages within an hour of there.  Do the math.  That's a lot of kids.

 

 

I was up first for going in.  I couldn't wait to put together what pieces to our girl's story that we could.  Her foster mother (the one next to the woman in white) was waiting on me.  She brought her daughter in law, her sister and her neighbor.  It was quite obvious our girl was loved!  I could see they were disappointed when our translator explained that Bei Bei was in the car, but they understood.  We spent the next little bit asking questions and getting to know each other as much as we could.  She did tell me she was sad to see Bei Bei go, but she was so thankful she was going to America to get the medical care she so desperately needed.

 



When I saw these stairs, I knew I recognized them immediately.  We spent many, many nights watching a little video of Faithlynn and this sweet lady come down these stairs.  She was so nice to let me take a picture.

 

 

We also had a picture of our girl on one of these chairs.  I, of course, had to take a picture.  It was very surreal to see these places in person.



 



We didn't get to see where the older children were.  Those clothes hanging to dry were outside of their area.

 

 

As I mentioned, this was a very nice orphanage.  They had a few apartments that held about 6-8 kids each with a nanny.  Because our girl was so sick, they had her in this apartment.

 

 

The first child I saw tore my heart in two.  I immediately knew what his medical need was.  Cataracts.  This sweet angel will live his life in blindness because he didn't have the medical care he needed to save his vision.  He was such a sweetheart.

We brought suckers with us, and we immediately won over the kids with them!

The little one I'm holding in the red jacket was Faithlynn's best friend.  Still to this day our girl gets excited when she sees a video of her.  They explained to the children that I was "Faithlynn's new mama," and when Wayne walked in that sweet girl walked up to him, reached for him and said, "Mama!"  Cue tears here.

 

My last stop at the orphanage was the baby room.  My eyes swelled with tears as soon as I walked in.  All of those precious little ones were living their lives in a crib.  If you look closely you can see a little boy sitting up in the back.  The orphanage director (in the blue jacket) gave me permission to pick him up.  Oh that sweet baby boy!  He craved touch so badly.  He just rubbed his head on my shoulder over and over.  I started crying.  The nanny made me put him back to take his nap.  I stepped in the next room and just let my tears flow.  None of these children know the love of a family. 

 



 

I was constantly asking if each child I spoke with was paper ready for adoption.  I was hoping to be able to advocate for some of them.  When I asked about this little guy, our guide said, "Oh you don't want him.  He has downs."  Our guide was wonderful and really had a huge heart for the children, but this is their culture.  It is a culture of such superstition.  She then told me that I wouldn't be able to handle anything else because of my tears and suggested Wayne and I swap out.

 

When I got to the van, I was crying so heavy.  Wayne looked horrified when he saw me.  I assured him it was fine.  There's just so many. 

 

He informed me the doctor came out to the van while I was in, and she was pretty sure Faithlynn was getting pneumonia.  We would be in Guangzhou in two days.  We had to have a medical for her to be issued a visa, and it was decided she should be fine until then.  We gave her the antibiotics we had with us.  At this point, we really had no clue how quickly she would get sick.  Nor did we realize just how serious it would be.