One of my friends works with orphan graduates here in Ukraine and she told me that sometimes when she goes through the village, the relatives of orphans that were adopted by families in America see her out walking and call out to her asking how their Dasha, Volva or Sergei is doing over in America.
The children that my friend developed friendships with and then watched be adopted out of the orphanage still have families here in Ukraine. For whatever reason, they were placed in the orphanage, and at some point, parental rights were given up. My friend says that many of these families give up their parental rights for hopes of a better life for their child in a far away country.
What many people fail to understand about orphans and orphanages here in Ukraine, is that just because a child is in an orphanage, does not mean they have lost both parents or that they don't have family or are legally eligible for adoption. Most children in orphanages here are what should be called, "social orphans." They have one or more living parents alive who are unable to take care of them for a variety of reasons. Poverty and substance abuse would be two examples off the top of my head.
We have a mother in our Day Center whose oldest son lives in an orphanage. He comes home on holidays to visit her. They do not have an ideal relationship or living situation but it's the best she can do. Her other option is to squeeze him and his four siblings into the cramped, two room apartment they share with ten or more family members, most of which are drinking, fighting and screaming abuses to each other. For her, she sees an orphanage or "boarding school" as they are called here, as a viable option to create some stability for her child so he can go to school, receive enough food to eat and escape and chaos of living with her.
I get frustrated with the current popular adoption movement because it promotes and highlights only the children who are adoptable and able to live in families. Don't get me wrong, there are many children who are eligible for adoption in Ukraine and I want to see those children adopted into loving homes. If you want to adopt a child from Ukraine, write me, I can give you the contact email of a wonderful woman who can explain the process to you and help you. I agree that we need to be working together to get as many of these children into families and promote foster families and healthy homes here in Ukraine.
But I repeatedly find that the focus on social orphans has been shifted to the side in the promotion of orphan care and carefully brushed away. I hear things like, "We want to reach the
'real' orphans. We only want to sponsor a
'real' orphan. The only way an orphan can be reached spiritually is
through a family setting."
Really? So what happens to the children who are not adopted out of the orphanage system? What happens to those who are left behind after the hosting party bus drives away? What happens to those children who have a deteriorating family, but one that in some way, loves them enough to not give up their rights to their children so they can be adopted? What happens to the social orphan?
I'm going to stop here before I get too carried away and share with you a series of blog posts from Jen Hatmaker's blog which addresses international adoption ethics in much more detail than I have time to put together for you. Why re-invent the wheel? She covers everything.
Please, please, please, read these posts if you are interested in ministering to orphans or are involved with orphan care ministries.........Click through the title to read the post.
Examining Adoption Ethics: Part 1
Examining Adoption Ethics: Part 2
Examining Adoption Ethics: Part 3
Tell me what you think? Should orphan care be focused on only adoption and children who are actually adoptable, or should all children's needs be addressed? Should we as Christians promote the belief that children can only develop a healthy spiritual relationship with the Lord in a family? Why do you think there is such a focus on adoptable children and not on social orphans?
If I can stir up a dialogue, I'll write more posts about this topic.........
