A heartbeat...

What a blessing a heartbeat is....I've been once again reminded of this phenomenon....I've been so stressed with the house...doug's upcoming trip...the office...and all the other things that are going on....i've been super excited about each of them and so grateful that we have so many opportunities...but, I hadn't taken the time to slow down and appreciate the simple things of life....like a heartbeat....

Tuesday morning I was reminded of this HUGE blessing when we couldn't find a heartbeat on our little fetus....it was devastating....but, it just makes me hold my two great children and sweet husband a little tighter....I'm so appreciative of so many friends and family with all the support....We love you!!!!!

Here's to a Beautiful Life...

xoxo,

h*

Kimberly

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!! This is the day that you would usually call me and all my teasing for the last three weeks would be over....you are finally older than me again.....not this year though....this year we will stay the same age....It is amazing how fast someone can leave your life....yet their memory stays strong....i'm still expecting you to come visit me......Luckily I can keep your memory alive with the things I do....Love you Kim! Thanks for all you taught me!

Here's to a Beautiful Life....

xoxo,

h*

Film Festival

The kids and I made a movie....click here to view it. It was one of those late nights...yes I keep my kids up late in the summer....it's super fun! We seem to always be doing something silly....

I'm not looking forward to school starting....I can't believe it's almost here....As a kid I always wanted summer to last longer....and I feel the same as an adult...I wish there were more time! We are still having fun!

Here's to a beautiful life...

xoxo,

h*

Beast

One of Evan's chores is to clean up our turtles poop....it is huge and smells...but, a gas mask? I'm not sure it's necessary...This is the only way he will clean it up...I can't help but smile when I see him put it on and act like cleaning up the poop is the worst thing in the world.

This morning he talked his sister into helping him....she was so excited to help....I love being home with my kids....I love summer days....and I love this beautiful life......

Here's to a beautiful life ....

xoxo,

h*

the wedding.

Outside the LA Temple with Doug....I'm so happy he's mine.

The wedding was beautiful---especially being with Doug. It was really good for me to be there. Being in the sealing room for a time only wedding was different...but, very lovely. I realized a few things in the temple...I felt peace about the situation....outside the temple I am a wreck...but inside the temple I felt like things were going to be ok....I also learned that I need to be less judgemental and I need to go to the temple more....I am looking forward to our new adventures in the next few months....

Here's to a Beautiful Life....

xoxo,

h*

LEGOS + BARBIES

Today I needed to pack for the wedding....it's weird because for Olivia's funeral I called it her wedding....now on Kimberly's 5 month anniversary her husband will be getting married....I couldn't help but get a little teary eyed....not that I'm not happy that he found someone---I'm glad he did....it's just hard because I'm still missing Kimberly so much.....as I walked out of my room this is what I saw:

Audrey and Evan were playing "Lego Barbies" in their swimsuits in the hallway waiting to go swimming....it was really sweet....it made me realize that Life is Beautiful....I feel so blessed my kids love each other and are so fun and creative....R2D2 is protecting the barbies :)---I love it. I couldn't help but smile and play for a little bit....

Here's to a Beautiful Life...

xoxo,

h*

216

Rob took this picture of me holding her hand...I Love this picture.

That was Kimberly's room number....I've thought a lot about Kimberly these past few days....We are approaching the 5 month anniversary of her passing...it's weird to think it was only 5 months ago....it feels like a lifetime ago. I miss her a lot....it's weird how I thought I didn't talk to her that much and now that she is gone I realized how much I did talk to her...and needed her opinion and advice....here I am sitting in her room texting her friends and Britney so Britney could post on facebook Kimberly's update....

I've thought a lot about the movie Life is Beautiful...I use to love that movie...and I realized that everyday I'm going to notice the beauty in life....even in that small hospital room there was beauty...this tree was what we looked out at from Kimberly's hospital window...her room is the top room in the middle...how lucky were we to have such a great view of this beautiful tree(this picture hardly does it justice)....small blessings...it was blooming her favorite color too....

Here's to a beautiful life....xoxo, h*

Kitchen Helpers

I love cooking with these two helpers...Evan is usually playing legos in the family room "helping" as well....notice Doug with his onion chopping goggles (his joke present Christmas 2010...he always gets a silly present from me every year...but, this one has been super helpful since I always ask him to chop onions)...and Audrey with her apron-just like me-and her Cleopatra headband-not just like me....the dinner turned out amazing...so fun to cook with them around....

Mother's Day....

Mother's day this year was really different....last year Kim made pink gerber daisy flower hair bows for every girl in the family to wear...it made me feel a sense of peace...she really was an amazing sister...very thoughtful...this year it was hard not to be sad that she is no longer here...that she will never be here on this earth with her kids...laughing with them, crying with them, teaching them, playing with them....how my heart aches for her....how my heart aches for Olivia...this year, however, I'm glad my baby won't be alone and I couldn't think of anyone better to be with her....

***i'm hoping i'm back and ready to catch up on my blog....life is amazing....i'm so grateful for all my many blessings...

Thursdays

I just barely started feeling "my new normal" when my world fell apart. My sister passed away on March 6, 2011 leaving behind 5 beautiful children and a loving husband. I am devasted....

It was fitting that I drove down the day of her horrific accident, a thursday, and was able to stay by her bed for the next 5 days....(she was declared brain dead on sunday at 8pm and then they did not take her away until about 4am tuesday morning)....I will miss you Kim. We became so close since Olivia's passing...every thursday I would receive a letter from her...reminding me that she hasn't forgotten about Olivia....and that she is mindful of me....and now I can do the same thing for her....Kimberly, I will never forget...thursdays are your day.

I love you...

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