Last Christmas...

When I was pulling out Christmas decorations I found our Christmas card from last year….Last Christmas I was anticipating the arrival of our new baby….everything I wanted for Christmas was for her…I could hardly wait to see her sweet face and call her by name….Olivia…how I LOVE that name….

This Christmas I am anticipating the one year mark of her death…I miss her….I still think of her often....we’ve had a great year in MANY, MANY other ways….I feel very blessed...we are HAPPY and have had a fun year....I am going to recap it over the next week....to get ready for the new year!

We are very excited to celebrate the birth of our Savior and the HOPE that He brings to us…how lucky are we that we KNOW we will see her again…this Christmas is just different for me…not so much about the receiving…this next year is dedicated to her….It is going to be a GREAT year…I can’t wait!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!

Audrey's first Day...

I was nervous about this day...wasn't sure what to expect or how to feel about being alone for a few hours twice a week...but, with how pumped Audrey was about going to school, I couldn't help but be excited!
Working on her project at school....I love this little girl...It has been nice to have a couple hours twice a week to be alone...I now treasure those days. I have some Olivia time while the kids are away....I love her too....

Last Night...

In our living room we were talking to a cute couple from our ward who had just moved in....We were interviewing the wife (there was no time at the office to meet with her) and while Doug was busy in the other room they were asking me about our kids and their ages....I told her we have one who is 6 and another who is 3....the husband looked at me and said "Oh, so you're done having kids?" I didn't know what to say---it caught me off guard...I really hate these awkward moments....so I said our daughter passed away in January.

I felt bad for the husband, I know that must have been awkward....but, it made me sad...sad because she was gone, sad because I was in that situation, sad because I'm unsure what to do next....

School...

Evan meeting his teacher for the first time....

Trying out the new playground...after this we went to breakfast at Mimi's Cafe (Evan was soooo pumped!)...he talked non-stop about what school was going to be like...how I was going to miss him a TON....it was so cute...and I am so glad I was able to take the time to be with just him...Evan's cousin Emily is in one of the other kindergarten classes....it was fun seeing her!

Walking into his first day of class!
Excited to have Mama Mia time....can't wait to spend time with this little girl....although we will really miss having Evan with us....

Paper airplanes

Paper airplanes have provided hours of fun in our house....I'm LOVING all the games we have come up with: Can't get me, dance airplane party, and many others....

Late July....

I really enjoyed the month of July...it was full of swimming, birthdays, little hikes, and trips....Since Evan was going to start school...we REALLY enjoyed this summer!!!! Probably the reason for my lack of blogging.....

These DARLING girls came by....how we LOVE playing with them!!!Katie, Evan, & Emily were in the Billy Goats Gruff play....that was REALLY fun!Fireworks and swimming on July 4th!
WORLD CUP!!!! We were going for ORANGE (obviously)...so I had ALL orange snacks and everyone was wearing some orange (it's on Evan's shorts)...I even made everyone wear orange to church....it was a little disappointing...Happy Birthday....my little jedi-in-training!Ali and the kids came and stayed for awhile...we took them hiking at Red Rock, had picnics, and swam....we ALWAYS have fun with these kids!

Hiking in the abandoned mines....my nephew Jackson planned this day for us....we had a BLAST with them....

The CREW!

We will miss July....but, we are glad to have the memories!

NEW YORK!

Doug and I took a trip to New York and as I'm sure it will be no surprise to anyone (seeing as our year hasn't been the smoothest) We ended up staying at the hotel that was attempted to be bombed....so, one night we stayed out really late and then got back into the hotel to only find out we still couldn't go to our room (I think it was 2 a.m. or so)....so we hung out on the floor....Time Square was closed down...One reason (not that I needed another reason) that I LOVE New York...is because I get to hang out with this beautiful girl!!! We went to the Billy Elliot show with Doug and his sister Debbie (she came in from DC---she's so great!)...
Another thing I love to do in New York is to walk across the Brooklyn Bridge...it is just AMAZING...I try to do it every time I am there...this time I dragged Doug and Debbie...I love eating in New York...although, what is going on with my lips? Doug looks super handsome though...so I wanted to post the picture....we are sitting on the patio of a Mexican restaurant in New York with Jen....It was sooooo nice that night...eating, talking, being in New York...AMAZING!
i LOVE this city....I can't wait to go back....

Miami

In catching up with my blog....Doug and I took a trip to Miami in March, a couple weeks after Roselyn's wedding...it was so much fun! He of course had a conference and I just tagged along and went shopping (lucky for me there was this gay convention and these super stylish guys took the time to "help" me with my shopping...they were so fun!)....

We got to eat at the cutest restaurant right on the street with these awesome couches...it was called Green Street Cafe....there were some characters there...Breakfast was ALWAYS entertaining...at this cafe we decided that all the waiters and staff stayed up all night at the clubs and were still feeling the vibe....most of them were dancing and singing...as they tried to get people to eat at their restaurant...This lady behind me was our favorite...she was AWESOME...I was so entertained by her energy....
It was a great quick trip, but super fun! I really liked Miami....such a great city!

Uncle Butch

My dear Uncle Butch passed away on July 28, 2010 exactly 6 months after the passing of our daughter, Olivia. He was an amazing person...so full of life...He died suddenly....but will be forever missed....We love you Uncle Butch!

Father's Day....

I'm seriously so behind...but I wanted to post this....for Father's Day this year I asked Evan what he wanted to do for Doug...he said "I want to build something"...so we decided on a perfect backyard table....

Luckily for us our neighbor and good friend is a "builder guy" according to Evan...so we asked to use his tools and he and his cute daughter "helped" us build this table....it was so fun! the crew working hard....they actually sanded for a long time...with frequent capri sun breaks...

The finished product....we ended up having to put the table on wheels so we could wheel it to my house....it really is a big table and i LOVE the way it turned out....

Thanks Marko and Amanda! You guys are the best!

Outrun the Sun!

I met up with Doug in Chicago (I had to go for at least a couple hours:) and then Doug and I flew to Indianapolis back in June to participate in the Outrun the Sun race. It was a 5 mile race (I thought it was a 5K...oops:) We kept a great pace and it seriously was an amazing race...we ran through this park with these HUGE trees...I really liked the race....poor Doug didn't like the length...but, he did carry my water bottle the whole race! So sweet, huh?

Hopefully we can bring the race to Las Vegas next year....

The End of Summer....

Today was officially the last day of summer....and I am so sad to see it go....I love summer days (probably the reason for my lack of blogging) staying up late, swimming everyday (and night), taking random trips....visitors from friends....no schedule...there are so many things to love about summer...

Today we met Evan's Kindergarten teacher....first stop...the playground....Evan wanted to make sure he knew what he was getting into.... Next stop...meeting his teacher Mrs. Kruezer....but, really all he wanted to do was play with the carebear tower....apparently it really is cool...his cousin Emily was excited to see the carebear tower in Evan's classroom...too bad they aren't in the same class....

After the meet and great Evan and I went to breakfast and talked about his upcoming adventure...he was super excited...and I had a GREAT time spending some Evan and mommy time....I'm going to miss this kid.....

***i've decided that i'm so clueless sometimes...at the school Evan is going to there is a pre-k class too...and I thought Evan's class was in the pre-k classroom (seriously clueless---although easily confused:)...I went in introduced Evan and started looking for his backpack....when I realized we were in the wrong class....Evan and I could not stop laughing....it seriously was so funny to us****then my sister-in-law told me that the meet and greet didn't start until 10am...we were there at 9am....I guess I stay true to my word....i'm either super late or super early....one day i'll get it right!

Costco Nightmare....

I just finished putting the kids to bed...and I am still shaken up by what happened today....in Evan's prayer tonight he said "please bless that we will never have a day like today and thank you for protecting us." Audrey said "thank you Heavenly Father for protecting us today."

We went to Costco today had lunch with the kids and were shopping for the party tonight. We had just put the last thing we needed in our cart when the store employees asked us to evacuate the building...we thought it was a fire or something small...they made it sound like we were going to come right back. So, we started to get the kids together and someone said "he has a gun", so Doug and I hurry out with the kids and stand in front of the door (we still weren't sure what was happening)....I told Doug I didn't feel good about standing there (the policemen around us had their guns out and ready to shoot...i've never seen that)....Doug was trying to figure out what was going on then he saw a policeman bring his gun up and get ready to fire...I turned around and saw this guy that looked disgruntled and someone yelled get down on the ground....so, I grabbed Evan and got on top of him and Doug grabbed Audrey and dove behind a pillar and reached out for Evan and me.

We crawled out over the kids to our car and drove away (I didn't want to look back and see what was happening)....I was shaken up a lot....Evan and Audrey were scared and we could not believe what just happened....as it turned out the officer who said get down was talking to the guy behind me who was getting a gun out....you can read more about it here (we were right by the tires)....I'm so thankful we were protected....

Happy 4th...

Rosie Gets Married

About 2 1/2 weeks after we had Olivia my dear friend Roselyn got married in Irvine, CA. I have known Roselyn since the second grade...there was no way I could've missed this day...so I put on my happy face...and squezed into the bridesmaid dress and enjoyed every moment of this fairytale wedding....It helped that I had a hot date.... Here Roselyn is with her bridesmaids....she looked AMAZING!!!!! I had so much fun with all these girls...

Look at how beautiful the reception was! The details were amazing! These wedding seriously needed to be in a Bridal magazine....it was perfect!

Mr. & Mrs. Ben! It seriously was magical!

I'm so glad I was able to be part of this special day! When we got to the hotel.....Doug and I crashed....what a party....

I did it!!!!

I figured it was time to start posting about what I have done...besides just being a little sad....

On April Fools Becky and I decided to participate in the Iron Girl Triathalon (800m swim, 18 mile bike ride, and 5K run) at Lake Las Vegas in the beginning of May....we had almost 5 weeks to train and since I had just been cleared to start working....we had a lot of training to do.... So, needless to say I was very busy training....here I am finishing with Becky and Britney....Becky was AWESOME and stayed with me the whole time cheering me on...Britney finished before we did but came back to run through the finish line with us....
It really was so fun and something I've always wanted to do....I'm so glad I did it!

Olivia's House

We go visit Olivia on every holiday...and we talk about her and how we will see her again....Mother's Day was a hard day to go there...I missed her so much....I bought this awesome pinwheel - bright pink for her...and we put it into the ground and seriously less than 5 minutes after we carefully secured it...it flew away into the wind....I looked at Doug and he ran and got it and we decided that just before we would leave we would stick it in the ground and run away so I could just think it was still there (even if the wind blows it away:) at least I won't know....

As we were running to the car Audrey looked at me and said her stomach hurt...about 5 seconds later she was throwing up and crying...she kept saying "I threw up at Olivia's house...I'm so sorry" the poor thing was so upset she threw up at "Olivia's house"....it was the cutest thing ever...it made me realize how much she really loves and cares for her sister...

Good Friends...

Today I am grateful for good friends...what a blessing good friends are...Since Olivia has passed away I have been overwhelemed and have been really blessed by all my amazing friends....thank you for being AMAZING! I love you!!!

***this hot pink gerbera daisies are in memory of Olivia...it is her signature flower***

A Heartbeat

Tonight I laid down with Audrey to help her fall asleep...I just held her, rubbed her back and loved just being with her...I put my hand on her chest and could just feel her heartbeat...I loved feeling her heartbeat...it is so reassuring...tonight I'm grateful for the heartbeat of Doug, Evan, and Audrey...what an amazing feeling that is...to feel a heartbeat...I don't think i've been more grateful for a heartbeat than I have in the last couple months....

feeling normal...

My amazing photographer and new friend came over to take birthday pictures of this little girl...we had soooooo much fun...she did an amazing job and it was sooooo fun to just laugh and watch Audrey ham it up for the camera...I just love this picture with all the colors...doesn't it just make you happy? It really made me feel normal...if even for a moment....

You can't make this stuff up...

This past week has been a really hard week for me...we had to pick out the tombstone for Olivia...and there were several other things that happened that made me really sad....I just really want to feel normal again...

When we went in to the funeral home for the first time...we met with this guy to help us make the arrangements...when we got there he kept talking about "the boys"...he would say the "boys and I go to the Montage in Laguna Beach" or "the boys and I love eating...." finally I asked how old "the boys" are...and he pointed to the picture of the dogs and then left the office to go get something....Doug and I could not stop laughing...i'm sure this sounds a little rude...and probably inappropriate...but, seriously you had to be there...I was just emotionally exhausted and he talked about "the boys" as if they were human---did he not realize why we were there?

When I went to drop of the clothes for Olivia (it was a VERY frustrating process) I was a little agitated so I took Brenna into the office where we met and showed her the picture and was able to snap a picture with my phone....then when we went there last week to pick out the tombstone we peeked into his office and saw an "updated" picture...more spring like of "the boys"...I just started to laugh...so, whenever Doug wants to make me smile...he just says "what do you think the boys are doing today?"....