Sick

U know, i think i'm developing some wierdo psychological problem. I go to college for almost the sole reason for seeing her. And then when I dont, i get pissed. Then, when i do, i still get pissed because it never seems to be enough. I always want to be with her... but it seems that it'll take quite a while before that happens...

and you find yourself looking for the same beautiful face in every white cultus that passes by

god, i am totally pathetic.

And sick of myself.

Look at me, the proud arse that never went out of his way for almost ANYONE.......

.....reduced to this.

Help me, someone.

Tyranny

On a plane of existance
completely within my grasp
where pages turn not
where ink flows not
without my desire
A mark, I created
unique and perfect
within it's own imperfection
as there were so many others
much like it
yet none
quite like it
one whose replica
I could never recreate
and thus for me
a mar upon
a perfect white sheet
of my delusion
of perfect control
and the cxreator drowned
his creation
in the causes of it's birth
under layers of it's own
birthing ink
but,
the layers consisted of
more marks begotten
blending and fusing
into a dark blue pool
of birthing fluid
and my mind
the creators mind
concieved
a paradox of intention
and a breach of power
for although the mark i drowned
under a sea of marks
did it live on?
beneath a sea of it's bretheren
created to drown it
but camoflauging its existance
beneath therr own existance?

Life

Life is pretty OK right now. Things are pretty stable, especially now that exams are on the way. Main ne kaunsa parhna hota hai vaise bhi...

Anyway.. dont have much to say.. just thought I'd update my blog for the hell of it..lol

I fdo have a fairly philosophical new write coming up... but I'm too lazy too polish and write it.

20

OMG. Sana is SO right, im now officially a budha!

Turning 20 tommorrow... I'm not sure whether i should laugh or cry. This is the first time that the sheer brevity of life has had any effect on me. Seriously, im not a teenager anymnore. Does this mean i have to stop acting like a hopeless for nutcase with overactive hormones? Does it mean I cant glut all the food I can handle everyday for fear of gaining weight... oh crap, I've already done that. Anyway, its seriously a wiuerd feeling.

I've written a new piece... here goes:

The New Road

Where do we go now
that all paths have been tread
and every secret withheld
is on display in a glass case
in a freakshow that is part of
a cheap roadside circus

Where do we go now
that our thirst has been quenched
and the grail has been found
and it becomes evident that
paradise isn't all it's cracked up to be

Where od we go now
a heap of exhausted flesh
and cracked bone
yet still alive
and since we still breathe
at the end of the road
perhaps then its time
to make a road of our own...

Naivete

I finished it....

Here goes;

Naivete

Fire eyed and silky tongued
The devil mired the virgin
onto a boat named vanity
and promised to row her across
a decietful sea
encompassed within her own innocence
she agreed
for she knew that in her naivete
only disillusionment could break her
only reality could break her
and in her princepled world of make-believe
she was secure
so the devil rowed her across
that treacherous sea
every wave a mountain
every stroke a war
every smile a lie
in the middle of the jouney
out of sight of any land at all
the virgin's innocent smile
pinched the devil
and out poured his essence
not blood, but salted water
the same as the sea
and she tried to bale herself out
but found it somewhat hard to do
with one pair of hands to bale
and two leaking eyes
an ash-eyed rag-tongued carcass at her feet
and a confused pulsing mass in her mind
thus did sink a boat named vanity
and the virgin's essence became
the same as the sea
but she did not perish
nay, she lived on
and arived at her destination
the shore
fire eyed and silky tongued