Yucky Bugs

I have a resident with c-diff.  This anaerobic bacteria causes profuse diarrhea.  She's a new resident and is supposedly on the down side of the infection.  She's on vanco....doesn't sound like the down side.

Another resident has active MRSA all over her trunk, her legs, her arms.  I sent to her out to ER (we have little choice on weekends).  They did a culture, wrote her 3 scripts, and sent her back! ACKKK!
Nooooooooooooooo.  I have no ability to isolate this person.  She shares a bathroom with another resident.  We don't even have gowns to wear over our scrubs for infection control.

I was on my break when the ER called.  The med tech, unwisely, chose not to let me know the ER was on the phone.  Med techs are CNAs with two days training popping pills.

I think that particular med tech should be the one swabbing the resident's oozing pustules with bacitracin instead of me.  I will find a suitable way to get even.

On the weekends, it's me and two med techs for 85 people.  I am in charge.  Last weekend the resident I ended up doing CPR on was having chest pains.  No one informed me. FAIL. (He's doing quite well by the way.)

Today, a resident apparently had a TIA.  Did they call me? NO.

Effective communication about residents is more critical than the drama you may be having with your baby daddy.

DUHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Overworked

Once again I'll be going into work on my day off.

When they made the big change and cut my hours, I actually expected 3 consecutive days off every week.

Bwahahahaha.  I must have been delusional.

Every day off my phone rings.  It's the DNS.  She's very cheerful when she asks me to come in and cover for some important reason. (There's always an important reason...)

Same thing today.

My phone rings at 9:30 a.m..

"State surveyors just walked in.  Can you work tomorrow?"

Fuuuuuuuh-reeeeeeeeeak!

After 6 days of waking up at oh dark thirty, I'd been longing for several days of sleeping in.

After 6 days of med tech drama, I'd been looking forward to drama free days with Pupples.

On the other hand, it's overtime and the last day of the pay period before Christmas.

Sigh.

Hi ho.

Hi ho.

It's off to work I go.........

My First Code

I was at my low acuity job yesterday when I was told a resident was having trouble talking.  Off I went with my blood pressure cuff, my 'scope, my thermometer, my oximeter, and a pad/pen.

When I get to the resident's room I see he's "off".  He's still cognizant but his breathing was raspy to where I could hear it from the hallway.

I took his vitals~all WNL.  I was asking questions when---------he slumped over to the side of his chair.

I did the sternal rub saying his name.

Absolutely no pain response.

Holy.

Freakin.

Crap.

Adrenaline rushed through me.

I grabbed him under the arms and got him on the floor in about 20 seconds.

No heartbeat.  No breathing.

Called 911 and commenced CPR.

I heard some crackles as I began compressions. (Yikes.)

The DNS called on the intercom, "Janice?' ........."JANICE!"

I yelled back, "He's not breathing and I'm starting CPR.  I've already called 911!"

I kept doing compressions.  I was counting to 30 over and over (at around 100 compressions a minute).

The administrator and DNS came through the door and began asking me questions.  (Really?  I was slightly busy.)

The paramedics came in.

"Great compressions Janice."  Yes, they know me by name.

They started bagging and after setting up, took over compressions.

They hooked up all the machines.  Started spouting numbers I vaguely remember from nursing school.

Right then the phone in the room rang.  It was the guy's sister, who just happened to be calling.  No need to notify the family.  Less paperwork for me later.

Guy happens to have a port so they give him epi and bicarb and yes! we have a rhythm!  He was intubated and then taken away to the hospital 2 blocks away.

Back to taking blood sugars and insulin.

I heard today the guy was responding to commands, breathing over the vent, and following with his eyes.  I think this means his brain got enough oxygen.

SAVE!

Sucks to be Me (work version)

2 weeks ago they told me they'd be cutting the nursing hours at the ALF where I am employed.

AWESOME!

Down to 32 hours a week.  No more popping pills.  Just diabetic management and paperwork.  Our own little office.  Sounds ok to some.  I, myself, really enjoy patient contact.

I prefer people to paper, silly me.

Just as I am adjusting to this change, today happened.

The administrator/DNS was "laterally" moved to DNS only plus 3 days a week in my position.  Other nurse out the door.

I saw much of this coming so not totally surprised.

The big surprise?

DNS moved all her stuff into "my new office".  She'll be doing 3 days as a nurse and two days as DNS.  She decided she did not want to share big office with "new" administrator (former med tech with degree in healthcare admin who took advantage of some oversights and events.).

Today was wasted by moving all her crap into "my"(HA!) office.  I was just trying to get my work done.

I heard her cell phone calls.  I heard all her calls.  I felt her stress and how upset she was.  Ramped up my stress level.

I'm back on a rickety table with a printer shoved into my knees, if I ever get the chance to sit down.

I'm also on a split shift.  7-12:30 and 3:30-6:30.  I live 24 miles north of job....so not worth the drive home.  What do I do with three hours???

Now I've been an ALF nurse for a year, I feel kinda stuck in that role.

Any ideas on how to broaden my horizons?

I need to be sedated ala the Ramones.....

(moan, moan, moan, bitch, bitch, bitch..)

Dreams And Desires

Some night I wake up in a cold sweat.  My son is a soldier.  He has not yet deployed but I live in fear of the time when he will be deployed.

I love my son.

I'm sure even the Taliban's mothers love them.

I have a dream that no mother will ever have to worry herself about her children being harmed in a war.

Peace is my desire and my dream.

~November 4, 2011~

Attempting to Order Chaos

Today was a LONG day.

The big switch to all pills being given by med-techs began today.

The residents resist change and they were quite discombobulated.  And irritated.  And cranky.

Now the nurse's job is just treatments, diabetic management with insulin, and paperwork.  Lots and lots of paperwork.

Due to the ever changing nursing staff and how busy we've been popping pills, we've gotten behind in paperwork.

Alert charting.

My boss is getting pressured by her boss so I feel as if I am bruised and battered from the day.

I thought nursing was about caring for patients.

Guess I was wrong.

Help Him Know We All Care

My son's best friend stepped on an IED several weeks ago.  He's now back in the states in a hospital room undergoing surgeries, trying to heal, hoping his sight will return.  The doctors have done all they can for his eyes/head injury.

Sam is an American hero.  He's 21 and a newlywed.  Amanda is his young wife.  They're from Montana.  I don't know how long they'll be at Brooke Army Medical Center.

Please show Sam and Amanda you care about them and our soldiers.

Send a letter or a card.

It can be your Veteran's Day activity.

Pfc Sam Helmer
c/o Brooke Army Medical Center
Bldg. 3600 7 East Room 714 Bed 2
3551 Roger Brooke Dr.
Ft. Sam Houston, TX 78234

Thanks from another soldier's mother!!!!

Simmering

Put 90 some individuals into an apartment building.

Add in a common dining area.  A common activity/television room.

Let's propose that 40% of the residents have psych issues, some diagnosed-some not.

The population consists of older folks with health issues and some younger folks who flamed out early due to substance abuse.

On the weekends the administration vanishes, leaving a nurse and a med tech, and the kitchen staff.

Outbursts happen.

One resident can not go 4 hours without a disparaging remark about the facility, the staff, the food, his royal background....mostly under his breath but once on awhile at the top of his lungs.

Another thinks she's the gate keeper for the entire place writing down who broke rules and taking pictures with her cell phone.

Simmer and stir well.

There were several incidents this week that caused mayhem and one necessitated calling in the po-po.

There were also the usual calls to the paramedics for chest pain and or extreme pain where the resident insists we call 911.

Nursing school never taught mediation or how to break up a physical fight.  I think they need to add those classes to the curriculum.  JMHO.

Constant Change

McArmy, me, Montana, StMary

Changes have been the only constant in my life recently.

They changed the nursing position at my work which cuts my hours and my contact with residents.  Starting November 1 I will be in charge if insulin dependent residents.  Pill popping will be turned over to med techs.  I will be doing lots more paperwork including care plans, new admits, auditing the MARs for errors, and other responsibilities not quite defined.  I don't know if I'll like this or not.

My favorite med tech, the one I work with on weekends, left for a much better opportunity.  I'm thrilled she's got a great new job.  I'm sad for me and the residents.  Rose had been there for over 3 years.  She was awesome!!

McArmy's best buddy got blown up in Afghanistan.  Montana(A nickname I call him in real life) stepped on an IED. This is better than driving over an IED the blast goes outward.  Montana has shrapnel injuries on his left side, he almost lost his left eye, TBI, and various other explosion related injuries.  Please pray for Montana to regain his vision.  Montana is now at Brooke Army Medical Center in Texas, his 19yo wife by his side.   He'd been deployed less than 6 weeks.

I burst into tears when I saw the pictures of him last night.  It's not super bad but I cried for him and the pain he's suffered.  I cried for his new bride.  I cried for the man who was so excited about being deployed and serving his country.

Then I cried some for me.  Because it might be McArmy in 13 months. Because these things do happen to people we know.  There is NO magic field that protects us from tragedy, harm, war, the bad things.  Twenty one years old, married since May, and he was blown up.

I cried for those lives lost and soldiers injured since 2001 in Afghanistan and Iraq.

I cried because this isn't a war our children should be fighting.  I cried because we, as a country, should be smart enough to get out of the Middle East now and forever.

(McArmy was very upset about his friend and will be visiting him at Thanksgiving.)

Back to The Grind

After a month (or was it two?) of insane overtime, I'm back to a normal work week.

As normal as LTC can be...

Several residents have moved on in the past month or two due to broken pelvis/hips, higher care needs than we can handle, death, and several folks that broke fire code one too many times.  Folks seem incapable of realizing that smoking in their rooms can jeopardize everyone's health, safety, and home, as the fire dept. will close us down.

Constant change seems to continue in the staffing among caregivers/med techs.  I don't even have time to learn names before they're out the door!

I'm coming up on my one year anniversary, if we forget those two months I was otherwise occupied. LOL.  That's a little sad.

Then again, jobs are hard to find.  RNs are having a recession too.

There are BSNs around here making about the same salary as me.

I do take pride in all I've learned as a nurse in skills, political awareness, confidence in my own instincts.

I take pride in knowing "my" residents are well cared for and they know I truly care about them and their health.  We have forged a relationship based on trust and faith in one another.

Manglement forges on doing whatever they do to make my life more confusing.  The "teamwork" speeches are a constant.

I had an inquiry from a head hunter about being a prison nurse...?  What do you think?  A forward career move? Bwahahahaha.

Sometimes They Die...

The resident I was telling you about in my previous post died two days ago.

He slipped into another world almost exactly when I was crying at the Barnes & Noble in El Paso.

There are several things that make nursing a difficult job~

1.  Even after you have educated your patients they still continue to abuse their bodies with horrible health habits.

2.  The people you cannot help.

3.  Watching residents go downhill like a skateboard on a hill in San Francisco.

4.  Losing someone who could make me smile and feel as if I make a difference.

Sigh.

Sometimes You Grieve...

One of my residents is dying.

The med tech/friend who works weekends with me texted me this info yesterday.  I started crying in Barnes and Noble.

This man is a developmentally disabled sweetheart.

He eyed me with suspicion when I first began working at the facility.  It took him awhile to warm up to me, after all, I was the evil nurse who made him take his pills hidden in chocolate pudding.

If I could get him talking about the Mariners or the Seahawks or his cat, he'd forget he was swallowing pills and wouldn't gag.

He did not always attend meals in the dining room as his tastes ran to those of an eight year old.  This caused me to have to hunt him down.  He was almost always in his room where he watched dvds of tv programs like The Three Stooges, black and white Superman shows, and cartoons.  Tom and Jerry being his fav.

He had a sweet soul.  I think the constant Pepsis he'd consume made him even sweeter.

He was one of the residents I truly enjoyed interacting with on the days I worked.

I grieve for his mother, whose oldest son will soon be gone.  His mother was very involved with him even though she's in her 80's and her son is 58.  She was the one who told the doctor who told her to institutionalize her son to go to hell.  She raised him and her four other children in a happy household.

I grieve for me because I'll miss the small bit of sunshine that will be missing each day I work.

I truly hope heaven has cats and baseball games.  He'd love that.

Do You Know The Way to El Paso?

Leaving on a jet plane tomorrow to visit my son who lives in the desert.

It's gonna be hot.

After a 16 hour day yesterday I am hoping for rest and relaxation.

I will not worry about the destruction happening to my organized med carts while I am away.

I will not worry about the crazy.

I charted on over 20 patients last night so I will not worry about the charting.

I will not worry about Pupples at the kennel.

I will not worry about the house since my 22yo will be out camping this weekend.

I might worry some about one of my resident's who's in the hospital where the prognosis is not looking good.

Time to go cuddle the Pupples.

Wishing all of you a great weekend!

Finally Some Time Off

Amazingly I have two days off in a row.

Nice.

I work Wednesday and then an entire week off.

We're heading down to Texas Friday to spend the weekend with McArmy, his buddies, and each other.  Pupples gets to visit puppy camp again.  Oldest son will be camping somewhere here in the NW, so I don't have to worry about beer pong being played n my dining room table.

I'm hoping to remember how to relax and let the world spin without me.

Also planning to visit Las Cruces, New Mexico while we're down there.  McArmy's all excited to show it to us.

I'm off to chill.

Happy Monday to all!

Dizzy and Bizzy

I have ben working tons.  My friend resigned.  It just wasn't the job for her.

I had a brand new RN grad that I started training Monday who quit yesterday morning.  Did not even last 3 days.

Then a LPN with over 8 years experience and in my age group trained with me 6 hours yesterday.  Today she is doing it on her own because I had to get a break!  I was at work Tuesday until after 8 p.m. because I had a resident with a blood sugar reading of 25.  And she was still conscious!!!  It took me and then, the EMTs and me over 90 minutes to get her stabilized.  That was on top of my usual 12 and training the brand new grad.

My spouse and I have tickets to visit McArmy over labor day weekend.  I seriously hope my newest "trainee" decides to stick.

She's good.  She's been through several state surveys and has already corrected several errors on my MARs that would have gotten us dinged by state.  I did not know any better but that excuse doesn't wash in a survey.  I know I can learn tons from her so I really hope she sticks around.

The paycheck before the one I received on Monday had 129 hours on it for two weeks.  Nice money but not worth it when it comes to my sanity, my physical state, the severe lack of time with my family especially Pupples!  LOL.

It's been in the eighties here which translates into my med room being over 95 degrees.  Really.  Not making it up.

I continue to have contempt for some of the management.  Certain folks cause most of my frustration.  That included the brand new MA who's the day shift med tech.  The one who thinks she's a nurse.  The one who delights in telling bipolar residents they have the right to refuse their meds.

They do have that right but damn!  We certainly don't want to encourage it.  Especially the person who's now only taking half of her psych meds...........groan.  Why don't people have the common sense God gave them and realize there are consequences to their actions.

I won't even get into the story about the relatively new resident who's psychotic, screams all night at herself in the mirror, and who I believe is having auditory hallucinations because now she's talking her herself at meals.  Can anyone spell disaster?  This woman is on NO psych meds whatsoever.......(loud scary music inserted here).

Time to run.  Have a terrific Thursday everyone!

A Morning At My Job

5:15 a.m.~alarm goes off. (GROAN)

Shower, dress, grab eat as you go breakfast.

6:00 a.m.~drive 20 some miles SE to job.  Curse morons who drive trucks and/or get in your way.

6:24a.m.~walk in the door to see 3 or perhaps 4 bright shiny faces waiting in line to get their meds even though breakfast is not served until 7:30 a.m..(another groan-this one in my head).

6:30a.m.~clock in.  Walk into med room to see NOC sitting there twiddling their thumbs.

Take a vague report, count narcs, kick NOC outta my space!

6:45a.m.~take several moments to collect cheat sheet list, make sure all supplies are in place, grab both MAR books.

6:50a.m.~open front door of med room and begin med pass alternating between front and back doors.  Front door for those in wheelchairs, back doors for every one else.

Med pass includes blood sugar checks, insulin administration, B/P checks, any inhalers/puffers, plus administration of several to 15 pills.  MARS must be initialed as I go.  Also included are answering the phone, the call boxes, random questions, checking for residents who "forgot" to come get their meeds, delivering meds to several residents in dining room as that's the only way I'll grab 'em. This includes the DD man who will only take his meds in chocolate pudding and the man who sits next to him and takes his meeds in applesauce and complains each and every day about the food, the service, the establishment, whatever.

7:30a.m.~the cranky 92yo lady comes into med room and sits in the chair refusing to leave until you give her meds, nitro patch, inhalers, and do her blood sugar check.  It does not matter to her that some first seaters have not gotten their meeds yet.  After all she's 92 and can do what she wants.  Every day she does this between 7:15 a.m.-8:00 a.m..  If I do not see her by 8:30 I go check her room to make sure she's alive.  Did I mention she's completely deaf, won't wear hearing aids, and is impossible to communicate with?

Until 9:30a.m. do second seaters meds, sugar checks, insulin, grab oxygen bottles as needed, change oxygen bottles as needed and then run the empties downstairs to the oxygen room, tell the woman who's room is next to my back door that she's already had her meds for panic, stomach ache, not feeling well at least 6 times in 30 minutes with patience yet firmness.  This one thinks pills cure all and wants a pill for any and every thing.  Grab caregiver as she checks in at 9 to round up any folks who have not shown up for breakfast.

8-10~Administration and various other employees wander in whenever.

10:00a.m.~I attempt to chart/e-task while catching stragglers, doing treatments, setting up lab orders, faxing MDs as needed, etc.

10:30a.m.~totally waste of time staff meeting. YAWN!

10:50a.m.~the madness begins with the lunch med pass.

I'm also keeping track of frig temps, supplies/meds that need reordering, transcribing new orders, checking med carts for order, expired meds, discovering where NOC placed some of meds ordered the previous day. It's a treasure hunt!

Wasn't that a fun morning?

Day Six

Day six of eight.

Can you say overtime?

Can you say cranky?

Can you say management sucks?

It hasn't been that bad overall but I'm feeling signs of overload.

Nursing is not for the weak!!

Have a great weekend! (I'll be working...)

Slaving Away

Day 3 of 7 in a row at work.

I'm writing this blog in my car on my laptop because someone showed me how to tether my phone and get a wifi hotspot anywhere! It's totally awesome.

My duties keep expanding and I'm not ashamed to admit I'm a bit behind.  Being the only nurse for the week leaves me with extra charting, new admits, making lab arrangements, and the new tasks on our internal computer.

If you look hard enough you can see the top of my head under all the papers  and virtual paper...................

Last night the caregiver didn't show so I med teched for 2 extra hours.  I am a very expensive med tech as I make more than 2.5 times the wage they do.  All that education comes in handy for pay scale. LOL.

My Pupples is missing me.  My bed is missing me or rather I am missing my bed.  Getting up at 5:15 a.m. is not my idea of fun.

Summer has yet to hit Western Washington which is kinda nice as my workplace gets very hot when the weather is hot.  No windows in my med room, no real ventilation.

After tomorrow it's all over time!!!

Working For A Living

Don't let anyone tell you nurses aren't hard workers!  We do not go into nursing for the glamour, the glory, the money, or the appreciation.  Because there is no glory, no glamour, not enough money, and very little appreciation.

I don't and never did expect any of those things.

What gets me charged is when I get a new admit and I catch an error that could have caused big health problems.  I caught an error in the orders regarding insulin yesterday.  There are many kinds of insulin used for different effects in diabetics.  I had one type in these orders and a very different type in the plan to bring my new resident's blood sugar under control.  I prevented what may have been a crisis, or not.  I'm just psyched I still have a brain and caught the error.  The CEU I've been doing on diabetic pharmacology came in handy yesterday.

I've seen things in the past week I hadn't seen before.  A carbuncle (or boil) that was HUGE and draining.  I mean this poor patient looked pregnant.  I did a seriously awesome job bandaging this so the patient could sleep without the worry of oozing all over her clothes and bed.  When her PCP send her to the ER, the ER doc complimented my very creative bandage by telling the patient it was a better job than his people could do. (I don't believe that because most ER nurses rock!)

I have today off and then I begin 7 days of working.  The overtime will be nice, the exhaustion not so much.

I stayed late last night and got my med carts in tip top shape.  I left a note for my friend, now co-worker, not to mess up my carts.  Yes, I'm that possessive.  I spent lots of time and energy making those carts organized, more efficient, and got rid of the crap my old co-worker used to hoard.

I have new duties which really means more paperwork.  Hmmm, not so thrilled about more paperwork.  On the other hand, I am trusted to do tasks that are more complex and require more judgement.

I rarely go to my boss with questions anymore.  I have the knowledge and the confidence to figure out solutions on my own.

Much to my surprise I'm turning into a pretty good nurse.

Who knew?

Shake Ups

The word comedown from the state survey head honcho and the word was not good.

Fallout:  RN co-worker out, BFF from nursing school in.

Day to day realities:  I will be working more.  I will be working harder.  My area of responsibility has grown larger.

Administration gets to figure the rest of the dilemmas.

It's going to be an interesting summer.

Freedom

I've had 4 days off in a row in which I exercised my right to do absolutely nothing but sleep, read, eat, play with the dog, and catch some tv with my spouse. (Who's cooking me dinner right this minute.)

Tomorrow is a work day but a work day in which I get paid overtime.  Yeah!

Even though I complained about morons in my last post, I realize this is America and they have the freedom to be morons, to the point where no laws are broken.

How many soldiers have paid the price for my freedom?

I am grateful to all of them.

I grieve for the families that have lost loved ones in Iraq and Afghanistan in recent months.

I thank all our military men and women for being on constant and vigilant watch all over the globe.

Thank you for my freedom. 


Thank you for my independence.


Thank you for your service and sacrifices.

Living Near Morons

The fools that live behind us think it's totally awesome to let off illegal fireworks for days before the official fourth of July.

Um, hey doofus!  You do not live out in the middle of nowhere.  You live in a cookie cutter suburban neighborhood where your idiocy freaks the hell out of my dog!  I'm pretty sure you're scaring all the dogs in the hood.  Some day there will be canine revenge for this.  Ever read Cujo?

These are the same neighbors who weed whack their entire backyard at 10 p.m. and love to hammer things all day long.

When they aren't doing "home improvement" projects, they are holding barbecues that include mucho alcohol, loud music, and lots of yelling in languages other than English.

Makes me want to yell a bigoted "Go the hell back to your own country!" as loud as I possibly can.

I used to be proud of the fact I was a liberal love all races as my own person.  Lack of sleep and my poor Pupples cowering causes me to harken back to Archie Bunker like thoughts.

Stupidity is global.

I think we need a state/country just for morons only.

Survey

The state complaint surveyor visited my place of employment on Wednesday.

I was called to fill in Wednesday afternoon/evening and all day Thursday.

Friday I began training my friend, the one who drove to Texas with me, at work.  Right now it's for on call. Hard to say if it will morph into a permanent position.

A certain co-worker has been placed on a re-education probation.  It is up to her on what she makes of that time.

The lady from state had no complaints about me and was very encouraging when we talked.  Gold star for me.

We're trying to get ready for the general state survey expected to happen in the next few weeks/months.

We have a few "systems" we need to correct in the next 30 days.  I'm on it.

Back In The Saddle Again

Several of the reasons I left the job are history.  Several are still an issue.

My boss, who's so non confrontational it's ridiculous, may lament about certain tasks being undone yet does nothing about them.

My co-worker RN who tries to take me to her level by telling me how she signs my MARS.

WTF?  

I never asked her to cover for me, number 1.

Number 2, I stay after my shift to specifically make sure I've initialed every med I've given during my 12 hour shift. (Yes, we still have pen and paper MARS.)

I don't think so, bitch!

While I'm being all cranky/honest~let's discuss the 12 cards of ativan sitting in the overflow of the med cart for a single patient.  Yeah.  320 pills of extra ativan sitting there.  When I began the week there were 9 extra cards.  On Thursday, which I worked as a favor, there were 3 more cards.  The patient gets scheduled ativan twice a day plus PRN.  That's maybe 3 a day.  Ok ya doofus, if you have one bingo card with only 6 ativan left puleazeeeee LOOK in the freaking' overflow before you order more! Oh my gosh!  Is that too much to ask?

 I, after being told by RN to communicate directly with her if I had any concerns before going to DNS/Administrator, questioned RN about our over-supply of ativan.

Her response?

"I don't know who keeps ordering it."

REALLY?

There are only two of us and if it isn't me (and it isn't) then we must have poltergeists.  My eyes almost rolled back in my skull when she said that.

The residents are extremely happy to have me back.  The guy who replaced me was rumored to have screamed at residents, slam doors in their faces, used profanities while talking to residents and not in a friendly manner, was slower than molasses in February, did not do any treatments, and did about 5% of the charting he was supposed to complete.

So yeah staff and inmates were glad to see me.

There are new people working NOC who do a very good job.  It makes my job simpler and I appreciate their competency completely.

I'm even managing to get out of there close to on time.  That's doing things my way.  The legal mandated methodology way.

It's  not perfect, but it is a job.  It's experience.  It pays me for being there.

Good enough for now.

Make the Effort

I just learned a friend of mine's grandson died May 21, 2011 in a motorcycle crash. (I'm so sorry for your loss! You know who you are.)

The irony:  He was a marine who'd already done one tour in Iraq.  He was all of 21 years old.

I lost my mom to an aortic aneurysm 14 years ago, suddenly, at the age of 64.

I know of over 15 soldiers that have died in Afghanistan and Iraq in the past month.

Make the effort to tell your loved ones that you love them them.

You appreciate them.

You see how they enhance your life.

Take the extra time, make the extra effort.

You'll never be sorry you did.

Working in long term care, I witness how quickly an elderly person can degenerate.

Do it.  Make the effort.

My sweet Brennan who died at the age of 10 months from a genetic mitochondrial metabolic disease.  It's a disease you don't know you carry until you have a child diagnosed.  I had the blessing of 3 months while Brennan was taken care of at home and died in my arms in our home.  His life was only 10 months, 11 days long.  We were so lucky to have him that long!

You never know what may happen to your loved ones.  Let them know you care and appreciate them.

Just do it.

Second Guessing

Second guessing is pointless.

But that doesn't stop me from dipping into that morass of second guessing the way I did things in my past.

My sons are adults.

I wish I had taught them more or taught them better but what I actually want is for them to be smarter than I was at their ages.

I want them to avoid making certain choices.  Choices like going through the "alcohol" stage.  Now I have absolutely no control over their choices these days.  I know this.  Still.....sigh.

They don't drink and drive.  I drilled this concept into their skulls every chance I had while they were listening to what I had to say.  It's very important that they heard me on this issue.

From the advanced age of 49, I don't see the fun in getting wasted and hung over.  I don't get many of the methods of fun that kids in their twenties utilize.

I want to shield my grown children from making mistakes, poor choices, the consequences that follow.

I need to let go.

I feel as if I forgot to teach them some important lessons, really silly of me.

I want to let go.

I thought being a mom would get easier as they got older.............

A Step Back?

After much deliberation and much pleading from previous co-workers, I started back at my job today.

Yes, that job I hated that made me question certain ethical issues.

With a different perspective, a resolve not to lower my ethical standards, some different management in place, and the simple fact that I was welcomed back like a hero will hopefully make it a better job.

The job market is tight here and I wasn't finding anything out there that asked for less than the requisite minimal 1 year experience, I was going nowhere fast.  Maybe jobs are asking for 2-5 years experience.  I feel for new grads.  This recession has sucked the job market dry.

I look at my place in this facility as the standard bearer.  In other words, things will be done the way they should be to the best of my ability.  I will speak up about what I perceive as lowered standards of care, questionable documentation, and anything else that tweaks my ethical antennae.

Am I sell out?

I hope not.

I'm back in the nursing game!

Slightly Disappointed

Well shoot.

I was not raptured 17 minutes ago.

I was thinking of all the issues/problems I could avoid if I had been raptured......

No need to worry about finding a job, making the decision to take classes so I can consider applying to a RN bridge program, who's turn is it to walk the dog, how do I figure out who I am without the mother label, making the effort to fix my marriage now that my spouse has expressed his desire to work on this, could forget the fear related to having a son in the army, etc.

RATS!

I should have known there wasn't such an easy out.

I'm really irked that the billboard guy got my hopes up.  I saw about 35 billboards on my trip from WA to TX.  Damn you fake rapture prophet!

Back to reality............sigh.

Road Trip

Certain males in my family thought it wouldn't be safe for me to drive McArmy's truck the 1950 miles from Seattle to El Paso alone. Pshaw I said.

They were insistent. I asked my best friend from nursing school to join me on my journey. She was down with the idea.

It was on like donkey kong!

We left on a rainy Monday making it all the way to southern Oregon that day.  We awoke to blue skies and sunshine that did not end.

I drove with my co-pilot through California ending up in the truck stop town of Buttonwillow where we briefly spent the night in a complete dive of truck drivers and highway road workers.  I was less than thrilled when someone's happy whistle woke me up before 6 freaking a.m....

We blew out of there and stopped in Pomona to meet up with a fellow Army momma and catch some food.

We also had fun goofing around, a task we excelled at when in nursing school together.

The rest of the day was spent driving through the California desert into the Arizona desert where we stopped just shy of Tucson.

It was really fun driving in a truck that was high off the ground with a wide view.  On our way out of Arizona we stopped at a rest stop just for kicks.

The New Mexico desert was desolate compared to Arizona and California so we whipped through there as quickly as possible.

We rolled into El Paso in time for dinner and to make McArmy one happy soldier who now had wheels.

I drove all 1950 miles myself.  That's about 1500 miles more than I'd ever driven in one stretch before! Yeah me!

We had fun.  I have to give a shout out to La Quinta Inns which have the BEST showers, beds, and free wi-fi!  I give them thumbs ups!! (It was a Motel 8 in Buttonwillow so don't get the misconception that La Quinta has dives.)

I added New Mexico to the list of states I've visited, delivered the truck to the anxious owner, and managed to have some fun along the way.  It was good times.

Getting By

I'll be leaving Monday morning to drive McArmy's truck down to El Paso. A friend will be helping out with the driving so it should be lots of fun.

Driving his truck feels like I'm driving a semi. No, the truck isn't all that huge but I am used to driving my Honda Civic. Civics are very maneuverable as opposed to trucks.

On the plus side, riding up so high gives me a great view!

I thought I had a lock on a job given the feedback I received at my last interview. They haven't gotten back to me which indicates to me the lock was never there at all.

I did several wellness events this week and really enjoyed myself. I liked the people who worked along side me and I enjoyed the people we were screening. I have another all day wellness event in a few weeks.

I will have to get the job search moving when I come home from my road trip.

Off to finish my errands.

Have a great weekend!!

Making It Harder

Why must my spouse make things more difficult than they need to be?

We were trying to leave Saturday to drive McArmy's truck down to El Paso. The kid really needs his wheels.

Spouse waited until today to request next week off.

Results: They just cannot do without him Friday May 13.

Question from me: Why did he vacillate and not ask 2 weeks ago? It's not like we did not know about this.

The man delivers car parts for a national company but come on, it's not life or death. He's asking for unpaid time off.

Both spouse and McArmy think me driving the truck alone is a bad idea. They don't think I'd be safe driving 1900 miles on my own.

Seriously?

I find that slightly irritating and condescending. Not to mention sexist.

All of a sudden the money issue has arisen. I knew that would happen, I just couldn't pinpoint exactly it would happen. Now I know, today.

It was a nice month without the money issue. Sigh.

If I wait a week and drive down with spouse, the money issue won't be such an issue.

Double standards anyone?

Never Forget

Never forget our soldiers. Those who are deployed and those who are stateside.

Being a soldier is a difficult job in many ways.

Being the family of a soldier is difficult as well.

Please remember all of our soldiers, their families, and our veterans in your prayers each and every day.

Just because the media doesn't always spotlight how much our soldiers do daily, they still need to be remembered, to have our gratitude, and our prayers.

Thank you from an Army mom.

Feeling My Age

Hanging out with 20-22 year olds really emphasizes the fact I'm halfway to death. I'm more than twice their age. It was when they called a 29 year old a "cougar" that I realized I'm ancient.

Even with my losing weight, exercising, eating right, and taking my fish oil supplements I am wearing out. After walking around all day yesterday with the handsome and young privates, I sat down for 30 minutes, got up and oh my goodness felt the stiffness and pain in my knees and my hips. What's up with that crap?

Who the hell gave osteoarthritis permission to take up residence in my body? Sure the freak wasn't me!

I'm not in major pain, it's just annoying. Annoying to be reminded I have been on this earth almost a half century. WTF? When did that happen? I swear I was 35 just a few weeks ago! I was just 28 several weeks before that.

I clearly remember the sweet blue eyed and blond toddler/preschooler/elementary schooler.....as if it was yesterday. The now out of his teens soldier. Wow. The sweetness hidden behind the rough soldier exterior.

McArmy thanked me for bringing him some of his stuff, cleaning his room, filling his cupboards, and just being here with him bringing some "home" and family to him.

I already miss him and he's just 3 miles down the road.

See ya soon McArmy. You're always and forever in my heart no matter how many miles from home you may be.

Farewell to my youth....getting older is better than not getting older.

Mixed Blessings

Spending time with McArmy and his army buddies is an education.

I've learned more about what they went through at basic, McArmy and one buddy in same platoon, two other buddies in different company and time.

I've also learned how wonderful all the army folk are to the FNGs (F'ing new guys). It's not like Deliverance but it's also not like Animal House. It's most definitely a male infantry thing. It's beyond this college girl's comprehension, which is why I never joined the Army. LOL.

I will now be able to picture the places McArmy hangs as I've visited them with him.

I want to have commissary access at home! Dang, food is way less expensive!

I filled the boy's cupboards and frig. He has a microwave and a stove top but not an oven. There is freaking sand everywhere in the trailer. No way to keep it out. Makes dust look good!

I have four privates down in the hotel pool and I better go check on them. It's a wise thing to do.

Happy Easter to all who celebrate the resurrection!!

Now This is Service!

I am currently sitting on my bed in the El Paso Airport Marriott hotel. Great view of downtown at night!

The tv in my room was blurry and would have given me a wicked headache if I'd watched it for more than 3 minutes. I called guest services.

A maintenance man was sent up immediately. He checked it and switched the tv out for a new one. Perfect picture in less than 10 minutes.

Pretty good service.

Guest services called 3 minutes after the man left to check if I was satisfied and needed anything else. I said it was great and no, I did not need anything else done.

5 minutes after the phone call came a knock on my door. It was the lovely guest services woman with 2 huge chocolate chip cookies, vouchers for free appetizers, and an apology for the wonky tv.

Wow! I adore companies with excellent customer service and this hotel rocks!!

I give it 2 thumbs up.

Travel Day

Time to go visit the heart of Texas. Flying out of windy, rainy, chilly Seattle for the 90 degree and sunny weather of El Paso.

I awoke to a sweet text from my son; "Can't wait to see you Mom!" Back at ya kid!

My wish is that we get some renewal this Easter weekend. I have some treats I'll place out for the men at home and I'm bringing a few with me.

I have an interview Tuesday for a night shift position at a SNF.

Yesterday evening I received another call about going back to the old job.

Easter is a time of rebirth...who knows where my nursing career is headed?

Have a great weekend all! Don't forget to bite the ears off a chocolate bunny.

I'll be posting pictures soon.

Happy Easter to all who celebrate the resurrection!

The Apple Did Not Even Land Near The Tree

I am a liberal, anti-weapon, anti-war kind of person. I preached the turn the other cheek philosophy to my sons. I also advised them to walk away from from bullies trying to provoke physical fights.

I thought I was imparting a love one another Christian based life lesson, not to mention a don't get suspended from school for fighting ideology.

I have tried to practice these in my life.

McArmy went off the reservation when he expressed his love of guns. He left me with a "Wha da?" once I learned he enjoyed target practice and the thought of blowing objects all to hell. To my knowledge he has never blown anything up except under the auspices of training in the United States Army. With the exception of fireworks purchased behind my back and set off far from my property.

He called me today all psyched because he got to shoot off 300 rounds with his M4(I may have the model of his rifle incorrect) at targets far away. This must give him immense surges of adrenaline cuz the boy was pumped up. The fact he was quite accurate just added to his excitement.

Where did this kid come from?

I have never even held a gun. Never wanted to hold a gun. I have never considered blowing up anything. I detest fireworks. Especially illegal fireworks that have a tendency to blow reckless operators fingers to bits. I dislike the noise and get absolutely no thrill from a bottle rocket shooting 50 feet into the air.

I understand wanting to serve our country. I remember watching the airplanes fly into the second tower live on television with McArmy who was 10. I understand wanting to protect our citizens from another attack on our soil.

He did not fall near the tree. Or even in the same orchard. My spouse has never been into weapons. His weapon of competition was a tennis racquet. Hunting is not something we participated in. My favorite weapon is wit and sarcasm.

I'm not saying my son is wrong in his choices. I'm saying I don't know where he got his desire to do things that have never been a part of who his father is or who I am.

Maybe he isn't an apple but a pear.

Leaving metaphors behind, he is his own unique self. Interesting, isn't it?

Change of Plans, Again

I'll be flying down to Texas on Thursday. The truck's not quite ready to be driven down so McArmy gets to spend Easter weekend with his mom instead.

We were hoping he could fly home for the this weekend but those plans did not work out. C'est la vie.

I will conquer my dislike of flying and head on down to southern Texas for several days.

I have reservations at a hotel and for a rental car. I'll take McArmy off base and spoil him for a short period of time. Then before I fly home, I'll take him food shopping. He does not have a dining facility (aka DFAC) near him on base. His temporary(but not as temporary as he'd hoped) housing is a fairly nice trailer. It just happens to be located in the middle of nowhere.

I think most of the area of Texas he's in is the middle of nowhere but that's just me. LOL. I'm most definitely a Northern girl.

McArmy is a private and privates don't get paid very much. Kinda hard to afford food and stuff especially with threatened government shut downs and all.

I'm becoming quite the cross country traveler lately.

Thank goodness my phone has navigational maps on it. I know I'll be needing that app this weekend!

All I can say on Thursday is HELLO TEXAS!

What To Do?

Keep walking on the edge? Picking up rent-a-nurse gigs and hoping to find employ in a more encouraging and learning environment or go back?

(Chewing my bottom lip.)

Misc. Thoughts

I've come a long way since I graduated nursing school.

I've lost over 50 pounds in the past 12 months, give or take a month. It started with a walk around the block. That's really all it takes to begin to change your lifestyle.

The way I eat has morphed into a whole grain, non processed, organic, no high fructose corn syrup, fruit and veggie filled array of food. I still have treats like Ben & Jerry's or a small Hershey's chocolate bar once every few weeks. I don't miss the high sugar or the fat at all.

I've learned so much about the real life basics of nursing in the real world. There are aspects of nursing in which I excel. I still need to work on time management but I can run up stairs, walk quickly, assess certain situations at a glance, deal with patients in a caring yet efficient manner, and these are skills I did not possess a year ago.

My confidence and willingness to jump in head first have grown exponentially. I wish I had leapt into every clinical opportunity that was presented while I was in nursing school, hindsight and all that.

If, no when I get my RN/BSN I'll take every opportunity to do whatever I'm allowed. Hands-on is the best way.

I accept the fact I will make mistakes but admitting those mistakes and taking action to correct them helps to mitigate errors or accidents.

Every situation brings new opportunity to grow personally and professionally. Even if the situation is painful. I'll never like the pain but I can see the benefits that result.

Being proactive in all aspects of my life helps to alleviate some anxiety. The old saying about keeping physically busy does help ease the mind. My mother was right all those years ago!

Learning how to accept things I cannot change is a difficult lesson but also liberating. I'll be working on this one forever. Hour by hour and day by day I slowly grasp the concept of letting go.

I remember thinking being a grown up would just happen and then I'd be done. Silly, wasn't I? The journey continues until I die. That's a good thing.

Tell me what you've learned in the past 18 months. I'd really love to hear from you. Let's pool our wisdom. So to speak. LOL.

Quandaries and Other Sundries

Yesterday was frustrating.

"My" med carts were a disaster. Cards out of place, dividers missing, certain medications that aren't part of cycle fill not ordered, etc.

I received a very warm welcome from almost every resident. It pulls at my heart.

I still don't know what to do about going back because I have a feeling things won't change quickly.

I am going to spend several hours this evening organizing those med carts on my own time. My conscience demands it. (Yes I'm a sucker and I know it. It was my idea.) My good deed for the week.

My lower back and feet let me know how out of condition I've gotten in 2 weeks. Even the 20 minute hot shower wasn't very helpful. I can do the carts from a sitting position. Yeah.

McArmy is with his unit. He's "celebrating" with some of the guys. I will never understand male bonding rituals.

My weekend will be devoted to reading the three books I'm already into. I also plan to walk, to set up some dog training with an instructor, maybe a glass of wine or two, and church on Sunday.

Have a great weekend all and be good to yourselves!!!

A Hey! They Really Want Me Conundrum!

I filled in at my previous job today. It was gratifying to see how may residents wanted me back full time. I felt like Mother Theresa for oh, 10 seconds or so. I do love my peeps.

They weren't the only people that wanted me back.

I essentially have a job offer on the table. Because of some of the management changes that have happened in the past 10 days or so.....I'm tempted.

Some other staffing changes are in the works which would put me into a supervisory role and perhaps allow me to run things the way they're supposed to be run.

A big reason they'd like me back is the facility is due to go through state review some time after May 1.

However, the staffing ratios that concerned me will still be low.

I could train someone in the conscientious/responsible methods I employ.

Tempting.

I may be able to get MY BFF from nursing school a position there.

I just don't know. Some of the issues that caused me concern are still going to be there. Yet I have a chance to make sure the residents get the care they deserve.

Give me your feedback my friends. Help me see clearly. Give me your best shot~so to speak. Thanks.

Fast Moving World

I picked up 3 days work as a rent-a-nurse for next month. Great pay. Fun job. I'll be doing wellness testing/counseling at a huge tech company for their insurance carrier.

I was also call to work at my previous position all day tomorrow. Fun because I know the ropes and because I know it's just one day. I've missed many of my residents and even a co-worker or two.

There have been several changes that happened in the 10 days I haven't been there. It will be interesting to see if the changes are a positive thing.

Still thinking about a road trip. Beginning to think it would be fun and distracting. Nice to see McArmy and his new surroundings and off load some of his things.

McArmy has been placed and is excited to be reporting to his unit in a few days.

I've never been to Texas or New Mexico. Oh wait, I spent several days at a resort in Grapevine several years back but all I saw was DFW. And several friends who came to visit the resort. I haven't driven down the coast in many years. Maybe I could stop in Vegas and win a million dollars. HA! Because I'm such a Vegas kind of gal.

Pupples is sacked out beside me from his walk today. I tried out a new harness guaranteed to stop pulling. I had it on him wrong, I think. He did, however, stop pulling. He also tried to eat the harness after I took it off him. Pretty amusing.

What kind of Wednesday did you have?

Quick Note

I have a phone interview for a rent-a-nurse wellness gig in 10 minutes so this will be short and sweet.

I am attempting to train the dog after close to 2 years of all members in this family being too lazy to be consistent. It's slightly frustrating trying to teach a 23 month pitbull to heel. But I continue to attempt to teach my Pupples that pulling will only get him nowhere. I am doing this without getting angry. Huge achievement for me. I just keep stopping and saying heel quietly, when he stops pulling we begin to walk again. We're both learning!

Thinking about driving McArmy's car to Texas. It's only 2000 miles. Since I am conveniently unemployed I am considering this mission. Never have I driven anywhere near that distance alone. It could be an adventure.

Wishing everyone is having a good week!

Pointless Anxiety

I just finished vacuuming areas in my house that haven't seen a vacuum in a long time.  What can I say but YUCK!?!

Between my hair and Pupples' hair I don't think their was a square inch of bald carpet anywhere. BLEAH!

I then spent many minutes cleaning out the brush bar of the vacuum. I needed a small pair of scissors to help. Double yuck and a grody!

I am amazed there is any hair still on my head and that Pupples has not transformed into a hairless variety of canine. There was that much hair stuck in the bristles.

Doing this gross yet mundane chore kept my mind occupied. That is a good thing.

I am a worry wart. (Yet another disgusting description.)

I worry about finding another job even though I've been unemployed for about 9 days. I've sent in numerous online applications. I found spelling errors in my resume AFTER I had sent it to several places. Whoops and an argh! What a dork. I went back and fixed two of them. Sigh. It's done. Worrying about it is pointless. I know this. I swear I know this. My unconscious brain does not.

I worry about McArmy, who's in the limbo the Army calls "in-processing". He has been in Texas for about 8 days without knowing exactly which unit he'll be joining. The Army has a wonderful "sponsorship" program for newly arrived soldiers. I know because I've done my internet research. There's a catch.

A soldier is not assigned a sponsor until he's been assigned a unit. DER!

McArmy has been placed in temporary housing on the far side of the base. He has no transportation, no map, no guidebook, no anything to explain where he might find a dining facility or a store. The Army must be prepping him for the day he's blindly dropped into unknown territory and must figure out methods of survival. The Army is a government agency..........need I say more?

My brain sends signals to my anxiety center. It wakes me up at 4 in the morning in a cold sweat wondering if the coyotes are going to eat my youngest son.

Not really. But you get the general idea.

I'm trying to find a way to short circuit the worry signals that's drug free. Vacuuming is not a cure but it helped for about an hour.

I'll take what I can get.

What methods do you use to lessen your worries?

Stop Being Stupid!

Dear Congress~


STOP BEING STUPID!!


For once in your political agenda filled lives, think about the people you're affecting with the probable closure of the government.

Think about the soldiers who are barely getting paid enough to feed themselves and their families.  Think about our soldiers' children who could go hungry.  Think about our soldiers who are currently fighting battles on foreign soil who now have to worry about what's going on at home.  THINK.

Closing the government is going to fiscally cost more than keeping it open.  Stop worrying about getting re-elected and think about who this closure will harm.

Get over yourselves and stop and think.

Speaker of the House~think.  Stop your agenda.  Keep the government running.

Mr. President~think.  Putting your veto on a possible week long extension is going to do more harm.  Keep the government running.

Stop being stupid and just get it done.

The Computer Age

I've been applying for jobs online.  That is the only way many companies will take job applications these days.

In the old days, say, last year, a nurse could walk in to a facility and apply on the spot and hand in her resume.

Not so today.

I've applied for 6, maybe 7, jobs this week.  All of them were online applications.

One company also asked bizarro psych questions as a part of the basic application form.  Let me tell ya, these questions were strange. I don't think I want to work for a corporation that asks skeevy questions of every applicant.  It was the first process of applying for a job, why the in depth psych portion?

Just a few minutes ago I was locked out of one company's online job application site because when I correctly answered what year I graduated high school, the web site said I was wrong.  I tried again.  Then I tried a different year.  Badabing! I'm now locked out for a day.

Is technology making our lives better?  Tonight I wonder.  Do any of you have similar or more interesting experiences with online applications?  Do share please!  Help me feel less like a dork!! I could use the help~LOL!

Cliff Jumping

Wow.  This is one steep cliff.

The sheer and daunting face of it covered with crevasses and jutting ridges of rock.

Time to just JUMP!

The past 23 years have been spent putting another's welfare before my own.

From the moment I knew I had a child on the way, the child became the point of all I did.

With each successive child my needs slid further into the background.

It was the kind of mother I was.

The all or nothing kind.

Now those children are grown.

My first identity as a mother necessarily needs to fade.

I take a deep breath and look over the edge.

I cannot see anything from my viewpoint.  It's there, I just can't put it quite into focus.

I pray I don't splinter into a million small pieces.

Another deep breath.

It's time.

JUMP!!!!!!

Drawing A Blank

After spending the latter part of last week sick I'm trying to put together my resume.

I think the fact my mind is blank when it comes to descriptive phrases to fill in my last 7 months of job experience is a sign of a) exhaustion; b) stress; and/or c)the fact not a single neuron survives in my head.

It's going to be a long day.

Losing My Identity

I knew it would happen.

I knew I had absolutely no power over this.

I am no longer an involved mother.

Actually, not a mother in the present tense of the word.

I have been informed, quite rudely, that my services as a mother are no longer wanted or needed.

That'll teach me to procreate.

I have no pithy comments.

No humorous anecdote to add.

All I have is a slightly bitter taste in my mouth.

And a thought~what were my original motivations when I chose to have children?

All I Really Want is World Peace.

McArmy will be stationed in Texas.

He'll be transported there next week.  It will takes several weeks to in process him.  He's just excited to leave Georgia.

His new unit is scheduled to deploy in late fall.


All I really want is world peace.

I know I sound like a beauty pageant contestant.

I also sound like a mother who doesn't want anyone's child to be injured or killed by war.

War may be a profitable, expedient, political tool for governments.

I don't care.

War causes more destruction for everyone involved directly or collaterally.

I'm a mother who wishes she could keep her children safe forever.  I wish other mothers' children could be safe always.

All I really want is world peace.

Need Input Please

I'm working on my resume any tips from healthcare workers would be helpful.

I'm trying to get a letter of recommendation in hand before my last day but I don't know if that will happen.  I'm leaving on good terms but I have concerns putting this job down as a professional reference.  Any thoughts on that?

Taking an AHA Healthcare provider CPR renewal class tomorrow night.  So I'll have that all ready to go.

Suggestions and advice would be welcomed.  Thank you.

Proactive Plans

I offered to help get things on order at my job before I depart.  It's the right way to leave.

Working on resume, looking beyond the obvious.

Lining up letters of recommendation.

Doing housekeeping chores at home, in my thinking, in my actions.

Praying.

Lightening up by reading trashy novel this weekend.

Happy Sunday.

Circles

With everything I've done to be take charge of my own life I still have absolutely no idea how to get there.

I still really have no place to go except here.

Where is the instruction booklet that should have been delivered to me by an owl on my eleventh birthday?

Unwise But Oh So Liberating!

Gave my 2 week notice today.

BOOYAH!!!!

Can Someone Find My Brain?

On day 7 of straight 12 hour shifts.....do not have a clue what's going on outside my very narrow little world.

Thoughts whirling, cortisol flooding my bloodstream over and over every fabulously busy days........looking for just one fully coherent thought to be completed.

I am still alive physically just completely brain dead.

Have to get through working tomorrow as well.

Told them flat out I will not work Saturday/Sunday no matter what and I'm so not backing down.

I hope all of you are well and having terrific weeks.

If ya see a frayed, very used, and half dead brain walking by please send it back to me.  Thanks.

Question

How many of you thought you'd made a serious career error your first year in your profession?

Because I'm thinking LTC nursing is not for me.  It's experience, yadda, yadda, I know.  This is different from where I'd planned to be.  I'd planned to be working at place where the work was challenging with co-workers who were truly co-workers.

Please share any wisdom or stories here.

Thanks.

The crazed person who thinks she should go to traffic flagger school-it's only a 4 hour class!

Long Weekend In Georgia

McArmy's back is to you and the forehead is me buttoning on theBlue Cord of infantry.

Pvt McArmy and me

Our newly adopted son, Pvt McBuddy

McArmy showing me how strong his tongue has gotten on 14 weeks of basic.

McArmy, me, McBuddy right after gradation at the National Infantry Museum.  (I look good for an old lady, huh?)

Wow!  Facebook after 9 weeks!

Rough weekend at the hotel.

All dressed to go back Sunday night.

You WILL hug me brat!

McBuddy is much nicer about hugs than McArmy.

On base ready to report to Airborne School.

Dear McArmy,
   I really hoped you enjoyed seeing us.  Thank you for asking us to take McBuddy, I'm so glad we could take care of him because his mom could not be there.  He's a really cool guy.

Go jump out of planes!  Conquer the parachute.  Best wishes to you and McBuddy.

Love you always and forever..........

Leaving....on a Jet Plane

at 600 a.m. I will be on a flight to Atlanta.

I'm going to Columbus, Georgia to watch my "baby" graduate OSUT(one station unit training which consists of 9 weeks of basic plus 5 weeks of advanced individual training).

McArmy will be turning blue (getting his blue cord of infantry buttoned on his should by his favorite Mama!) on Thursday morning and then an 8 hour pass and onto graduation Friday morning.

We get him for 48 hours or so before he reports back to base to begin airborne school on Monday.  Yup, kid wants to willingly jump outta planes and helicopters.  Crazy but hey,  most 20 year old are crazy that way.

Once I get through my work and frankly, I have no idea what time that'll be, I won't be working for 10 whole days.  Yeehaw.

Over and out plus a huge HOOAH to my son!!!

My Silly Dog

My Pupples is camera shy, or rather cell phone shy.  Silly chicken.

This is the loyal pup who still sits outside's McArmy's door wondering where the heck one of his favorite humans went and why hasn't he come back.

This is the loyal pup who leaps in excitement every time McSelfish comes home even though Pupples is almost completely ignored by the fool.

Pupples waits for me at the entrance to the garage, tail wagging furiously, when I come home from my very long days.  His whole body wiggles as I give him a short rub down and let him lick me.  He jumps into the air in excitement when I open the door.

McHub also gets one happy Pupples greeting at the front door.

Pupples will snuggle up with us, thrilled for the attention.

All he asks is to be loved, fed, played with, and hopefully walked once a day.  He's one sweet and loving dog.

The guilt is going to nag at me the week we're in Georgia.  Pupples will be having his first ever stay at a kennel.  Can't trust McSelfish to feed him let alone meet the dog's needs while we're gone.

I know the kennel is the best place for him.  They'll walk him each day and he'll have the opportunity to socialize with other dogs.  The dog runs are inside/outside with a heated area and 20 feet long.  He'll be fed and we'll leave him some blankies with our scents on them and some toys.

Why do I feel like a bad dogmom?  Like I'm deserting him.

Some Days I Want To Pull My Hair Out!

Today was one of those days.

A day where little things conspired to make me feel frustrated with co-workers, residents, the pharmacy we use, my ineptitude in certain areas of nursing, and my spouse/dog/older son.

A day where I walked into undone and/or unexplained incidents that should have had paper documentation.  It's quite difficult to ascertain what happened in the less than 12 hours I was away from work between Monday and today.  Also difficult to document events that I was not present for yet inevitably come under my overall jurisdiction.  There are certain protocols that are supposed to be followed and I wish every one was on the same page.

It was a perfect day for someone with ADD to handle.  I found it hard to keep jumping from issue to issue at 100 miles an hour. A day of non stop interruptions.  I feel as if I've left any number of tasks undone just because it was that kind of day.

Then attempting to telecommute from home once I got home made my day seem endless.  As the dog whined for attention and the other members of the family apparently lost their ears for the evening........

Sigh.

I need to figure out a way to chill my tired little brain out.  Anyone have a sledge hammer close by?

Oh wait!  Let's not forget the expected 6 inches of snow for tomorrow.  :P~~~~~~~~~~~~

Two Years Ago.......

I wrote this blog post...

"I've had it with foul language from my son, his complete lack of respect, his sneering as if I haven't been 17 and a senior in high school. He learned much of his disrespect from his father and that is simply unacceptable.

No one is this house cares about my schooling, the fact I received 4 A's and one B in my first quarter was ignored. No one cares if I have tests I need to study for. Everything is about them, them, THEM!

I am trying to get the education so that I can get a job and support myself. I will stay here because I have no choice but I am tired of just taking it. I am not invisible, I'm not a punching(metaphorically speaking)bag.

I will finish school. I will achieve excellent grades. I will pass my NCLEX on the first try. I will get a job. I will move out. These are my goals. This is my life and I'm taking it back."

Looking back, I have to say my grades were acceptable, I did graduate nursing school, I did pass my NCLEX on the first try, I have gotten a job.  I have not moved out.  Oh well, four out of five goals achieved isn't bad.  Not bad at all.

That surly teenager will now be defending our freedom.  He was my defender before I could even see that fact.  He's the one who cheered the loudest when I graduated.  He's the one who posted on Facebook first when I passed the NCLEX.  He's the one who believed in me all along.  Damn, I raised a good man/boy.

Now I need to believe in him.  Trust in Him.  Love both hims.

Yes Donna, he does look 14.  Yes he's too young.  However, if someone is going to represent the United States in foreign countries I can't imagine a better, more loyal, loving, and Christian young man to be the one.  He has compassion and kindness and a desire to defend those who can't defend themselves.  May God always have McArmy's back and be by his side. (Because the Army won't let me follow him around......)

Finally A Phone Call

After 4 weeks of no phone calls my cell phone rang at 4:05 p.m. yesterday.  It was McArmy.

I closed my med room doors and talked with my son for 7 minutes.  He had more time, I had oh-my-gosh-we-can't-miss-dinner-or-the-world-will-end residents waiting at my back door.

He sounded tired.

I don't know if it was his reception or mine but there was a lag.

He's officially decided to forgo his Ranger option and just go on to airborne school.

If he is placed with the rest of his platoon going on to airborne, he'll end up at Fort Bragg in the 82nd Airborne.

They'll be deployed in September.

Yeah.  Loud silence here too.

The crazy thing is all the guys are excited they'll be deployed so quickly.

It may play out in some entirely different manner.  I have no idea at this time.

I was thrilled to talk with him.

Not so thrilled with the other news.

Anyone want to start a "Let's get our soldiers the hell out of Afghanistan BEFORE the anniversary of 9/11/01!" movement with me????