The end of our journey

It's been a long time since I posted last, but we have had slot going on. My life with three beautiful daughters is crazy wonderful! They are all doing gret and Hannah turned two years old in July (wow where did the time go?) I'm still a stay at home mom and absolutely love it! My hubby and I made the decision to no longer ttc another child. With a history of five losses and three living children, we decided that we just couldn't handle the possibility of another loss. It's a good thing we made that decision since I am having a hysterectomy next Tuesday. It's been a year in the making. But due to my loss last May the doctor made me wait to make sure we were done and it wasn't based on emotions. I had a mass removed and a hysterscopy done three weeks ago that showed I did not have cancer, but my uterus just likes to grow fibroids and cause me pain. It's a ending to our story of ttc, loss, and children. Is happy and sad at the same time. I'm so incredibly thankful for the children I have and for the incredible friendships I made along the way of our loss journey. I am forever thankful for the wonderful women I met online who walk in the same shoes that I do. I wish that loss didn't exist and I wish that I didn't have five babies in heaven waiting for me. But I'm thankful for those who have helped me walk through the last four years. I can't put in words how it feels to know that I will never again carry a child in my womb. If situations were different and I didn't have so many losses im pretty sure we would have had more children. We love our kids, but I know that I have been blessed with more chidren than many people get the opportunity to have. So I am keeping that in perspective. I'm using this surgery as a starting point to the new me. I plan on joining a gymn and watching my diet and getting in shape. I want to be in better health for my children. Te last four years of our loss journey have packed on 50. Lbs on me. But with four losses in three years I'm surprised I'm still standing some days so the weight doesn't seem as bad of an issue. I'm going to get healthy, no more periods, no more fat me, no more losses. I guess it's an opportunity for me to move forward out of the place I've been stuck in (ttc, loss and pregnancy). I'm looking toward the future and know that God has great things planned for me.