Christmas Card 2014

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! As always, here's a tidbit of my year. I hope you enjoy! :)

Love,
Tandy

God will Never give You more than you Can Handle

There is something about the phrase "God will never give you more than you can handle".  As a child it gave me comfort, but as an adult, it has left me wanting. Not that I don't believe it entirely, but just that something seems missing. For a long time, I could not put my finger on it, but that phrase just hasn't felt completely accurate. As of late, I believe I've figured out the missing piece.

Please do not mistake that I get why people say "God will never give you more than you can handle". In a sense, this is very comforting. But I also feel it can be misleading if you only take it at face value. What is your definition of handling something? I don't know about you, but I know that I have gone through and dealt with some things in my life that I don't know that I have 'handled' them as well as I should have. I'm not neccessarily saying I 'could' have done things differently at the time, but maybe in a different time of my life or with different tools, I could have or would have handled things differently.  I certainly know there have been times when I would have LIKED to have handled things differently, but given my frame of mind, my stress level, my (fill in the blank) it just wasn't possible at the time. I know I am not alone in this.

Here is the interesting thing. We've all heard this phrase. We've all most likely even said this phrase to someone going through a hard time. But I wonder if we've really thought through the real meaning of what we are telling ourselves or others. Of course we all are able to somehow get through our trials. Some a little more gracefully than others. Some with more conviction than others. But that darn phrase still would plague me a little every time someone would spout it off like it was supposed to make the tough times somehow more bare-able. And for me, it didn't completely.

Here is the clarity that I have been given. And if you are like me, here is my gift to you.... It isn't that "God will never give us more than we can handle". I believe it should be "God will many times give us more than we can handle by ourselves, but we are not alone in our trials. We are never alone. With God by our side, we can handle anything." I don't know about you, but I find strength, peace, and comfort in that. There are gonna be times that much is asked of us. And it's gonna be tough. And sometimes we are quite frankly not going to want to do it or go through it, but we do because we are not alone in the hard times of it. We are not alone in the strength that it will ultimately bring us. And if we will rely on Him, we WILL become strong. We will learn and gain faith and become the tool in His hands. What an amazing blessing and realization. I don't know about you, but I find immeasurable peace in knowing that even though this changes nothing of life's trials, we are buoyed up by Him. When we stumble, He helps us up. When we cry, He wipes away our tears. The point, is that in the 'handling', we are not alone. 

Jordan's Special Day

What a Special Day! Love you guys!!!

Body Language...Whaaaa???

I've always been fascinated by the idea that body language speaks the words we are too afraid of saying out loud. I recently went to a body language class. Granted, it was only an hour, but it was super interesting. I'm excited to delve into this a little further as time goes on.

Did you know that while you are speaking, the brain prepares and organizes 650 words per minute to say. At the last moment, our Conscience filters this down to 150 words. As a person speaks, there's an average of 500 words that are being held back in the Sub-Conscience. These words tend to show up in our body language. Hello...that's crazy! Kind of puts a different spin on 'filtering our words' and being proud of ourselves that we did, only to find out the other person probably got your unfiltered words through your body language. Unless you've mastered your body language skills. In which case, we need to talk.

57% of communication is based off of Gestures and/or Body Language.
36% of communication is based off of Tone of Voice.
7% of communication is based off of Words.

Those stats speak volumes.

There is 40 pieces of info in your conscience to every 20,000,000 in the sub-conscience. The Sub-Conscience tries to help you find answers. The Conscience filters based off of what is familiar to you. Like standing with your arms crossed and putting off the impression that you don't want to be approached. This is why getting rid of a mannerisms or behaviors is difficult. We default to what is familiar. And crossing our arms feels comfortable and familiar. But if we keep introducing new behavior, our conscience will no longer filter out the new behavior that once was unfamiliar. The theory is that poor body language can be changed into good body language that helps us express ourselves.

Some things I learned:
~Standing on one leg gives off the impression that you are off balance.
~Feet pointing in different directions gives off the impression that you are unclear or indecisive.
~Hands touching gives off the impression that you are not open, not confident.
~Looking Up and to the Right means upcoming, creative, images, artistic
~Looking Up and to the Left means history, linear, facts, numbers.
~Looking Up and skyward means look outside of self, open for direction, trust, and spiritual.
~Looking Down and at heart means personal, look within self, emotional, internal.
~Looking Side to Side means internal voice, authoritative voices, other's opinions, following directions.

2013 Christmas Card

Merry Christmas to all my friends and family. Here's a fun little video showcasing my 2013 year. I feel so blessed and grateful. What a great year. Here's to a fantastic 2014!

To Pursue or Not to Pursue? That's the Question.

Let's stop talking in circles and get right down to it. Guys think girls are confusing and girls think guys are confusing. I would venture to say that both are correct when it comes to relationships. The question is, how do men and women overcome this 'you are so confusing' syndrome and end up getting together? Allow me to break down some of these barriers and tackle one topic at a time over the course of this blog, in an effort to help better understand one another.  Since I cannot talk to you from a married persons perspective, or even a male perspective, I will do so from this 30 Something girls perspective. Buckle up. This is gonna be fun. :)

Recently, I had a friend get married. I adore this friend. She doesn't make decisions lightly and this is no different than what she has done with the person she just married. Her husband PURSUED her like every woman wants to be pursued. And when she wasn't sure where her feelings were at, he was PERSISTENT and patient. Listen guys, this is important. Women want to be pursued and we want you to be persistent but we also need you to be patient. 

PURSUED

At this age, we've all been burned and are nervous for one reason or another. But the simple truth is, women WANT to be pursued. We don't want to be the one pursuing. It makes us feel less like the woman in the relationship. And let's be honest guys, it doesn't make you feel super manly to have the girl chasing after you. Does it? I mean, I get that it's flattering and a nice break to be able to sit back and have the girls do the front work, but ultimately you want to be the man in the relationship. Right? So help us to be the woman in the relationship, take the first step for us. Dating and marriage are work enough, we don't need to add role reversals to the equation when that is ultimately NOT what you want in a relationship. If it is, perfect. Wait for your woman to chase after you. But if that is not what you want, then guys.. ASK GIRLS OUT. I know, it's a crazy thought. But listen, girls want to FEEL like they are pretty. That they caught your eye. That you are interested in getting to know them better in a setting other than a 'hang out'. Girls want to KNOW they are going on a date. I'd say a high percentage of the women I know do not know if they are going on a 'date' with you, or if you've just invited them to 'hang out'. Unbeknownst to you, we go into these situations ready to pay for ourselves because we simply do not know if we are on a date. It is NOT because of the equal rights movement that we open our own doors and pull out our wallets. A lot of times, It is simply because we are completely uncertain of the situation and are feeling a little awkward and don't want to make assumptions. What does that tell you? You need to make your intentions known. It's refreshing when you do. And fellas, it's impressive.

PERSISTENT

Alright, I know this one can be a little bit more difficult for some. I'm not saying to ignore a ladies request to leave her alone. Let's not be a creepy stalker. But what I am saying is that you should definitely NOT jump ship as soon as most of you are doing. Seriously. Think of it from her perspective. You ask her out. She is flattered and interested to get to know you better. You go out. You have a good time. It is now, at this point that she is probably fully aware of you and starting to think 'he'd be fun to get to know better'. That is, if your date is going well. The chances of her thinking about you in 'dating terms' before you actually go out is pretty low. Our thought process is 'why think about it when the chances of us going out are slim to none'. We are trying to spare ourselves the disappointment by having this kind of thought process. Do you blame us? The guy/girl ratio is not in our favor. It never has been and it never will be. Dating is becoming more and more rare while hanging out is becoming more popular. Most women simply do not 'check guys out' in the way that men do. Don't get me wrong, a woman will note an attractive man or a kind man. But that's as far as it goes for us often times. From a mans perspective, you check out a woman. You assess whether or not she is dating material. You keep watching her and checking her out until you deem her date-able or not. If she is date-able, then you ask her out. Guys, you have a jump start on the whole situation. You've had longer to decide if you are attracted or not. Getting to know her and still wanting to date her is a bonus. Whereas we jumped on that ship much later than you. So when we are still trying to determine our interest level, you are a couple steps ahead of us and often times read into things way too prematurely. Give us time to catch up! Seriously. Please don't jump ship before we even get our sea legs. Give us time. Be persistent. Be patient.

That being said. Reality Check. Guys, just because you've asked a girl on a date does not automatically lop you into wanting to marry her. So don't avoid asking a girl out just because you don't know if you 'like her THAT much'. Hello, if you see a girl that you would like to get to know better, that is when a date should be secured. Feel out the situation. That's ok. Girls will give you the hints if they think you are interested in getting to know them. Another Reality Check. Girls are not thinking of marriage on the first date. We are not thinking of marriage after several dates. All we are thinking about is getting to know you. So if you take her out, do things to help you get to know one another. If you had fun getting to know one another, a second date should be a no brainer. My advice to you: Have fun getting to know people in dating situations. Dating. As in one on one. Dating shouldn't be so stressful or serious. Relax. All you are doing is getting to know a person of the opposite gender. Good luck and be good to one another!

If You Could Look Into Each Others Hearts...

It always amazes me not only how hard we are on ourselves, but on others. When I saw this quote, I really liked it. I'm not sure at what point we allowed the media to cloud our vision. Video games and movies tell us Killing is ok. TV shows tell us that being disrespectful is just sticking up for ourselves and our rights. Movie stars tell us that being crude, unfaithful, and flippant is ok. The thing is, how much of any of that is real? I'm not even sure that movie stars are able to tell the difference anymore.

The question is..if we could look into each others hearts, do you think you might behave differently toward those you encounter day to day? My change to you and myself is to treat others with a little more love, patience, tolerance, and care.