Letter to Jamie

I found this letter while cleaning out my room today. There isn't a date on it, but I know I wrote it while I babysat the Aron twins which was about a month(ish) before I gave birth. I know that I was back on the fence about whether to place him or not.

Dear Baby Jamie,

I've done a lot of things wrong in my life, but you are truly a blessing from God. You have helped me to do things I never thought possible. I have found God and developed a wonderful relationship with Him. I feel so close to Him when I pray and am so secure in His love for me. I was scared that if I went back to church that I would be punished for my abandonment of my testimony. I was so wrong. All I've felt has been love. This whole experience has been about love. Love for you, love for me, love from and for my family and the love of God and His son Jesus Christ. I never knew how much I could enjoy talking to my Heavenly Father and how much I could enjoy The Book of Mormon. I don't think I could've come to the place I am--secure in my knowledge of who I am and what I want--without you. I am a daughter of God. He knows my spirit and love me. He loves all of me--the good, the bad, and the ugly. :) I am innately a very spiritual person. And I love you so much. I want the best for you. I want you to be raised in a home where Christ is the heart. I want you to know how much God loves you and how much I love you. I want you to be able to recognize your amazing potential as a child of God. You have divine potential. I haven't met you in person yet, but I don't need to meet you to know how special you are. You have changed my heart when nobody else could.

:]

I'm in such a good mood! I've been having a rough week/weekend and I went to the temple with my ward tonight and I feel on top of the world! I got along with everyone there so well and I can tell that I'm well liked which is just such a wonderful feeling. The spirit was so strong in the temple and I feel so at peace with everything going on right now. It's just such a testimony to me of temples. I've been reading my scriptures and praying every day, but I still wasn't feeling on top of everything going on emotionally. Going to the temple is obviously just what I needed. I am so grateful we have a temple so close! And that I can carpool with fantastic people who are fun to be around and also have such strong testimonies of the gospel. Also, that my mom is available to babysit my busy 9 month old! I am so blessed!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NAc83CF8Ejk

Success!

I have a lot to update on...and I swear I will, but for right now I want to talk about the dinner I just catered. A *lot* of work, but oh-so rewarding. Everyone loved it! Brian H, brother of the bride and Mr. Critic, said that I "far exceeded his expectations." Sah-weet! I had a bajillion ladies ask me for recipes and lots of jaws hitting the floor when they found out this was my first catering gig. Rolls and foccacia bread made from scratch (and served with Brie!), two green salads (served with three different kinds of salad dressings, including a homemade poppyseed dressing that is to DIE for), tortellini pasta salad, grilled zucchini and yellow squash with garlic and rosemary, rosemary and lemon chicken skewers, roasted red potatoes, fruit served on skewers in the shape of flowers and of course, carrot cupcakes with cream cheese frosting. I know I sound rather impressed with myself and it's because, well, I am. It feels good to have someone put their complete faith in me to cater the celebration of their son and new daughter in law's union and even better that I completely impressed them.

I'll post more later I'm sure, but right now I'm beyond exhausted.

Yay Baby!

Jamie is 6 months today! He enjoys...

laughing
babbling
squealing
shrieking
spitting
blowing bubbles
smiling
smacking the table (or mom) in a demanding fashion
when people clap for him
rolling over (tummy to back)
when people dance with him (or for him!)
music in any form
grabbing at everything (including faces!)
sucking on peoples faces, particularly noses and chins
looking at his reflection
throwing sweet potato and avocado on the floor
sitting up
baths

aaaand his favorite?

being stripped down to his birthday suit and thrown up in the air. seriously folks, this is the solution to any and all potential life problems he may face.

I love my 18 lb 10 oz, 26 3/4 inch long bundle of joy. As Stephanie would say, he's made of all sorts of win and awesome.

I really like being a mom. It's the best job I've had yet. It's interesting how people can fear the next phase in their lives because of what they might lose. But I've learned that the statement "no risk, no return" is very true. You can't know all the awesomeness of the next stage of life without giving up some things. I imagine it's the same with marriage. But it is impossible to describe to someone how worth it it is. So going out to the grocery store is a little more involved and takes a wee bit more planning than it once did. But I have so much more fun with my best little friend there. I love the joy that Jamie brings to everyone he meets. He teaches me more everyday about love and the immensity of joy that the simplest things have to offer. Did I enjoy being single? Sure I did. Would I go back? Hell no. This is too rich and beautiful. Cheesy? Maybe. But I'm not going to be apprehensive about sharing how meaningful my life has become since Jamie has joined me. He's just too great. <3

A New Toothbrush

I tried to buy one today.

aaaand I failed.

Gender Roles

Julianne and I were talking about this last week and I feel compelled to begin a commentary about it. I'm the type that really needs to stew and talk and talk and stew for a while to really come to a confident conclusion of how I feel about something. My tendency is to lazily rely on arguments that others have come to, rather than truly taking the time and effort to know how *I* feel independent of the contributing parties/studies/etc. That being said, I reserve the right to change my mind about anything I say on here. As I study and experience new information that probably will change my ultimate conclusions. Not that I really believe in "ultimate" conclusions. Einstein once said, "The more I learn, the more I realize I don't know." Socrates said something similar, the basic interpretation being, "The only thing I know, is that I know nothing." Learning isn't necessarily linear. Maybe in math, but life isn't calculated. Life is extremely interconnected and that's what I love about it.

So. There's a video I saw a while back that I re-watched with some friends last night and I think it might be a good place to start to get the ball rolling.

Part one:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kPF1FhCMPuQ
Part two:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k8B1nKGIAeg&feature=related

I guess it's possible to think that speech is really a tangent from the discussion of gender roles, but I think her speech is ultimately more of a commentary of her belief in God and how that relates to gender roles and then how *that* relates to the issue of abortion. I've got to run, but I'll continue on this later.

Sleep is for Pansies.

Okay, not really. I need my sleep. It's been a long, busy day which I may or may not blog about later. In the meantime I thought I might post a few pictures of Alysa's 17th birthday.. :]

We went to the DeYoung museum in SF and saw part two of the Impressionist exhibit they had going there. Really quite amazing- the art displayed there usually resides in Europe so it was really a wonderful opportunity.

Here's a picture of the view from the top floor of the museum. San Francisco is a beautiful city.

My parents. :]

♥

Birthday girl!

Making walrus cupcakes!

The final product! =]=]

YESSSSSSSSSS

I think I'm doing quite an excellent job of starting off this year right, if I do say so myself. =]=]

New Years Eve we had a karaoke/game night shindig at our house and it was SO MUCH FUN. The night ended with Julianne and Sarah & Joel sharing their singing/guitar talents and it was awesome. And then of course Stephanie and I exchanged new years smooches. hehehe on each others cheeks, of course. And Sarah & Joel ambushed me with a smooch sandwich.

New Years Day we hiked at Rancho San Antonio park, I re-organized my mom's pantry, and had myself a diaper stripping/boiling partayy. Ah, gotta love fresh starts.

Sunday I listened to the Mozart CD my dad got Jamie for Christmas and I credit my whomping him at Speed Scrabble with words like "druids" to the brain stimulation that the music provided. :]

Today I visited a school that I think I'm going to attend to earn a Medical Assistant degree. I'd graduate in September and be able to start working at a hospital right away. YAY IMMA GOING TO WEAR SCRUBS. so hott right now. No, but seriously, I know I'd really love it and would be really good at it to boot. It's in the field I want to end up in and I'll be able to get a better hands-on idea of what *exactly* I want to continue in. Endocrinologist, ultrasound tech, dietitian, respiratory therapist... they all appeal to me in one way or another at this point. I just don't really have the time to just dapple in this and that anymore. Medical Assistant sounds like such a perfect fit!

Anddddd I started and finished a project today that I've been wanting to do for quite some time now.

BEFORE: ugly fold-up table which had a knack for attracting clutter

My solution? An "organizational mattress satchel" (thanks alysa for naming it)





AFTER: I feel so accomplished!! I made it all by myself!! With custom pouches for my phone and other necessities. ♥

Goodbye 2010! Goodbye clutter!
Hello 2011! Hello school! Hello sweet, sweet organization. ♥

2011!

This is my new theme song. Period. :] Thank you Michael Buble!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1AJmKkU5POA

Reflection

"I wonder sometimes how many of us don't face ourselves because we are convinced that we're worthy of only a certain level of happiness. We are limited by our imaginations and thoughts of worthiness and joy. We become comfortable in our misery because it is all we know. Or maybe it's just that we don't look for the 'real' us because we're afraid there isn't any real us to find."