Pretty crafty, eh? I had a lot of fun thinking about making these invitations and I also quite enjoyed actually putting them together. It's nice when something turns out as cute in real life as it was in your imagination. I don't think of myself as much of a scrapbooker-type, but I do know how to punch out appliques, use hot glue, and hijack my little sister's scrapbook paper supply. I pride myself in my ability to make something out of nothing. Which is what I did here! But I shouldn't get too ahead of myself. There's still the actual event to consider. Food is pretty much figured out, but what of the decor? This is my next project. Decor. I feel so loopy, fyi. I should be in bed. But I can be retarded on occasion and I started making bread around 10ish. My bread recipe takes about 3 hours to make. X( Yup, certifiably retarded. It'll be delicious though. I hope some of it survives until I get up though. Everyone eats breakfast before I do and I'm only making two loaves, one of which is claimed...ah well. I've eaten plenty of it before. Not really a novelty anymore. My baby is 3 months old. Wow. Here he is, brand-spankin' new.
And here he is, exactly three months old. What an awesome kid. I say kid because he hardly looks like a baby anymore. I had a friend tell me he looks like "a very short toddler." Yep.
Ah, I love him.
Happy three months, Jameson! I love you whole heaps of a lot. I sure am glad you're my family. I'm one blessed mama.
Jamie has become quite the social butterfly. He loves to talk and coo and blow spit bubbles. He recognizes family members and smiles (my favorite are the huge, toothless gummy ones) and has begun to laugh which is indescribably adorable. At the moment, I can't think of any happier noise(s) than Jamie discovering his voice.
I once said, strike up the band and let's forget that. Put on your mask and let's just dance To today's melody; now I need harmony.
But I've got myself to blame Cause he once felt the same. I tell him, don't worry I'll be here I'm sorry I'm late a year.
I now say, strike up the band and let's remember To take off our masks and love this dance. I want harmony, but you won't sing with me.
So I envision future years With eyes all full of tears.
Cause how, how can I find a better man than you?
I've decided, to strike up my band and just remember to take off my mask and love the dance. And I'll have hope, you know That in your heart will grow A longing; a sweet, warm longing To be home.
Happy Halloween! I got to be Stephanie's significant other this year at the annual Coast Guard Fall Harvest Festival on Coast Guard Island (they have their own island!) and I had a blast! The kids costumes were *adorable.* (Totally put my last minute throw-together to shame.) They had bounce houses, candy, a haunted maze (very creepy by the way), dinner (mm hotdogs and nachos--thank goodness someone brought fruit!), aaaaaand air brush tatoos!! Totally my favorite. Hands down. I got a bada$$ seahorse on my wrist. (Can you get more hardcore than that? Yeah...I thought not.) Stephanie got a frog and Rockin' Roland (ahem, "Squeaks" the mouse) also got a seahorse on his arm. My seahorse got multiple kisses from Roland's seahorse that night and the next day. :] Hopefully you can tell, but I'm a chef! And I've got my catch of the day...Jamie the Lobster! He was pretty much out the entire celebration, but I didn't mind too much. :]
Here's Cailyn the Bat! I love this costume. Reasons why? #1 Velour jogging suit...*so* comfy. #2 It's accurate! Bats are *not* black--they're brown! #3 Pink wings. Maybe not so accurate, but definitely awesome. #4 Who knows...maybe if she adds some of that cool batman fabric to the wings she could hang glide in this sometime in the near future! They do live in a two-story house! hehe... Adeline the Pink Unicorn! A large contributor to why I love these kids costumes so much is how much thought and effort goes into them. The girls debate upon what they want to be for months in advance (and they are all about the details too!) and then their loving mother makes them (from scratch!) into a working and comfortable model of what they imagined. And I don't think any kids love these costumes as much as these ones do. "Squeaks" the mouse was lived in for several years with Cailyn, then passed to Adeline, and now is loved by Roland. I can pretty much guarantee that they are sleeping in these costumes at this very moment. Squeaks has never looked more hardcore. and adorable. Is that combination possible? And here's a couple pictures of my halloween chocolate gingerbread skeleton army. :] RaWr! Sunday I made a meal in a pumpkin, which is delicious by the way. Thank you Kathleen Hansen for providing such wonderful halloween food inspiration over the years! My mom made pumpkin pie, and in my opinion, there is no better way to usher in fall then pumpkin pie. Mmmm.. And that pretty much concludes Jamie and I's first Halloween together! So far we're 1-for-1 for Halloween awesome-ness.
Met with Jamie's birthfather, celebrated Stephanie and Grandpa's birthdays, filled out an application and met with the manager of Outback, had the worst nightmare of my life, aaand Jamie's smiling!! YAY its so adorable. Of course, it's not all the time...yet. But it sure does warm my heart that he recognizes me and likes my face enough to smile when he sees it. :] There will be pictures once I catch one on camera!
I wrote this a while back and needed it to settle before I could post it.
This little spirit is such an immense blessing. I'm apprehensive about whether I can articulate what it means to me to be a mother. To be completely honest, I don't think anything has ever felt more natural to me. I used to dream about being on stage or becoming a doctor, but those things pale in comparison to how I now dream about raising my little family. It's not like I've lost all ambition to accomplish anything academically, but my priorities have changed. Family first. And I'm the head of a family now. If there exists a way to go to school and keep family first you can bet that I'll find it and make it happen.
I never did complete my birth story (or at least not to my satisfaction). Due to new time restrictions I think I'll be adding bits and pieces here and there about what I want to remember. While I have a minute though I'd like to start to talk more about my family who was there and how much I appreciated their support and how sweet it was to have them all there. It was amazing to see how everyone took a different path to get them to where they could be comfortable in that experience. It was especially sweet how touched my little sister was. And also my dad. I don't think many people can say that they gave birth in the arms of their father. But I did. And it was beautiful. My eldest sister played a very active role in my experience. My mom thinks she should be a midwife and I agree. Or at least a doula. She was a total natural. Which shouldn't surprise anybody, but I couldn't be more grateful that she was so willing to act on her natural ability to understand the process of birth and sense what I needed when I wasn't able to express it explicitly. I feel immense gratitude that my birth experience could be so meaningful to so many people other than myself. It makes me feel like I was part of the giving, especially since, at times, I've been inclined to believe that due to the circumstances of my pregnancy I've taken a lot of attention from others in our family who may have been in need. Jamie's birth helped me to realize how much this little guy has to offer our family.
5 weeks and a little over 2 hours ago Jamie was born. Here's a little tribute. :]
Early labor...such a breeze in retrospect. My lovely doula, Christine. That's insulin and saline in my right hand, and pitocin and glucose in my left. Stephanie and Christine. My mom, and my lovely nurse Aimee in the back! Whoever told Bill Cosby that childbirth was akin to pulling your bottom lip over the top of your head hit the nail on the head. Pushing stage! I wouldn't have had such an adrenaline rush if I had known how long the pushing stage can and usually lasts. Concerned citizens. They're setting everything up for me here. I wasn't trying to have a dramatic birth. It just happened that way. I don't care what you believe; childbirth is a honest to goodness MIRACLE. And a marathon to boot.
A moment I'll never forget. August 17th, 8:53 pm, 7 lbs 15.9 oz, 19 inches long. Jameson Caleb Orton was born after 4 hours of labor and an hour and a half of pushing. A miracle. He's purple and he's still cute. I grew that perfect little guy. My dad cutting the cord. A mother is born! This is post the post pardum poking and prodding and stitching. I DID IT!
This was a few days later when my nieces and nephew came over to meet him. Here's Adeline; she's anxious to be a mommy already. I think Cailyn likes him. :]
All Roland wants to do when he comes over is be with Jamie. It's so precious!
Sometimes I think I think too much about thinking too much.
Say that five times fast.
But really. There's different categories of thinking. For me, most (if not all) revolve around why such and such made me feel such and such a way. Productive, yet oftentimes tiresome. Every so often I have thinks that are low maintenance. My most favorite kind of think is not so much of a think as it is a feeling. Something wonderful someone said or did will fill my mind and I'll bask in the warm sunny knowledge that, in one way or another, that person was letting me know they love me. Those are definitely the best kinds of thinks.
On a completely different note, I went jogging Saturday night! And went to yoga yesterday! And went jogging again tonight! I'm just going around the block (about a mile) and what I do most definitely cannot be described as running, but it makes me feel good nonetheless. I want to make a habit of it. I will make a habit of it. Hence why I'm committing myself in writing.
One other thing...err 'think.' Something came to me when I was talking to a friend a few days ago. Fear and anger are a lot related. Yoda said it well in Star Wars: The Phantom Menance. "Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering." Okay, so I'm a huge, ginormous nerd. BUT. It's true. What came to me was slightly different though. I've been learning a lot about fear the past week or so and how best to handle it. At first I was basically trying to pray away my fears. That doesn't work fyi. You can't just not feel things. Being brave isn't the absence of fear, it is the courage to act despite your fears. What came to me was that anger is similar. You can't just not be angry. You wouldn't get anywhere; it'd keep resurfacing until you worked through it. You have to acknowledge it and then decide that you won't let it dictate how you live your life. That's where, I believe, healing will begin. On a side note, realizing that having fear is okay was such a freeing feeling for me. Now I can put it on the shelf and acknowledge it without it becoming this huge obstacle. Yay for moving forward!
I had a thought. Maybe the reason I haven't had the overwhelming flood of emotions I expected when Jamie was born is similar to how some people experience gaining a testimony. Rather than have some big faith-altering experience, they realize that they've just always known. I've just always loved Jamie. And him transitioning from the womb to this world didn't change that.
There was another thought. I've been puzzled as to why I really haven't felt overwhelmed when the current circumstances are pretty overwhelming. I mean, I have lots of family support and help, but there are still so many unknowns! There is no way of knowing what exactly my future holds for me and somehow I'm okay with that. Why? I think part of it has to do with the fact that I know I made the right decision for both Jamie and I. I have peace that somehow everything that is so important to us, no matter how impossible it may seem right now, will work out. I must be crazy. But I think it's a good kind of crazy.
Along those lines I was thinking about the difference from when I've watched other babies and how I've felt when they've been really upset. I remember watching my nephew Jake and when I couldn't console him I totally took it personally and sat and just cried along with him. Here I am, a lot more sleep deprived, and I haven't come close to a meltdown like that. (knock on wood!) I think a contributing factor to this difference is how I fundamentally feel about Jamie. He is a gift. My body may have nurtured and created his, but I did not create his spirit. I feel immensely blessed to have been trusted enough to be given this particular spirit to guide and teach and love. I think that changes the way I treat him. I want to make sure that Jamie feels, at least to the fullest capacity that I can give, the love and patience that I know his Heavenly Father has for him.
I've decided my thoughts on motherhood will probably never be complete enough to my liking, so I'll just have to add bits and pieces of how I feel and what I think here and there. Every day I learn something new. And it's not all diaper or burping info. I learn new things about myself and my feelings regarding my new role as mother.
Today I was peed on. Twice. Jamie has been extra fussy lately. He'll sleep for an hour and a half and wake up hungry. I'm pretty sure he's going through a growth spurt so I'm not too concerned. He has good reasons to be fussy. Growing is exhausting. I can't imagine how uncomfortable breaking in a new digestive system would be. I know I did it at one point, but I'm pretty glad I don't remember it. Doesn't sound pleasant.
Days like today should probably be the more emotionally difficult ones, but I enjoyed today. He's such a beautiful boy. I love his skin. And his eyes. He has such an expressive face. The lip quiver, the pout, his wide-eyed observation face, his dopey "I'm content" face. And that hair! I love to run my fingers through it while he's nursing. I also love the way he gets all worked up and then the minute he latches on to eat he sighs and is in utter bliss. I love him, but even better I *like* him.
I got a break when my parents came home, so I could make dinner. Alysa has been craving sloppy joes and I found a recipe that I decided to try. Okay, I have this aversion to sloppy joes. I don't know exactly what it is, but something about the color and the texture and even the name "sloppy joes"...it just isn't classy. And I like to make classy food. Fish and roast chicken, for example. Sloppy joes don't fit into that category. BUT. This homemade sloppy joe recipe was YUMMY. And the ingredients are cheap and easy to come by. The name still needs work, but other than that I think I'm a sloppy joe convert.
Just thought ya'll should know how much I thoroughly enjoyed burping my baby this evening. We were dancing to the Kooks and I was giving him lots of zerberts and we both had a very good time. :]
Some might qualify my lack of pictures as "cruel and unusual punishment." This is understandable. But before I remedy this travesty I must give the disclaimer that there will be more to come! Stephanie took pictures in the hospital and I have yet to get my hands on copies so I can share the love. She'll be here tomorrow for Addie's birthday though, so never fear! (but just to get you all excited I'll have you know that Alysa took some pictures while Stephanie was doing counterpressure so theres some pretty rad pictures of the dramatic hoopla while I was pushing) Now onto the good stuff!
It's not easy picking which pictures to post! I may be biased, but I think I've got a pretty cute kid. ;] He is such a sweetheart and honestly, I'm completely and utterly head over heels for him. He's just amazing.
Jake's 2nd birthday...
Jamie and Anya!
Charity's bridal shower!
And I forgot to post any pictures from the Marine Ball...which was awesome btw
Yay for a fantastic November and here's to the beginnings of a fabulous December!
Pretty crafty, eh? I had a lot of fun thinking about making these invitations and I also quite enjoyed actually putting them together. It's nice when something turns out as cute in real life as it was in your imagination. I don't think of myself as much of a scrapbooker-type, but I do know how to punch out appliques, use hot glue, and hijack my little sister's scrapbook paper supply. I pride myself in my ability to make something out of nothing. Which is what I did here! But I shouldn't get too ahead of myself. There's still the actual event to consider. Food is pretty much figured out, but what of the decor? This is my next project. Decor.
Ah, I love him.
