sisterhood

Sisters is probably the most competitive relationship within the family, but once the sisters are grown, it becomes the strongest relationship. ~Margaret Mead

The love and bonding between sisters supposed to be strong. my heart is torn.. when i have shared my happy plans and some career hesitation with my sister. during the argument she actually used it against me, calling me no plans for my future. letting me down on the happy plan. i miss bee, big time. even we've argued n torn each other apart, but the love stays strong btw bee n i. what has gone wrong?!

we've lived in both love n fear with our oldest sister.. sigh. wish things have been different. when i first gotta known some oz families, i was envious. i never knew family members can be so close to each other. i love the huggings n kissings. it is totally different from chinese families. it somehow brings people together easier, closer.

i wish the dilemma will be over soon. and this is just the normal off-spring. i want her to be happy. happy for who she is. what she has. n open her heart to bee n i. i love her deep down. respect is a must and fact. i'm so happy that she has a gd husband. i'm so glad she's staying with us after she got married.

after the argument tonite.. i seriously hope that we both could take one step further to mend the broken relationship. it is undeniable we are sisters. if God would have let me choose whether to have my sisters in the nxt life again, i would say Yes, with no doubts.

Romans 15-1:
Now, we that are stronger ought to bear the infirmities of the weak and not to please ourselves

Galatians 6-1:
Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted.

i'll go bk to church after i finish work. weak--> guidance....

Tonights gonna be a good good night

Thanks to Michael. Getting 2 tix to Black Eyed Peas live in KL concert at Sunway Lagoon Surf Beach. soooo loooking forward to it. its been a while since i've been to a concert, not to mention english concert. hehehehe

Restless

Its been a while since i last blogged. Hve been piled with lotsa work n sleep deprived, as usual.

Glad its over.. at least for the time being. At the mean time, my lovely sis is back fr the Festival state, adelaide. aiks... how i miss that other home.. sigh. and, not to mention my triple Ms... Meeko/Maxie/Moomoo.. sob sob

Got 1/2 day off fr work, by my beloved shifu today, after all the hard work. unfortunately, my bio-clock is sorta messed up, and so i was awake before 8.30am.. n busy running some errands.

While i was running errands, had to drop by the kindie. Saw these few poor stray doggies at the park opposite the kindie. hm.. they're kinda having fun, playing around.. but, but.. but... after a while, they started mating... and another stray came outta no where... then another one... bro in law n jing said that they've been mating.. and fighting n often 'almost' get run over by cars..
I was heart broken, i really wanna do something about it, so i emailed Sabrina at FFF. n posted a discussion topic on FFF Facebook group. I really hope that i can get some feedback or guidance. I know i've been living poor. and still poor. but i am really willing to contribute in taking them away from the streets, without being euthanised! please.. help! i know most of the organizations might be still busy with the hell island rescue mission, i really hope the mission is still on going.. as i still feel ashamed of myself, not doing enuff for the poor souls. sigh. however i do hope that i can do something for these strays at the park.

i have rescued 4 dogs in total at our KL home sweet home now.. anymore.. doggies will start to fight for attention n real dog fight might happen. of course i can't take the risk of jeopardizing any of the doggies. be it mine or not. fingers crossed i can get some help on the weekends and before the law enforement ppl come to take (cruel) action on the doggies!!

Had this stupid incident wt the 'C' bank home loan guy. Classic, is the word i can think of, describing the way the 'C' bank employee work. Do they even understand what is 'private and confidential'? Some lady fr the bank called work, to verify my job. And one of the assistants answered, and 'C' bank lady started asking the standard questions.. the drama is, she actually, literally asked the assistant, how much i'm earning?! Can 'C' bank actually be more professional, in a way that when the assistant told her that she's fr marketing, not the HR or Finance, does 'C' bank employee actually understood the non-disclose information in each company?!

incident 2 was even worse, and due to sensitive issues, i shall not brag about it. just 'C' bank should really rectify the problems with their employees. SAD!

My mother. My beloved mom is a superwoman, highly respected. aw.. dreamland is calling.
will blog tmr or some other day bout my mom.

Yang's ride had an unfortunate accident today. I'm thankful that he's ok. Sadly that he has to go thru the aftermath pain of the accident. As he is such a perfectionist. hm.. really hope that i can do something to cheer him up. sigh.

time for dreamland.

Desperate Housewives Season 5 Finale

Yeah i know i'm heaps slow. I just finished Desperate Housewives Season 5 Finale. If you haven't watched it and u're planning to watch, dont read what i'm gonna write, cos its ultimate spoiler.

I'm so grateful to the producers n the people who've made the show. It's been some sort of painkillers and healer for me throughout the last 5 years. At least it cheered me up.. always makes me feel that i'm (still) just another woman that has all the crazy insane thoughts and emotions who sometimes drive people around me crazy.. and of course.. drive myself crazy somehow.Don't you just hate it when they don't reveal who the bride is at the end of the show?! I so hope its Susan. And then i become an ultimate freak again, trying to google it and went on all the spoilers and desperate housewives forums.. lol.I love susan and mike together. They're the best together. Gaby n Carlos are funny.. hm.. i think my personality is a cross between all 5 of them. Lynette-Gabrille-Susan-Bree-Edie. Sadly, i've always thought of Katherine as an 'outsider' and not part of them. Cos i dont like her being wt mike. Gaby is my fav cos she's rebelious & extreme. I like susan cos she is so clumsy n stupid somehow.. hehe.. abit of resemblance there. lol.. and Lynette cos she's a fighter, she is always so strong and i love her alot cos she has my ideal kids combination arrangement lol.. 3 sons (2 of 'em are twins) and the youngest is the daughter. I've always dreamed of having 3 sons then the daughter being the youngest. So when i first saw the show 5 years ago, i was like.. the producers copied me! hahaha. And that was one of the reasons that got me hooked on the show. And edie. She's a Wh*** in the show. but to ensure that she gets what she gets, she'll do anything in the world to make sure she gets it. I cried when edie died. I really liked her cos she's so funny. All the cat fights she had wt all the other girls.. and she has such a dramatic life... aiks...Bree.. somehow she's my least favourite, cos she's a little toooooo extreeeemme and crazy. she is always sooo organised.. i do somehow said a little prayer of me being like her. hehe.. and she's the one i think bout the most when i try to de-clutter my tsunami room and house when i was back in adelaide. Katherine.. i dont really pay attention on her except for the case that she was involved long ago.. which i dont really remember.

After i finished the finale tonite, i had the rush to watch the whole series all over again. In fact, i love the show, cos its one of the eng series that bee n i actually follow together. and she having more of the chinese elements, dont really watch many of the eng series, and i had nobody to share the gossips n talks of the show wt. thank god wenhui watches it too hehehe.

sex n the city vs. desperate housewives. i love both of them. its different. it somehow got me thinking, when i'm older, i'll be like aunt mable. the story: when we go out coffee or hang out wt aunt mable, s'times outta nowhere she will tell us that she needs to rush home or she'll call her lovely husband, bill or damien her nephew, our friend.. to tape the show for her.. as the tv shows the 'bold and beautiful' every weekday afternoon. Then she'll start telling us thats the show she used to watch when she was younger... hm... that probably gonna be me in like 10-20 years time... asking my kid to tape 'desperate housewives' or sex n the city.. hm.. NO, cos i have the dvds.. and tape recorders will not even exist anymore.

I'm happy the show has taken away my monday blues.. or can i actually call it 'weekend blues'. I love n hate weekends. Love it cos i finally get to rest. hate it cos its too short.. and weekends are boring for me here cos i dont get to do what i love to do. oh well.

Ok.. according to wikipedia, there will be Desperate Housewives season 6. And this is what i just found, and i'm thrilled. hehehe

ABC confirmed a sixth season on 24th April 2009. The first episode of the season will air Sunday, September 27th at 9pm. ABC released the season's general synopses at their 2009-2010 television season press conference on May 19:

"Susan (Teri Hatcher) and Mike (James Denton) are brought together by their worst fears; Lynette's (Felicity Huffman) unexpected pregnancy tests her family; as Bree's (Marcia Cross) marriage dissolves, she finds herself in the arms of another man; Gabrielle (Eva Longoria Parker) is in for a surprise when she and Carlos (Ricardo Antonio Chavira) welcome their niece, Ana (Maiara Walsh), into their home; and Katherine (Dana Delany) struggles over the thought of losing Mike"....

I hope they wont change what i just read and posted here.. cos i sooo love Susan and Mike being together!! Oh, did i mention earlier, Lynette is pregnant wt twins.. again! I dont like Ana even she's pretty.. but she gives me the creep. just like lynette's step daughter from the last season.

Ok.. i miss wisteria lane.. already.. not that i've been there.. u know.. haha..

darker & darker.. save me from myself...

Thank God, its Friday... thank God its Saturday... and Sunday now.. really.

Woke up being very depressed today, for no reason. I'm just really tired.. real tired. I just wanna do what i like to do, on the weekend.. taking the dogs up into the hills or waterfalls...shopping... wander around the mall..looking at all my fav stuff... oops.. i'm in KL. wat is it wt me that i'm taking so long to settle n to be happy for once on the weekends. Shopping spree usually takes away my unhappiness.. or tiding up.. unfortunately.. i can't afford to shop here... and i absolutely have no motivation to tidy up my room in KL. Don't ask me why....

Went korean bbq wt sib. it was good to hang out wt sib, at least got me outta the couch. n drop by at roshan's for a short while wt sib. And then had a stupid argument wt sayang. i know its my fault for disturbing him on purpose. and now.. here i am mourning about it again. Then i started crying.. not becos of the argument.. just crying n crying.. over nothing.

On the way home, i had those crazy scary thoughts again.. what if i just suddenly vanish.. n buy myself a ticket tonite n leave for adelaide tmr.. oh, they dont fly on sunday.. aw..

Then some stupid cars were racing n almost hit on my car... then i started thinking.. what if they crash into me n i just die. isnt it easier? tats the most selfish one could ever be.. and then mom n dad would be sad... then doggies have no one to love n care anymore.... then i started scolding myself for even having that insane thought crossing my mind. too many ppl out there fighting for their lives.

Furry Friends Farm trip has been postponed again. I needed help cos I just din want to get lost again. I hate being lost... i get very worried n scared, not knowing where i am.. Then i started thinking, if i could find my way all the way to RSPCA in South Australia.. I can do the same for FFF. I've looked up the map on google.. i dont even know which freeway is which.. nvm i'll ask peng when i c him during the week. s'times, i really hate myself for having so much sympathy for the doggies esp when the Pulau selat kering incident don't seem to bother almost everyone around me.. then i thought.. y can't i be like them? then i wont be as unhappy or heartbroken, tearing over every dog's photo posted on TV Smith's blog. God has given me the love for dogs as a gift. I should treasure it and seriously do something about it.

I know i'm already in the pms days.. i wish i dont have to go thru it again. when i come to think of it.. i cry almost everytime during pms. it is getting more n more significant especially after 1 whole week of stress from work..

sib asked me whether i'm ready to move forward to our next stage of life.. i actually said i'm. Does this happen to many girls? after we get so exhausted n frustrated from work.. we'll just start thinking of the 'm' word, then i realised that i'm not ready to move forward. its too complicated. then i fall into the phobia i've always had again. then i started to step back.. and then falling deeper into the darker side of me. what i hate about relationship? i hate the fact that everything is so sweet n perfect at the beginning of it.. then it will just gradually die off... and it takes me a very long time to adjust on the changes of the person and the situation and the emotions.. then i become haywire. i guess i dont hate the relationship.. i just hate myself....hating my ownself being so pathetic all the time, hate myself for not being able to be happy being in KL... being in my job.. hating myself not staying home n got mom worried.... hating myself being pissed off at bro in law for urgin me home cos my poor dog was chained.. cos i usually wait up for him n sis when they're out.. but they can't do the same for me... so i hate myself for being calculative.. hate myself for not spending enuff time wt baileys.. hate myself for being in KL, not spending time wt my beloved meeko.. then i start crying, cos i miss her soooo soo much. hating myself for worrying that i dont get to see her again.. hate myself for making myself losing my dignity.. hate myself for making sayang angry.. i just don't like being me... ppl around me always think that i'm a confident person.. but i'm not. at. all. hate myself for loving to torture my emotions.. hate myself for being a different person being in KL.. hate myself for being anti-social and not having many friends here.. hate myself for being a cry baby.. hate myself always feeling sorry for myself... please, save me from myself.

"Save me from myself" by Christina Aguilera

It's not so easy loving me

It gets so complicated

All the things you gotta be

Everything's changing

But you're the truth

I'm amazed by all your patience

Everything I put you through

when I'm about to fall

Somehow you're always waiting

with Your open arms to catch me

You're gonna save me from myself

From myself, yes

You're gonna save me from myself

My love is tainted by your touch

Well some guys have shown me aces

But you've got that royal flush

I know it's crazy everyday

Well tomorrow may be shaky

But you never turn away

Don't ask me why I'm crying

'Cause when I start to crumble

You know how to keep me smiling

You always save me from myself

From myself, myself

You're gonna save me from myself

I know it's hard, it's hard

But you've broken all my walls

You've been my strength, so strong

And don't ask me why I love you

It's obvious your tenderness

Is what I need to make me

A better woman to myself

To myself, myself

You're gonna save me from myself

ICU - intensive care unit

If I were a boy even just for a day

I'd roll out of bed in the morning

and throw on what I wanted and go

Drink beer with the guys and chase after girls

I'd kick it with who I wanted and

I'd never get confronted for it

cause they stick up for me

If I were a boy

I think I could understand

How it feels to love a girl

I swear I'd be a better man

I'd listen to her

Cause I know how it hurts

When you lose the one you wanted

Cause he's taking you for granted

And everything you had got destroyed

If I were a boyI would turn off my phone

Tell everyone it's broken

so they'd think that I was sleeping alone

I’d put myself first

and make the rules as I go

Cause I know that she’ll be faithful

waiting for me to come home, to come home

If I were a boyI think I could understand

How it feels to love a girl

I swear I'd be a better man

I'd listen to her
Cause I know how it hurts

When you lose the one you wanted

Cause he's taking you for granted

And everything you had got destroyed

It's a little too late for you to come back

Say it's just a mistake

think i'd forgive you like that

If you thought I would wait for you

you thought wrong

But you're just a boy

You don't understandand

you don't understand

How it feels to love a girl

Someday you wish you were a better man

You don't listen to her

You don't care how it hurts

Until you lose the one you wanted

Cause you're taking her for granted

And everything you had got destroyed

But you're just a boy

Emo - freak I am, strange I am

http://www.mycen.com.my/rescue/updates.html

Kuning is back at the fishfarm! I feel ashamed of myself not being at the island with the small group of volunteers, struggling to help the doggies. Everyday before i go to sleep, i blame myself for not doing anything. i felt stupid, not knowing how to dive.. i wish i were more brave.. with more guts... then another voice in my head, says to me 'instead of lamenting, y dont u do s'thing about it?!' then.. my mind just stops there.... having no decision.. no further 'discussion' between the voices.. after a while, i'll just comfort myself.. i'll donate when my pay comes... which is NOT good enuff. its amazing, the love in people for dogs is so limited here... when i was reading one of the female dog rescuer's blog, (my apology that i dont remember which heroine..) about her meeting this lady at pulau ketam, telling the that ''i heard that the dogs are eating each other on the island-pulau selat kering''.. i felt how the author was feeling.. it is just so pathetic how cold-blooded our own kind is. And then i finally read in the paper, that the media is reporting the very tough mission all FFF volunteers are going through. From TV Smith's blog, it is shocked to learn the truth that they're getting back-stabbed. blame me.. for not knowing the local society well enuff... it really got me scratching my head... who are the people that wanna back stab all the dog rescuers? i'm not being naive or living in my perfect world.. ('perfect world': sayang's words.. =p) i seriously want to know. anyone?

The inconvenient truth.. there're always bad apples? it somehow got me into thinking.. which i always have been thinking.. 'Why are there bad people?", "who am i to judge?"... then it made me realise that i've been very far far away from God's teaching.. I have not read the bible for 2 years. My mind is everywhere... i just cannot accept the evil side of human... especially when i know that its happening in my country... and surprisingly, the government just decided to be 'out of sight, out of mind'. I'm very sad. and lost. where is our values?

I've always have this emo moments now n then. when i can't handle all the bad things which are happening all around the world... all the disasters .... all the sickening incidents....

i know.. i need guidance.

i'm trying my best not to think. but just recall and sink into the nice and sweet weekend that i just had wt sayang.

missing mommy n daddy. Hope they're enjoying themselves on their vacation.

i'm so slack. i promised jing that i'll glue down the jigsaw puzzle that i've completed, MONTHS ago... and i did nothing.. i'll do it tmr..

Missing bee. she's comin bk soon, in 3 weeks time. its just somehow different, spending time wt bee in KL. i felt kinda weird when she came bk last august for jing's wedding. y weird? cos we're not in adelaide. we're in the land that we used to call home, but just not familiar with all the places and people, except for our family n the house we stay in. I guess its becos mom used to be very strict to us when we were at school, we dont get to go to many places, just school - home. mom n dad being very protective, we seldom go to places, even with friends. and we were being sent to aus once we finished school... i'm back in town for more than 2 years now... and yet i dont feel settled. friends told me cos my heart refuses to. i guess so.

work. i'm in the dilemma again. s'times i love my job. s'times i hate it. then i started blaming myself for actually listened to what my friends have to say. they told me, my family does not need me to take the burden. i do not need my current job.. lol. the words were nice to hear. its maybe becos, we have a few similar family background galfrends who do not earn a living. its not something bad at all. if i put it in a different way. some might look down on them, for not working, some might think they're just lucky, precious girls.

i am done bragging... my mind is all over the place tonight. weirdo. freak i am.

Secret Garden

Missing all the songs by Secret Garden. Miss going into Dusk, my fav candle shop.. they're always playing all the soothing harmonies by Secret Garden... my fav album is the 'earthsongs' album. cant believe i left it behind in ADL for another year, got bee to bring it bk for me, not sure whether she remembers. Remember the last year at the music school, i always 'needed' to listen to this CD at the music tech lab. esp the endless nights rushing the unfamiliar music tech assignments wt marie, shaun, josh etc.. wonder how they're doin now. And i've edited the oriental bkground 'lotus' from the CD wt my fav music software, protools.. for the final assignment. i somehow havin the dilemma of missing the music world.. is it a hint telling me its time to return?? My brain is exhausted, my eyes are tired.. n yet i just cant get to sleep. its 5am.. maybe played too hard wt the doggies tonite.. too much exercise all of a sudden for a super unfit me. or.. the flu medication? am so restless..i've always have insomnia.... the night feels sooo long..

Sayang's birthday. Happy Bday.

Beautiful Harpsichord for sale

Just found this beautiful harpsichord from Carey Beebe's website. It's been a while since the last time bee and i visited his place in NSW.

This is an extremely beautiful harpsichord. Sassmann German Double 1995 / Zell 172861:
FF-f''': red and gold, wooden jacks, excellent condition $32000.

No doubt its beautiful, its a German style, Double Manual and wooden jacks (not plastic jacks!!) lolz.

Richard, the harpsichord maker has offered to build me a harpsichord, customize for $18,000 to $20,000 back then. It takes 2 years to make. Then i realised that i have cut off all the contacts with my teacher, Kate, Richard, Lesley - my other harpsichord teacher, Glenys - the harpsichord tutor from uni etc. etc. since i left the music conservatorium.. sigh. I was running away from the crucial world that have let me down or in other words, i let myself down.

I've always dreamed of owning a harpsichord. What stopped me is my inadequate skills in tuning and strings replacing, which are the essential for a harpsichordist. Shame on me, i know.

And i've been waiting for the day that i will be playing harpsichord again. One day. The voice in my head says to me 'just go ahead and do it....' maybe, one day.

For now, i should just live on the dream by browsing through more harpsichords for sale on Carey Beebe's site.

Everybody Has to Live

All photos are courtesy of TV Smith, from http://www.mycen.com.my/rescue/updates.html

Everyday, i wait for the updates from TV Smith's blog, hoping and praying for another dog to be saved from the Pulau Ketam expelled dogs. The progression is slow, as there's only this much the highly respected volunteers/Sabrina and TV Smith could do. And i felt so ashamed of myself seeing all those brave girls really doing their part to do so. All i did was donated a small amount of money.. actually, it's considered quite a bit with my wages that i get. Sayang said, 'U have a job...' true as well. If i tell my boss, i wanna take leave to help rescue the dogs from Pulau Ketam, i guess he'll just be so shocked n probably do the same like one of the volunteers' employer. In which TV Smith has mentioned that somehow its grateful that she found out the boss doesnt have the same direction and thinking as us dog lovers.. I can't really say my boss is not a dog lover as he recently has come up the idea, which is my dream bizness all this while.. some bizness that's related to dogs. My workmates kinda stop asking me to lunch as they know i either will skip lunch or bring my lunchbox cos most of em know that i've spent most of my wages on the donation. isk isk. They laughed and paid me out, but did not offer or ask to donate, so I just left it as I do understand thoroughly that, the love for dogs cannot be pushed or forced.

Anywayz, my heart is broken, watching the video by Donald 'Amazing Grace', which is the dog, Grace that was rescued last week. The vet pulled out a bowl of maggots from her wound. Grace is the brave one that swam towards the rescuers. They're now in safe hands now. Here are the photos:I tear, everytime i look at the photos and videos of all the dogs. The 'Sad eyes' dog, broke my heart. Not to mention the beautiful words by TV Smith. 'Sad Eyes' still not named, this is what TVSmith wrote:
Monday, 18/05/09: SAD EYES I went to the vet in Port Klang just now to check on some of the new arrivals from Hell Island. This one in particular (still nameless) was so terrified that she dare not make contact withhuman eyes. Her own eyes were wide open and she kept looking away, quivering in fear. I cried seeing her eyes. I am crying again looking at her picture now.

Its somehow ironic, these poor dogs are 'rubbish' and was abandoned by the residents of Pulau Ketam, but are treasured by these people with hearts of gold. The video that just posted on the TVSmith's blog, filmed by one of the very brave women, Pummkin and edited by TV Smith, the rescued pooches are playing happily at Furry Friends Farm. I always tell all my friends in Adelaide that Sabrina is like the mother Theresa for all the doggies in Malaysia. There is this picture, by SPCA i think, i did not wanna post it. Its too saddening.. too cruel that torn my heart apart that this poor dog is eating the bones of another dog which has been starved to dead. Sigh.. look wat those stupid people have done that has turned the omnivore cannies to carnivores.. isn't that considered twisting God's will.... argh.. the photo has been bothering me and it still does.

Bee brought my triple Ms to million paws walk last Sunday. Words cannot describe how much i wanted to be there with them. I have missed out for 3 years now. Its my baby meeko's favourite event. Meeko was the champion for the 'tail wagging contest' the first time we went there at the Morphettville racing course, which was a big hamper basket with lotsa dog food/toys/knitted blanket etc etc. The 1st time where the walk was held at Elder Park, which was the one i went the last time (sigh.. ), Meeko and I participated in the musical chair contest, and we were the 2nd runner up. Another big hamper, not so bad huh.

Anywayz.. mom has talked to me about my career tonight. I know I already have a decision deep in my heart. I just need courage and lotsa encouragement & support to take the initiative as I have done it in the past.. I somehow dunno how to do it again, its like disrespectful for people that have looked so highly and have so much hope in me. Its a very big decision.. thus somehow i want more freedom in life, i wanna take away mom's burden... lets just see what will happen.

I wanted to pay a visit to Furry Friends Farm since long ago... I wanna bring bags of rice and donate to them. I wanna go to Port Klang or wherever it is, to join the rescue team. I can do it.

I have actually planned to go to Port Klang this Sunday myself. But mom's asked me to pay respect at big Uncle's grave this Sunday as its the death anniversary or death day. Maybe I'll urge mom to go early in the morning then I can go help out at Port Klang.. or s'thing.. I dare not ask Sayang cos he'll not only not do it with me but will stop me from doing it too. =P (If u're reading, *hint hint* lolz). It'll be the best birthday present that i ever given to myself. hehe.

Went to MPH while waiting for the team to touch up at the roadshow in Midvalley. The Twilight novel set by Stephanie Meyer is sooo tempting. I feel betrayed to Harry Potter as I am still half way in finishing it, then i have another book to go. Don't ask me why I have stopped reading the book 6 & 7 of Harry Potter... becos somebody i cant remember who, told me a tragic ending in book 6 which has stopped me from reading all this while cos i'm running away from reading it.. then i finally realised i was very stupid doing that lolz and being such a wuss. I'll buy it next 2 months i guess, after i finish my harry potter or when i have more cash.

Watched the movie 'Dejavu' by Dentzel Washington tonight. Quite like it.. but its a little like Minority Report.

Skeletons in the island

I have heard and read of the news last month in the papers and through a fren, shereena. I was frightened/shocked and ashamed of our own beings doing such thing to our best friends. In fact, I chose to ignore it as I was too saddened and thought there was nothing much I could do about it until my lovely cousin, EeTan posted the link that, my superidol who I really respect, Sabrina Yeap, the owner of the Furryfriends Farm has started the mission to rescue the exiled dogs. I guess, the weaker part of me and being a typical bimbo urbanista, was just waiting for someone to take the lead.

Initially, I thought there would just be some protests and complaints from SPCA etc. I totally was impressed and felt the adrenaline rush when I read that Sabrina and TV Smith are already on the mission. All I can do is to persuade people around me to join me on this by donating money to the mission. Sabrina's courage and love for dogs really amaze me, & highly respected, big time. She is like the Mother Teresa for doggies. I somehow feel very ashamed of myself when I potrait myself as the number one dog lover, I don't even have guts like Sabrina to do something for the canines. Sigh..

People always asks me, tells me that there are more people as in HUMAN out there that need our sympathy, y dogs? For us human, apart from the refugees/Africans/war survivors, we, being the high intelligence breed has better ability to survive and of course to look after our beloved ones when they get old.

Every now and then, I'll have this thought, we as human are intruders who have damaged the habitat of all the animals on earth. However, I got myself very contradicted, if we had not been the intruders, we'll be suffering. Sigh. Why can't we just live together in peace with the doggies?

The ultimate solution is to educate the public, raise the awareness and conscience in our people, in our next generation. We ain't no barbarians. We need to do something. Don't you just hate it, when cynical people will just say as such to me:"You don't have the family burden, you're from quite wealthy family, of course u can do all these charities, not even for people, you're doing it for the stray dogs which have caused so many problems....." I'm so done and fedup listening to all these, just becos the person has no sense of sympathy at all for dogs, so i shall just respect the person's choice and let it be but stand still on my belief. isk isk.. however, do people actually realized that there're strays everywhere is due to the fact of irresponsible people?! cry cry cry..

All we have to do is skip 1 shopping day out, buy 1 less piece of clothes, toys... dvds... u name it.. or skip an expensive meal... we'll get our money eventually on the next payday but the doggies don't have a 2nd chance. Please, everyone. Their lives have been given by God but taken away by humans.

To donate or help, e-mail TV Smith at tvsmith@mycen.com.my or Sabrina Yeap at yeapwen@yahoo.com

I'm so glad Tuan from Adelaide, my good good buddy has asked me about this and asked me to enquire about overseas donation. Its not a big sum, just $20, but Way to go Tuan!! When he and Jessie are struggling with money after their wedding last December. Thank you so much!!

http://www.mycen.com.my/sightings/sightings030509_pulau_ketam_dogs.html

Fairytale

'Not every girl has a prince to grant their wishes'

This is so true hey. Went to Disney's princess on Ice with hwee this afternoon. I happily enjoyed it. Disney.. i literally grew up with all the princess's shows. I can sing all the songs back to front.. lolz. Its not the first time i've been to Disney on ice. It captivate my emotions every single time, with the beautiful singing, lavish costumes, stunning scenery and spectacular skating.

There were Belle, Aurora, Snow White and the 7 dwarfs, Cinderella, Mulan, Jasmine, Ariel and all their prince charmings.

Its always been my wish to enjoy the performance with my love one. Sadly, this will never happen. Its quite disappointing. I know i'll live. BUT... no buts. Don't even think about it again, for the rest of my life.

I think Hwee didnt really enjoy it, as she told me she's never watched any of them. Hehe, so i assume that she brought me for me to enjoy it. lolz.. nah.. i think she wants to experience and see it herself too. Wish bee were here. Then we can sing along those songs together. hehehe. and merchandise. not any merchandise.. its Disney's merchandises. oh.. Disney's princess merchandise. hahaha. ppl that know me know that i have a disney's princess pencill case, disney princess drinking cup with straw lolz, beauty and the beast mug.. etc etc.. .. disney's princess figurine stamp set... haha. i bought 3 Ariel cups today (upload the photos tmr).. 2 with ice lollys that hwee n i had on the spot.. (duh.. its ice.. ha) 1's for bee, 1's for flora.. and 1's for, of course myself. what else did i buy.. a belle necklace, which will be a matching to my belle/beauty n the beast bracelet...and i bought an ariel figurine, not to mention the program that came with the rose from beauty n the beast. wow.. looking back on it, its kinda 'mo-liu' right.

i'm here at sunway pyramid hotel, insomnia.. due to the heavy intake of caffeine from my 3 cups of teas.. and mom's sweet ginseng soup.

the house feels so empty without dad, jing n alfred. and mom'll be leavin next week for adelaide.

i better sleep. my Asience's baby will be born in 2 days, i'm somehow very excited and lookin forward to it, F.I.N.A.L.L.Y. after i sent out most of the stuff before i got here, i felt a big gush of relief..

Sing myself to sleep, the theme song from Cinderella:

A dream is a wish your heart makes
When you're fast asleep
In dreams you will lose your heartaches
Whatever you wish for you keep
Have faith in your dreams and someday
Your rainbow will come smiling thru
No matter how your heart is grieving
If you keep on believing
The dream that you make will come true

Restless

Monday blues symptons?

Had a long groceries replenish shopping trip wt mom today. Its really sweet. Love spending quality time with Mom. Felt bad, we missed the dinner with grandma and grandma had to have dinner on her own.

Initially, i got quite motivated to went on the house inspection visit with mom. I kinda love the concept of the house thus the rooms are surprisingly small!In short, i think its a no go.

Am very tired of my job. It somehow got me thinking, would i have survived a 9am-5pm job though? I guess i just wanted a fully 'FREE" weekend that i need not to worry bout never ending work, rushing proposals for the clients...

I just want to chill.. weekend didnt feel like weekend. Sent Alfred, my lovely brother in law to KLIA with mom on Saturday.. Jing and Dad left last Sat. How i wish i were on the way back to Adelaide too.. sob sob. And mom will be leaving end of this month.. happy reunion in Adelaide. sob sob.

Don't look forward to this coming week... till next Wednesday.. it'll be busy busy for the next 10 days. CRY!

Read the update from FFF, Furry Friends Farm. Poor Jerry was brutally abused. I'm glad there's FFF out there that has the sense of conscience. I've always wanted to own something like FFF and rescue all the stray dogs in the world.. or maybe still has the little hope and prayer to find my Geno. Oh well. Please kindly click on the FFF link, participate in their activities and donate cash/supplies. It only takes one click.

And my 'ambition' of turning vegetarian. I should cut down on meat consumption.. seriously.

I woke up at almost 2pm today.. needed the sleep after rushing and completing the proposal on Sat night/Sun morning... went to sleep at 12.30am... woke up at 4.30am.. here I am.. think its the durians.. lolz. and here I am, watching the last episode of CSI Season 7.

SLEEP!

miss independant

Its 2009. Yeah it is, which it means that i'm turning 28 this year. Its kinda scary.. scary in the way that I have not achieved a big career like how i have wished for when i was a little girl. I always remember being a little too over the top of wanting myself to be a successful lady that makes a great income of 10k/month.. that was what i told myself when i was young.. 'quesera, sera, whatever will be will be, the future's not ours to c....' that sweet song that we used to sing...

sigh. evidently i'm bit miserable lately. esp ever since i got bck from Adelaide last Sunday. it was a sweet and short stay. yes, i miss it soo badly. i was ok and happy to see my sayang.. that few hours. it alarmed today that, i only see him few hours/week... s'times per fortnight.. then it got me into thinking... is it enough for our relationship. guess not, or we wouldnt have had so many miscommunications.

work is overloaded. i guess i'm on the edge. i teared when i was driving home tonight from work. yes, i needed some TLC. but sayang had his blocked nose and couldnt talk to me on the phone. i guess i went thru my emotions roller coaster and stubborn tears. and as a matter of fact, the job that i nominated myself to hwee, is not easy. not easy in the sense of there are too many unknown status, and it drives me nuts whenever i work on a job that i dont have the details.

the only thing that keeps me sane is the pampering time with my doggies. izzie has grown so much. she's still one of the cutest things on earth. baileys is amazingly smart. i was impressed that she remembers all the tricks that i have taught her. just training her to be more 'polite' and 'discipline', so she gets more attention from others.

what do i miss about Adelaide when its such a boring town? the little house that bee and i share. the good times with my triple Ms. living on our owns, like grown ups. i do feel blessed and lucky when mom cooks dinner for me here in KL. its the sweetness and the warmth alwayz. living in adelaide means that i dont get this luxury. funniest thing is, i still enjoy doing everything myself in adelaide. maybe it is the fact that we set up the home ourselves, know where everything is stored. sigh.. i was jumping around and talkin non stop to bee even it was a 45 degrees heat wave day. strolling on those familiar streets... seeing all the familiar faces.. adelaide is only this big.

and, i miss bee. badly. after i moved bk, it made me realised that she's my best friend afterall. it was quite sad that our relationship was quite bad and that was one of the reasons i came back to KL. i was saddened. but, we've grown thru the months.. and stepping into the 3rd year i'm back in KL. she's my best shopping mate. she's the one that's put up with my craziness and craps. she's my lovely baby sister. its her bday today, how i wish i were there to celebrate wt her.

when i was back in adelaide... i felt soo much like myself. i was doing all my favourite things.. went to places that i love... not all though of course, due to my short stay. having all my fav food.. and speaking like myself. everytime i speak malaysian english, i feel like a lost soul, as i struggle to deliberately put on the malaysian accent so that people will understand me better and not call me 'arrogant or showie'. when i was able to speak like how i used to, it just flowed and i just spoke non stop. paulo and dave were paying me out after i told them that i speak 'malaysian' these days.

its ironic when regina is depressed since she went back to adelaide from KK. i do somehow wish i feel the same like reg.. someone once told me that its because i'm not willing to adapt to KL, thats why i torture myself with my so called 'nostalgia' emotions.

when sayang said to me.. 'went there a few years then think i'm aussie....', maybe he didnt say it intentionally.. but it broke my heart. i thought he would understand. maybe he will, one day.

i was very happy being able to catch up with the boys on paulo's birthday. they weren't my closest friends but they were the ones that have looked out for me when we worked together. i guess the non perfect part was there were some complications and misunderstanding between the boys during my stay there. but it is sweet everytime when they call me the 'sister', and what's touching is that dave told me that all these years, they protect me like their 'little sister' and they can never see me dating as they think i should only date a 100% perfect man. hehe, maybe it was drunk talk, but it was sweet, real sweet. and the funniest part is that, they keep forgetting that i'm actually their 'big sister'. lolz, as i'm so much older than them. even it was just 1 night, i treasure the time i spent with them.

they were surprised when i told them that i've turned into a anti-social workaholic freak back here in KL. what is wrong with me really?! sigh. i guess i have attempted to fall in love with KL but i failed, so i bury myself with work and nothing else.

remember when i decided to move bk here, i was struggling in my career part that i was giving up my music career, wanted to do something else, felt guilty if i told mom n dad to support me to do another course... i was happily working at ICE as a retail sales but felt it was a brainless, non productive job.. things wasnt going easy with bee and... not to mention.. and i thought i could give up everything there and come bk here to start a new life. little did i know.. it's been eating me since day one. but the most important reasons that i've convinced myself was that, i wanted to spend time with grandma, mom n dad and my late doggies. and that thought made me proud and i made the decision so quickly, i moved back after about 1 month. have i felt regretful since then? a little, not heaps, as it has changed me so much. i feel lucky to still be able to spend time with family and spent the last minute of my doggies' lives with them.. these means tooo much to me somehow. and being able to meet 'him' is what i'm grateful about, minus those arguing and crying times.. lolz.

and now, the thought of going back to adelaide is so strong. what am i gonna do there?

i've been wanting to be a vet, sadly, i'm not smart enough. always wanted to do the animal care/vet nurse course... checked on tafe sa website and the other institution, costs less than aud2k to do the course. or, bee and i have been talking about setting up a small bizness. i feel guilty. guilty to leave mom n dad n grandma again. i've given myself another year or two and back in adelaide by year 2011.. even i do somehow wish that i'll wake up in my adelaide bed the next day.

hope i can overcome this roller coaster soon. its killing me everyday and its not healthy. at the mean time, i'll work hard and save more money and give all my money to mom.

good night lingy.