Romeo loved Juliet.

i read my friend's entries and they tell how they are upset with boys and parents and life.
i feel so bad for them, i want them to be happy.
these are my friends.
i want to put a smile on their face.
i want them to see the bright side.
i want them to know they aren't alone.
and that a lot of this school drama is all in their heads.
because it's in mine.

i feel like people are constantly talking about me.
but i'm so sick of putting on a facade, i just want to be me.
i want to say what i want, look how i want to, and do what i please.
therefore...

i think i am gorgeous.
i think flutes are the most important instrument on the planet.
i think my boyfriend is the best ever.
i think i am an amazing actor, dancer, twirler, and coach.
i don't think you have to be tan to be pretty.
nor do you have to have 3% body fat and weigh 85 pounds.
i think every girl has the right to be bitchy at least once a month. =)
i think every girl should be told they are beautiful, gorgeous, or pretty, not hott or sexy.
i like having my own style, don't copy me.
i am graduating and i can't wait to leave this shitty town.
i am Courtney Ann Silver and i am not who you want me to be or what you expect.
♥

i love...
john lazaro gonzalez.
oh, and enrique.
my other amazing friends.
how i'm older, but they all treat me like the baby.
my kittens.
sunshine.
big sunglasses.
getting caught in the rain.
adventure island.
busch gardens.
disney world.
my car.
driving.
playing my piccolo.
marching band.
drum major.
bus rides.
trying to be gangster.
dancing.
gymnastics.
acting.
taking pictures.
being me.



i hate...
p30pL3 wHo TyP3 lYk3 dIs.
weird tan lines.
driving 30 minutes to see my boyfriend.
crying.
food.
sunburns.
having my picture taken.
getting lost.
watching friends graduate.
not having enough money.
weird text messages.
bugs.
bug bites.
crappy digital cameras.
when myspace doesn't work.
doing chores.
saying goodbye.

how people who claim to be my good friends completely diss me.
i'm so over trying to be everyone's friend.
it's a two way effort people.

i've been gone for a while.

a bunch of stupid stuff going on with allen.
but i'm not going to let it bother me.
because no matter what he does, i'm to blame.
therefore, i give up.

i went to south carolina.
i got a semi-tan.
it's pretty exciting.
i must say.

my life is too hectic.
i wish there were more hours in a day.
i'm so angry there aren't.

i have to go to work.
i like it there.
it's fun.
but if i don't go to rehearsal, i can't play flute for Cinderella.
i love playing flute.
i love Cinderella.
asking my boss for time off when two coaches are gone is ludicrous.
but i must do it.
i love flute.


oh, and don't even get me started on my virtual class...

so, apparently i got accepted into the virtual school to take english.
but i didn't get accepted til the 20th.
[which by the way is two weeks after everyone else.]
and i didn't see the email until today.
so now i have two weeks of catching up to do.
in about a week.
i need help.
i probably won't be around for a while guys...



and anyone who wants to help who has taken/is taking any online class please call me!

what would they be?



i know what mine would be.
1)be amazing at anything i attempt
2)be gorgeous
3)world peace. lol.

that at this time next year i will be in europe.
with a friend or two.
and we will stay in a luxurious hotel in each country we visit.
[italy, greece, france]
and we will spend a week in each country.
and it will be amazing.

even though i have to be up early.


i have a lot on my mind.
and i can't sleep.


sometimes life is difficult.

i want him to want to date me.
not want to hang out.
i want him to see me the way i see him.




why do i pick the guys who will only hurt me?

Now, coming from a class of ’07 senior, and not a ‘09 sophomore, I’m here to tell the truth.
Freshman: you don’t suck. We just don’t care. Yeah, you aren’t the shit anymore, but you’ll get over it when you get lost on your first day.
No, you won’t get beat up. Because no one cares enough.
To all sophomores: you DO suck. To think that anyone, especially someone with one year of high school experience, can say shit is ridiculous. You are definitely not the shit, even though you aren’t freshman, because 4 weeks ago, you were still freshman. Sure, you made it through the “hell” year. But was it really hell? I didn’t think so.


So anyone, including fellow seniors, who want to talk shit about the freshman should really look in the mirror at themselves.

Seriously, you are not the shit.
I am not the shit.
No one is the shit.
Get over it!

i need to know if anyone knows any respectable tattoo parlors.
i know i have a while until next summer, but i'd rather find out now.



when 18 rolls around, i'll have a tattoo and a couple more piercings.

that i am a strange person.


i don't do what everyone else does.
[i love playing flute, acting, dancing, twirling]
i don't eat what everyone else eats.
[i love vegetables, mostly broccoli and hate burgers, fries, and soda]
i don't wear what others wear.
[i'm always in t-shirts and athletic shorts, or pj's]
i don't hold my feelings in like others do.
[i will cry, scream, and laugh in front of you]
i don't take for granted what i have.
[my friends, family, job, and everything material that i have]





and when i look in the mirror, i don't see what people tell me they see.
[please, help me see.]

my car has made me get up early.
this time i have something wrong with the fuses.
stupid car.






oh, and i miss him.
a lot.

band camp is over.
finally.
Tommy's still new, but he has time to get into eddie's and mine's habits.
i love the music.
and all the sections are doing amazing.
i love it.

i feel like i never really connected with the seniors last year.
some of them hated me.
some of them thought i wasn't cool enough.
some of them just didn't notice me.
but it feels weird without them.
even though they randomly show up.

instead of working tonight, i decided to work out.
lol.
i feel bad that i'm better than some of them and i've been out for 3 years.
but it was fun.
i'm pretty much going to work out on fridays from now on.




i miss him.

that like kaley, i use this stupid online journal to bitch and moan.
but unlike kaley, everything i say is monitored closely and anything with the hint of a rumor is spread around by other people blaming me for whatever happened.
too bad i just can't stop typing.
writing takes up too much time.
more than typing.
=)



i hate when i feel helpless.
AAA had to come change my tire.
but that's not the sad part.
the sad part is that my car is sitting in the driveway.
the other sad part is that i'm up at 8:48 AM.
damn tire.

what if...
• I was six feet tall?
• My name was Adrienne?
• I had an incurable disease?
• I was a tomboy and wore no makeup?
• I didn’t care what they thought of me?
• Lived in New Hampshire?
• Was a drama nerd instead of a band nerd?
• Had no ambitions?
• I could sing?
• I was a boy?




all those what if's...
i wonder...

to say thank you to my best friend
and other good friend.

thanks for being there to support me through this rough night.
you mean everything to me.



except not.
because neither of you will talk to me.
and i don't know why.



maybe what he said was true.
maybe i should give up trying to have friends.
maybe i'm hopeless.
because obviously everything i've done hasn't meant anything.
i've been nothing but genuine.
but who cares about that?
obviously not you.

i don't understand what i did to make him think of me like that.
i've known him forever, and we have the same birthday.
i always try to be nice to him.
i have never said anything behind his back.
i hate how he congratulated me at banquet, then says this.
my God, just fucking say you hate me to my face loser.
then i could kill you right there.
give me a fucking break.

i know this was a while ago he said it...
but my God.
wtf.

sure...
it went up 100 points.
that's all fine and dandy.
but i'm 50 points short of bright futures.
and 80 points short of a front parking spot.
and 150 points short of the honors dorm at UF.


i feel so stupid.