Hey everyone, I'm new to the community and thought I'd post a short story to get started. I helped teach a creative writing course and the kids were struggling with thinking their ideas weren't good enough, so to teach them that ideas aren't inherantly bad, only how you write them, I had them come up with an idea they thought was terrible and said I'd write a story about it. 

I'm always looking for feedback, so feel free to comment. On this story I'd like to know if you get bored at any point and if certain parts of dialogue or action just doesn't flow for you. Plese keep those things in mind, but any comments of criticism, opinions, advice are absolutly welcome.

I split the story into two parts for post length so here are links to both.

The Gifted Part 1
The Gifted Part 2

little darling, i feel like the ice is slowly melting...

Hello, my name is Lydia. I'm hoping to get some major feedback on this story so if you see it other places that's why.
This is The Down Side Of Things (up until my most recent chapter):
( The Down Side Of ThingsCollapse )
And then here's the most recent chapter, Chapter Six:
( Chapter SixCollapse )

Monday morning can't come soon enough.
If only I could sleep in this Hell cocoon I've spun.
I tried to make a shell where I could slumber,
but it appears I've made this spider his web.

Hello spider, care to join us?
Maybe you can tell which of us is the most trapped.
You circle 'round and taunt us with your venom,
and each time I'm fooled into thinking you'll put me to rest.

Monday morning can't consume enough.
I only want to die in these arms of darkness.
If I should sleep before I die,
then spider, let me die before I wake.

I'm new to the group, but I've been writing for awhile. I just wanted to post the latest chapter in a novel that I'm working on. I realize that it might not make sense to some, but I wanted to post nonetheless. Here you go!

 

( Chapter NineCollapse )

 

Dear battleprincess,

I don't really know how to tell you this, but our affair is over. I think I realized it that night in women's clothing and when I saw you sit on the crazy monk. I'm sure you're ashamed enough to understand that we're cousins. I'm returning the couch cushions to you, but I'll keep your photo as a memory. You should also know that I never liked eggplant-fetishism.

Good luck on your short-term leave from jail.




a/n: This is hilarious!! I hope Arts will not kill me for writing this.

There's a direct flight with the birds
But you choose to take the winding river instead.
You didn't foresee the obstacles that come with the water route
You were surprised when you hit rocks
Your feet slipped. 
Caught off guard when the current turned against you. 

The air is far easier to navigate.
No obstacles but the wind
And the occasional fellow sky driver
You only risk crashing the landing.

Just wanted to say that with everything going on in my life right now that I probably won't be posting anything else on here for a while. I wanted to ask the members if anyone was interested in becoming a moderator so that the group doesn't just die completely. If anyone is interested, then let me know.

In reference to the Israeli/Palestinian conflict, especially referring to the walls built around Palestinian cities in the West Bank.


Haunted cold eyes glare from desperate faces
The constant injustice and spite has left traces
Of lead in their hearts; they're poisoned in places -
The wall doesn't keep hate outside.

Children trudge slowly to school between guns
Threats go unnoticed, scorn no longer stuns
They're too used to being the ostracized ones -
The wall doesn't keep hate outside.

Families wander; their homes have been seized
The endless gray fence divides "whole" from "diseased"
The circles grow smaller; they're never appeased -
The wall doesn't keep hate outside.

One state, or two states? No one can decide
Peace talks and treaties and hope is denied
There's millions of stories, seen just from one side -
The wall doesn't keep hate outside.

Condemned in their miserable longing for life
Supported and damned by those well-versed in strife
Dancing to tunes played by enmity's fife -
The wall doesn't keep hate outside.

I feel like screaming till the walls bleed

Nairobi, Kenya
Sex workers with HIV
That don’t get AIDS
Something to do with the blood
Their T-cells kill AIDS off
And maybe soon there
Will be a vaccine

I feel like screaming till the walls bleed

In the test tube
Peppermint extract
Will kills AIDS
But not in the body
There is no known cure
And at this time a vaccine
Is extremely unlikely

I feel like screaming till the walls bleed

Africa, America, Japan, Mexico,
England, Canada, South America,
India
Remember condoms are
Not a cure

I feel like screaming till the walls bleed

As drug companies
Abandon antibiotic research
For the development of
Drugs that sell
Instead of drugs that
Will save us

I feel like screaming till the walls bleed

Because America is so rich
And so very cheap
As people die in droves
Still hopeful for a cure
Not themselves but for
That child in Nairobi, Zimbabwe,
Mexico City, San Francisco, L.A., and China

I feel like screaming till the walls bleed

I am American
I am of mixed ethnicity
I am frustrated that
We are not doing all
That can be done

I want to scream till the walls bleed

As I survive
To see friends
Younger than me
Take pistols in mouth
Pull, crack, bang!
It’s the give up
It’s my anger

I want to scream till the walls bleed
And I have
And then some
As their blood drips
Off the wall and window seals
Onto hard wood floors

I feel like screaming till the walls bleed
I am so very tired
Of going to funeral
After funeral
Wearing the same
Black dress to each one
Comforting people I don’t know
“Tis a far better place they are”

I want to scream till the walls bleed
Because part of me
Doesn’t believe it
As we go to candle light vigils
For the dead
And give money for
Red bows that show
Our support for funding of
New AIDS research
And Education that
Will save so many

I want to scream till the walls bleed

Because still so much
Needs to be done
Even though we know
Were HIV comes from

Ireland, Scotland, Russia,
Australia, Germane, Tibet
Know that there are
Worse things to contract
AIDS is not the death sentence
That it use to be

I want to scream till the walls bleed

And the floors are tacky with my contempt
As my All Starts
Stick to the floor boards
In a world were
Hope sinks and
Shit floats

As we pump out
New pills for ADD,
Depression and erectile dysfunction

I want to scream!

But more so I want
To know why the rest
Of you aren’t screaming with me
Why will you risk your life?
Why will I risk mine?
And why was I spared

I want to scream till the walls bleed

Till there’s something more
Something expressed
In the faces of the
World’s youth
That more needs to be done
And will be done

O’ World, hear this
Scream and do not
Turn on me
Deaf ears and cold shoulders
But rise and
Hear your sister in distress
And take on the cry

I want to scream till the walls bleed

I want a cure
I want my friends to live
I don’t want to wear
That black dress any more
We need a cure
Not in ten years
And not in five
But right now

I want to scream till the walls bleed

Because no one is listening
And more will die
North America, Europe,
Asia, Antarctica, Earth

Rise with eyes open
And scream till the walls bleed.