morning y'all! This seems to be the only community it's running, but if any of you is lovely ladies know if any other communities people are posting to I would greatly appreciate being tagged in them.
On this morning June 29th 2014, 23 years old 108 pounds as of war, I have three more hours until I get out of work. It is 06:30 where I live.
Feeling a bit depressed. Just got off menstration. Wish it was gone because every time I get it I have umbalanced ph levels which makes my pelvic region itchy, dry and sting.
Plus the fact that I'm a psycho bitch the days before my menstruation.
Anyways, I finally shed tears this morning which felt good emotionally, but physically made me want to scratch my face off because I hate the feeling of tears running down my face.
So, I cut, ans I haven't done that since Jan.
Didn't feel shit either, no pain, no breath of fresh air, no release, NOTHN'.
I think I'm just a bit.. hung up over last weekend; I went to EDC with my brothers, I mean we had a blast but I was a hormonal wreck plus the fact that I met molly for the first time, in my entire life.
It wasn't bad I mean it was awesome I felt great and my body didn't feel like I had RA or Myofibralgia .. or however you pronounce it I can't say that word if it could save my life its such a terrible tongue twister for me.
But now I feel like something is missing .. in my life, I want that feeling again but I don't want to get addicted. My friends in the past would abuse molly till it would no longer work for them and then they got addicted to H.. which concluded their lifted story... so id rather be in pain than risk the long run of potentially getting addicted to molly and any other drug that comes my way.
I just wish my pain would go away ... like FOR-FUCKING-EVER.
IM 108 ans still feel like a fucking cow.
I remember when I was a teen I thought that that was an accomplishment.
Now it feels like failure.
I mean at least I'm not 115, because I feel like I'm 120 when I'm 115.
And back when I did get up to 120, that made me feel like I was 130, and 130 is close to 150, which is close to 200 pounds, and if I was 200 pounds ya might as well paint me black n white, stick a bell on me n call me Betsy.
-_-
**for those whom are in the weight range I have mentioned or are named Betsy, I give you free range to call me your worst because I fucking deserve it-because I'm the ugliest piece of shit inside and out for even thinking this way about myself.
If I had the time alone to be able to end my life, id have succeeded by now with all my attempts; even though I live alone someone is always at my house making sure I've "eaten" before work or haven't tried to abuse my RX or whatever the fuck else that is on the "keep Alyssa alive n safe" list.
Smh I'm an adult but act like a child I'm so fucking pathetic its getting boring!!!
Whew don't I feel better though! Its been forever since I've actually ranted I feel like a brick has finally fallen off my shoulder!
I don't have anyone in my life that will listen to me. I'm their shoulder and they just expect me to just fucking sit there n shut up.
FUCK WHY WONT ANYONE LISTEN TO ME? WHY NOT??????
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR PLEASE JUST SOMEONE SHUT UP AND LIESTEN TO ME PLEASE!???!!!?!?!!!?!
