Note to self #3
I am going to adopt a midget. I will name him, and feed him, and take care of him. I am going to name him Hans and dress him up in leather thongs.

Here is a picture...

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NOTE TO SELF # 2
So.. I put a hot dog in the microwave for 2 minutes. It swelled up really big and I decided to try and experiment. I stuck my whole penis in there.. but the damn microwave won't start if it isn't sealed.

Current Mood: busy

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Backyard Dwarf eats a ham sandwich
NOTE TO SELF #1:

For about 33 years now, I've allowed this small androgenous creature to seek refuge in my garden at the back of my house. It doesn't eat much but by Crom it stacks on the weight.

Anyway, it got a little too full of itself and ate maybe one croissant too many and started to abuse me one day. I started assaulting it with a nearby stick, beating it's ass like a pinuata(sp).

Problem was though that after all the years of love I had shown it, (I even fronted the money for it to release it's own brand of "Patio Halfling" Toothpaste) it called the authorities that be, onto me.

Those anal-retentive bastards don't take too kindly to Man-dwarf beaters and so, I had to pack up my shit and get the fuck out of Dodge. Now I'm sharing a Trailer Park caravan with Jaleel White (Urkel from Tv's Family Matters).

See what happens. Be careful. BIG BROTHER IS WATCHING,

Let this be a lesson to all.

Current Mood: Born Again

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