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Tuesday, February 25th, 2003
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4:28 pm - It WAS too cold for that jacket.
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I brought my lunch from home today. It consisted of one microwave veggie burger wrapped in foil. I microwaved it at work and took the subway from 23rd street all the way downtown to the World Trade center site. Dodging the sea of tourists, I made my way to the winter garden specifically to sit on a bench and eat there like I did when I used to work downtown. This was the first time I had been back to the winter garden since before 9/11. When the trade centers went down, they took a lot of the garden with it and it was just finished being re-built a few months ago. To my amazement (and surely Grace's) it looks exactly the same, to the point where it freaked me out. Those workers did a hell of a job. I ate my foil burger and did some people watching, it was the best lunch I've had in a long time.
( The Winter GardenCollapse )
current mood:  impressed
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| Wednesday, February 19th, 2003
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8:55 am - Perhaps, Good Sir, You May Find Me Up In The Cluuub.
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Since my last day of work is not until March 7th, I have been trying to look as busy as possible without actually doing anything. This may all backfire when I have to talk to my boss in Europe later today and she realizes the material I sent her has no real significance, but in any case....it looks like I am working when I do this garabge...huzzah.
( Kill Matthew LillardCollapse )
current mood: feh
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| Tuesday, February 18th, 2003
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9:09 am - My freezy freaky gloves are changing color! Blizzard!
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It has been snowing since Sunday night and it's still going. The problem with city snow is that it doesn't stay pretty for long. It gets trampled, plowed, crapped on, etc. until it becomes this slushy brown shit that gets all over your pants. Plus, my feet are wet because I'm a sucker and don't have any boots.
I wish it were warm. It would be sweet if I lived in Fiji and operated a charter fishing service to tourists. I could wear a khaki hat, hawaiian shirt, and flip flops. I would always be carrying around a drink in a coconut shell with an umbrella in it, and I would sip it as I negotiated with tourists:
"sluuuurp....Yeah..well I could take ya out past Cape WangTango to Hidden Pirate Island, but it's gonna cost ya...."
And I would have a pet monkey with me named JoJo who wears Oakley razor blades.
current mood: Open for Tourist Barter
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| Thursday, February 13th, 2003
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4:04 pm - Then I Went And Took Back All The Jewelry I Ever Bought Ya...YEAH!
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I have a problem lately. I am becoming obsessed with really bad RnB. Not like Boyz to Men or some shit like that. I am talking about really bad garbage that I find while watching vh1 classic. For example, my new obsession is this guy Oran 'Juice' Jones. He has this ridiculous song called 'Walking in the rain". It's pretty normal sleazy crap for the first 3 minutes, but then he breaks it down spoken word style. You see, earlier in the song he caught his lady cheatin' on him, so now he must explain what he's going to do about it.
"Yeah! Didn't I give ya everythang? That 3500 lynx coat?"
"Yeah..well don't go looking in that closet..there ain't nothin' there fo' ya!"
"What'd ya think you was doing huh? This is The JUICE!"
"This is my world, you just a squirrel trying ta get a nut..ah! Dont' touch that Lynx coat!"
These are just some of my personal favorite selections from the spoken word-breakdown. You see Juice lays out everythang like it's gonna be. He is officially my new idol and here he is:
tell it Juice!
current mood: sleazy
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3:51 pm - You will be complimented by an attractive co-worker...Lenny!?
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This made me laugh because it actually happened to me when I was home for x-mas. There is something hilarious about hearing your Mom call someone a, "Fucking loser". Mom, you're tough as nails, keep it up.
http://www.theonion.com/onion3905/kids_excited.html
current mood: fucking fuck!
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| Tuesday, February 11th, 2003
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9:01 am - Life is a Cruel Bitch Godess Out to See Me Suffer!!
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Oh the cruel irony of my life.
Things have been kind of a struggle for Grace and I lately. She had been out of the job for a few months and was really down about it. However, last week she got an awesome new job making bank as a designer. Her first day was Monday, she was very happy. Ironically, I walked into my work only to find out that our stupid European investors were pulling out and the office would be closing in a month. So now I am out of the job on March 7th. It's kind of drag, looking for new job is a pain I would wish on no one (except Jeff John, the two first name having fucker that insulted my Mom when I was 10, so I beat him up). I can't help but laugh though, I mean what kind of shit is this? Can something go normal around this fucking place? If things continue this way, something terrible will happen when I get a new job. Like I will come home one day to tell Grace about the great new job I got, only to find her being attacked by a Wolverine or something.
This sucks. It is bad news, bad bad bad.
current mood: Happy As FUCK! Hooray.
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| Thursday, February 6th, 2003
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12:46 pm - Thank you Limewire for providing me with awful (ly good) music.
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I will download Ready For The World-Oh Sheila.....and I will be very very happy.
note: their band photo is now the background picture of my journal and it rules.
current mood: jerry curl
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| Wednesday, February 5th, 2003
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10:34 am - The Time is 11:34, welcome to Hell.
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For the past year, I've noticed everytime I look at the clock it always says 11:34, flipped upside down: HELL. The only logical conclusion is that I'm going to hell, in hell, or some combination of the two. This may sound a bit psychotic, but I notice this on an almost daily basis. I guess I've built some inner-alarm clock that subconsciously makes me look at the clock at exactly 11:34 everyday or maybe it's the only time I remember seeing because I'm nuts. Either way, it means something. Something important. I told Grace about my little clock problem and she comforted me. Then she started noticing it too. Except she only sees the clock when it says 11:35 or SELL. I still can't figure out what that means. But I am sure it's very very bad.
current mood:  crazy
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| Friday, January 31st, 2003
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9:57 am - ...And You Will Know Me By The Empty Cans Of Tab
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I had a weird dream last night. I dreamt that I was at some extreme sports competition in England. I didn't know anyone at this event, except Grace and my friend Jenny who seemed to know everyone and cheered them on as they raced mountain bikes or whatever. Anyway, I was creeped out by some guy that took a shit in a toilet made of ice, so I left. Grace was so drunk that she wanted to stay, so she found these two Welsh guys and ran off with them. I was pissed, so after talking with Gruff from the Super Furry Animals for some reason, I went to the local indoor strip mall. I met some girl who told me that I had to go to some pub called, "Cobra Tossers" to buy one of their t-shirts. I went inside and asked the bartender and he gave me a pair of crappy jeans and a brown corduroy shirt. I thanked him for giving me shitty clothes and left as the locals threw shot glasses at me. When I got outside, I ran into the guy whose house I was staying at. He told me I couldn't crash anymore because his Mom thought my streaking in the house a bit much at 7am. I thanked him and woke up.
current mood:  confused
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| Tuesday, January 28th, 2003
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12:41 pm - Fuck That! We Going To TJ Tonight!!!
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I just remembered that I knew a guy in San Diego who had an Old Dirty Bastard tattoo and was always insistent on going to Tijuana every night to get drugs. Now if that isn't hard as nails, I don't know what is.
current mood: TJ!
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| Thursday, January 23rd, 2003
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1:50 pm - Death From A Printout
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My boss went to work before me today, so I used this window of time for my own sleazy purposes. I sent out a bunch of resumes, mostly via email. However, one I had to fax. I surreptitiously approached the fax machine and sent out my material. I waited there for a second to see if it would go through. It gave me a busy signal and said it would try again later. Fearfully, I grabbed my coat and went to go get lunch before anyone noticed what I was doing. Then, on my way back, I remembered the time I sent out a fax and it bounced back and reprinted the cover sheet to let me know my message had failed. I went cold thinking this would happen to me. My boss would return, notice a fax sitting out and pick it up. He would read, "Dear HR Manager, please see attached resume and cover letter regarding the position of...." and my fucking name all over it. I was sure I was doomed. I went into my office and sure enough, there was what appeared to be the print out on his desk. My boss was speaking French, to what I can only assume was the company president in Paris, about how fired I was. I sat down and began to eat, all the while trying to figure out how to get out of this one.
"The fax? That was for my friend..we have the exact same name you see, weird right? Yeah, well he doesn't have a fax machine because he had to sell it to pay for his Mom's recent trip to the hospital for a double leg amputation. I didn't want to be a dick, the kids been through enough, so I faxed it. Anyway, can I have a raise?" I though it best to turn it around to something completely unexpected. I would cloud his mind with so much bizarre information, he would be rendered incapable of remembering why he was questioning me in the first place. That would work.
I hope he didn't notice how fast and nervously I was consuming my lunch. I didn't want to give him the upper hand. Just sitting there, plotting in French what to do with me, he was toying with me! The sick fuck! damn! I thought my head would explode from the sickening anticipation of him getting off the phone. I needed to know right away if I was screwed or not. I couldn't take it, so I got up and took my trash out. I managed to see the paper on his desk, it wasn't my fax, it was an invoice for something. Christ!
Let this be a lesson to you all. Don't apply for other jobs at your current one. It's much more stressful than it's worth. And after all of my fear, my boss was actually talking to his mother in French. Thats what I get for not knowing any languages other than Valley-speak. My boss then gave me chocolate chip cookies to eat. I guess I'm not fired.
current mood: uhhhhh
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| Tuesday, January 21st, 2003
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8:52 pm - After School Project
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If you are looking for a perfect way to spend your night, try this. Get a bottle of wine. not hard booze, no beer, but wine. Get some big headphones. Listen to Black Heart Procession - Amore Del Tropico....in the dark. It's working for me. You should give it a try. You shall not be disappointed.
Note: You can substitute wine for pot, if that's easier. They'll both work.
current mood: pretty awesome
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9:23 am - You Live with daughter? I crush your face now!
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Grace was at her parents house in Jersey this weekend. She called me last night to let me know her Dad would be bringing her home this morning. For those who don't know, her parents do not know we live together. I was hoping to be out of the apartment by 8:15 and missing them by about 15 minutes. I went to bed with this rock solid plan. At 7:33am, I was woken up by knocking on the door. "oh fuck, fuck...where are my pants? fuck! (I thought to myself), did I leave the toilet up? Is my toothbrush out? Do I have pants on? ok good.
I covertly looked out the peep-hole to see if they were there. Grace and I had a plan that would explain that I was merely there feeding the cats, for the last three years. No one was outside the door, so in my sleep deprived mind, I thought it would be OK to open the door to have a look. All of a sudden, this fat guy with a vest and hose pops out and says, in a very mickey mouse voice, "Exterminator?". No, I reply. I live here. "Yeah!", "Exterminator?". I stare blankly at him and say " I just woke up, can you come back in 10 minutes. I have think I have roaches?" He smiles and says, "MMM...OK, maybe next time guy!" and leaves. This is not the type of situation you should have to deal with when you are already worried that your girlfriend's 6'5''. 278pound-behemoth-ultra-religious-father will catch you trying to hide the phone bill with his daughters address and your name on it.
I took a shower, got dressed and did a last minute check to see if I left any incriminating items out. Closet? No. I covered my clothes with some of Grace's bras so if her Dad opened it he would feel embarrassed and close it without further investigation. I grabbed my coat and looked at the clock, 8:10. Awesome, I would miss them by about ten minutes. I walked into the hall and as I was locking the door, I heard the elevator stopping on the floor. I ran to the other end of the hall and down the stairs. Finally, my paranoia paid off. Grace and monster-Dad got off and unloaded some stuff she brought from home. I sat on the stairs, hoping he wouldn't go inside. Thankfully, he had a meeting and left quickly. I stayed on the stairs, giving ample time for him to return and use the bathroom, ask for water, kill me. etc. But it never happened.
I know we could probably explain our way out of most everything he could find, like,
"Oh Dad, you want to know why I have size 11.5 converse in 3 colors lying under the bed? Well, they are just in case I need to layer my socks when it's cold...yes, that'll do fine....layer the socks."
Hopefully, her Mom won't come in again. Last time I had to move all my stuff out in the rain the night before. She is not as oblivious as the Giant-Dad. However, moving stuff once in a while is small price to pay for getting to live with Grace all the time.
I hope the exterminator comes back. I think I have roaches.
current mood:  relieved
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| Wednesday, January 15th, 2003
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3:55 pm - This is my exact inner structure...it IS green!
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Today is my fourth anniversary with Grace. She is quite the bees knees I must say. I look forward to a nice dinner where I will shower her with praise.
current mood: anniverarialisticy
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| Monday, January 13th, 2003
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10:53 am - R.I.P Orson...spill out my 40 fo' you dog...(or fish)
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My loyal fish of 41/2 years has died. I drunkenly bought Orson at 4am from an Arizona Wal-Mart and he had been with me since. He survived being scooped out of his tank by my Mom's cat and batted around for a few minutes, being handled by Skriz, and a flight to NYC in a gatorade bottle. You will be missed brah, catch ya on the flipside.
RIP - Orson.
1998-2003
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| Thursday, January 9th, 2003
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11:53 am - So, you feel like a junky in withdraw? great.
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I have returned to work today, operating at about 80% efficiency. See, for the last two days I have been laid out with a temperature reaching 102, the shakes, the chills, the sweats, the wish I would dies, the gimme more drugs, you know the whole deal. Luckily Grace was home the whole time and helped me with the whole suffering-like-a-mutant thing. I was even at a point where I had ice cold rags on my head and chest. Let me tell you, it was not cool at all. Don't listen to what anyone tells you, staying home sick ain't cool. Except the not working part, that was quite tops. I have not been that sick since I was 12 years old. I remember it too. I stayed home and watched 'Clambake' for the first time. Elvis was a tough motherfucker in that film. Waterskiing, talking on his 'car phone' (actually a red rotary phone in a car). Well at least it's over. Although my arms hurt for some reason. ....and I got paid for evey second of it. Thank you full time employer. I shan't waste more of your time. ciao
current mood: nope
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| Sunday, January 5th, 2003
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9:51 am - Ahhhh...Bourbon....the drink of champions....winos...and Keith Richards
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Thank you Skriz for the bottle of Knob Creek Bourbon that I am rockin at this very moment....on the rocks...just like a yacht club snob. I feel like I should play a game of squash or yell at someone for not creasing their pants properly...anywho..I stole this survey from  sovietpanda who has quite good taste...so dig on it.
original, good, survey
1. What was the first record you owned?
Led Zepplin IV
2. Is there a song that reminds you most of your childhood?
Kokomo-The Beach Boys....my dad was rather obsessed.
3. If you could spend a night with five musical artists (three for their minds and two for their bodies) who would they be?
minds- Madonna, Debbie Harry, uh...Dom Deluise....uh..wait no.
bodies- Madonna, Debbie Harry
4. If your life was a movie, what would play over the following:
Opening credits
Seaweed-Kid Candy
Misfits-Last Caress
Sonic Youth-Sugarcane
Love scene
Joy Division - Love Will Tear Us Apart
Echo And The Bunnymen- Killing Moon
Driving scene that consists mainly of flashbacks and love lost.
Journey-Don't Stop Believin' (it's the anthem for a bad prom!)
Lowercase-Sometimes I Feel Like A Vampire or Last Stand
Closing credits
Satisfact-Four Sided
5. If applicable, name a song or concert that moved you to tears
The Charlatans...not to tears, but best show ever.
6. What do you listen to when you are...
Happy?
H&O, Falco, Gluecifer, Liars, Michael Mcdonald 'Sweet Freedom' will make any person drop what they are doing and smile like an idiot. Just try it out.
Sad?
Wilco, Elliott Smith, Black Heart (when sad and feel like shooting someone in cuba) and to couteract it all, Slayer..seasons in the abyss.
Upset
Jeff Osbourne..too sexy and sleazy not to make you happy.
7. Name one musical artist you'd like to see banished.
All bands that sound like Creed..which is most. Burn burn burn.
8. Name a song you would rather never hear again.
Eminem
9. Name an album that is perfect all the way through
Elliott Smith-X/O, Led Zeppelin-Houses of the Holy, Liars-'Built a trench..", Pixies-doolittle, 3 Mile Pilot-Another Desert, Another sea and a bunch of others...but burbon clouds memory.
10. Music you like that can be considered a guilty pleasure.
Journey started as a guilty pleasure making fun of Vice and coke heads, but they are pretty sweet to sing as loud as you can..give it a try.
11. If your music collection was about to go up in flames, which 5 cds would you save?
The Fuckers 7 inch, Second Story Window, bootleg Jawbreaker, Journey, and the misfits coffin.
12. Is there a song that describes you or a situation you've been in so well that you could have written it?
Blue Oyster Cult-Don't Fear The Reaper
13. What is your favorite soundtrack?
Rushmore or The Graduate
14. Best music-related movie?
Hard Day's Night..watching it right now...but the all time winner is Spinal Tap
15. What is your favourite all-time video?
Wax, Bittersweet symphony, Grim Reaper-see you in hell....not kidding. There is some guy running around with a goat head and leather arm bands on...fuckin rawk.
16. Current favourite radio hit?
I just heard Journey on the radio...
17. Do you sing or play any music instruments?
computer, trumpet, jug, washboard, a jawbreaker song on bass...
current mood:  drunk
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| Thursday, January 2nd, 2003
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9:11 am - Unless you're being ironic, turn that off.
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Thank you all for the birthday wishes. It was a banner celebration indeed. I managed to blind myself with liquor two days in a row. New years was a good time as well. One of my friends had a huge party and everything was going awesome for a while. There was beer, nice people, and even some Hall & Oates rockin'.
Then the DJ showed up, along with his apparent entourage of 300 hundred silk shirted party goers and his slew of awful music that teleported me straight to spring break in Ibiza. I was waiting for my brother to magically appear from the frat induced haze and say "Dude! It's just like wild on! Fuck yeah!" I wouldn't have been surprised at all. Thank god for booze which provided me with a calm bubble from which to observe the idiocy. Grace even tried to get me to dance. However, I was not prepared to execute the new flamingo turn/scratch/sqwak dance for the strangers. It is not perfected yet anyway. I could have done the sassy traffic cop dance, but I didn't want to blow to many minds. We took off and went to a restaurant and ate a 3am dinner, then went home. It was damn fun.
Now I am back at work after close to nearly 2 weeks off. This sucks, I was totally getting used to waking up whenever. Now I have to be nice to people too. At least this is only a two day week. Which is good, it's been 10 minutes and I'm tired already.
current mood: daytona 84! wheeew!
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| Sunday, December 29th, 2002
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2:11 pm - In times of yore, when the fire dragon swept the land with his.....blah blah blah NERD!
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It is 2AM....it is the 30th of December....it is officially my mutha fuckin' berfday! Radical brah...totally. I guess Grace and I will go to dinner and perhaps get blotto somewhere...which would suit me just fine.
Last night I got sweet presents from all the pals, such as Revenge o the Nerds, a book on Citizen Kane, a Falco record (finally), and a video game. It was a good haul. Way better than x-mas, where the best gift I got was from my Aunt who gave me a dumb black leather belt - size 40. I guess she thinks I am pretty fat, when in actuality I rock a 32. My brother got the same thing but a 42. Apparently since he is older he must be fatter? That is the logic you get from some yokel in the middle of Montana. Anywho, today was great. Grace and I went all over the city. I ended up buying video games I don't need, a book I will never read about drug smuggling, and rasinettes instead of goobers. I also saw the Lord O the Rings which is pretty awesome, but it begs the question: Why am I not more magical? I don't know anything about JRR Tolkien or DnD. I don't have a ponytail, smell like a sock, attend Renaissance festivals, work in a costume shop, have cat eye contact lenses (weekend only), a girlfriend (fictional) in a corset, a black light poster, a walking stick, or any shirt that needs to be laced up in the front. I guess I missed the boat on the whole fantasy kick. And I really wanted to be the guy at the Renaissance festival that yells at someone else for not speaking correct Elfish while sipping grog. Fuck, maybe next time.
current mood: yore
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| Tuesday, December 17th, 2002
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2:07 pm - 7am Flight? Sure...sounds good. Let me just throw myself in front of this trolley......
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Fo shizzle my nizzle, zipple the cripple with a jipple.
I suspect snoop dogg would be a nice guy to hang out with. He always seems chill and he makes up his own words, which is sweet. We could cruise around the LB in the 64, smoking the chronic, chillin with Dre, etc. I don't think his brah's would down for me chillin' with them though. Maybe Warren G, he seems tame. But the other guys? Fuck, they would toally fuck me up just for trying to hang. Plus, when I try to put in some tunes, it'll be curtains for me.
"what the fuck is this shiznit skinny ass sucka?"
"Dude, it's Duran Duran...rio. it totally rocks."
"I best be blastin' you now bitch. fo shizzy."
Not that I would ever get that close to Snoops radio.
Anywho, I am out tomorrow at like 5am. I have a layover in Indiana which should be a fucking blast! They have a lot of corn there you know. Then, I'm in Arizona until the 27th when I have to take a 7am flight back to NYC with a stop in Chicago. That should be fun, to wander around Midway hungover as a boxcar hobo at 9am. Crap, I hope I can sleep on the plane, I'm not looking forward to that. I seem to have real problem falling asleep while moving. Except the time Grace and I took advantage of the free booze on flights to Europe and we both passed out after about 10 jack and cokes. That was fun. I bet we smelled great!
Have a fantabulous holiday. We'll talk later. toodles.
current mood:  anxious
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