[

mood

|

crazy

]

L'amour est une chose si incertaine, tellement pourquoi ne pas saisir la langue de l'amour ? Amour, amour, il est partout ! Flotter dans le ciel ici et là. Parfois l'amour semble comme lui isn't juste, comme it's trop loin à atteindre, ou trop de milles de distance. Oui, je suis un dork !

[

mood

|

content

]

Last night after studying my history for who knows how long, I suddenly had the urge to draw....so at 12:30am, this is what I drew and I don't know why. I guess I had some inspiration from an image I saw earlier on but I just had to express myself last night so I did, and then I went to sleep. This is a drawing that I put in my sketch journal. I don't usually show it to people unless they ask but I felt like sharing.

I LIKE YOU:

[

mood

|

determined

]

The thing I like most about being at north campus in the evening are the beautiful sunsets. I was feeling a bit down this evening and I just looked out into the sky because it was so strikingly beautiful. God sends things to me that make me smile even when I am down. I treasure those things. I don't feel very angry at all anymore. I got a chance to talk to my parents and give my brothers a hug. I think that my emotions got ahold of me and my ultra-sensitive side creeped out. After singing to God on the way home from school I feel refreshed and ready to start the day tomorrow.

[

mood

|

content

]

"The bullfrogs trump to usher in the nights, and the note of the whippoorwill is borne on the rippling wind from over the water. Sympathy with the fluttering alder and poplar leaves almost takes away my breath;yet, like the lake, my serenity is rippled but not ruffled. These small waves raised by the evening wind are as remote from storm as the smooth reflecting surface. Though it is now dark, the wind still blows and roars in the wood, the waves still dash, and some creatures lull the rest with their notes. The repose is never complete. The wildest animals do not repose, but seek thier prey now; the fox, and skunk, and rabbit, now roam the fields and woods without fear. They are Nature's watchmen,-links which connect the days of animated life."-from one of my favorite books, but i'll keep that a secret:)

I too wish that I could hold that deep appreciation for nature. To recall so many little intricate things sparks my interest. I value nature and I wish to be in it, apart it, and of it as much as I can. I want to look at the grass blades, and watch the bugs travel upon the little hairs on the grass blade. I want to travel into the ant hill and watch the workings of the colony. I just want to appreciate the delicate creations that God has created. I can't remember but someone told me a verse, and I don't know what the verse is, but it said something to the effect of we need to look at the ant and wonder. That is exactly what I did the other day. Instead of crushing the ants, I sat amoung them, observing thier behavior, and letting them go about their business.

I don't know why I seek to appreciate nature in such a way. Somtimes I would rather live in a mud hut then in this expansive shelter. I sometimes wish to experience the not so pretty things, the bugs, the heat, the cold, the hunger, the thirst, the feeling of being 100% alone but with God. It's not feasible though, since I am female, and going out into the wilderness alone doesn't seem like the smartest thing to do, even though that is one of my deepest desires. Going out into the wilderness with enough food, water, my bible,maybe a flashlight and blanket would be something I would love to do. I don't know how far I would take it, maybe a tent, and maybe a watch...but maybe not. Could I really do it? Maybe there will be a time when I don't seek to go alone, but with my husband if that is the will of my God. I hope that if I marry, the man I marry is willing to go out into the wilderness and experience things not made by man. I want to make my own trails, trek across uncharted territory.

My dreams, I don't know where they are taking me. I put my trust in Lord.

[

mood

|

mellow

]

The events surround the wedding and the wedding itself were a total sucess! My mom got all the cakes done and the decorating was pretty easy to do despite the hot weather. Everyone came together like family and just worked together with ease. I had a good time while I was gone here are some ( picturesCollapse )of the wedding and decorations.

I had been praying for a couple of weeks if I should go to hume this summer and become summer staff, or take a summer trip to Japan with the Bradford study tours. I really wanted to do both. I have been wanting to work a full summer up at Hume for at least 10 years now. I have also wanted to travel the world for as long as I can remember. I've had late night conversations with friends that I met up at hume and they said they would pray for God's will to be done and that my decision(which would be God's leading), would be the right one for me. After a few days of intense prayer and vacation to LA, I came home and got the mail. I looked for mail addressed to me but I had no luck. I did happen to find a Hume Lake newsletter that my parents get bi-monthly. I always read that and open it before they get a chance to see it. This time was different though...I picked that newsletter up and ripped it open. I don't know why I did but it's like I had the urge to. I started to go through each page at a rapid pace, then I saw the picture. It was a( picture of me and my friend Devon Collapse ) in the background from last years college camp. For some reason, as joshbert13 says it, it was CONFIRMATION that I should spend my summer at Hume. How totally awesome is that??? God speaks to me in very visible ways and for that I feel that God has blessed me. Thank you God for being there to guide me.

[

mood

|

tired

]

Just last night I got back from a great staff retreat. All day we went to the lake and fooled around the water. I got to ride Pat's jet-ski for the first time. It was totally rad going over the wakes. It's sad because the lake is super low! You have to walk about a football feild length to even get to the water from the house. We had an awesome BBQ and they made beans just like I asked!! The beans were so good, oh yeah and the garlic bread, and the tri-tip, and the corn, and the watermelon, and the salad....We had a meeting late that night about what we were going to do with this coming year. We prayed and then went home. It was quite a good time for me.

Earlier on I went out to dinner with Nevra, Candace, Scott,and Kurt. We ate at Tahoe Joes. For some reason we like our waiter a-lot:) We just talked, ate, and had a good time listening and laughing at eachother. Each of us is very different from eachother, which I am very happy about. We then went downtown and talked some more. I will be sad to see nevra go. I hope she is moved in and comfy in her new dorm. I have to see pics nev!

I have to study, so I need to close this journal entry up, but here are some pictures of the last few days:

The infamous group shot(Me, Nevra,Kurt,Candace,Scott)


We randomly met up with Luis and Craig. Awesome.


Kiki and I are having fun early in the morning before we take off to the staff retreat at Pat’s lake house.


This was my beverage can at BBQ. It’s a SQUIRT can I might add!


While we were all walking to the lake, I spotted this little dude.

[

mood

|

cranky

]

Somehow..some way..these words mean a whole lot to me right now at this moment and I can't explain it.

The song is Redemption by Switchfoot:
Four A.M., two hours to go
I'm wearing out a lonely glow
I miss you more than I could know
Here I am, here I am

I've got my hand in redemption's side
Whose scars are bigger than these doubts of mine
I'll fit all of these monstrosities inside
and I'll come alive

With my fist down at your feet
I was running out of mysteries
Insecure and incomplete, here I am, here I am,
won't you get me?

My fears have worn me out
My fears have worn me out
My fears have worn me, worn me


Not my words but...I liked em. I don't have much to say except I don't like going on dates with people I do not like in a romantic way...especially not nice swaggy resturants with bus boys who serve you water every 5 seconds. I like friends. And I like friends that are boys. What really has annoyed me int he past few weeks is that some of "the guys have started to like some of us girls. We just want to hang out and have a good time!!! We don't like them romantically and now it's all funky and weird and it just annoys me. I don't think I'm going to hang out with some of them anymore. I'm p.o'd about it. word to kiki and monique.

[

mood

|

curious

]

Random thoughts from Kristen's mind:
Today seems bright. Today is for relaxing, for looking up into the deep blue and realising that even though I am so small compared to the rest of the universe, I am important in God's eyes. To me, he is my universe, and I am only one small part that helps it run, that helps the world go round. I am amazed every day at the canvas of God. It changes every day. Trees sway this way...bugs fly that way...a butterfly in my front yard. All of those simple little things like a leaf falling bring me joy. I find it hard to understand the skeptics. How can something so beautiful and intricate be created by a single random act? I'm in love with God's creations, I can only imagine how in love I will be with him and his beauty when I enter past the pearly gates and onto the streets of heaven.

Every day to me is an adventure, even if it turns out to be what some humans classify as a tragic day or a boring day.

I'm thankful for my family. I'm thankful for the love that have surrouned me with. I'm thankful that I have a roof over my head and food in the kitchen.

Sometimes I take forgranted my footsteps, not realizing that every step I take is another blessing from the Lord. It's not gaurunteed.

I continue to sin and repent. It seems like an endless cycle. Habitual sin is the devil and I hate it. There are certain things I struggle with and seems liek I fail every time when tempted to sin in this certain way. I continue to pray. Something is not happening but it needs to happen. I will continue to seek counsel.

God is good, all the time, even when he does not seem to be there. He answers every one of my prayers. I don't get it when people say God doesn't answer prayer because he does in his own way and his own timing. The Lord is mysterious! I love that. It excites me.

Sometimes I find myself stuck in a mourning rut. Jon enters my mind whenever I hear anybody talk about scuicide...it still pains me. I still cry out at night sometimes because his presence was so visible and now it is not there. I don't understand the reasons God had behind Jon, and why he died. I am still thinking about it from time to time. I try to focus on how positive a person he was to me and how much wonderful and great memories he put into my life. He was a blessing to me, a gift that was God sent. Maybe down the road in my life, and maybe not, It will become clear to me some of the reasons for his passing, and some of the reasons he was in my life. I still thank God for him daily. He was a friend of pure Gold.

I love my mom. As we speak she is making me lunch. How sweet of her!! We just had a heart to heart. Seems like we have a lot of those, which I really enjoy. She is so precious.

God is lovely, God is amazing. God is magnificent, God is so awesome! God is my saviour, God is my redeemer, God is my Rock, God is my strong hold, God is my refuge, God is my father, God is my protecter, God is my healer. I love my God.

[

mood

|

exhausted

]

I'm back from a week of counseling at Hume Lake. I was a counselor for 9 girls in a cabin called Alpine. It was much fun! Those girls were amazing and they showed me and taught me many things. I thanked the Lord for each and every one of them every day. I never knew that being a counselor would spiritually impact me as much as it did. One of my girls, Mia, became received Christ into her heart right before my eyes. It took my breath away. The other girls made various different committments. We prayed all week long and I continue to pray that these committments stay with them as they return to their normal lives.

I am very appreciative to the Hume Staff. They do so much for the campers and counselors that goes unseen. I wish that I could hug them all at once and show them how much I love them all.

I went on the high ropes course. I was last and let my girls go ahead of me. The lead guy on the high ropes course was shaking everything to make it harder for me. He also knocked me off the wire by shaking it so bad. It was pretty funny at the time. Later that week I took some water in a big bucket and took a cheap shot. I poured it over his head and he had no defense.

I also went paint-balling with the 7th grade boys. Uhhhh...that really wasnt my thing. I felt like I was in a movie. I did happen to get shot in the head. It gave me a headache for awhile.

I met some cool people at Hume. LOTS of cool people. It's sad that sometimes I only see some of them once a year. I met Josh from SLO...too bad there was only a nano-second to talk. I recognized this one guy from being a camper years before. Turns out he's from SLO and his name is Luis. Cool Guy.
My friend Craig came up to visit his Church(grace in SLO). We hung out for a bit. Rachel and I took a drive with Craig up to Joshua Wildneress Institute and Wildwood to visit one of Rachel's friends. It was so beautiful and quiet up there.

I felt encouraged the whole week by our youth pastor and the other counselors. It was such a challenge, but a challenge that I welcomed with open arms. There were nights that I stayed up untill 3am talking with the girls . It was hard getting them quiet at night but I managed.

Lately, I have been totally turned off by lots of guys and their behavior. It's the ones that I don't meet that I usually end up being enamored with and it drives me crazy because I don't have the guts to go and say hi, or even introduce myself. It's a rare occasion when I will go up to a guy and stick out my hand. Usually when I meet a guy, it's because I accidently knocked him off his feet or punched him in the face by accident. This is not a good thing.

I grabbed up an application for Hume from the administration office. I plan to work there next summer...much like I did a few summers ago. My friend Chris from Hume called me the day I left to counsel for hume. We are planning to meet up this summer and hang out. I called him today but he wasn't home. It was nice to see that he had e-mailed me while I was gone at Hume. My old boss from target e-mailed me as well...which is odd. We'll see where that goes.

I think I am going to lay in my bed soon because I am spent. I think it will be hard to go to sleep because I am still thinking about everything that happened this week. So none of you probably read this whole entry because it was so long, but that's ok, I don't mind. Take care everyone and I love you, all of you.