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Has anyone started in a completely monogamous (as in, not even having heard of poly) marriage and then successfully transitioned into a poly marriage? We've discussed poly for close to two years now, but we started in a very monogamous very close-knit relationship and though I'm the one that brought up poly in the first part, I'm having some trouble with it. I am totally for the lifestyle in theory. I'd be fine with having another partner myself, aside from time constraints. But am having a hard time giving hubby the go ahead without putting constraints on it. He understands safety constraints like STD screening, condoms, etc. But aside from that he feels that I shouldn't have any say in his relationship (of course, if I was totally stressed by it he would end it). I understand that and agree to a point, but I guess I need some baby steps and such to ease into it and feel completely comfortable. I think part of it is just changing my conceptions and expectations. He is not a social guy, he does not go out with friends. So in our relationship thus far, anytime I haven't been at school/work or he hasn't been at work it has been " our time". To go from that mentality to not only is he out with someone else, but potentially having sex, is a huge freak-out thought for me. I thought I'd had this figured out and worked out. I've read the usual sources for conquering jealousy, we talk all the time, etc. But then the hypothetical almost became a reality and I became a mess again. I know part of it is just anticipatory anxiety, but it's really hard to take that leap. I feel that a lunch date with no possibility of more THAT day, would help, but he sees that as me dictating how he runs his relationship. I realize that sometimes people click more. He and I did, we were pretty much inseperable from the day we met. It's just hard.
Not sure where I'm going with all of this. But.. maybe... was it hard for anyone else? Did it eventually work out, or not yet? What helped? Hubby thinks it'd be better for me to wait until I'm out of graduate school, so there is less stress on my plate and I'm less busy in general. It's a rational idea, but I still feel that he should be free to pursue someone if he likes her and not have to wait because of me.
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