I'm going to tell you the story of how this poster was banned from the walls of Charter Communications.
Where I work, people from Showtime, HBO, and Starz like to display their crap everywhere because they think it makes us want to sell their crap. For the most part, no one is really all that affected by these posters until the end of the month when they put new crap up and force the old crap onto the employees and call it "incentives".
"HEY KIDS, SELL SOME CRAP AND WE'LL GIVE YOU SOME OF THIS CRAP!"
type of thing...you can tell that it really motivates me, right?
Anyway, that's the way things
were until they put up The Tudors poster that you see above. Doesn't seem too bad to me considering I'm an ADULT and everything, but apparently someone in this call center considers this poster "offensive" and down it went. Seeing as I just said that no one really cares about the posters, you'd think that i wouldn't care about a couple of them being taken down...but alas, i'm nothing if not a walking contridiction of myself ithankyou, so I care now. I care because it's the stupidest thing I've heard in at least 17 minutes, and I've been talking to Judy Loewe about the blinky-lights on her modem for the last 8, so that's saying quite a bit. It's especially stupid considering that the offending poster was placed between Weeds and Dexter. Uh, ok? Out of the pot-dealing suburban mother, the British king that enjoys the occasional floozy, and the friendly neighborhood serial killer, you choose Henry. Right.
Well, I'm thinking there must be some explanation (albeit a really, really dumb one) for this prude to open their snatch to complain, so in the spirit of giving the benefit of the doubt, I've come up with a few possible reasons why someone would find this poster so alarming. For convenience purposes, and my own amusement, we're going to refer to the complainer as The Idiotic Tudors Tattler In Bulbous Ardvarkian Belly Yetis (TITTIBABY).
- Perhaps TITTIBABY was offended by the obvious party foul going on in this picture. You don't pour good wine all over the floor and get away with it, not when TITTIBABY could have used it to drown their sorrows and pass out in a pool of their own vomit. How inconsiderate of you, Showtime. How wasteful.
- I don't know about you guys, but the erotic asphyxiation going on here is starting to turn me on. These feelings in my belly are not appropriate for the workplace. I think I know what TITTIBABY was going through now. I'm suddenly getting the urge to sexually harass my coworkers. All of them. In a really violent way. TITTIBABY is a hero among us, saving us all from awkward meetings with HR and possibly law enforcement.
- Considering the current state of our national security, TITTIBABY simply does not want his employer advertising European dynasties. Introduce a history piece about George Washington putting his D in Martha's A for independence and we won't have any problems.
- Obviously TITTIBABY sees something in King Henry's eyes that the rest of us do not. MALICE AND INJUSTICE SIMILAR ONLY TO THAT OF CHARTER COMMUNICATIONS POLICIES. why didn't I see it before, staring back at me in the form of corporate emails? I've been so blind. Thank you, TITTIBABY, for opening my eyes.
- TITTIBABY is the administrator for this site: http://littleface.com/, so therefore cannot be held accountable for his actions.
- Imagine the panic on poor TITTIBABY's face when he saw that this drivel is desecrating the holy SABBATH. Sluts spilling the blood of Christ, engaging in erotic asphyxiation, promoting terrorism, and giving the death stare?!?!?111?! All on our good lord's day? Holy crap, man (emphasis on the holy).
So, that's that. Take your pick, they're all equally likely and equally RIDICULOUS. Please get fucked as vigorously as possible by the nearest street walker and come back to work on Monday with a little flair, man. These walls are gray enough as it is with the 10-foot posters. Christ.
Why do I work here again?
