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[May. 8th, 2009|11:01 am]
Adults with ED/ANA
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Hey Everyone!
It feels like it's been a month since I've posted. My wireless card on my computer wasn't working properly and I couldn't get online at all. All my classes at school are in the computer lab but they closely monitor what websites we go to and I really don't want the tech guy poking his nose around.
I've been doing terrible as far as eating goes. I have been eating non stop. I feel like a bear trying to stock up for a long winter hibernation. Ughl. But somehow at this moment, while I am writing this, I am not that depressed about it. I have goals that I have recently set and I am excited about reaching them and that is keeping me optimistic.
I have a lot of female health problems that I have been dealing with since I was 17 and they are really bothering me again. One thing I can do to help myself is change my diet. I binge so much in between bouts of restricting and fasting that I am sure my diet is contributing to my health problems. No one binges on health food :( unfortunately. This diet would basically be incorporating diabetic rules of healthy eating into my diet. And I would like to eat as much raw food as possible. I looked into the whole raw food craze a couple of years ago but never stuck with it. This way of eating is supposed to be crazy. People have used it in cancer treatments and for all kinds of crazy health problems.
Hope Everyone has a great Friday and Weekend! |
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| Hello!!! |
[May. 5th, 2009|06:51 pm]
Adults with ED/ANA
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| [ | Current Mood |
| |  chipper | ] |
Hello to all!
After my last post I've been feeling better....in fact, better than I have in months and months.
The guilt and regret cycle I feel from the restrict-binge-restrict-binge cycle is GONE!!!
Maybe I'm just at a breaking point and am past the binging because I'm "binged-out"...IDK.
But, I feel good about not looking back and following my rules, goals and body.
I don't severly restrict and live in a cycle of hatred when I eat 2 calories over my goal.
I just eat enough good, healthy food with VERY LITTLE FAT & CALS and don't feel deprived...
I'm mentally back to where I was when I started losing weight and it feels better...it feels freakin terrific actually!!!!
It gives me motivation to know
1.I didn't put the weight on over night and I won't take it off overnight
2. I don't have to severely starve to the exhaustion point
3. i can have fat foods one day a week and not wreck all my fasting efforts because my body is not permantley in starvation mode-AKA no fasting binging cycle of hate and regret!
4. I haven't even desired to binge b/c I think my body and my metabolism have completely leveled out!!!!!
Bottom Line: I eat less than 1000 cals/day...I don't fast or liquid diet and it leads to ZERO binges or cravings! I don't eat crappy food, I don't eat bread, pasta, rice, sauces, cheese and I don't eat any food that is not prepared by boiling, broiling, steaming or grilling.
good luck girls
It's never too late |
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| How was today? |
[May. 1st, 2009|07:47 pm]
Adults with ED/ANA
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So...I felt ok today.
I've been taking ALOT of time to realize how and why I lost so much weight last year.
I've been sooo concerened w/ losing like 30lbs by tomorrow that I forgot A LOT of what I did/said to myself to succeed.
I realized my ED has been OUTTA CONTROL lately!
I've been severely restricting in an effort to lose 19384858lbs super quickly. Days w/o solid food sometimes....
Then, of course I eat like there's no tomorrow and stuff 5969493 calories down my throat before my "safe day" (binge day) is over.
My body doesn't like that.
My mind doesn't like that.
I'm gonna try this as "healthy" as I can.
I set up some rules last year: No bread, no cheese and no fatty sauces of any kind (mayo, ranch dressing, etc, etc.), nothing cooked in oil or breaded/fried, no pasta or rice and no meat or fish prepared any way other than broiled, grilled, steamed, or poached (w/o fatty ingredients)
Of course the restrictions got to be pretty outta hand...but by then I'd lost 15lbs and it wasn't a challenge anymore( cravings were gone) and to make it worse I was at a plateau...I started cutting out pretty much anything except fruits and veggies to continue to lose.
Which I did....around 90lbs at my lowest....I was happier then.
but the one thing I did that worked was to repeat: I didn't gain this weight overnight....I can't lose it overnight either.
That's smart....and it's healthy....and it's one step closer to normalcy for me.
It helps stop the voices everyday from ED at least!
Now, I'm counting the ounces lost each day....not the 400 million pounds I plan to lose by yesterday!!
It's only discouraging to do that. It will only lead to complete failure. I also set another realistic goal for myself.....my sister's wedding in Oct.
My last goal was to be back down by summer....each moment I live in failure b/c I couldn't do that.
then, I give up and binge....I figure "i'm already disgusting and fat" why stop now.
That's an EPIC FAIL...
Only positive thinking from now on.
Good luck all.....lemme know how you're doing!
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| WELCOME! |
[Apr. 30th, 2009|04:26 pm]
Adults with ED/ANA
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| [ | Current Mood |
| |  mischievous | ] |
HI everyone!
Just thought I'd throw out another welcome to you girls!
I know there are some new faces on the site and I just wanna say I hope this works out well as a support/advice site!!
I'll def be posting later....sneaking this in at work right now!
hee hee
:) |
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| EDNOS? |
[Apr. 30th, 2009|01:15 am]
Adults with ED/ANA
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I feel compelled to talk/post.
I'm EDNOS...not formally diagnosed but it goes something like this:
I have awful self worth and think/know I'm a disgusting ugly fat pig.
I have ridiculous and mostly unavoidable urges to stuff myself silly...literally COE at times.
I've been overwieght and this stage is always my "highest weight"
Other times I get off on not eating for 2 days.
I loooove the feeling of hunger and weakness and bones.
I've been underweight and this stage is always my "lowest weight"
i will severely restrict for days. I created a set of rules for myself as far as foods i would NOT eat.
I will severely restrict for days, maybe 5-7
Then, the inevitable.......
the binge.
crazy binge...around 3000 cals or more sometimes
Sometimes...I get into a routine where I designate "safe/off days"
I'll starve for 5-6 days and deem Saturday as an "off day"
which is really a binge day where i eat in private and am disgusted but still I eat and eat and eat and eat....
these are the sick games my mind plays...I never eat "normally" and without guilt/shame...
I'm either eating=guilt and shame
or
starving=accomplishment and self worth
sooooooo fucked |
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| Overdue Intro |
[Apr. 29th, 2009|09:37 pm]
Adults with ED/ANA
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I never formally introduced myself, so I thought I would take some time to do so.
I'm 24 with 25 quickly approaching. That scares me because I don't feel like I've accomplished anything. I'm currently going to a vocational school for Insurance Billing and Coding. I can't wait to work in a dr's office and finally have health benefits again.
I've had issues with food my whole life. When I was little I had severe asthma and was treated for years with steroids which made me gain a lot of weight. When I was in high school I began taking antidepressants that had appetite suppresant affects. This triggered ana for me and I got pretty good at it. I lost insane amounts of weight and got down to my lowest weight of 98lbs. But after awhile I started eating again, trying to recover but this only triggered mia. I fell so hard into this that I ended up hurting myself and causing my permanent damage. Needless to say I dont purge anymore. I was always in pretty good control of my eating and goals, until I started taking a lithium for my bipolar. It caused thyroid problems which I didnt know about or understand and I gained and gained and gained. I'm on medicine to regulate my thyroid now, but I have never been able to get out of that binge eating stage. I also have always had so many harmful vices that I use to cope with my depression and flashbacks that I try really hard not to indulge in anymore. I've substituted those for food. I guess in a sense, being fat is better than the other things but not to me. I had to give them up to keep from losing all my friends and loved ones who dont understand my bipolar and the constant pain i'm in everyday.
My current boyfriend knows about my ED and he doesn't approve of my starving myself, but he does help by trying to forbid me to eat things that are unhealthy for me. It works wonders when he is here, but not so much when I'm alone. We are about to move in together and he says he's going to control my workout schedule and make sure I don't eat things like fast food or pizza anymore. So I am pretty excited about that.
Sorry for the extremely long post. Hope everyone had a good day! |
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| How's today for you all? |
[Apr. 29th, 2009|09:10 pm]
Adults with ED/ANA
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So...how's today for everyone...
I'm kinda depressed because I went work-clothes shopping today.
I used to dance 2 times a week for hours at a time until about 2months ago when my old car died.
And, at the same time, I started my COE phase....It's like the food just takes over and I want to eat until I'm sick.
I hate it. I hate myself. I hate my weakness. I hate the weight I've gained.
All my hard work-lost.
Just gone.
anyway, idk if it's a combo of not enough excersice (even tho I walk everywhere!) and food and alcohol...but my legs are just gone!
They used to be more toned. Now they literally have cellulite from the hips down.
I just want to cry.
I need to lose weight.
I need to not eat.
I NEED THAT CONTROL BACK!
I remember the feeling of order and control and discipline and SELF ESTEEM that came from starving.
Now I feel like a cellulite-ridden, weak, unmotivated, undisciplined fatty.
I know I can get back in control. I will get back in control.
It's what I want and need.
I can't keep living in regret and shame and disgust everyday.
Maybe the clothes shopping was the wake-up call I needed.
Sorry for the rant.
I just needed to get this out.
Thank you all!!!!
:) |
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| INTROS! |
[Apr. 29th, 2009|01:14 am]
Adults with ED/ANA
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Soo...i totally love boneangel7 for introducing herself and being so honest about ED/recovery.
I want this community to be sooo supportive!
I know it's still a really small community but if anyone else feels comfortable enough to introduce/post...right on!
I know we will all support you!
:) |
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| I'm starting to feel like Pink Floyd... |
[Apr. 28th, 2009|06:57 pm]
Adults with ED/ANA
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"Hello, hello....is there anybody out there? Nod if you can hear me...."
J/K
Seriously tho...I did pretty good today. I had a big deli pickle for lunch and a big (fatttt) salad for dinner.
Hopefully that'll be it!!
Stay strong! |
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| hi girls! |
[Apr. 28th, 2009|10:13 am]
Adults with ED/ANA
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How's everyone doing?! I'm excited bc I feel strong today! Minimal to no food until sat! I always severely punish/restrict after a binge..
Todays a new day! |
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| FML |
[Apr. 28th, 2009|01:34 am]
Adults with ED/ANA
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Me+weekend+FML=EPIC FAIL!!!!
DO THE MATH!
I'm fatttt!
why can't I eat normally...why can't I not think about eating....why can't I look at life and myself and not use weight as a gauge of some sort?!
I just want to love or even like myself....
Ugh.
I ate like the cow i am.
Moo.
that's me
:( |
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| About the approval... |
[Apr. 28th, 2009|12:48 am]
Adults with ED/ANA
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BTW... I really really don't wanna offend anyone by requiring membership, but I've seen sites OVERRUN with trolls and it's NOT happening here!
So sorry if it seemed annoying to you guys...that's the only reason! |
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| WELOME!!! |
[Apr. 27th, 2009|11:52 pm]
Adults with ED/ANA
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| [ | Current Mood |
| | cheerful | ] |
Hello all!
Welcome to Over 20 ANA/ED.
I created this site for adults with ana, ed, etc because I think it's important to foster a community for adults that manage a life, a job, a home, a car, bills, maybe a husband/kids as well as an ED.
It's downright difficult.
I've been there for almost 9 years now and I wanted a little more than the pro ana sites out there.
The girls who posted were absolutely fantastic but it's difficult to respond when the poster needs "tips and tricks" to avoid dinner with a mom or dad, playing sports in high school or field trips.
Those things are very difficult, it was just hard for me to relate.
I'll always post to those sites because great support is great support; but I hope to create a wonderful community here as well!!!
WELCOME!! |
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