KYO WHERE ARE YOU?! WHAT DID I DO TO YOU IF ANYTHING!! PLEASE GOD, TALK TO ME...IT'S BEEN FOREVER!

...get a grip Hakuei...get a grip...I can't do this anymore. I actually need to have him around. I've been failing classes left and right. I can't even focus on stage much less anywhere else. What game is he playing? It feels like fatal attraction...could I actually even possibly be in love with him? I don't know...but I need to find him.

Drink up baby down
Are you in or are you out?
Leave your things behind
'Cause it's all going off without you
Excuse me too busy you're writing a tragedy
These mess-ups
You bubble-wrap
When you've no idea what you're like

So, let go
Jump in
Oh well, what you waiting for?
It's all right
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown
So, let go
Just get in
Oh, it's so amazing here
It's all right
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown

It gains the more it gives
And then advances with the form
So, honey, back for more
Can't you see that all the stuff's essential?
Such boundless pleasure
We've no time for later
Now you can wait
You roll your eyes
We've twenty seconds to comply

So, let go
Jump in
Oh well, what you waiting for?
It's al right
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown
So, let go
Just get in
Oh, it's so amazing here
It's all right
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown

*sighs* I saw Kyokun again. God knows how much I missed his presense. We're going to Cabo together for spring break. School is becoming a hassle but I'm keeping my grades up and still modeling. So far so good. Can't wait. We're supposed to get on the plane soon. So I'm going to finish packing.

I miss my kyo-kun.

Everything feels like it's kind of out of sorts. School, work, family...none of it making sense. I don't know if I want to stay here. I haven't really been in the dorm since I came home, and haven't talked to Kyo-kun or Kirito-san. I can't help but wonder if they're okay but I'm just too tired right now. Almost like I'm tired of just being awake. With that said...I'm going back to bed...

I got really bored today, so I thought I would bake. Yes I said bake. I made a few things. But mostly cakes and cookies. A few donuts. Oddly, that's all I have to say. I'm going to take a few of these things to Kyo-kun and see how he's doing. I think with that I'm going to sneak orenji out with me. ^^ I'll keep a close eye on him. Kirito-san won't ever know I took him. ^^

You know...Orenji is such a precious koneko. I almost want to keep him. But he's Kirito-san's cat. Well it couldn't hurt if I just play with him while I'm here. I just can't take him outside or anything, like to Kyo-kun's home. I'll have to refrain from that.

On that, I haven't seen Kyo-kun for a few days since I was staying with him. But he has to work and all, so I don't worry so much. We have a biology project before we break for winter. I hope he can meet up with me so we can go over it again. I really have trouble with that class sometimes. I think I went to sleep before he came back when I was there with him. I don't think we ever got around to that movie. I'll have to get him to settle down long enough to be able to do that.

I also met this guy. His name is Hisashi. Prefers to be called Imai I suppose. But he said that my thoughts about being a muscian were great and that he'd help out as much as he could. He's a guitarist so that means that I could learn how to play from him if I'd like. He's actually a very...um intersting person. He's very different I have to admit. Seems off in his own world a lot. I think he thinks more than I do. *laughs* Thinks more than me. For a minute I thought he was a statue while I was telling him something about singing. But he hears everything. Anyway, he's a nice guy, and I hope that he wouldn't mind helping me. He knows a lot I think.

But to school work before I have to go to another photoshoot. I'm starting to hate these things. It's slightly annoying.

I should have listened to Chisato when he said he'd take me home. But I didn't feel like having him drive me. It rained and I just kind of...melted in the rain. I think I'm bound to catch a could because of that. I got harassed on the way from Shibuya to my dorm. It didn't help me much more. So I took a b-line to Kyo's place. I couldn't think of where else to go. I never realized that I really look that...feminine. I kind of want to change that. It's causing so many more problems than it used to. I don't know if I can though.

Anyway, Kyo took care of me...I didn't think it would happen on these terms but he finally kissed me. I've never felt so many chills go down my spine before. Just for that moment I forgot that everything else happened. It was calming almost serene. I was happy. I'm at his place right now. Just woke up. I think I'll stay here for a bit until he gets back. I wanted to show him my tattoos. Chisato and I thought it was better that I get that done than get my labret done this time. We also thought we should start a band since I have the dream to do so. *laughs* I never thought he would think it was a good idea. But I'm going to go now.

I'm always so busy now. I haven't really talked to Kyo except for when we're in class. A plus for being lab partners. However there this guy...that I saw...and heard about. Many rumors actually. And I don't know about him being around Kyo. I know that he's not going to do anything, but the word slut came up and my face must have changed drastically. I don't know who this guy is, but I think I should tell him where he should be going with his touching Kyo-kun. Kirio had a point though. I shouldn't do anything until I see what Kyo does first. I would prefer that this person stay away from him honestly. I don't want to fight anyone, but it looks as if I may have to.

My friend Chisato called the other day. He wants to take me out to get another piercing. I already have two, but he said that one more couldn't hurt. I wonder what my manager will think about that since he's gotten on me about the piercings I have now. I think I want to get a tattoo while I'm at it. ^^ Quiet little Hakuei with a tattoo. I'm thinking I'll do the birds now. And see how I like that...

Well, I got parts of the photoshoot back. It wasn't that bad...(I guess). After all that I spent time with Kyo-kun. I guess he saw me while I was doing the shoot. We stayed at my dorm. Usually I don't see my roommate, but he just happened to show up while we were sleeping. It was a completely innocent thing. However, something about those two together made me slightly nervous. I bet Kirito is great when he isn't around kyo. But Kyo obviously doesn't like him. Or maybe he pretends not to like him? I don't know. Ultimately, I just kept my mouth shut. It's better they deal with each other without me being vocal right? Right. But...I wanted to show this off at least. Show what I've been up to so far.
( best photo so far in shootCollapse )