[

mood

|

excited

]

Well, I didnt find out what it was last time But two days ago I found out it's A GIRL!!

So far I have Samarah Rea-lyn. Im so excited >.<

I have 13 more weeks left.
<3

[

mood

|

tired

]

Ultrasound today!!!!!!! *eep*

[

mood

|

cranky

]

Well, I don't use this much anymore. But since I have internet and a computer now, you'll probably be reading random boring posts now. I haven't posted in forever so a little update is needed.
I didn't go to Atlanta like planned but that trip maybe in the works for the future. Nothing really important there, just a getaway.

I was dating a guy named Josh for a while. about 4 months or so. That was 2 and a half months ago. And Surprise I'm 4 and a half months pregnant. I heard the heartbeat about 2 weeks ago. And I go the 22nd of this month to find out the gender. >.< I'm excited and honestly can't wait. At first I was worried and scared, but it's all normal. I have names picked out but they may change boy = Xavier Alexzander girl = Trinity or Serenity Rea-Lyn. I was worried at first I wasn't able to have a child and completely take care of it, but Slowly and surly I'm getting Government help, I'm on WIC, and pregnancy medicade already, food stamps is in the work since I moved out of my Moms and live with two of my best friends Devan and his boyfriend Mickey which they help as much as possible but we are looking for a bigger place since this is a one bedroom. I've been applying for SSI for my Bipolar disorder, Manic Depressive disorder and Anxiety disorder, which if I get that My child would get one too up till he/she turns 18. Which that will help out a lot. With all this help I can still work 20 hours max a week. But if I do that Food stamps can be cut off. I hate how the government works, but I guess you can be a lazy bastard and they pay everything or you can work your ass of and be in hell cause you can't make shit to live on. Sucks ^.^

That's pretty much it in my life except for today my fucking tire blew on the Expressway today. Fucking scary no cell phone, nothing. And do you think anyone stopped to help me? Fuck no. A cop does though and tows my car to the fucking towing company and charges me 61.00 to get it out. So, yeah fucking bullshit so now I have my car..but no tire yet. >.<

Life sucks but you learn to deal. Me, I just cry like a little emo kid like I did on the medium on the expressway. *sobs*

♥
Krystal

[

mood

|

amused

]

So Im bored and I redone my LJ. I love it so much and I did it all by myself. So hmmf. LOL. Anyway I adore Jack and Sally and I've always obsessed over Nightmare Before Christmas. So Yeah. Gotta love it. Later<3
Krystal

[

mood

|

discontent

]

Well, A lot has shit has happened. I'm not quite sure what I said in the last entry but I started a new job at Hardee's. I was doign so good. After having such a bad bad year. I could list all the fucked up things that I did or that happened to me. But I'd rather not. But Yeah I had a car, a new job, saving money, looking for a apt..Christmas went ok. I quite drinking and quite taking pills and shit again, smoked a little stuff ever know and then. Like three times a month. I mean I was doing good. I stopped smoking cigarettes for two weeks..

Well a few days after Christmas I got into a wreck, I don't ahve insurance yet...Im going to be so fucked..this guys car was totaled, I was taking a right on red and I just finish my turn I was going 15-20 MPH. He was speeding donw Highway 41 and side swiped my car beacause he was going over into my lane. He lost control of his SUV and I pulled over and looked into my rearview mirror and he flipped his car twice over this small ditch "height" hill and hit a tree and the SUV hit it while on its side. The cop got my info and wrote a ticket for "not yeilding the right of way" and sent my on my way...the guy was not even scrated. I was ok. My front left side of my bumper if fucked. And I'm going to be in court when they find out I dont have insurance. But my court is in June. And this is my first offense, I'm getting insurance as soon as the open tuesday and I just got paid Friday. That will look good on my little. So I'm hoping everything works out. I'm so scared.

I've also been really depressed lately. I mean..Last year was so bad for me. I fucked up and lost the love of my life. Being stupid and looking for someone to care I run to someone and that someone I ran to was one of my good friends...I move in and well that was hell...I started to feel again and get attached but we were only "friends with benefits" ....then..... I get pregnant, almost a month later I miscarried, I have Docter bills up to my head from that and I'm the only one going to pay it..Because I just can't ask him to help pay it im not like that. Well then I start smoking pot a lot...clean up got my permit, then lisence, new job, Then My grandpa has a heart attack while Im living there..I had to see it..Omg it was horrid. Before all this when I worked at taco bell still I got accused for stilling a credit card ion drive through and passing it out to my friends..but they couldnt prove it in court so the dropped charges so I lost my job there...well then I get the job at the gas station i work there for three four months and my fucking manager grabbed my ass so I quit. But through all this I look around..and it's just me. Just myself, know one buy my side..All my friends has a loved one..but I don't. I'm alone. Once again. And I look harder at it and I don't think that's going to change. And that's one thing I don't want I don't want to spend my life alone.

And Honestly I won't.
But yeah I don't use this much. Or the compter anymore. So if you know my number at my grandparents then your impornant enough to call.
<3
Later
Krystal

[

mood

|

awake

]

Hey all, yup I'm still alive. Just trying to make it...without an computer. Lol. My car is starting to act up in the wiring but it's cool. I put a system in it which is badass. Other than that I take my driving test in a few days on the 29th so wish me luck. I also quit my job because my boss was a pervert jackass...so I'm waiting for my friend to open up her other smoke shop then I'm working there.

I made a random phone call to Beau today. I miss him dearly...but I don't think he'll forgive me. ;/
But Beau if your reading this I AM sorry..and someday I hope you realize how much I really do love you.

Well, I'm going to get off her. Wish me well with the test. Later.

<3
Krystal

[

mood

|

annoyed

]

So, how is everyone? Hopefully good! Me on the other hand..eh..so-so. I bought a car! From my uncle who works on cars and used to owna gas station. he guy that owned the car has been a customer of my uncles for a very long time so my uncle knows the car inside and out. Great condition, low miles, its a white 1991 Grand Prix (Pontiac). The only thing wrong with it is...the driver side window doesnt roll down the motor is shot in it. There is some chipping of the paint a little, and my tape player doesn't work so I can't get one of those cd hook up thingys for it ;( so Im going to have to save for a whole new cd player and such and take it to get it done right because I have bottons on my steering while where i can turn up the volume and serch through the channels and such...so it has to be wired just right for my new cd player/am-fm radio to work the same...I still need insurance and plates for it..but Im going to wait until I get my licence to do that. Right now Im just driving my grandparents car around. The car was only..get this..775.00. How awesomely cheap is that? Im so lucky..in some ways. On a worse note...I've been sick for months! I can't shake it and It's starting to get worse..And I don't have medical insurance to go to the doctor and I don't have the extra money to pay for doctor bills... ;/ I bought my Mom a Mothers ring. Four stones..Ruby for me, Aqua Marine for my mom, Amethist for my Sister Shelly who is not with us, and my Other sister Nichole. Which her Birthstone is a Diamond but to put a real Diammond in it would have cost me an extra 400.00 dollars tact on to my already 443.00 bill...So I counldn't afford a 850.00 dollar ring..sucks..because I want her to have the real thing but she got CZ. Cubiz zondonia..or something..can't spell..can't even pronounce it. Lol. Anyway..she's going to love it and cry when she opens it on Christmas.

I have so much going for me in my life right now..But I still feel like shit. I'm not happy..and I don't know if I ever will be. I want to have someone to share all this with. Someone to spend my money on other than myself..someone to fix food for..someone to hug..kiss...hold close...grab their hand and just hold it..someone to jump start my life with..someone juts to talk to and open up to without feeling judged...knowing they will love me know matter what..

Every guy I fall far just isnt ready for a relationship. Or is immature about things. I like this guy thats 19..yet he acts like hes 16...doesnt have a job...no money...and says he wants to be single..being single isnt going to make you happy forever..whats the purpose in life? Stay single..do as many drugs as possiable..fuck as many girls you can ....and not even as much as look for a job? Yet he's so sweet and nice..and we get along great...he says stuff like darling, sweety...and the way he acts you know hed be romantic...yet he just wants to be single? Why can't I like a guy who wants to go out on a date or try and find that one person whom hed love forever? Why are all the really hot nice guys always want to be single? Is it a sign of a "player"...or does he truly want to be single...he said "im just chilling right now due to past relationships" MAN have i heard that many and many times before..then he asked me why Im single and I said "Well, I thought I'd be cool since everyone else is doing it, No..im just kidding" (we laugh) and I say "I just haven't found the right one yet" Then I look at him and we kinda share that moment of silence and just look at eachother and then My ride pulled up...Great huh? Anyway keep in mind this is the guy that is a friend of a good friend and he always comes in my work and after we met I made a mistake of telling my co-worker (which is like a father figure) that i like him..well he tells him..and he says "Krystal? Likes me? *gave him that look* and said well..we may just ahve to see about this..I may have to talk to her" well when he left My co-worker told me he said something and what the guy said back and I was kinda excited...so when he came in later that night I asked him if he wanted to go to a Concert show thingy with me inwhich my favorite local band Bloodtribe is playing and come to find out he likes them to and he says yes...and i give him my number and everything..so the day comes..he hasnt called..or anything..then my friend which is his friend was online and i asked him if he is going and he said he couldnt find a ride...;/

so the next day when they came in I asked him why he didnt as least call and tell me he couldnt make it and he said that he lost my number and he friend said he could get it from me on the internet that day...well me and him have hung out since that...a lot..him and my friend stayed at my work beginning at 2am until I got off at 6am just to hang out with me since the next day was my day off..can you imagine sitting at a gas station for 3 hours? Heh..and he always gets really close to me or brushes up against me. And he's always telling his friends to stop asking for free stuff because he knows im a sofy and im way to nice to my friends..im always giving them free food. And he always sticks up for me saying "Man youre going to get her fired, you need to quit." I mean..he's really nice..and he flirts with me a lot..he's also smacked my bum...which I can't say I hated. And he did it infront of this guy I used to talk to..which was even more great. Because yeah he deserves to see what he missed out on and i know it got to him seeing this hot guy give me a big hug and touch my ass..But anyway back on track because I feel liek rambling more...I really like this guy but he just seems to much of a "ladies man" if you kow what i mean..he has a lot of friends which are girls..but I dont ever seem him be that touchy with them..yet he's really hot..far to hot for me..Im dying to ask him out like on a offical date instead of "Hey you going to the show Friday?" "Yeah its bloodtribe!" "Hell yeah my favorite band! Well I was going to ask you if you guys wanted to go with me" *looks at the guy* (not my friend) but... guy= "Yeah..I look forward to seeing you there" yeah...not really a date since I inculded "you guys" but oh well..i seriously want to ask him but hes just..to..fucking dreamy. Lol. Anyway...if hes wanting to be single why even try? Right?

 Why can't there be any guys here where I live who are nice, cute, have stuff in common with me and wants to have a girlfriend? And wants to start to settle down? Who's not fucking over 22...Perferrably my age...because guys ARE Immature...point blank.

Im ending this rant... because if your still reading i know your bored to satans ass crack and back.

<3

Later

[

mood

|

blah

]

Guess what? I thought I lost my I.D. a few days ago..so I was going to go get another one...and while on my way there me and Grandma-ma was talking and I decided to take my Permit test...well I took it anf passed! I fucking passed..wow..anyway.. When she tld me I passes Saturday..I stepped up on to take my vision test and failed she told me i needed glasses..well that day just an hour later i went out to my cousin work (eyemart) and got contact and free trial to see how i like them..they last about two weeks and i decided to get them.. I oreder them Satuday..but since the lisence branch closed at 12:30 am on saturday i couldnt go back...and sunday and monday they are closed..so I went yesterday and passed my vision so i can now drive as long as I have my contacts in. Also my grandparents are so proud of me because of how hard im working on getting my life in order that they are letting me bring my cat Simba home form my moms house Friday yay!

Also..Drew's been coming back around..hanging out..and such. Its wierd how things change but it still feels the same when im around him...*fights with self* anywho im not sure if im ready to be friends again with him..its still odd around him.

I got a Doctors bill in the mail from when i went to the hospital for my miscarriage..and it was like 200.00 thats only the fucking Doctors bill. not the hospital bill. (cause you know when you go to the emergencgy room you have a bill for the hospital and one for the docter because he doesnt have his own practice yet and such) so...my question to you guys is..should i just pay it all..and wait for the hospital bill and then pay that all to..oor should i say something to Drew? If I should..How should I say it..or ask him..I mean I had the miscarriage but it takes two to get pregnant in the first place..help???

I like someone right now...but i dont think i can ever love anyone again.. I mean this guy is way hot..way nice..chill..hippy. Lol..thing is i liked him for a long time his a friend of a friend and they come in my work all the time..well the other night him and his friend stayed from 2:30 am to 6:15ish am (until i got off from work) and then i bought them over here and brians...and a girl over here which is one of my really good friends starts flirting with him..;/
I havent told her but im sure she cant tell me and him flirt alot..wonder off to talk along a lot..etc..I HATE being single but i also hate girl drama and boyfriend or boyfriend material drama..blah to it all..

I wonder if Ashli ever reads this anymore? Lol...You come in my work ALL the time..and dont say anything I could be ashing you out and you act as if i dont even exsist...thats sad.

Anywho..all my little random thoughts are out of my head now. So Ill catch you guys later.

Peace

[

mood

|

cheerful

]

So..I'm bored as fuck. Nothing to do..I should be sleeping But...Yeah. I can't damnit. I get paid in two days..and why is this different, because It's going to be an almost 300.00 check. I had 48 hours for last week. Which is 8 hours overtime. Thats wicked. Anyway..Ive been sickly. Sniffles..couch...fever/cold chills. I went home early from work yesterday. But I toughed it out today as I will tonight. I really need to start saving money. Instead of splurging on stuff I don't need...But I need Dreads...and new 1/2" spirals right? Ahh.. No..I just went to 7/16"..but I still have room to gauge more...but no..fuck I can't. But I already got Dreads..oops..and new 7/16" spirals. Which I should be recieving any day now.

I really need to get my license..why am I procrastinating on it so? Is it because I am just lazy. Or utterly scared because of moronic imbeciles my age driving around me..and even younger! Ahh I don't know. But I know I need it, it is a necessity in life, in which I Must have.

Anyway, I'm going to Grinders Friday to see Bloodtribe. It's sad to say but I have noone to go with..so I maynot go..Id hate to show up and noone is there I know. :'(
I've been working on myself to make myself a better person in general. Donating blood on a regular basis, lending helping hands even though I get wierd looks from older folk whom is not used to seeing a modified person like me helping out the elderly or such. But Oh well. I know in my heart of hearts Im a good person.

My grandparents could not be more supposrtive of me and helping me out in this time of need. The never complain. They take me to my job and back. And to my Friend Brians. And back..out to stores..and stuff like that. I will offer sometimes argue for them to take gas money since gas is still almost fucking 3.00 a gallon, but yet they turn it down. But highly appreciate it. They are also helping me with bills. Such as the 700.00 vet bill I had for my cat simba a while back that I disregared due to not having responsablity...in my actions. I asked them to co sign for it and they did no questions asked. But yet I let the bill sit over tere head in worry...as they silently paid it. With no comment. So now Im paying them back. (Yes fuckers I feel horrid about it) but yet again. I as young and only thinking of myself and the cat in that matter..also I have a AOL bill of 120.00 I need to pay or cancel it..one of the two..who the fuck else pays for AOL? Fuck AOL. YOU CAN DIE! Oh and a bill from when I was 14 and very very stupid and opened an BMG music clud thing...I own them like 150.00. But my grandparents said since I was underage I can call them and tell them so and they would have to swipe out the bills..But I rather just take responsibilty in my actions that I made when I was a little minded kid. Who knew horrid music could cost so much? I dont even have those damn cds anymore!

And...I've been seriously thinking of some stuff...as of what to do with my life. And I know my dreams since I was a young teens was to become a peircer..but I look at how much I make at my current job...and then look at that..and Im doing better than most peircers right now. Especially here in Evansville. Todd's wife at Jesse's body mods said Im doign better. Cause hes bringing home hardly anything. So..this leads me to other option, I can move..to a more highly populated area with more business..or I can look more into beauty School. Or..I can pursure a career in what I've been doing for a long time and thats painting...and or sculpting..with my last check I bought supplies and realize how much Ive missed painting. So. Yeah. Going to school for that then maybe get a teachers degree..? Im not even sure what its called. But I still don't know. My future is still in the deciding point.

P.S.
Or I can be a care free hippie for the rest of my life and live out of a van...become pregnant...loose jobs..go to shows..and pay for them..yet still not have money to eat off of...and be alright because Id have a boyfriend whom would pay for everything and even raise a kid thats not even theres...hmm..great life and future I might say *notes sarcasm* !!!
I feel sorry for you I truly do. But yet something deep inside can't help but chuckle at the fact you made your bed..and now your lying in it. Have a great life. So called loner.

<3
Lots of love fucks
Krystal-Rae

[

mood

|

bitchy

]

Nothing new..working my ass off..working in my ged..and I'm thinking about a career in arts. Painting and sculpting. Actually thinking of becoming a art teacher for High schools. But there's so much more stuff I want to do. I want to Do Hair, become a Pierceologist, Write and publish Poems..I'm just so lost in what I want to make of myself. But I know I'm not going to let money get in the way of making my Dreams come true. I've came to the conclusion that charging is the american way. Your always going to be in Debt..Why Sacrifice your dreams because of money issues? Who knows how much time I'll have on this planet, I'm going to live my life to the fullest...do what i want..be what i want...if I own 1234827489732847 x 234234 to the government fuck them..I'm going to be happy. When I die I die..debts are paid. So until next time later.

<3
Krystal