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[18 Oct 2014|07:14pm] |
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Has anyone tried magnetic stimulation? I've failed many medications and while I've been afraid of ECT, the magnetic alternative has been recommended to me. Im going to see the local psychiatrist that offers the therapy to talk about it, but I was wondering if anyone had any personal experiences they'd share? Thanks in advance...
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| Fetzima |
[16 May 2014|05:17pm] |
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Anyone on it? I've been on it for about 2 months and it worked good at first, but it seems like it's crapping out on me already. I'm on 40mg so I know there's room to grow but I'm not sure I want to. The last week or so I've been feeling like I haven't even been taking it. Getting that lightheaded/dizzy/brain zap feeling a lot. It's also making me sweat like a pig, which is inconvenient considering summer is around the corner. Anyone get this?
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[13 May 2014|10:34am] |
So I've gone from Seroquel (sleep all the time) to Latuda (want to throw up all the time). I'm feeling silly that I ever considered myself having "run the gamut" with meds on my silly SSRI and anticonvulsant. This stuff is awful!
I'm super frustrated right now and I need to vent before making phone calls to health care providers and insurance companies (THE FEAR< I HAS IT). I spent four days in a "partial hospitalization" program last month, after quitting my temp job and having sort of an anxious relapse. It was something of an accomplishment for me, working for 8 months and missing only 3 days or so due to panic attacks, except that I felt like it was still all too "high level" for me - the misogyny, disrespect, anger, and lack of advancement was all highly triggering. And I know now that my passive personality (abuse remnants) is the real nail in the coffin in these sorts of places. But I stuck it out long enough to put a bunch of money in a savings account, which is something my family's never, ever had. We just seem stuck in poverty and I try not to obsess about how it's my "fault", but it sorta is. Anyhow.
So the partial hospitalization gig was good, and I took some classes and had group therapy, and I left feeling OK about myself. We got an after-insurance bill for $300, which seemed reasonable (when I was hospitalized for three days it was $600) and paid it outright with some of the money in savings.
Yesterday we got an additional bill for $900. This would empty all the savings that I worked so hard to get last year. That I went through hell for. And I probably wouldn't have NEEDED the extra care if I hadn't been so stressed out from working. WHY DO I BOTHER EVEN TRYING TO BE A PRODUCTIVE MEMBER OF SOCIETY. It all feels so hopeless and dashed against the rocks, sometimes. Two steps forward and... two steps back. It could be a mistake, but the odds are that our current insurance totally sucks and that's the real number.
It's pretty amazing how you can go from feeling like your mental health care is 100% worth it to adding up the numbers and thinking, "yeah, maybe I should have totally killed myself anyway! It'd cost about the same!". ARGH. So now I'm triggered and fighting suicidal urges while totally not wanting to spend another dime on my care. Maybe I'll just cut off all my care and chain myself up in an attic someplace. At least it'd be cost-effective.
I feel like getting bills is so triggering, and so soon after such volatile periods, there should be a better way of going about it. I remember after I got out of the inpatient program a few years back, they forgot to talk to my insurance company and sent a bill for over $4,000, which was the worst shock of my life and sent me spiraling into terrible depression again, only to find out of course it was a mistake. DON'T MAKE THESE MISTAKES, YOU GUYS, THERE ARE LIVES HANGING IN THE BALANCE.
Maybe the icing on the cake is that, while I've been home, I've been trying to pursue my art (although I'm still super flaky and go through periods of hating everything). I do a webcomic and talk about mental illness in it, too. Anybody interested? It's dontcallmecandy.com. Might as well pimp my work a little bit because I am not feeling confident about a "real" job anytime soon. :P
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| Seroquel shoutout. |
[13 Mar 2014|06:02am] |
So I'm in what they call a "partial hospitalization program". Part of this involves switching up my meds. I could use some Seroquel stories. I'm tapering off Celexa (been on it for 5 years) and might - might - get some Wellbutrin in the future if the Seroquel isn't doing the job by itself. Because Bipolar II.
I had the ol' restless leg syndrome really badly the first night. It was in a half-awake, zonked out state, and was trying to tell my bedmate how weird my legs felt but only managed some grunts and moans. The next night I tried taking the pill, then paced around the living room until I started to feel sleepy enough that I just had to lie down, and it was about half better. Still kind of restless but not unbearable. I'm drowsy this morning as well, but at least I was able to wake up on time!
I've heard some people eat a banana with their Seroquel and somehow the potassium/magnesium/whatever can help. (I take a vitamin supplement before bed. Not sure if that's a valid remedy in this case.) And my prescriber seems hopeful that these side effects will wane after a few more days - but I'm a little apprehensive because I will probably be out of the program by then. What are your Seroquel stories?
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| sorry for flooding the community... |
[22 Apr 2013|06:37pm] |
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but i'm having a panic attack right now and i'm not sure where else to go.
i got a babysitter for my son for my first therapy appointment tomorrow, but after that it's highly likely that i'll have to take him. do you think i'll be able to get anything accomplished with a 2-year old there? i don't really have anyone i can ask to take him for me, my husband has to work.
waiting for the klonopin to kick in and for myself to get used to this idea...
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| scared |
[21 Apr 2013|04:52pm] |
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i'm so scared. i'm scared of therapy on tuesday, scared of what the psychiatrist may or may not do to my meds on thursday...scared that i'm losing myself in this illness (whatever it is) and by the time they figure it out, there won't be any of ME left. scared of how i cry with anxiety every day, how i'm so scared of everything.
mostly scared that they WON'T figure it out and i'll be in misery forever.
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| ECT? |
[20 Apr 2013|09:21pm] |
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Can anyone recommend websites or books or movies that give good (either positive or negative) pictures of what it's like to go through ECT?
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| again. |
[20 Apr 2013|08:19pm] |
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no one seems to post much so here i am again. i've been extremely up and down, my moods are rollercoaster-ing. the downs are VERY down and i cry a lot and have to take klonopin to calm down.
has anyone taken seroquel 4 times a day? i do 3 times and i think i need 4 so they don't wear off.
i'm exhausted and barely sleep anymore. i really hope my psych will help me on thursday.
i feel so defeated, i really do. i am also getting monster headaches. i blame the effexor.
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| me again. |
[18 Apr 2013|07:14pm] |
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does anyone have bipolar without mania? i didn't even know that existed until today but i feel like it describes me very well. i plan to bring it up to my doctors next week and i only hope that they take me seriously and consider it. i think i would benefit greatly from a mood stabilizer.
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| newbie |
[17 Apr 2013|09:36am] |
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hello all, i'm nikki, 30 years old and married with a 2 year old son. i have depression, severe anxiety, and panic disorder.
my meds (paxil and xanax) just flat stopped working for me a few months ago and we've been working on getting me stable since then. i am now on effexor 225 (not sure this is working yet), seroquel 100mg three times a day, and klonopin three times a day. the klonopin and seroquel help for sure.
i'm having a problem though. i'm feeling detached from my son. i love him and would never hurt him, but i don't feel like playing with him and wish my husband didn't have to work so he could take care of our son.
i start therapy next week and i will be bringing it up then, but i was wondering if anyone else had ever felt something like this. it's upsetting and making me feel very guilty.
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| anxiety resources |
[11 Sep 2012|10:35pm] |
hello
i know someone who is having a bunch of issues with anxiety right now
& i was thinking that maybe some sort of only community, a message board or something? where she could go to for support could be helpful
(besides here of course)
do any of you know of any good online resources for anxiety issues?
thanks!
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[07 Jun 2012|10:04am] |
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Has anyone who has struggled with bulimia found any therapy work books particularly helpful? All recommendations gratefully received?
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| Question |
[07 May 2012|07:24pm] |
So, I've been doing much soul searching in the last year or so.. and I don't think I'll ever let someone close enough to marry me. It's not something I want.. I'm not big on sex.. etc. BUT I want kids.. and I've been looking into having a donor..
So.. heres my q:
Do any of you have children? Are you alone or do you have a partner? How does struggling with MI impact you with your children? Any advice you would give?
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[03 May 2012|11:02pm] |
This has been a crazy f'ed up week. It's not raining, it's not pouring, it's monsooning (or typhooning, or whatever word I'm grasping for). I'm really starting to loath my life again.
I hate fear because it paralyzes me and I can't do anything. I KNOW I have to get a job before I end up homeless, but I'm so afraid that I'm not ready to work full-time because I'll have another breakdown. Eventually, I'm going to work myself up to the point where that prophecy fulfills itself. My boyfriend's situation is actually worse, therefore I have no room to complain. His unemployment is running out within the next couple of months, so if he can't get funding for the start-up he's attempting (it doesn't look good), he's going to have to abandon his dream and go find a job. It's not that he doesn't want to work; it's that he doesn't want to give up his dream to go work for someone else and hate getting out of bed everyday again. He had to borrow money from a couple people this week so he could pay his April rent (and he still owes part of March's).
Neither of us has any savings; therefore, no money to pay for security deposit and first months rent anywhere (even in the cheap parts of the city where I could probably get by on my SSD, but I'd never leave my apartment because I'd likely get shot). I can't live with either of my parents (no room at my moms, my step-mom wouldn't have me at my dads, and they all live in the country; I have to stay in Rochester because I need the public transportation). Even if the medical review board at the DMV reinstated my license, I can't afford to renew it much less acquire, maintain, and insure a vehicle.
This all comes down to the fact that I'm too weak and afraid to go get a full-time job. There is very little out there that wouldn't stress out my screwed-up head. Being an EMT with Brighton would've worked out. They are one of the few companies that doesn't mandate that everyone drives and I have 6 years experience. Even when I was super symptomatic and suicidal years ago, for some reason, I was an effective EMT and I could put my crap aside while doing it. Heck, I'd even say I was kinda good at it. But, Brighton wouldn't even give me an interview and there aren't very many places I can get to on the bus that I'd qualify for. Yes I would have to recertify as an EMT, but that would be relatively easy (providing I could get to where the classes were being held, which is actually a problem since I think they're at the Public SAfety Training Center, which, you guessed it, isn't on a busline.
Maybe they should've let me die in the hospital after my premature birth. Doesn't really look like they did a great thing saving my worthless self.
Now I have to figure out how to keep composed during my clarinet lesson tomorrow. Last thing I need is to freak out at Eastman. Oy.
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| My landlord/roommate |
[14 Apr 2012|05:08am] |
Said that I'm evil because I have depression and he doesn't want to subject his daughter to my evilness. And I'm so hurt and angry, but of course I can't say anything because he'll just kick me out sooner, as I don't really have a lease. As it is I have until July 31. And the guy is a pedophile. He used to have nude pictures of 15 year old girls, but he convinced the cops they were over 18 and asked them to dispose of the photos for him. His favorite time of the day is the afternoon when the teenagers walk by on their way home (as we live near TWO high schools).
And the woman who used to live here, too, called me lazy because she doesn't believe in depression. That just pissed me off... But calling me evil hurts the most. He used to be understanding.
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| Good grief... |
[19 Mar 2012|12:16am] |
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Why is that every time I think things have made a turn for the better, reality kicks me in the teeth? Damnation!
Long story short, scary things are going on:
~ Boyfriend's business is almost making no money, so he can't pay his bills. He hasn't paid his March rent yet and doesn't know when he will be able to. He's barely getting by on unemployment. I can only do so much to help feed him. I feel helpless, useless, and worthless because I can't do anything other than watch him drown.
~ Because my mental health recovery is going relatively well, I barely qualify to stay living where I am. If they kick me out before I get a job, I'm screwed (my SSD isn't enough to live on unless I get an apartment in an area of the city where I'll be too scared to go home). I'm looking into another program through the same agency that has a rent subsidy, but there are people that have been in my current program for a whole lot more years than me that they're trying to get into that program first. Seems I need to relapse in order to not be homeless. Not that it's the route I want to go, but I'm so stressed out, who knows?
~ I want to work; I really, really do. Every time I think a lot about going back to work, I have nightmares about it (as in being back in the workforce and ending up in a pile of tears and probably breaking down again, though I wake up before the impending breakdown gets a chance to happen). I haven't had a real job since mid-2007 when I had my breakdown (insert self-hating remark here).
~ Apparently I can't forbear my student loans anymore. I thought maybe I could (wasn't sure since I lost track of how much time I had used up), but I applied for another year and got a month. My loans are technically in repayment now and I wouldn't have known if I didn't check my online profile on my consolidator's web site yesterday. Thanks for telling me AES! Not that I could magically repay you anything right now anyway since my housing program gets 85% of my monthly income. I'm applying for a deferral (I think I still have 2 years that I can do that). My student loan consolidator doesn't give a crap that I've been on SSD since 2008. Their standard of disability (and thus inability to work and pay back loans) is stricter than the government's standards of awarding me disability. Their standard of disability discharge is the inability to ever work a single hour for the rest of my life; I can't prove that, so no go on loan discharge.
All of that crap outweighs the fact that my bankruptcy became officially discharged last week. Oh, how I wish student loans were included in that! Apparently my non-student loan debt was smaller than I thought it was (one account showed up twice because it was sold a million times, but the amounts were slightly different so at first I didn't make the connection they they were one and the same). So, the discharged amount was somewhere in the neighborhood of $25,000. Too bad that my student loan debt is now $54,000+.
Why did I even go to college? I have 2 degrees and all they're doing is sitting on my shelf in frames looking pretty. I can count on one hand the number of people from college that still take to me (pretty sad since I went to 2 colleges).
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[01 Mar 2012|07:02am] |
Anyone ever had to go somewhere with short sleeves when they had cuts on their arms? I'm nervous about going to the gym today and work with a trainer because of the lines on my arms.
Update: I wore short sleeves, and nobody said anything.
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| Cuttting |
[25 Feb 2012|07:51am] |
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Has anyone here started feeling better from drugs and therapy and yet still wanted to cut. My mood is good but I feel like I want to cut out of habit or just for the sake of cutting.
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[22 Feb 2012|11:05pm] |
does anybody have any experience with buspirone?
how did it help your anxiety? what side effects did you have, etc?
thanks!
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