GQ online has an extensive oral history about House that answers a lot of questions--for one, the famous lost episode!

The link and excerpt is here on my LJ

I'm reaching out to all of the fanfic writers who are blocked, uninspired or just plain depressed. Not sure where else in Houseland to post this.  Suggestions, let me know.


I have been reading many entries from writers in various stages of agony.  Here's Annie Lamott's "Shitty First Drafts," which EVERY writer needs to read!

http://cuddyclothes.livejournal.com/382698.html

Come join house_memories for daily photos and other fun stuff!

house_memories house_memories house_memories house_memories house_memories


I tried to reach the owner of this comm and got no response. So, today was my last post here. There are things I want to do but can't do here. Tomorrow I will start the daily posts, puzzle and other fun activities at the new comm. I hope you'll join me there.

House: The answer is listeria. I’m starting you on amp and gent.

Foreman: So you’re basing this theory on the tests being negative and your rat being healthy?

House: And the fact that Legionnaire’s is helping you.

Foreman: But the medicine you wanna give me will put an end to that.

House: Yeah.

Foreman: And if it’s not listeria all the gent will do is cure the Legionnaire’s Disease and put whatever is killing me back into overdrive.

House: Stop asking me questions based on the premise that I’m wrong. The antibiotics are in the airlock.

Foreman: I think the first biopsy didn’t give us the answer because you didn’t go deep enough. I want you to do a white matter brain biopsy.

House: Absolutely. Don’t blame you. The world is such a complicated place if you’ve got higher reasoning skills. I’m often jealous of smaller animals and retarded children. Take the antibiotics.

Foreman: There can be minimal damage if it’s done right. If the surgeons drill where I tell them to drill.

House: One slip, you could spend the rest of your life not being able to keep your drool in your mouth.

Foreman: I’d rather be disabled than dead.

House: Sure, I make it look oh-so-sexy. It’s actually not as glamorous as you may think.

Foreman: The biopsy will tell us for sure what’s wrong.

House: The antibiotics could do the same thing!

Foreman: Could! Not will.

House: We try it, we see!

Foreman: The antibiotics will bring back the pain!

House: Pain makes us make bad decisions. Fear of pain is almost as big a motivator. Now look, we still have time. I will do that biopsy if I have to, but not a moment before.

Autopsy (Part 2), S2

House: Cullen's sign. But the ultrasound showed air as well as blood. Now, I know what you're thinking. Hemorrhagic pancreatitis. But I also know what I'm thinking. Doesn't explain the pneuomoperitoneum.

Adams: You took a new case?

Park: You ran tests yourself?

House: I saw the chance to help someone in need, and I instinctively — Oh, no, wait, that was someone else's instinct.

Taub: Wilson is dying. Your parole officer is probably on his way here right now. How are you possibly in a good mood?

House: Did you never see Dead Poets Society? Carpe diem.

Adams: Air in his abdomen could mean blah, blah, blah. Blah?

Taub: But blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Park: Blah. Blah, blah.

Everybody Dies, S8

AMBER: Why'd you call me?

HOUSE: Because if I pooped myself in front of Wilson, I'd never hear the end of it.

AMBER: But why not one of the others?

HOUSE: You always had that phone in your hand.

AMBER: We all have cell phones. That's not the reason. What is?

HOUSE: If I died, you'd never get the job. I knew you wouldn't let that happen.

AMBER: You don't think anybody else has any reason to care?

97 Seconds, S4

I have attempted to contact the owner of this comm several times and have not received a response. She has not posted anything on LJ since 2012. Does anyone know her personally? I would love to take over this comm and do some more with it. Can you help me? I really want to keep the House love going.

Thanks!

Sebastian: [takes Cameron’s hand]Thank you. [House notices the cozy scene and decides to intervene.]

House: You want third-world treatment? [turns up the thermostat] You got it. Boy, is it hot here in Jani!

Cameron: What are you doing?

House: What am I doing? [He knocks all of Sebastian’s things off of the tray of the bed.] Putting everything on the floor of the hut. Uh oh, wicked magic box with the moving pictures!

Cameron: You think he’s a hypocrite?

House: [unplugging the TV] Hypocrite? No, everyone in Africa’s got cell phones or running water. [Speaking of cell phones, it just got dropped in the toilet. It’s a tight fit, though, so House prods it down the hole with his cane.] Hah, this thing just will not flush.

Sebastian: Do you really think that if you come in here and make it a little hot, make it smell a little, that I’m just going to fold and abandon everything that matters to me?

House: [wiping his cane on Sebastian’s blanket] Lousy sanitation over there, too. You are not the same as them; your life is not the same. And you are cheapening everything they’re going through by pretending you are.

Sebastian: I am the same, I’m not special.

House: You can’t demand to be treated like any third-world sick person and call a press conference!

Sebastian: They treat me special! That doesn’t mean I am! Now what kind of selfish jerk wouldn’t take advantage of that fact?

TB Or Not TB, S2

Cuddy : Um... France. And not Paris or the Rivera, but there's this place in Normandy. It's on a... a tidal island. Everyone who's not staying in one of the small inns has to leave before the tide comes in. You have this 900-year-old fortress all to yourself. It's called...

House : Mont Saint-Michel?

Cuddy : That's it. Have you been there?

House : Nope. But I got a pretty good idea what it looks like. [He turns the computer toward her, taps a button and the screen is filled with a picture of Mont Saint-Michel.]

Cuddy : H–how did you know?

House : You used to have a picture of it as a screensaver.

Cuddy : That was years ago.

House : I guess it's a memorable place. [turns the computer toward himself again] Now, unfortunately, we can't fly straight to Normandy, but the layover in London's only a couple of hours.

Cuddy : What are you talking about?

House : It's all there. [shows her a screen of travel information] All you gotta do is click confirm, and we're eating croissant and being insulted by stinky people this time tomorrow. Don't worry. I used Wilson's credit card.

Cuddy : I can't.

House : I'm kidding. I used your credit card.

Cuddy : House...

House : The hospital does not need your body. I do.

Cuddy : So does my daughter.

House : Well, she can come too. Or to grandmother's house she can go.

Cuddy : This is crazy.

House : [His face starts to get the closed, guarded look it usually has.] So...you break off your engagement, but you won't adjust your schedule.

Cuddy : I can't. Not... tomorrow. But... two weekends from now. If Rachel's gonna stay with my mom, I'm gonna need a little bit of prep time.

House : [His face softens and he smiles slightly.] Okay.

Now What?, S7

[Cameron walks in, she's in scrubs.]

Cameron: Wegener's would have responded to the steroids.

Chase: Maybe you should go home, take the rest of the day. [He puts a hand on her shoulder, she shrugs it off.]

Cameron: I'm fine.

[House looks at them speculatively.]

House: Oh this is good, he's pretending to care, you're pretending not to.

Cameron: I think we should reconsider drugs. Kalvin uses crystal meth.

House: Concerned enough about his health to stalk me while indulging in deadly street drugs. [Takes a vicodin.] Study in contradictions. Interesting. Still not medically relevant.

Cameron: It could be, if his drugs were tainted. They cook meth with battery acid, lye, lantern fuel...

House: Find Kalvin's pills, test for toxins.

Hunting, S2

Cuddy: You are who you are. It's annoying, but... it's not your fault. It isn't about you. I… I… I'm sorry.

House: Because you were doing this job perfectly until the baby came along.

Cuddy: What? I'm apologizing. Can't you just accept my —

House: I accept. We gonna have to do this dance again in 28 days?

Cuddy: What the hell is wrong with you?

House: Yesterday, you hate me. Today, you're practically weeping on my shoulder. I can only assume that what I'm hearing is your 'Aunt Flo' telling me...

The Greater Good, S5

Cuddy: It’s legal.

House: He’s out of his mind! Yesterday he was giggling about a hole in a guy’s head.

Cuddy: Then hire a laywer and challenge it. In the mean time, Cameron’s in charge.

Rodney: Why would he sign that?

Cameron: It’s nothing personal, Mr. Foreman.

Rodney: My son doesn’t trust me – how exactly is that not personal?

Cameron: I’m sorry.

House: You’re sorry? You’re talking about this man’s son. You’re denying him the right to be a part of –

Cuddy: Oh, shut up, House. If you want to do the biopsy, do the biopsy. If House tries to interfere, let me know and I will take care of it.

Cameron: Yeah, you’re a hero. If it wasn’t for you, we’d be cutting into a dead guy’s head instead of Foreman’s. Sorry. Thanks.

[Cut to House and Cameron leaving the clinic.]

House: That was great!

Cameron: It was rude and unnecessary.

House: Yeah.

Cameron: Go away.

House: Give me time.

Cameron: We’re out of time.

Euphoria (Part Two). S2

House: What do you think? Red thongs? I think red thongs. ‘Kay…

[House takes out a credit card.]

House: Twenty bucks says I can get through this door in twenty seconds.

Chase: You’re on.

Foreman: Count me in.

[Chase takes out his watch to time House. House bends down, moves a planter, and finds key underneath it. House grins and Chase and Foreman get out their wallets. House opens the door and Chase and Foreman file in, each handing him a twenty.]

Humpty Dumpty, S2

House: Loss of hair color indicates an autoimmune condition, likely Grave's disease. Hyperthyroidism leads to a hypercoagulable state, which causes thrombosis. Start him on antithyroids.

Adams: You want to reject our current diagnosis because he had a few gray hairs, panicked, and shaved his head?

[House tries to stuff one more candy bar into the cup, but it does not fit, so he puts the last candy bar back, then puts the lid on the cup]

House: I want to reject our current diagnosis because I think we're wrong. And treating for wrong diagnoses can result in side effects like death.

Taub: Even if he did full go gray, stress seems way more likely than Grave's.

House: I haven't read any journal articles proving that veterans have a higher incidence of depigmentation. Of course, that could be the hepatic encephalopathy talking.

Chase: Our treatment for Bernard Soulier hasn't had time—

House: So you all just want to ignore the new symptom?

Adams: It's not Grave's because it's not a symptom at all. And the antithyroids you want could reduce his blood pressure and his ability to breathe. Which can result in side effects, like death.

[House has arrived at the cashier station. He pretends to be sipping from the straw in the drink cup as he pays for his purchase]

House: (to the cashier) Small soda. Grave's it is. Start him on antithyroids.

Blowing The Whistle, S8

Cuddy: Get out of my chair. And the answer is no.

House: You ever noticed how many porn sites have "mom" in the domain name? Hot moms, hungry moms, mature moms. That ought to make you feel pretty good.

[Cuddy pushes his feet off her desk and closes her laptop]

Cuddy: What do you want?

House: Looks like boils, altered mental status, and heart failure was caused by renal cell carcinoma. (handing her a form) I need your signature to start treating it with malaria. Don't worry, I'm giving him chemo too.

Cuddy: What is your sudden obsession with malaria?

House: Just trying to play my part cutting costs. Malaria is the simplest, cheapest method of delivering hypothermia.

Cuddy: Right. The only money you care about – You bet someone you could use malaria as a diagnostic tool?

House: That doesn't sound like me.

Cuddy: Forget it.

House: Okay, let me see if I've got this straight, a bet that puts one patient at minor risk is juvenile?

Cuddy: And irresponsible and dangerous.

House: But going all-in against Atlanticnet –

Cuddy: Is not a bet. That is a carefully considered negotiating position.

House: (putting the form on her desk) I'm gonna put this in your inbox. I just hope it doesn't get lost underneath all the other stuff you're carefully considering.

5 to 9, S6

In January, I asked House fanfic writers to choose their favorite stories that they themselves had written!  Their stories cover every pairing, every genre, every topic you can imagine.  Each pairing has its own category, including threesomes.  General has its own category. This link has been neglected.  So for folks hungry for House fic, here is the first link:

http://cuddyclothes.livejournal.com/170337.html

It contains work by taiga13, blackmare, menolly_au, brighidsfire, flywoman, hughville and many more!  Especially fun to read are the chain fics, each chapter written by a different writer: "Gangster's Paradise," and "All I Want For Christmas Is You."

The second link:

http://cuddyclothes.livejournal.com/172792.html

It contains work by jezziejay, christikat, cuddyclothes, deelaundry, chocolate_frapp, bmax67 and again, many others.

For some reason I don't think srsly_yes submitted a fic, unless I'm reading the list incorrectly.

DIVE RIGHT IN!

Kutner: Could be an aneurysm. We've got to control her blood pressure. Start her on a calcium channel blocker.

Chase: Or… you could tell House.

Kutner: I can't tell House.

Cameron: You'll be in trouble. On the other hand, she's sick.

Kutner: She's singing.

Chase: And bleeding out of her ears, and losing her hair. And an aneurysm doesn't explain her joint pain.

Kutner: Wilson's disease does.

Cameron: No Kayser-Fleischer rings.

Kutner: Anorexia.

Chase: Now you're just desperate.

Kutner: Biliary tumor causing paraneoplastic syndrome.

Chase: That might actually fit. I'll scan to confirm.

Kutner: You'd do that for me?

Chase: You don't have the time. Which means I can ask for 25% of your income and you'll give it to me.

Let Them Eat Cake, S5

House: Hi. I'm Dr. House. You are not pooping. Question is, are you also a klutz?

Nadia: Uh… I guess I'm no clumsier than most people.

House: What are you guessing for? You've got a perfect memory. I was told there'd be numbers, dates, fireworks.

Nadia: What do you want to know?

House: Let's go back to 2008. How many trips, stumbles, falls did you have?

Nadia: (seeing flashbacks in her mind) Eleven.

House: This really works. Cool. How 'bout 2009?

Nadia: Twelve.

House: Even cooler. Last year?

Nadia: Twenty.

Chase: That's a big spike in discoordination.

House: If you add the constipation, it's early onset Parkinson's. Give her a full neuro exam, and start her on levodopa.

You Must Remember This, S7

House: I quit.

Foreman: You can't quit.

House: I think you're confusing me with Jake Gyllenhaal.

Cuddy: House, are you okay?

House: Yeah, and I want to stay that way. Talked it over with my therapist. I need to change my environment, my habits.

Foreman: But he cleared you to get your license back.

House: Which will help immensely with my new job in research. I’ve sent out some resumes. Research means no patients, less pressure.

Cuddy: Well, you just got out. Have you had enough time to think this through?

House: I'm sorry. I know this will affect both of you... And Thirteen... And the one with the nose. I just can't risk coming back here.

Cuddy: Okay.

Epic Fail, S6

Kelly: You're gonna turn her pacemaker off? You sure that's a good idea?

House: Nope. But it might be. [He disconnects it. Nothing happens.] No tachycardia, there's only the delusions left. If they're even still there.

Kelly: Maybe it is a bipolar disorder. She's female. She's 30 —

Chase: it's not a coincidence. You've gotta stop doing this.

Kelly: But it could have been prompted by the physical symptoms.

House: [epiphany] You couldn't be more wrong. You've got the cause and effect backwards. Start her on haloperidol and Lorazepam. Give it a few hours to take effect. Call me when she wakes.

Massage Therapy, S7

97 Seconds, S4

(Wilson's Aces by DrJonAnderson)

Wilson: Hey.

House: We can talk about it tomorrow.

Wilson: [he starts walking back to his office, then turns around again to address House] I erm... I won the poker tournament. [House is immediately interested] I totally played this guy Burman from Business Affairs. I got great cards, but I don't bet. Just call, no raises. Burman pairs his king on the flop, I keep calling, the river turns, I check. He can't stand it. He goes all in, he's sure he's won. [Wilson dramatically makes hand gestures about flipping the cards] I call. I flip 'em. Oh! [he looks victorious]

House: Pocket aces.

Wilson: I nailed his ass!

House: [smiles indulgently, then suddenly realises something] The aces were hiding all along.


All In, S2

Cuddy: He has Streptobacillosis.

Cameron: Rat bite fever.

House: Boogy, oggy, oogy.

Cuddy: It fits the symptoms perfectly.

House: It’s certainly one possibility. What about the aspergillus fungus we found under the sink?

[Cuddy picks up the x-ray.]

Cuddy: What sink?

[House dumps a tissue in the garbage.]

House: You ought to clean your bathroom better.

Cuddy: You broke into my house?

House: No, that would be wrong. I had a key.

Cuddy: You had no right to invade my privacy. There was no medical reason for that whatsoever. And there was certainly no moral reason for it.

[She looks at the x-ray as she’s talking and notices something.]

Cuddy: Oh damn. You’re right. The focal consolidation makes fungal pneumonia far more likely.

House: You’re right I’m right. On the bright side, it has the advantage of keeping you totally responsible.

Cameron: The treatment for aspergillus is amphotericin. That’s hugely dangerous.

Cuddy: Yeah. Your point being?

House: Going the dangerous and aggressive route didn’t work last time. It’s bound to work this time. Start him on the amphotericin.

Humpty Dumpty, S2

Cameron: You ruined him. So he can't even see right from wrong. Can't even see the sanctity of a human life anymore. I loved you. [tearing up] And I loved Chase. I'm sorry for you both. [crying openly] For what you've become. Because... there's no way back for either of you.

Teamwork, S6

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House: My patient is allergic to quinine. [Cuddy turns on the light and sits up.]

Cuddy: And you got this from bubbles?

House: The symptoms started two months ago. It’s also when Brock started downing gin and tonics like a Brit staving off malaria. The gin was fake. The tonic was real.

Cuddy: And tonic water is loaded with quinine. Huh. Nice job.

House: You should’ve been fired.

Cuddy: I’m taking back the TV.

House: I saved his life.

Cuddy: That wasn’t the deal.

House: The contract clearly stated no takesy backsides.

Cuddy: Good night, House.

House: What are you wearing?

Cuddy: Good night, House.

House: Good night, Cuddy.

Living The Dream, S4

Wilson: The woman that I called — that was really Beth?

House: Found her on Facebook.

Wilson: How much did she charge?

House: Nothing. She's still pissed at you.

House: Pass the bacon.

Wilson: I thought you liked prosciutto.

House: Nobody likes prosciutto.

Gut Check, S8

Kutner: Are you okay?

Foreman: Could be years before you see any symptoms.

Taub: Why wouldn't you tell us?

Thirteen: I don't have Huntington’s.

Kutner: Are you lying to us… because it's none of our business?

Thirteen: If it's none of your business, then I shouldn't have to answer these questions. And I wouldn't have to, except House doesn't want to answer questions about Wilson. He's deflecting his own problems onto me.

Kutner: Are you deflecting now?

Thirteen: Time for the B12 cocktail and my life lesson.

Dying Changes Everything, S5

House: Oh, my God, it's three years ago. Does that mean I’m still crazy?

Foreman: You're back?

Cameron: You look good.

Chase: We're just helping out because –

House: I know. I just ran into Thirteen while she was clearing out her locker. My condolences. Although it's not like she's the hottest woman in the world.

Foreman: [forcefully] We haven't broken up. Are you back?

House: Sort of.

Foreman: Did you get your license back?

House: Not for a month or so. So you'll be in charge. I'm just gonna pitch in a little.

The Tyrant, S6

Cuddy: She's 38 weeks. You think it's fifth disease?

Becca: What's that?

Cuddy: It's a viral infection. It can infect the fetus.

Cameron: Usually in the first 20 weeks of pregnancy, and in women who have trouble with their immune system.

Cuddy: History of drug use could've compromised her immune system.

Becca: I told you I haven't used anything in seven months.

Cameron: It does look more like a heat rash to me.

Cuddy: Yes, well, maybe we want to look at the actual blood tests.

Cameron: Of course. [She removes her gloves and walks off.]

Becca: She works for you?

Cuddy: Yeah.

Becca: Everybody here works for you.

Cuddy: [nods slightly] When this happens for real, are you okay to deliver here?

Becca: Yeah, sure.

Cuddy: Good.

Cameron: [returning with the test results] Blood work's normal.

Cuddy: Test it again.

Cameron: Tested it twice. [to Becca] I'll get you some topical cream for that rash.

Cuddy: I'm admitting her.

Cameron: There's nothing wrong with her.

Cuddy: There are dozens of other things this rash could indicate. I want a full fetal work up.

Joy, S5

Moving On, S7

Chase: She hasn’t had sex.

House: Why are you so sure?

Chase: She told me she’d never kissed a boy.

House: You read her diary too?

Chase: She asked me to kiss her.

House: I rest my case. A regular nine year old girl does not have sex on the brain, not when a doctor is threading a catheter through her vein.

Chase: But she’s not a regular nine year old. She’s got terminal cancer.

House: Cancer doesn’t make you special. Molestation on the other hand…

Chase: She wanted one kiss before she dies. If she’s never kissed a boy it’s a fair bet she’s never had sex.

House: Tell that to all the hookers who won’t kiss me on the mouth. Hey, here’s a theory, she has been molested, seeks refuge in romantic fantasies with older men with great hair. And I think you left out the punch line, victims of molestation learn to work the angles. Manipulate people. You did it didn’t you. You kissed her.

Chase: It wasn’t sick. [Foreman and Cameron freak out quietly] It was one kiss for a dying girl. One small… one small kiss before she dies. Thank you. Thanks.

House: This is exactly why you can’t touch my markers. Go see if she’s had sex.

Autopsy, S2

House: Hi, this is Greg House. Again. Third message, hopefully indicating how much I want you to call me back. I'd say that your son is dying to increase the urgency, but you probably already know that. (he ends the call) The fake people who care that Wilson stays alive didn't work, so I need the real people who care about him to tell him what an idiot he's being.

Adams: Where are we going?

House: I just got paged to go to the bathroom. I don't know where the rest of you are going.

Adams: Some of our patient's symptoms might be physiological, and some might be psychological.

Taub: You think being forced to bury painful memories is making symptoms worse?

[House pockets his phone and takes out his Vicodin bottle]

Park: Grief avoidance can lead to all sorts of anxiety disorders, which can manifest into physical illness.

[They stop walking just long enough for House to take a Vicodin tablet]

House: (pocketing the pill bottle and continuing down the hall) Let's assume… that all his symptoms are real symptoms.

Adams: we're going to avoid grief avoidance?

Taub: Studies after September 11th showed that repression was actually better for coping than dwelling in misery. What about polycythemia vera?

Adams: RBCs are slightly elevated, but not that much.

Taub: Hodgkin's lymphoma?

Park: Would have showed up in the PET scan.

[They stop in front of a mensroom door. House leans against the wall facing the bathroom. He pulls his cellphone out of his pocket]

Adams: What if your guy got hurt at practice? And, like everything else, just didn't tell anyone. Could have set off DIC, would explain everything.

Taub: (motioning toward the bathroom) I thought you had to go to the bathroom.

House: I didn't say I had to go in.

[The door of the bathroom opens and a janitor rushes out and down the hall]

Janitor: Need some more mops in here!

Holding On, S8

Cuddy: You didn’t tell anyone else what I’m doing?

House: Not a soul.

Cuddy: Wilson? Cameron, maybe you mentioned it to her?

House: No, I’m a really good secret keeper. I never told anyone that Wilson wets his bed.

Cuddy: Part of the protocol for in vitro fertilization is twice-daily injections of menotropins. I can’t do it myself.

House: Turn around.

Cuddy: No clever comments about bending over?

House: Not unless you want me to.

Cuddy: I’m just not used to House the professional. [House is transfixed by Cuddy’s behind.]

House: I was just thinking about what your mother looked like, because your father obviously chose her for breeding purposes –

Cuddy: Shut up.

House: Natural selection sucks. We pick our mates based on breast size, cars they drive…. They did autopsies on married couples and found correlations in pancreas size. We’re hardwired to pick for stupid reasons, you have the chance to pick for smart reasons.

Cuddy: I think the Germans had a similar theory about 60 years ago.

House: I’m not advocating wiping out entire races, I’m just saying you don’t want to mate with the first plastic cup that buys you a drink. [All this time, he’s wiping a patch with a alcohol swab.]

Cuddy: I’m pretty sure you’ve got that.

House: Microbes can be sneaky.

Cuddy: Ow! Thanks.

House: Twice a day. This is going to be fun.

Who's Your Daddy, S2

 https://www.dropbox.com/s/6s4rzme30znw9rd/%5BH%5DouseMD%2010th%20anniversary%20video.mp4?dl=0 The song I used for it is 'Words' by 'F.R. David' #House10Years 

TEN YEARS!

On this date, House, MD premiered.

House premiered ten years ago on November 16, 2004. Here is a puzzle to commemorate that.

House Pilot

[House and Wilson settle on the sofa. House opens the bag of chips.]

Wilson: Even if I had changed my diet, what possible reason could I have for hiding it from you?

[House, for the second time in history, offers Wilson some chips. Wilson gestures “no.” House shoves chips in his mouth.]

S5 Saviors

Cameron: Thanks for getting my back. I thought you seminary boys were against the death penalty.

Chase: I left the seminary.

Cameron: Over their stance on capital punishment?

Chase: I’m against the death penalty in principle. In practice, however, watching a murderer die causes me a lot less grief than annoying my boss.

Acceptance, S2.