I've figured out what the 'M' means!

This has always stumped me:

What does the 'M' stand for? Well, after ZNN's last two games, we have come to the only logical conclusion. 

Nats win again, as Zimmermann falls from the Heavens and delivers swift justice.

Our savior came out last night in gleaming white, red, and gold and smote the Atlanta Braves with his righteous missiles of good and justice...full...ness.
Yes, for he surely struck down upon thee Braves with great vengeance and furious anger, as they attempted to poison and destroy his brothers. And you know his name was ZNN when he lay his vengeance upon them.

You know how some people claim to see things in photos after they're developed that were not seen at the time the picture was taken? You know, ghosts and some shit? Well, I was at the game last night*, and snapped off a couple pictures of ZNN. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary at the time, but after I went home and developed them in my dark room...well, let's just say he looked a tad different on film than in person.



*My lazy ass was not at the game. It was like...rainy and cold. Think I'm gonna drag my ass out there knowing the game would have a delay or three? Think again. My ass was on the couch with a Yuengling and the remote, so I could switch between the absolutely riveting rain delay coverage and the Capitals whooping up on the New York Rangers.

A special thanks to my wonderful dog Sedona, who not only saved my life with some pep-talks, but even managed to bang out a post yesterday. Much love, Doney. Much love.

And now, if you'll allow me the time, I would like to award the first ever awesome dude of the day medal for 2009. Ladies and genitalmen... I proudly award it to, Mr. Jordan Zimmermann. Yay! Cake and punch is in the kitchen. And use a fucking fork this time! We're not neanderthals.

Shairon Martis is the new Zimmermann

ROY? Yup. Cy Young award? Check. HOF? You bet. Canonization? A real possibility.

At the current rate NN Martis is going, he'll not only make the rotation, but he'll steal the hearts of all the ladies in the world. I showed my neighbor (a huge Nats fan) his line from yesterday this spring:



I had to catch her moments after I took this picture of her.


In all seriousness, Shairon, who I introduced you to last fall, seems to have the inside shot at the 4th starting slot. There is talk among some that the Nats could keep NN down in AA or AAA until June 1st, which would put off arbitration and free agency by one year. They could easily skate by with a four man rotation through the first few weeks of the season, and maybe throw Bergie or (insert someone elses name here) in the five spot until June. Collin seems to not be one of those names, however, as he's all but pitched himself out of the rotation at this point. I love, love, love the kid, but he isn't locating his fastball well enough, and his pitch count is way too high.

But...who really knows? That's what the next two weeks are for, dammit. Now if you excuse me, I've got to go change the name on the back of my generic Nats bobblehead. And make his complexion a bit darker.

Zimmermann bypasses HOF and goes straight to Sainthood.

ROY? Yup. Cy Young award? Check. HOF? You bet. Canonization? A real possibility.

At the current rate NN is going, he'll not only make the rotation, but he'll steal the hearts of all the ladies in the world. I showed my neighbor (a huge Nats fan) his line from yesterday:


I had to catch her moments after I took this picture of her.


I'll leave you with this one tidbit from Buster Olney (via a comment since I'm too cheap to pony up for the Insider package), so all you fellas out there can faint, as well.

Heard this from a scout: Jordan Zimmerman[n] has top-of-the-line, frontline stuff.

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Jordan Zimmermann gets the win. ESPN gets the loss.

You know what? I had a longer post all written up, and was ready to publish it. I was watching the WBC, having a few Yuenglings, and just doing one last spell check (which I seem to never pay attention to, btw). Well, what out of the corner of my eye do I spy?


Seriously, ESPN? One N for Jordan? Did you guys fire the Schwab, and have no one capable of looking up the Nationals roster?
World Wide Leader? No, good sirs...World Wide Losers. (In your FACE!)

Anyway, maybe I can have time to throw up the second post later, it being an off day and all. Or maybe I won't. I'm sure you guys don't really care.

/Sniffle

Zimmermann woos HOF balloters

Welp, NN threw for the third time this spring, and once again showed why he is the greatest thing since the Snuggie. He hasn't allowed a run yet, but didn't want to humble the other starters too much, so he did walk 2 dudes this game (for his first walks of the spring). Behold, Jordan's lines through three games:


What we have here, folks, is obvious. The Lord baby Jesus (the son of God, not the catcher) has come to earth once more, to grace us with his presence. The team choice was obvious, as the NL East is like the mecca of all baseball fans, and to play for a NL East team would be an honor to anyone, even the son of God. (Well, except for those two teams up there.) I commend the Savior on his Superman like reappearance. Growing up and honing his craft in remote Auburndale, WI has kept him out of the public eye until now. His time to rule has come, however. Prepare to kneel at his throne, all baseball hitters. (But especially you, Chase Utley!)

Not to be outdone, however, Eyebrows has almost mirrored The Lord's Jo-Jo's Spring line, and is proving himself to be a messiah of his own.



Johnny has been pushed to the back pages so far, which might be playing into his hands, as well. You see... just like Jesus (the son of God, not the catcher) had Mary Magdalene for his best friend, Jordan has Johnny. And just like Jesus (the son of God, not the catcher) and Mary grew up playing stick ball, and ding-dong-ditch together, perfecting their hand-eye coordination and strength, NN has Eyebrows to learn from and improve with. Johnny doesn't want the spotlight, however, so he's happy to lay low while J-Z lays the groundwork for the religion that shall be THE NATS!

This whole scenario was laid out to me last night by my little hamster buddy, Hammy. We sat around drinking until 3AM, at which point I gathered up all that I had absorbed from our discussion and explained it to him the same as I have above. His reaction? Mind-blown, dudes. Mind. Blown.

Jordan Zimmermann has second stellar outing in a row

Jordan M. Zimermann. The amount of n's are important. Two of them, to be exact. I've never been accused of being a rational person, so I'm not about to start now. Ladies and Gentlemen. I'd like to present to you the 2009 ROY and Cy Young award winner, Mr. Jordan Zimermannnnnnnnnnnn!

Peep these two spring training outings. (What? Spring training stats aren't important? Fuck the fuck off, man. Go harsh someone else's buzz.... God Damn Negative Nancy.)

February 26th, 2009 vs. Detroit Tigers.



March 4th, 2009 vs. New York Mets.


Want some of my Flavor Aid now (I hear the grape is delicious)?

Here's what we do know after two outings for Zimnn (Christ, that nickname sucks. We'll end this post with some nicknames to choose from): The kid hasn't faced over the minimum amount of batters. So, no hits have been allowed, and no walks have been allowed. (Take note, Ross Detwiler...Mr. give up 4 walks and a hit without ever getting a single friggin batter out. Gah!) Now, how do the outs he recorded break down? Well, he faced 15 batters, struck out 6, got 8 to ground out and 1 fly ball out. 1. One. Uno. For a park that projects to be the 13th best hitters park in baseball - Or, the 18th best pitchers park in baseball, however you like to look at it - that low amount of flyballs means he's only gonna give up......like......2 homeruns. In his career! Jesus. He wouldn't give up a run ever if he was at Petco.

For the record, I hope he doesn't bump Bally out of a spot. I'd really like Shawn Hill to be sent to the bullpen so that his "arm" doesn't get overworked. (Only 28 starts in 2 years, Shawn? Let's prove your "arm" is, I dunno, an actual arm before we take up a spot for you, and deal a young kid a crushing blow by sending them to Syracuse.)

Oh, just to remind you half-empty dudes of something....The pick that was used to draft Zimnn? Compensation for Soriano, bitches. Ya'll cried like babies back in '06 when he wasn't traded.

So there you have it, folks. Proof positive that Jordan will be the most Dominant. Pitcher. Ever.

Now, let's get him a good nickname, shall we? I'll throw out a couple to start...

• Jordan "Don't call him Ryan" Zimmermann
  
• Jordan "J-Z" (or...is that Jay-Z?) Zimmermann
  
• Jordan"He's not Ryan" Zimmermann
  
• Jordan "Double N" (will be spelt NN) Zimmermann
  
• Jordan "If you call him Ryan again he'll punch you" Zimmermann
• Jordan "Jo-Jo" Zimmermann
• Jordan "Punchy" Zimmermann

Did you see what I did there? His last one is "Punchy" cause he punched somebod..... ah fuck it. For now, he's called "Rice Cake" because he kinda has a bland personality, as witnessed in the Dan Steinberg interview below. I hope to God The Big Donkey can rub off on him. With his personality, people. (Geez. You immature folks disappoint me make me smile.)