fatalistic_hope

Christianity is a disease, one for which I fervently hope to find a cure.
It is the worst form of delirium and delusion. It is the reason behind so many wars.
It is an ongoing cause of discrimination.

"Faith and feelings are the warm marrow of evil. Unlike reason, faith and feelings provide no boundary to limit any delusion, any whim. They are a virulent poison, giving the numbing illusion of moral sanction to every depravity ever hatched. Faith and feelings are the darkness to reason's light. Reason is the very substance of truth itself. The glory that is life is wholly embraced through reason, through this rule. In rejecting it, in rejecting reason, one embraces death." --- Terry Goodkind in Faith of the Fallen

Okay guys, so I was going to post a bunch of poetic works-in-progress today but the dinosaur of a laptop I have them all stored on is not even turning on at the moment so... I lose at life.

I have finally, absolutely and completely quit the asshole [perversion] in my life known as Kalib. It's taken me two years to realize that he never gave a shit about me, and for that I have only myself to blame, but at least I didn't extend the suffering for any longer than that.
I'm finally getting my life back on track.
Shocking to start with that, I guess. I'm sorry I haven't been posting lately, I've been too busy rediscovering myself.
I'm pretty sure I'll be going back to school in the fall, as well.
I hope everyone else is doing as well as I am.

[Note to stalker #2: No, I haven't found anyone else - I, unlike you, don't need to (mooch off of someone else.) I work for my own merits, I command my own destiny, I earn my own respect (and money.) I finally love my life, and the only thanks I owe you are those you had earned almost a year and a half ago - I am grateful to FINALLY have you removed from my life. Finally, I can breathe. Finally, I can live.]

I am thinking it's a sign that the freckles
In our eyes are mirror images and when
We kiss they're perfectly aligned
And I have to speculate that God himself
Did make us into corresponding shapes like
Puzzle pieces from the clay
True, it may seem like a stretch, but
Its thoughts like this that catch my troubled
Head when you're away when I am missing you to death
When you are out there on the road for
Several weeks of shows and when you scan
The radio, I hope this song will guide you home

They will see us waving from such great
Heights, 'come down now,' they'll say
But everything looks perfect from far away,
'come down now,' but we'll stay...

I tried my best to leave this all on your
Machine but the persistent beat it sounded
Thin upon listening
That frankly will not fly. you will hear
The shrillest highs and lowest lows with
The windows down when this is guiding you home

I just wanted to let everyone know not to worry about me too much emotionally because I'm doing fine without. I feel like an individual with a life for a change.
Later, I promise.

I'm planning, for my second day off of the week [which is automatically a wow, then the fact that it's a Saturday is an even bigger one] to go browsing the yard sales in rich-bitch Colleyville, where rich people allegedly pratically give away expensive household and decorative items. I know I can't really afford anything so I'll just be looking, but it should be fun anyway. My escort for the first half of the day will be Bobby, my cute gay coworker - the only major downfall is that I will have to BE THERE @ 8 am as per Bobby, "If we don't get there early, the Mexicans will clean it out. It's funny because it's true." (Don't worry, he's not a racist, just a... um, a realist?) Oh yeah, and I'll have to drive in my crappy 10 mpg-if-I'm-lucky car because his car isn't up and running yet. BUT, doing all the driving will get me a free lunch at... um, what's the name of the place...? some Mexican food place he's been raving about.

I've been writing, A LOT, but I don't know if I'm going to be posting any of it, ever. Heh, it just feels decent to have some coherent voice back (I thought I'd lost it forever.)

I haven't updated in forever and this has been a rough past two days, so I thought I'd post something amusing rather than something even more depressing...

You Are 70% Boyish and 30% Girlish

You are pretty evenly split down the middle - a total eunuch. Okay, kidding about the eunuch part. But you do get along with both sexes. You reject traditional gender roles. However, you don't actively fight them. You're just you. You don't try to be what people expect you to be.

I decided last night in a fit of insomnia that despite the fact that I despise the way Capitalist Amerika functions, getting a business degree would be worth it if it meant I could manage a Whole Foods. As in my dreams of being the anal English teacher, I would be the bitch with the red pen, only minus the red pen - turn that editing into in-your-face bitching. Oh yes, I would teach this store a thing or two about customer service as well as eloquence. It's too good a store to lose, and the one I frequent could really use some lessons in customer loyalty. I love that store but STOP HIRING GHETTO PIECES OF SHIT WHO CAN'T SPEAK ENGLISH!!! I know everyone deserves a chance, but only once ze has proven hir talents and abilities. [Note to those of you unfamiliar with gender discrepancies: I know how to spell, this is what is referred to as gender neutrality.] Oh, and they MUST do away with the petroleum-based bags... yes, paper is more expensive, but so is everything else in that store.

ps: A few other positives (that are total givens to me but might not be the first thought for you) are the facts that having such a fat wallet would enable me to donate BIG money to Texas Campaign for the Environment, my local lobbying organization of choice. I think a five or ten thousand dollar a year donation would be sufficient. I used to organize with them, I know how hard it is. [The website is texasenvironment.org] I would personally print professional pamphlets for them and plaster the front-end with them. Oh yeah, and I'd get to eat as much organic food as I could stand. (Their organic meats are so picture-perfect.)
If you've never shopped there, check them out, even if you can't afford it. If you've never heard of Texas Campaign for the Environment, look them up via the above website.

Ah yes, and SURPRISE: I am alive and well. Count this as a true update, my first in a long time.

I can't wait to be able to afford my own vintage colonial on twenty acres with a renovated stable and a library that would make the Venetian scholars cream...

I'm so glad he's man enough for the job...

::giggles::

I would like to propose the introduction of a new word (new to my knowledge, anyway) into the English (or at least the queer) language...
It is transelitist and I think any of you familiar enough with the queer community to have any understanding of transgendered persons should understand what this word means. This is someone who believes that a person may not consider themselves trans unless they are in the process of transitioning [because someone who is not on hormones "cannot possibly know how it feels."]
Warning: I hate these people.