Fecal transplant
You can't say a fecal transplant donor doesn't give a shit.

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Carnival Triumph
Cruising on the Carnival Triumph is only for the effluent.

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Rejected toy
http://horshoo.livejournal.com/231032.html

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Sex
I had sex with a part from an electric motor. But it's ok. I didn't have to pay -
she was an armature.

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Redneck motel
I think I'm staying in a redneck motel. I called the desk and said I got a leak in the sink. The desk clerk said, "Go ahead."

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Weiner
Did you hear AOL suspended Anthony Weiner's email account? They said he never sent anything but junk mail.

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Today's Urban Dictionary
( You are about to view content that may only be appropriate for adults. )

Current Mood: amused

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News Flash
Just heard a report on tv of a man exposing himself at Columbus Public Library. He must have come across a good book.

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Tips
I was in a bar and the barmaids were wearing tops that said, "Show me your tips." I got a visual of a line of guys rolling back their foreskins.

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Uncouth
His gf called him uncouth. He wondered why. He drove a BMW, liked NPR and Cabernet, wore Armani. So he asked her, "What's this uncouth shit?"

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test
It is better to have failed the Wassermann Test than never to have loved at all.

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Michael Jackson DOA
AP has confirmed that Michael Jackson has died at age 50.

In accordance with his will, he will be laid to rest atop the grave of a 10-year-old boy.

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The Mystery
http://laffinman.multiply.com/journal/item/1405/The_Mystery

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When times are hard...
( skip if you are offended by jesus jokesCollapse )

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Oldie but still cute and relatively relevant
What did the Easter egg say to the boiling water?

“Its gonna take a while to get me hard, I just got laid by some chick.”

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Load
The wife goes out and leaves hubby to tend to the baby. When she comes back the place smells like crap. She yells at hubby: "Why didn't you change the baby? He has a full load in his diaper."

Hubby: "No, he doesn't. It says right here on the diaper box, 'Up to 20 lbs'".

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Ha...
Why do leprechauns laugh when they run?

Because the grass tickles their nuts.

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Dirtiest one I've heard all day
Doc tells man, “You have to stop masturbating.”

Man asks, “Why?”

Doc says, “Because I’m trying to examine you.”

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Circle jerk jokes
1)
An old-time ship's captain was showing his daughter around the ship. As they passed a cargo hold, the daughter looked down and saw a line of men, each buggering the ass of the guy in front of him. Aghast, she cried, "Daddy, do you allow that sort of thing to go on aboard your ship?

"Harrumph!" and "Certainly not." bellowed the captain. "You there, bend that line around. Give that first man a chance!"



2)
Q. What's the definition of a competitor?

A. The guy who comes in first - and third - in a circle jerk.

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pubic hairs
Why are pubic hairs curly?

...because if they were straight, we'd all poke our eyes out!

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